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sakura1994

Q. why does man have to give woman dowry ? why not the reverse !

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5 minutes ago, sakura1994 said:

is their no dowry in shia ?

Of course there is mehr.

The translation of "mehr" to "dowry" is problematic, because dowry was traditional in European cultures for the family of a bride to pay to the husband in exchange for him taking her off their hands. It's completely different from mehr, which is not a bribe to the husband, but a gift to the wife.

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2 hours ago, notme said:

Of course there is mehr.

The translation of "mehr" to "dowry" is problematic, because dowry was traditional in European cultures for the family of a bride to pay to the husband in exchange for him taking her off their hands. It's completely different from mehr, which is not a bribe to the husband, but a gift to the wife.

ok can wife give gift/mehr to the husband or only husband have to give !

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5 minutes ago, sakura1994 said:

ok can wife give gift/mehr to the husband or only husband have to give !

In Islamic marriage, the husband gifts the wife a mehr of her choice. 

 

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2 hours ago, Khadim uz Zahra said:

You can do whatever you like - it's not exactly haram to exchange gifts - but what Islam makes compulsory is the mehr, a man gifting something to the woman.

what is the hikma/wisdom in this ?

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4 minutes ago, sakura1994 said:

what is the hikma/wisdom in this ?

In my opinion mehr is a sign for men to remember that women are valuable and you must be grateful to them from the very beginning of your common life. 

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This page gives a good explanation:

http://www.islamhelpline.net/node/6207

One of the more important parts are when it talks about divorce. We often have questions regarding the Islamic interpretation of divorce and so on, how it could put the woman at a disadvtange. I believe the maher is a good counterbalance to the power the man holds in the matter of a divorce. This also makes me believe that while the ahadith of the Prophet allowing people to use only a verse of the Qur'an as maher are good guidelines, they should be applied to people who don't have the means to do otherwise. If the man is of means, he should give a woman a good amount in maher and, indeed, I find it weird that many among the subcontinent like to do away with maher based on these traditions and only insist on a small amount of maher as some sign of humility on the part of the woman but, on the other hand, when it comes to gifts from the girl's side, open their mouths wider than a crocodile.

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1 hour ago, sakura1994 said:

what is the hikma/wisdom in this ?

Everything has a price. The one who wants something has to pay a price for it ( what ever the price maybe ) 

If Eve would have wanted Adam first, probably the tradition would have been reverse.

This tradition started from Adam and Eve.

Edited by certainclarity

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3 hours ago, certainclarity said:

Everything has a price. The one who wants something has to pay a price for it ( what ever the price maybe ) 

If Eve would have wanted Adam first, probably the tradition would have been reverse.

This tradition started from Adam and Eve.

when you say everything have price , this make it as if marriage is paying the wife , many things in this life is priceless , so not everything have price .

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54 minutes ago, sakura1994 said:

when you say everything have price , this make it as if marriage is paying the wife , many things in this life is priceless , so not everything have price .

I had a feeling you would say this :) .

How ever when the word price is used, it does not literally mean " material payment" it means if some one wants something he or she has to pay something for it not necessarily material price.

This payment could be time, energy, effort,emotions invested.,, these are also called price, but of non material sense.

For example if someone wants to be a surgeon, the price, is studying harder than a person who does bachelors, a surgeon would have to spend more time and energy to achieve what he / she wants to gain.

Even a person who seeks Allah, has to pay a price, with time, energy, wealth more effort. 

Hence the price of wanting Allah's satisfaction one had to pay the price with ones ego.

Even clean air and water... In order to maintain clean air and water the price to pay for it is caution, care, energy... On the other hand if one does not take care , the price a person has to pay is lack of clean air and water , disease etc.

Hence  what I meant by " Everything " has a price was the broader definition of anything anyone wants comes along with some sort of price.

Who ever seeks something has to pay something for it, in spiritual or material , physical or non physical manner.

For example in Shiie tradition, the price Adam had to pay for wanting Eve first was, teaching her the " Asma Koluha " what Allah had taught him, also when they were sent down to earth, he had to maintain her fully and take care of her, because when he wanted her first from Allah, so he took the responsibility of her. Hence, from then on men became maintainers of woman. 

If Eve would have wanted him first, she should have been responsible for him, and would have to maintain him.

There is an Islamic term of sell yourself to Allah, the price for selling one soul to Allah, is to forego dunya , meaning forego what is against what Allah's wants.

Quran:

Indeed, Allah has purchased from the believers their lives and their properties [in exchange] for that they will have Paradise. (9:111)

Hope this makes my explaination clear.

Edited by certainclarity

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I've always considered the dowry as a throwback to times when women didn't have the opportunities that they have available to them today (well, in certain parts of the world today I should say).

Dowry provided to the woman is a more than just a "gift". Its something tangible given at the time of marriage when other options are/were not available to them to own property or a significant amount of personal cash.

Mehr also harkens back to that same concept. Its something given at the time of divorce to help the woman stay afloat financially.

Therefore, both dowry and Mehr are something given to strengthen/solidify a woman's financial standing when opportunities for her financial survival might be somewhat limited.

I'm sure there's men who would love to accept a dowry (myself included...lol) but since the opportunities for financial benefit are more prevalent for men than for women I think the dowry/Mehr still is a benefit for women and their financial survival.

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6 hours ago, sakura1994 said:

can you support your answer with ayah from quran !

وَآتُوا النِّسَاءَ صَدُقَاتِهِنَّ نِحْلَةً ۚ فَإِنْ طِبْنَ لَكُمْ عَنْ شَيْءٍ مِنْهُ نَفْسًا فَكُلُوهُ هَنِيئًا مَرِيئًا {4}

[Shakir 4:4] And give women their dowries as a free gift, but if they of themselves be pleased to give up to you a portion of it, then eat it with enjoyment and with wholesome result.

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It is all due to socio-economy of that time. Men use to be the provider and it was his responsibility to help his bride to be, to prepare herself for a trasition in her life where about she will move into his house as his wife. 

A female in reverse situation can help a poor (handsome) man to do the same for purpose of marriage, as long intention is to please Allah. 

Simple eh?

 

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Mahr is a sweet gift that the husband gives freely, as a token of his love for his new bride and it symbolizes that she is now a part of his family and he is going to maintain her living provisions as they start their married life together. 

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