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Smiles786

Marrying non Middle Eastern people?

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Salaams everyone,

I've been viewing the forums and have finally joined!

I recently went to Ziyarat and was approached twice about marriage.  Once by an Iranian gentleman and once by a Syrian gentleman. They seemed sincere,  but me being the realist that I am wasn't sure. Do iranian men etc actually want to marry an Indian girl from the West? Do they even like Indian girls? I can't help but wonder if I missed an opportunity for true love.

Thanks  and Wasalaam

 

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Nope. I think in your case they were probably trying to find a way out of their own country.  It's best not to entertain random marriage proposal. Also, some men and women like to flirt, so dont take it seriously.

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12 minutes ago, Gypsy said:

Nope. I think in your case they were probably trying to find a way out of their own country.  It's best not to entertain random marriage proposal. Also, some men and women like to flirt, so dont take it seriously.

Thank you for your honesty. I am not free immigration and I really hope I don't give off that vibe! 

In general,  they really don't like us? They marry Europeans,  why not others? 

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There's nothing wrong with Indian girl or Iranian/Syrian men. If a genuine relationship has developed then it's possible for two people from different culture to get married despite all the hardship.

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16 minutes ago, Gypsy said:

There's nothing wrong with Indian girl or Iranian/Syrian men. If a genuine relationship has developed then it's possible for two people from different culture to get married despite all the hardship.

Relationship comes after marriage, not before. 

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6 hours ago, Smiles786 said:

Salaams everyone,

I've been viewing the forums and have finally joined!

I recently went to Ziyarat and was approached twice about marriage.  Once by an Iranian gentleman and once by a Syrian gentleman. They seemed sincere,  but me being the realist that I am wasn't sure. Do iranian men etc actually want to marry an Indian girl from the West? Do they even like Indian girls? I can't help but wonder if I missed an opportunity for true love.

Thanks  and Wasalaam

 

I know Arabs marry Indian women, but they usually marry them off from their own country not during a quick Ziyara, 

How did you come in contact with both of them?

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3 hours ago, Chaotic Muslem said:

I know Arabs marry Indian women, but they usually marry them off from their own country not during a quick Ziyara, 

How did you come in contact with both of them?

One was in my group and the other approached someone in my group thinking that was my mom. My parents were not on the trip. The one in my group was hanging around a lot. 

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Think about it this way. 

A random man from a different country, different society, different ethnicity approaches you, knowing nothing about you your family, friends, etc, except. 

1) How you look 

2) That you are a citizen of a Western Country.(that little tidbit of information spreads like wildfire everywhere you go outside the 'West', especially if you are a young girl and unmarried, fyi). 

So that means that most likely they are interested in one of those things, neither of which is you ( they might be a certain aspect of you but definitely do not define who you are)

99% of Muslim men who live outside the 'West' have big dreams in their head of going to the West and making it big, then coming back to their city or village to either help their family (the religious ones) or show off (the non religious ones). The other 1% who don't have this goal is because they are already from a wealthy and influential family in their own country and thus don't need to go to the 'West' in order to accomplish the goal. 

The difference is between the religious ones and the not so religious ones. 

The religious ones (the fewer) have certain limits that they will not cross in order to accomplish this goal(i.e. the haram), the reason why there are few and even fewer of them in the 'West'. 

The not so religious ones will do basically anything, including any and all haram to accomplish the goal. 

Just use common sense, i.e. I would be very careful in that case. 

Edited by Abu Hadi

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2 hours ago, Smiles786 said:

One was in my group and the other approached someone in my group thinking that was my mom. My parents were not on the trip. The one in my group was hanging around a lot. 

Well, the one who approached the "mother" by mistake, where dose he come from? Dose he reside in western country as well?

As far as I know, in Arab communities that i know, many take the travel as opportunity  to know someone's true nature rather than "look" only. How they treat fellow travellers, how they maintain modesty etc etc. So it is not uncommon to get proposals during travel lol 

The way they did it is this : Quick checklist:

1-Muslim

2- Shia

3- Practicing and modest

4- acceptable look

5- acceptable manners

6- check her family

7- get date with 2 families

8- things went fine, talk seriously about marriage plans

9- get a written contract so boy and girl can talk freely and islamically proper way

10 - all fine, wedding is proceeded as planned

 

So lol, your way of responding should go through the checklist 

1- Muslim

2- Shia

3- apparently practicing and knows manners of approaching women ( not the flirty approaches)

4- acceptable look 

5- acceptable manners 

6- ask him to check your family ( if he is serious, he will proceed with that step.)

7- date with 2 families 

8- seriously talk about marraige

9- get written contract, get to know him better and delay the wedding as long as you are not comfortable with him but not sure if you want to keep him or ditch him

10- may Allah bless you with good husband and believing offspring.

