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I am pondering my options for marriage.....

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I am 17, and I am pondering my options for marriage for after college.....

I worry about my chances with all of them....

girl a) my childhood friend, who is 17, like me (even born on the same day lol) who I last spoke to when I was 10, and last saw when I was 13....I might have ruined my chances by trying to creating an alternate facebook account under a girl's name to find out how she feels about me astagfirullah.....but I deactivated the account and stopped the plan before I could execute it....my father found out about it, and said he would tell the girl's father, which caused an enormous falling out with my father, who already lives 4 hours away....she was the first girl I ever admired, and I share many memories with her...our dads are friends, and we are both connected through the gulen movement....I might see her after college....

girl b) my cousin, who is 15, who I have not seen since I was 14, and I have not spoken to since I was 15.....I might have ruined my chances there, too.....I told her astagfirullah I was in love with her when I was 15 and she was 13.....I never heard from her again.....she even added me on instagram, and then blocked me......I might see her after high school, if I can manage to leave alternative school by the end of the year...

girl c) my other childhood friend, who is two years younger but still 14.....I have more recent memories of her....I knew her from when I was 10 to when I was 13...and then she moved....I last saw her when I was 14.....I was friends with her in the 5th grade.....although as I  went through puberty I felt more lust for her than love.....our moms are friends, and we are both part of the gulen movement...I might see her after college

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10 minutes ago, Sinan said:

I am 17, and I am pondering my options for marriage for after college.....

I worry about my chances with all of them....

girl a) my childhood friend, who is 17, like me (even born on the same day lol) who I last spoke to when I was 10, and last saw when I was 13....I might have ruined my chances by trying to creating an alternate facebook account under a girl's name to find out how she feels about me astagfirullah.....but I deactivated the account and stopped the plan before I could execute it....my father found out about it, and said he would tell the girl's father, which caused an enormous falling out with my father, who already lives 4 hours away....she was the first girl I ever admired, and I share many memories with her...our dads are friends, and we are both connected through the gulen movement....I might see her after college....

girl b) my cousin, who is 15, who I have not seen since I was 14, and I have not spoken to since I was 15.....I might have ruined my chances there, too.....I told her astagfirullah I was in love with her when I was 15 and she was 13.....I never heard from her again.....she even added me on instagram, and then blocked me......I might see her after high school, if I can manage to leave alternative school by the end of the year...

girl c) my other childhood friend, who is two years younger but still 14.....I have more recent memories of her....I knew her from when I was 10 to when I was 13...and then she moved....I last saw her when I was 14.....I was friends with her in the 5th grade.....although as I  went through puberty I felt more lust for her than love.....our moms are friends, and we are both part of the gulen movement...I might see her after college

Br. Sinan whichever girl you like look at her character, her behavior, Is she chaste?, a little bit religious too, smart enough to handle your house. Seerat is more important than surat. Lust and beauty will not remain forever, but her nature would surely. Although I'm not saying don't consider her beauty. But that should atleast not be the first criteria. 

Good luck :)

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Salam

You're still young. Since you want to get married after college, I'd say wait till after college before you put much thought into it. First and foremost, think about what you can offer your spouse and work on developing your personality/character and life skills. Then think about what you want in life. Finally think about what the traits you'd like to find in your wife. Ideally it would be one that would help you achieve whatever you set out to do in life. Likewise, you should be able to help her achieve her goal. 

Hope this can be at least a little useful to you :)

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19 minutes ago, Sinan said:

I am 17, and I am pondering my options for marriage for after college.....

I worry about my chances with all of them....

girl a) my childhood friend, who is 17, like me (even born on the same day lol) who I last spoke to when I was 10, and last saw when I was 13....I might have ruined my chances by trying to creating an alternate facebook account under a girl's name to find out how she feels about me astagfirullah.....but I deactivated the account and stopped the plan before I could execute it....my father found out about it, and said he would tell the girl's father, which caused an enormous falling out with my father, who already lives 4 hours away....she was the first girl I ever admired, and I share many memories with her...our dads are friends, and we are both connected through the gulen movement....I might see her after college....

girl b) my cousin, who is 15, who I have not seen since I was 14, and I have not spoken to since I was 15.....I might have ruined my chances there, too.....I told her astagfirullah I was in love with her when I was 15 and she was 13.....I never heard from her again.....she even added me on instagram, and then blocked me......I might see her after high school, if I can manage to leave alternative school by the end of the year...

