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In the Name of God بسم الله

Am I the only woman who feels this way........??????

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Salaam,

Since I saw the old topic on "female genital mutilation" being restarted again, I've decided to just make this thread as I'd like to get some opinions.

I do not know about some of the sisters on here but I've a confession to make regarding this topic that might make me look strange as I am an adult in my late 20s. But am I the only woman who gets EXTREMELY & HIGHLY uncomfortable and embarrassed whenever this topic is brought up in the 'presence of men'?

It's happened to me several times especially when I am in university classes or conferences. I tend to get VERY red in the face like a deep blush and I cannot control or help it. But it becomes evident to all who is around me that I am highly embarrassed/humiliated/uncomfortable, etc by the topic....I remember one time in class, a female professor brought this issue up and there were male students present, my face got so red to the point where everyone was looking at me. Then the professor had to close the topic because she said "I see some people are getting really uncomfortable"....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It only made it worse because then everyone noticed me become deep red and stared even more!!......I wanted to run Lol. And the worst part is when a male professor brings it up!

Honestly, I do not think such highly sensitive female issues should ever be brought up by men, no matter what their profession is! Also people need to refrain from speaking about this issue in the men's presence as it may cause some men to conjure up images!! Not only that but it is humiliating to women to have to be sat there and listen to a humiliating & degrading discussion about their sensitive private parts in front of the other gender. This really becomes an insult to us ladies and in a way I feel as though it subjugates us to something less than human. I mean you never know if a woman or girl present has had a procedure done on them from their childhood. And talking about it like this will only make some women feel abnormal and humiliated. It's wrong to cause women these types of emotions and privately degrade them. Maybe I'm a feminist, but do people ever bring up issues regarding men's private organs and discuss it in a way like its completely alien to us humans? No, rarely do I hear of such talk. Even the topic of male circumcision does not bring about such hype as 'fgm' does. It's an absolute disgusting culture that supports such talk openly in the presence of the opposite gender. In the Middle east, this topic is usually opened up 'privately' between ladies only and behind closed doors so as not to allow the men to hear. Unfortunately, however, some Western-wannabee Arabic talk shows have begun to actually open such topics on live TV publicly and it's an utter disgrace and absolutely disgusting!!!!!!!! Even if my own father was listening to such talk, I'd still feel pretty embarrassed. But this thread does not mean fgm applies to me or not, it's just something I've always been uncomfortable about.

I wonder if any other sisters feel the way I do? How can I handle this issue?.... I'd like to hear what others have to say....

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I strongly agree. Its another shameless topic which is often brought up to spread shamelessness under the guise of "disturbing issues" or "how sharia would react to it". Uh oh, the cavemen somewhere might be practicing FGM!? Another one being masturbation which is shamelessly bombed upon the brothers' forum. Oooh I can't help it! I'm so sad for rubbing it out again! DIAF for all i care.

Edited by Darth Vader
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16 hours ago, starlight said:

Says she feels extremely and highly embarrassed and uncomfortable even when it's mentioned...

So makes an extremely long post on it.....!!!!!!

Hmmm... 

images (3).jpg

 

 

hey Starlight, does part of your description as a SC "moderator" entail ridiculing and making sarcastic comments on what other members say and share? Because I've noticed this tends to be a habit of yours especially regarding when I post...Frankly, I'm starting to get offended by your behaviour. I've not seen any other moderators comment the way you do. I come to SC to exchange dialogue, not to be ridiculed by its "moderators". I do not offend anyone on here, so i expect the same in return. 

p.s. I do not see anything "funny" in what you posted...It's immature.

Edited by Livia
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29 minutes ago, Livia said:

 

hey Starlight, does part of your description as a SC "moderator" entail ridiculing and making sarcastic comments on what other members say and share? Because I've noticed this tends to be a habit of yours especially regarding when I post...Frankly, I'm starting to get offended by your behaviour. I've not seen any other moderators comment the way you do. I come to SC to exchange dialogue, not to be ridiculed by its "moderators". I do not offend anyone on here, so i expect the same in return. 

p.s. I do not see anything "funny" in what you posted...It's immature.

Salam Livia,

While I don't know Starlight very well, I don't think she meant to hurt your feelings.

I see why the remark offends you though, cause it would have bothered me a bit, just because my personality is sensitive. I am learning not to let so many things offend me, but I still get offended easily once in awhile. :)

Other people don't get offended very easily, especially people who enjoy sarcasm.