 

Life is not really complicated unless we made it so..

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1 hour ago, Chaotic Muslem said:

Well, the one who approached the "mother" by mistake, where dose he come from? Dose he reside in western country as well?

As far as I know, in Arab communities that i know, many take the travel as opportunity  to know someone's true nature rather than "look" only. How they treat fellow travellers, how they maintain modesty etc etc. So it is not uncommon to get proposals during travel lol 

The way they did it is this : Quick checklist:

1-Muslim

2- Shia

3- Practicing and modest

4- acceptable look

5- acceptable manners

6- check her family

7- get date with 2 families

8- things went fine, talk seriously about marriage plans

9- get a written contract so boy and girl can talk freely and islamically proper way

10 - all fine, wedding is proceeded as planned

 

So lol, your way of responding should go through the checklist 

1- Muslim

2- Shia

3- apparently practicing and knows manners of approaching women ( not the flirty approaches)

4- acceptable look 

5- acceptable manners 

6- ask him to check your family ( if he is serious, he will proceed with that step.)

7- date with 2 families 

8- seriously talk about marraige

9- get written contract, get to know him better and delay the wedding as long as you are not comfortable with him but not sure if you want to keep him or ditch him

10- may Allah bless you with good husband and believing offspring.

 

Life is not really complicated unless we made it so..

It wouldn't be complicated in an ideal world. 

A world where everyone was what they said they were and noone had hidden agendas. 

That is not the world we live in. 

The checklist should go 

1) Is this guy just trying to 'play' me for a green card or something else. 

If you can establish that 1) is false, then you can move onto the other criteria. 

BTW, a guy who will approach her is going to be Muslim and Shia, (She went to Ziyarat)

So you pretty much can cross those off. 

Also you have to consider context. 

If she met someone in her own country that was also a citizen or permanent resident, then this would be less of an issue, and establishing trust would be less of a problem (though it would still be a problem, and due diligence is still something that should be done). If you ignore the context of the meeting, you are much more likely to get into a bad situation later on, IMHO. 

 

Edited by Abu Hadi

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12 minutes ago, Abu Hadi said:

It wouldn't be complicated in an ideal world. 

A world where everyone was what they said they were and noone had hidden agendas. 

That is not the world we live in. 

The checklist should go 

1) Is this guy just trying to 'play' me for a green card or something else. 

If you can establish that 1) is false, then you can move onto the other criteria. 

BTW, a guy who will approach her is going to be Muslim and Shia, (She went to Ziyarat)

So you pretty much can cross those off. 

Also you have to consider context. 

If she met someone in her own country that was also a citizen or permanent resident, then this would be less of an issue, and establishing trust would be less of a problem (though it would still be a problem, and due diligence is still something that should be done). If you ignore the context of the meeting, you are much more likely to get into a bad situation later on, IMHO. 

 

The quick checklist dose not ignore the hidden agendas, which is why the necessity of meeting parents. There one can assess without the risk of playing on emotions.

I just answered the cultural part of middle eastern men proposing for indian women. It is true that modern life nationalism has turned many to racists wither by choice or by belonging to a group, but the fact stands: Middle eastern men marry indian women.

The other cultural issue is the approach during travel, which is  common. If the man is from her group then he is likely to be also from western country. As far as  know, travel group tend to be from same hemisphere.

If the man is from her own country of residence, and he is Shia lol i made that in quick list for any situation, yeah, she can ask him to contact her father. This is one single request that shall immediately tell a playful man from sincere one.

The father can check his bank account and reasons of approaching indians etc... all this talk of who he is and what's his motives should not be carried out by her, let the father handle it. If the man is a man he shall stand 

otherwise, he can be tossed to trash bin of history with no attachment nor regrets.

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5 hours ago, Chaotic Muslem said:

Well, the one who approached the "mother" by mistake, where dose he come from? Dose he reside in western country as well?

As far as I know, in Arab communities that i know, many take the travel as opportunity  to know someone's true nature rather than "look" only. How they treat fellow travellers, how they maintain modesty etc etc. So it is not uncommon to get proposals during travel lol 

The way they did it is this : Quick checklist:

1-Muslim

2- Shia

3- Practicing and modest

4- acceptable look

5- acceptable manners

6- check her family

7- get date with 2 families

8- things went fine, talk seriously about marriage plans

9- get a written contract so boy and girl can talk freely and islamically proper way

10 - all fine, wedding is proceeded as planned

 

So lol, your way of responding should go through the checklist 

1- Muslim

2- Shia

3- apparently practicing and knows manners of approaching women ( not the flirty approaches)

4- acceptable look 

5- acceptable manners 

6- ask him to check your family ( if he is serious, he will proceed with that step.)