girl c) my other childhood friend, who is two years younger but still 14.....I have more recent memories of her....I knew her from when I was 10 to when I was 13...and then she moved....I last saw her when I was 14.....I was friends with her in the 5th grade.....although as I  went through puberty I felt more lust for her than love.....our moms are friends, and we are both part of the gulen movement...I might see her after college

wsalam brother , my intention is not to discourage you from marriage but I want to ask a vital question , why are you narrowing down your options? the girls you apparently like it seems as though you just have a childish crush on them and I have a feeling you won't be happy once you settle down with them , because you will realise that you rushed into the relationship especially since you are only 17 and by the looks of it seems as though the girls aren't showing much interest either , by the way brother which country do you live in? and sorry if I said anything that was mean and hurtful it wasn't my intention , may Allah swt bless you and give you patience

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I suggest that you read different books on marriage and its purpose, whether Islamic or not. You don't have to agree on everything said in these books. The point is to expand your consciousness regarding this topic, then you can make your own conclusion on marriage and the best suitable life partner. May Allah grant you beyond your expectations dear brother.

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51 minutes ago, Sinan said:

I am 17, and I am pondering my options for marriage for after college.....

I worry about my chances with all of them....

girl a) my childhood friend, who is 17, like me (even born on the same day lol) who I last spoke to when I was 10, and last saw when I was 13....I might have ruined my chances by trying to creating an alternate facebook account under a girl's name to find out how she feels about me astagfirullah.....but I deactivated the account and stopped the plan before I could execute it....my father found out about it, and said he would tell the girl's father, which caused an enormous falling out with my father, who already lives 4 hours away....she was the first girl I ever admired, and I share many memories with her...our dads are friends, and we are both connected through the gulen movement....I might see her after college....

girl b) my cousin, who is 15, who I have not seen since I was 14, and I have not spoken to since I was 15.....I might have ruined my chances there, too.....I told her astagfirullah I was in love with her when I was 15 and she was 13.....I never heard from her again.....she even added me on instagram, and then blocked me......I might see her after high school, if I can manage to leave alternative school by the end of the year...

girl c) my other childhood friend, who is two years younger but still 14.....I have more recent memories of her....I knew her from when I was 10 to when I was 13...and then she moved....I last saw her when I was 14.....I was friends with her in the 5th grade.....although as I  went through puberty I felt more lust for her than love.....our moms are friends, and we are both part of the gulen movement...I might see her after college

shouldn't you be pondering on your options for college?

Between 17 and 22, you will change your mind and opinions a hundred times, probably a thousand times when it comes to liking women.

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5 minutes ago, shiaman14 said:

Between 17 and 22, you will change your mind and opinions a hundred times, probably a thousand times when it comes to liking women.

I agree with this. You should maybe wait a little bit until you figure out a little more what you want in life and what kind of a person you want to be spending the rest of your life with. I feel like you are just in love with the idea of getting married or being in love..... so you're trying to get married just for the sake of that. That would be a bad choice. It could very well work out but the chances of you regretting it are a lot more. It feels like you're catching at straws here and all of these are just crushes you have. Think hard about this.

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39 minutes ago, sharinganMahdi said:

wsalam brother , my intention is not to discourage you from marriage but I want to ask a vital question , why are you narrowing down your options? the girls you apparently like it seems as though you just have a childish crush on them and I have a feeling you won't be happy once you settle down with them , because you will realise that you rushed into the relationship especially since you are only 17 and by the looks of it seems as though the girls aren't showing much interest either , by the way brother which country do you live in? and sorry if I said anything that was mean and hurtful it wasn't my intention , may Allah swt bless you and give you patience

Oh no, you didn't say anything mean or hurtful.....no worries....and I actually like your feedback....I suppose I should be open to more options, and I suppose the girls are not interested.....but you may have misunderstood.....my cousin has CHOSEN not to talk to me, but the first one I haven't seen because I moved from her city long ago.....the other one moved to another city......and when I tried calling the first girl's father to ask if I could talk to her, he refused, later saying it wasn't modest.

