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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Eric muhalla

Why had Allah left them like this?

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Asalamu Alaikum, 

Now I have these two family members of mine. One is my uncle and the other is my cousin. 

Yet the thing about them both is that they have a mental illness. I'm not sure what its called but the main issue, lets start with my uncle, is that he has issues when it comes to talking or working. That means that he can't really do much in life. Now he just lives at my grandmother's house, he got a job once but it just didn't work out. He'll most likely not get married and I heavily doubt that will change and he just keeps doing the same routine over and over. Eat, sleep, repeat. 

My cousin now has a similar issue. She had an extra amount of fluids in her brain that needed to be removed at a very young age. My aunt did five brain surgeries for her and she tried her best to go to school but she couldn't go any farther than the ninth grade. She tried to be a hair designer but that failed also because its hard for her to learn complex things. She will also most probably not get married since she has issues with holding long or moderate conversations. All she can do is just sit at home and do the same thing my uncle does. When we have a family reunion I see her just sitting in the middle and frowning the whole time and not saying a word because she knows that if she wants to start a conversation it will always end in a awkward way since she can't go any farther than a few structured sentences. 

Now I understand that Allah gives all of us a test but when it comes to my uncle and my cousin. Just why? They have no chance of doing anything productive in society. To put it to the extreme, they are a waste of space. My grandmother cries over how her son is like that and my mom didn't ask my aunt about any details about my cousin either. But I know that my aunt is pretty much the same thing like my grandmother. So really though, just why does it have to be this way? Like all those people who have serious mental issues such as Benjamin's button disease, were they act like a child even if they're a grown adult. 

I know that they'll go to heaven and all but seriously though this is a terrible life to live for the person and all their loved ones.

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The nutrition of the Mother affects the baby growing in the womb. Also the pregnancy can be affected by exposure to alcohol, drugs, smoking, chemicals, pesticides, etc. We cannot blame Allah for these kinds of physical problems. The family must deal with pain and suffering, with the help of Allah. 

 

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36 minutes ago, Eric muhalla said:

Now I understand that Allah gives all of us a test but when it comes to my uncle and my cousin. Just why?

Salam. The nutrition of the Mother affects the baby growing in the womb. Also the pregnancy can be affected by exposure to alcohol, drugs, chemicals, pesticides, etc. We cannot blame Allah for these kinds of problems. The family must deal with pain and suffering, with the help of Allah. 

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Having occasionally had the honor of  teaching some wonderful young people with developmental issues, I personally think the challenge and test is for us as a society. How can we collectively help our more challenged members to have happy and fulfilled lives? There are organizations in many places that find training, work, and activities for these individuals. They can be productive with help. I have always felt that life is a team sport.

Edited by LeftCoastMom

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Wa alykum Salam,

In terms of not speaking or talking much, probably they will benefit more than those who talk !

Even a person with normal mental state might find hair dressing or being a hair designer complex!

Best keep it simple , jobs like stuffing envelopes or just simple crafts.

I don't like to do complex things either !

 

Edited by certainclarity

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There are so many normal and intelligent people who are living like this. Some people believe that stress of working is bad for their beauty. So they are not ashamed of living worthless lives. Other people have no choice due to unemployment or not getting married. They eat, sleep, meet with extended family or go for shopping. Participating in boring conversations or spending hours in market are not productive activities and they don't benefit society in any way. Due to high unemployment, young people even get involved in crimes. I have even heard about people in previous generations who spent all their lives in worshipping at home. No-one thinks they wasted their lives. 

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You know, this world is not heaven. Have you ever considered that pain is the sign of life in this world ! What do you expect from a world that it's pain is the sign of living. A dead or unconscious body or part does not suffer from pain.

Thinking about pain reveals how this world is worthless compared to the heaven.

When you lose something you suffer and get a pain, this shows that how non existence is painful. If we suffer from pain this shows that at least we exist !!!

And we are sure that according to wisdom Allah is just and he will compensate the pains.

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:salam:

As the other guys said the real test is for their families and the society, now let me tell you something that happened in a mosque.