Some people are naturally very sarcastic and easily express what they find to be ironic. For example, my Canadian brother-in-law and my youngest sister are very sarcastic people who are always quick to point out anything they see as ironic. They don't mean to hurt people when they do that. It's just a part of their personalities.

My husband as well is sarcastic but he has toned down some of his sarcasm when talking with me because I'm much more sensitive than many sarcastic people are. My sister tones her sarcasm down when talking with me too, though she doesn't tone it down when talking with most other people. She's known for her gift with sarcasm. :)

Anyways and again, I don't think Starlight meant to hurt your feelings. She was just pointing out irony. I don't think it was a personal attack on you at all. I mean, if I or anyone else had posted this thread, I think she would have written the same thing. :) My brother-in-law and youngest sister, as well as my husband, might have pointed out the same thing, cause that's just how their minds work.

Peace and God bless you Livia and Starlight. No matter our differences in personalities and beliefs, we are all sisters in humanity, created by God! :)

 

 

Edited by Christianlady
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10 minutes ago, starlight said:

No @Livia I was just confused. I couldn't understand ....someone finds a topic utterly uncomfortable to discuss  ,then starts a new thread on it. That's all. 

Salam Starlight,

Oh ok. I thought it was a sarcastic comment to point out the irony in that. :) Sorry, obviously I don't know you as well. Since I have sarcastic people in my life, I am prone to think this is sarcasm. :)

Anyways, I knew you weren't trying to offend anybody.

Peace and God bless you

 

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30 minutes ago, Livia said:

I've not seen any other moderators comment the way you do.

I think it's because if a male moderator were to do so, WWIII would break out, so speaking for myself I just bite my lip. I think starlight's comment about the dissonance between your sensitivities and your actions was fair.

You go to some lengths to talk about your 'embarrassment', but post about the issue on a forum open to men and women. You did have the option of posting on the Sisters' forum and also marking the topic for Sis' eyes only.

But you didn't. 

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25 minutes ago, Haji 2003 said:

I think it's because if a male moderator were to do so, WWIII would break out, so speaking for myself I just bite my lip. I think starlight's comment about the dissonance between your sensitivities and your actions was fair.

You go to some lengths to talk about your 'embarrassment', but post about the issue on a forum open to men and women. You did have the option of posting on the Sisters' forum and also marking the topic for Sis' eyes only.

But you didn't. 

Most of the time people are less shy on the internet. I'm one of them lol

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36 minutes ago, starlight said:

No @Livia I was just confused. I couldn't understand ....someone finds a topic utterly uncomfortable to discuss  ,then starts a new thread on it. That's all. 

 

24 minutes ago, Haji 2003 said:

I think it's because if a male moderator were to do so, WWIII would break out, so speaking for myself I just bite my lip. I think starlight's comment about the dissonance between your sensitivities and your actions was fair.

You go to some lengths to talk about your 'embarrassment', but post about the issue on a forum open to men and women. You did have the option of posting on the Sisters' forum and also marking the topic for Sis' eyes only.

But you didn't. 

 

Talking about an issue that embarrasses me and posting a thread about it on an anonymous forum is definitely not irony or dissonance. Are we all sitting in a conference room face-to-face where all of a sudden i brought it up? No. Are we in a class? No. Are we sitting as a group? No. Do we even know each other or what we look like? No. Can we see each other face-to-face right now and see who is blushing or feeling uncomfy? No. 

Second, I do not need to post in sister's forum, I've not marked it for "sister eyes" only simply because I wanted to hear what everyone has to say about the "Issue Being Sensitive", not about the "Issue" itself seperately. That's been discussed enough. I didn't start the thread to talk about Fgm, I started it to talk about it being a highly sensitive topic that causes some women to feel uncomfortable when its opened in public esp around men. I'd thought the 2nd paragraph of my post explained my purpose enough. 

At first glance, Starlight's post comes off as offensive for sure. It makes me wonder if my post was even read carefully before spilling assumptions....

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52 minutes ago, Christianlady said:

Salam Livia,

While I don't know Starlight very well, I don't think she meant to hurt your feelings.

I see why the remark offends you though, cause it would have bothered me a bit, just because my personality is sensitive. I am learning not to let so many things offend me, but I still get offended easily once in awhile. :)

Other people don't get offended very easily, especially people who enjoy sarcasm.

Some people are naturally very sarcastic and easily express what they find to be ironic. For example, my Canadian brother-in-law and my youngest sister are very sarcastic people who are always quick to point out anything they see as ironic. They don't mean to hurt people when they do that. It's just a part of their personalities.