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7 minutes ago, Sinan said:

Oh no, you didn't say anything mean or hurtful.....no worries....and I actually like your feedback....I suppose I should be open to more options, and I suppose the girls are not interested.....but you may have misunderstood.....my cousin has CHOSEN not to talk to me, but the first one I haven't seen because I moved from her city long ago.....the other one moved to another city......and when I tried calling the first girl's father to ask if I could talk to her, he refused, later saying it wasn't modest.

I understand brother and I can feel the pain and confusion you are in , you are at a difficult age , I remember when I was 15-16 years old and boy was I an emotional wreck ! I liked a girl then a few weeks later I would like another , then another , and would make up countless scenarios in my head , but alhumdulillah now that I'm 20 years old I have matured and calmed down a lot , seriously  bro if I was to give you advice the best thing that worked for me was I stopped caring about girls and wanting to have a relationship with them and focused on my career and other stuff I enjoyed doing such as working out , playing video games , becoming very career oriented which basically means focusing on studies and pursuing my goals ,   Inshallah brother just concentrate on your main goals and put relationships to the side for a bit , and also about your cousin bro , maybe she is freaked out from last time , the best way you can overcome this hurdle is by not showing any type of intimate feelings towards her when you meet her , just be simple and blunt and act like nothing ever happened or if you can't do that then just be honest and tell her that you are sorry for what you said to her in the past and that you were immature and didn't realise what you were doing and inshallah she will understand , and also about the first girl I think the best thing you can do for the time being is just let her go and maybe sometime in the near future when you have a chance contact her and see where fate takes you , anyway take care may Allah swt grant you patience andbless you

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11 minutes ago, sharinganMahdi said:

I understand brother and I can feel the pain and confusion you are in , you are at a difficult age , I remember when I was 15-16 years old and boy was I an emotional wreck ! I liked a girl then a few weeks later I would like another , then another , and would make up countless scenarios in my head , but alhumdulillah now that I'm 20 years old I have matured and calmed down a lot , seriously  bro if I was to give you advice the best thing that worked for me was I stopped caring about girls and wanting to have a relationship with them and focused on my career and other stuff I enjoyed doing such as working out , playing video games , becoming very career oriented which basically means focusing on studies and pursuing my goals ,   Inshallah brother just concentrate on your main goals and put relationships to the side for a bit , and also about your cousin bro , maybe she is freaked out from last time , the best way you can overcome this hurdle is by not showing any type of intimate feelings towards her when you meet her , just be simple and blunt and act like nothing ever happened or if you can't do that then just be honest and tell her that you are sorry for what you said to her in the past and that you were immature and didn't realise what you were doing and inshallah she will understand , and also about the first girl I think the best thing you can do for the time being is just let her go and maybe sometime in the near future when you have a chance contact her and see where fate takes you , anyway take care may Allah swt grant you patience andbless you

thank you brother, jazakallaha khair

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On 5 May 2016 at 3:06 PM, Sinan said:

I am 17, and I am pondering my options for marriage for after college.....

I worry about my chances with all of them....

girl a) my childhood friend, who is 17, like me (even born on the same day lol) who I last spoke to when I was 10, and last saw when I was 13....I might have ruined my chances by trying to creating an alternate facebook account under a girl's name to find out how she feels about me astagfirullah.....but I deactivated the account and stopped the plan before I could execute it....my father found out about it, and said he would tell the girl's father, which caused an enormous falling out with my father, who already lives 4 hours away....she was the first girl I ever admired, and I share many memories with her...our dads are friends, and we are both connected through the gulen movement....I might see her after college....

girl b) my cousin, who is 15, who I have not seen since I was 14, and I have not spoken to since I was 15.....I might have ruined my chances there, too.....I told her astagfirullah I was in love with her when I was 15 and she was 13.....I never heard from her again.....she even added me on instagram, and then blocked me......I might see her after high school, if I can manage to leave alternative school by the end of the year...

girl c) my other childhood friend, who is two years younger but still 14.....I have more recent memories of her....I knew her from when I was 10 to when I was 13...and then she moved....I last saw her when I was 14.....I was friends with her in the 5th grade.....although as I  went through puberty I felt more lust for her than love.....our moms are friends, and we are both part of the gulen movement...I might see her after college

If you feel like you need to seek for advice on shiachat about who to marry,

.....then you aren't ready for marriage.  

;)

 

 

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