There is a man who suffers from down syndrome (having an extra chromosome which causes mental problems), he goes to mosque and prays everyday along with other guys, one day people were donating money for the development of the mosque, this man stood up and went and emptied his pockets and saw he has only 500 tomans ( every 3000 tomans is equal to 1 dollar), he donated the 500 tomans he possessed a wise man stood up and said: " What he did today is greater than what we did, he donated all he had, we just a small amounts of what we have. Allah doesn't count the amount you donate but the percentage."

They might not work and benefit from the pleasures of this world but they are much less connected to this world, each of their prayers is equal to 100s of ours, they are playing their role in the board that Allah(swt) has set for them, and if they do their best in this world, you will see them in a rank that all of people wish to have it. 

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On 5/18/2016 at 11:23 PM, hameedeh said:

Salam. The nutrition of the Mother affects the baby growing in the womb. Also the pregnancy can be affected by exposure to alcohol, drugs, chemicals, pesticides, etc. We cannot blame Allah for these kinds of problems. The family must deal with pain and suffering, with the help of Allah. 

Do you have any proof about this?

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On 5/18/2016 at 11:33 PM, LeftCoastMom said:

Having occasionally had the honor of  teaching some wonderful young people with developmental issues, I personally think the challenge and test is for us as a society. How can we collectively help our more challenged members to have happy and fulfilled lives? There are organizations in many places that find training, work, and activities for these individuals. They can be productive with help. I have always felt that life is a team sport.

So your saying that we can do it without the need for religion to assist us. Just us humans?

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On 5/18/2016 at 0:09 AM, certainclarity said:

Wa alykum Salam,

In terms of not speaking or talking much, probably they will benefit more than those who talk !

Even a person with normal mental state might find hair dressing or being a hair designer complex!

Best keep it simple , jobs like stuffing envelopes or just simple crafts.

I don't like to do complex things either !

 

They tried to do simple things but my uncle got tired after some time and for my cousin I'm not sure since I don't want to ask her mom, my aunt, about this but I guess she has the same issue as well. 

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That is an extremely unhealthy way of thinking, Eric. I used to think "Why did Allah leave me with CP?" and all it ever did was make me feel bitter and resentful and drew me away from Him. It is a personal jihad that I must overcome by myself, and to blame Allah for it is simply foolishness.

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On 5/18/2016 at 4:23 PM, hameedeh said:

The nutrition of the Mother affects the baby growing in the womb. Also the pregnancy can be affected by exposure to alcohol, drugs, chemicals, pesticides, etc. We cannot blame Allah for these kinds of problems.

 

On 5/20/2016 at 1:54 AM, Eric muhalla said:

Do you have any proof about this?

Google "things to avoid during pregnancy" which includes alcohol, smoking, chemicals and medications, etc. Smoking during and after pregnancy is a risk factor of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).

http://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/maternalinfanthealth/tobaccousepregnancy/

See Chapter 6: Welfare of the Embryo (foetus) Depends on the Mothers Nutrition

http://www.al-islam.org/principles-upbringing-children-ayatullah-ibrahim-amini/chapter-6-welfare-embryo-foetus-depends

Also the mother eating fruit has an effect on the pregnancy. See Chapter 7: The Effects of the Mothers Nutrition on the Foetus 

http://www.al-islam.org/principles-upbringing-children-ayatullah-ibrahim-amini/chapter-7-effects-mothers-nutrition-foetus

Chapter 8: The Mothers Nutrition

http://www.al-islam.org/principles-upbringing-children-ayatullah-ibrahim-amini/chapter-8-mothers-nutrition

Chapter 9: Consuming Tobacco

http://www.al-islam.org/principles-upbringing-children-ayatullah-ibrahim-amini/chapter-9-consuming-tobacco

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There is no person who is created to be a waste of space! 

On 5/20/2016 at 2:03 AM, Eric muhalla said:

Could you explain further?