My husband as well is sarcastic but he has toned down some of his sarcasm when talking with me because I'm much more sensitive than many sarcastic people are. My sister tones her sarcasm down when talking with me too, though she doesn't tone it down when talking with most other people. She's known for her gift with sarcasm. :)

Anyways and again, I don't think Starlight meant to hurt your feelings. She was just pointing out irony. I don't think it was a personal attack on you at all. I mean, if I or anyone else had posted this thread, I think she would have written the same thing. :) My brother-in-law and youngest sister, as well as my husband, might have pointed out the same thing, cause that's just how their minds work.

Peace and God bless you Livia and Starlight. No matter our differences in personalities and beliefs, we are all sisters in humanity, created by God! :)

 

 

hi Christianlady,

While I didn't really agree with most of your older posts, I appreciate you commenting here.

Thanks for your post. It really amazes me the extent people on this forum go just to make themselves look "humourous" or "cool" and gather as many 'Likes' as possible. And it's surprising coming from a moderator who are supposed to be open-minded and welcome all members to exchange appropriate dialogue, and share their feelings, emotions, opinions, etc on anonymous forums if they cannot do that in reality. I guess this forum really changed a lot with the new generation.

Edited by Livia
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13 minutes ago, Livia said:

Talking about an issue that embarrasses me and posting a thread about it on an anonymous forum is definitely not irony or dissonance. Are we all sitting in a conference room face-to-face where all of a sudden i brought it up? No. Are we in a class? No. Are we sitting as a group? No. Do we even know each other or what we look like? No. Can we see each other face-to-face right now and see who is blushing or feeling uncomfy? No. 

If the embarrassment arises on the basis of Islamic values, it does not matter whether the interaction is face-to-face or online. there are some things that non-mahrams simply don't discuss regardless of medium.

 

 

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@Livia There would always be things that certain people find uncomfortable to discuss . This doesn't mean everyone should stop talking about them .Brushing things under the carpet never solved anything. 

As for the rest of the things you said, yes, I did find it strange(quoting your own words) how you feel comfortable discussing a issue here with both men and women yet even the mention if it disturbs you in real life.

Anyway, we have both stated our point, best to move on :)

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4 hours ago, Livia said:

hi Christianlady,While I didn't really agree with most of your older posts, I appreciate you commenting here.

Salam Livia,

Thanks. :)

Quote

Thanks for your post. It really amazes me the extent people on this forum go just to make themselves look "humourous" or "cool" and gather as many 'Likes' as possible. And it's surprising coming from a moderator who are supposed to be open-minded and welcome all members to exchange appropriate dialogue, and share their feelings, emotions, opinions, etc on anonymous forums if they cannot do that in reality. I guess this forum really changed a lot with the new generation.

Again, I don't think Starlight meant to offend you.

The new generation does tend to have a different view of communication than the older generations. 

As for the difference between talking and writing under the security of an anonymous discussion forum, I totally understand how it's so much easier to post about something than talk about it where you see people face to face! :)

Peace and God bless you

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5 hours ago, Christianlady said:

Salam Paradox

Yep. It's often easier to share when on an anonymous discussion forum than when face to face!

Peace and God bless you

Peace be upon you too Christianlady

I never take the internet too serious. There is always a chance, I'm talking to this guy.

Salaam and may the Lord continue to bless you

 

image.jpeg

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Salaam I love Christianlady's response to the original post. This is a serious offense in Islam and it is suppose to happen by Allah's laws. So whoever is committing female genital mutilation will suffer both in this lifetime and in the next lifetime for what they have done to these innocent women. Shame on them. That's the only shame that should be present on this topic. 

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Wa alaikum assalam.

I don't think men are sexually aroused by FGM. Don't worry about that. Maybe you feel uncomfortable talking about it, but don't expect others to stop talking about it because you don't think they should. If FGM is going to finally be eradicated it must be talked about by both men and women. It's normal to have a certain level of shyness, but I think the seriousness of the issue overrides this.

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On 5/14/2016 at 7:56 AM, Gypsy said:

Not me, i dont get embarrassed or shy talking about FGM or female circumcision. To me these are just matter of fact or factual stuff. But i maybe older than the average shiachat.

I am old too but I get embarrassed. not as much as Livia , but I become uncomfortable. I think it is more about the way we are educated. 

I grew up in the culture that talking about these kind of stuff in front of male people is not really common. 

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