7- date with 2 families 

8- seriously talk about marraige

9- get written contract, get to know him better and delay the wedding as long as you are not comfortable with him but not sure if you want to keep him or ditch him

10- may Allah bless you with good husband and believing offspring.

 

Life is not really complicated unless we made it so..

The Iranian asked the lady he thought was my mom and talked to her and her husband about his work. The Syrian was in my group.  I like to go with groups that have a mix of people. They both had polite, respectful conversation with me first.  Thanks for the checklist :)

What is a contract for getting to know someone? We don't do this.  Ours is more like dating,  but starts off with his Mummy calling my Mummy!

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3 hours ago, Chaotic Muslem said:

The quick checklist dose not ignore the hidden agendas, which is why the necessity of meeting parents. There one can assess without the risk of playing on emotions.

I just answered the cultural part of middle eastern men proposing for indian women. It is true that modern life nationalism has turned many to racists wither by choice or by belonging to a group, but the fact stands: Middle eastern men marry indian women.

The other cultural issue is the approach during travel, which is  common. If the man is from her group then he is likely to be also from western country. As far as  know, travel group tend to be from same hemisphere.

If the man is from her own country of residence, and he is Shia lol i made that in quick list for any situation, yeah, she can ask him to contact her father. This is one single request that shall immediately tell a playful man from sincere one.

The father can check his bank account and reasons of approaching indians etc... all this talk of who he is and what's his motives should not be carried out by her, let the father handle it. If the man is a man he shall stand 

otherwise, he can be tossed to trash bin of history with no attachment nor regrets.

The dad's don't really do anything.  It's the mom's that do the checking and all that.

On a side note,  I don't want to bring anyone here. I would rather find someone here or move. I don't want to find out thar I was free immigration 

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4 hours ago, Abu Hadi said:

It wouldn't be complicated in an ideal world. 

A world where everyone was what they said they were and noone had hidden agendas. 

That is not the world we live in. 

The checklist should go 

1) Is this guy just trying to 'play' me for a green card or something else. 

If you can establish that 1) is false, then you can move onto the other criteria. 

BTW, a guy who will approach her is going to be Muslim and Shia, (She went to Ziyarat)

So you pretty much can cross those off. 

Also you have to consider context. 

If she met someone in her own country that was also a citizen or permanent resident, then this would be less of an issue, and establishing trust would be less of a problem (though it would still be a problem, and due diligence is still something that should be done). If you ignore the context of the meeting, you are much more likely to get into a bad situation later on, IMHO. 

 

What if (hypothetically) they wanted me to relocate? What if he is established and has a good career in his home country? To me that would decrease doubt,  but incease safety concerns.

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36 minutes ago, Smiles786 said:

The Iranian asked the lady he thought was my mom and talked to her and her husband about his work. The Syrian was in my group.  I like to go with groups that have a mix of people. They both had polite, respectful conversation with me first.  Thanks for the checklist :)

What is a contract for getting to know someone? We don't do this.  Ours is more like dating,  but starts off with his Mummy calling my Mummy!

Nikah contract. Some cultures do it laters when marriage is certain. Some cultures do Mut'a marriage to solve contact problems, and some cultures let the potentials "date" which is unislamic.

And yes, dads are the head of house in most arab countries and the last word is theirs. Moms can do some background checklist but the matter must go through dad.

You seem to be considering one of them? Else, i won't really bother by strangers proposals.

If you will feel more comfortable marrying someone from your ethnicity/culture/country of residence then these 2 proposals should not occupy your thinking at all.

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21 minutes ago, Chaotic Muslem said:

Nikah contract. Some cultures do it laters when marriage is certain. Some cultures do Mut'a marriage to solve contact problems, and some cultures let the potentials "date" which is unislamic.

And yes, dads are the head of house in most arab countries and the last word is theirs. Moms can do some background checklist but the matter must go through dad.

You seem to be considering one of them? Else, i won't really bother by strangers proposals.

If you will feel more comfortable marrying someone from your ethnicity/culture/country of residence then these 2 proposals should not occupy your thinking at all.

We don't do the temp marriage. The marriage contract happens when we do nikkah and you're going to live with him.

Not quite date,  there's no touching or anything. Just messaging, coffee, lunch etc...

I'm not considering them and walked away at the time. I have no contact with them and don't want any. I was and still am taken aback by their boldness. But I would and have considered people outside my country and ethnicity. 

Quite frankly,  I was impressed by how chivalrous and respectful the middle eastern men were in general. The indo paks at the hotels were less than polite and I really didn't appreciate them walking into girls on purpose. It was disgusting!

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