The answer to that question is this: 

On 5/20/2016 at 9:06 AM, LeftCoastMom said:

No, not necessarily. I am saying God created us to help one another. Perhaps we'll be judged on how well we do that.

Everything in life is a test, everything we do and everything we don't do. This includes how we act toward people who may be more difficult to understand and relate to. Even a child who dies in the mother's womb serves a purpose.

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On 5/20/2016 at 7:47 PM, Gaius I. Caesar said:

That is an extremely unhealthy way of thinking, Eric. I used to think "Why did Allah leave me with CP?" and all it ever did was make me feel bitter and resentful and drew me away from Him. It is a personal jihad that I must overcome by myself, and to blame Allah for it is simply foolishness.

But at the end you just work on yourself to improve yourself right? So if you add God into the equation does it make any diffrence?

I know this is a bit too extreme but hear me out. 

You can improve on yourself with your own will and work hard to achieve what you need or you can add the fact that God is watching over you while you do it. So it means that God isn't really necessary when it comes to our will. At the end if you want to achieve something you have to work on yourself, not ask God to do it for you. 

I have reached to the point that if I want something done then I will do it. I can pray yes but at the end its me that does it all.

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On 5/18/2016 at 1:23 AM, rkazmi33 said:

There are so many normal and intelligent people who are living like this. Some people believe that stress of working is bad for their beauty. So they are not ashamed of living worthless lives. Other people have no choice due to unemployment or not getting married. They eat, sleep, meet with extended family or go for shopping. Participating in boring conversations or spending hours in market are not productive activities and they don't benefit society in any way. Due to high unemployment, young people even get involved in crimes. I have even heard about people in previous generations who spent all their lives in worshipping at home. No-one thinks they wasted their lives. 

Some of these examples are not beneficial in a society. One shouldn't just spend their days just praying. You exist in this world, you are part of a community that works everyday to survive, and so should you. 

For others its the fault of others as to why they're unemployed. But for my uncle and cousin its in their cortex. What can they do to solve this issue if not after thirty years where they find a cure and it would cost too much to fix. 

Their family true but it doesn't add up to the sorrow that I and my extended family has to face with them. 

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17 hours ago, kirtc said:

Salam, Benjimen button disease does not exist :) God doesn't make mistakes. They are there for a reason.

The reason is to live the rest of your life with a person who is fifty years old but acts like a ten year old toddler and you have to deal with him everyday with the shock you get from others and the issue of their height, weight, and strength over you if you are there parent and your like 70 something?

I know a family who has this same issue with another one of their sons. He is now 34 but acts like he's 3 years old. She even needs to change his diaper for him and where I'm in there's no medical instituion to help these type of people. If there was it would be too expensive. My mom told me that she said one time that she wished she never got him in the first place. 

Its like for example if a school bus filled with children trips over a cliff and they all die just like that. What purpose can that lead to? To fix the lead for next time? And all those children just die?

Everything has a lesson but some are really depressing. Why would God want that to happen?

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6 hours ago, Eric muhalla said:

The reason is to live the rest of your life with a person who is fifty years old but acts like a ten year old toddler and you have to deal with him everyday with the shock you get from others and the issue of their height, weight, and strength over you if you are there parent and your like 70 something?

I know a family who has this same issue with another one of their sons. He is now 34 but acts like he's 3 years old. She even needs to change his diaper for him and where I'm in there's no medical instituion to help these type of people. If there was it would be too expensive. My mom told me that she said one time that she wished she never got him in the first place. 

Its like for example if a school bus filled with children trips over a cliff and they all die just like that. What purpose can that lead to? To fix the lead for next time? And all those children just die?

Everything has a lesson but some are really depressing. Why would God want that to happen?

Well, when children die it is sad in one way, but in another way. Those children will most likely end up in paradise, they don't have to suffer like the rest of us. I am sorry you are suffering, it may bring you closer to God. All the Prophets (a.s) went through immense suffering. The Prophet (pbuh) had lost his wife and children. 

I would suggest trying to interact with your uncle, but God knows best. All I can say is pray, and be as kind as you can to them.

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