Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله
Sign in to follow this  
Hamd

Hijab Extremities.

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

I recently entered a university and I wanted to attend its functions I have previously attended school and college functions and I have always studied in co-education.I belong to a practicing shia family which is why hijab has always been a big part in my life.at all functions and events i have never taken off my hijab neither do I ever intend to do so but my mother has become so insecure ever since i entered university(even though I have never done anything wrong or immoral).She tells me to take a chaddar to the function and wants me to not go if possible.I am always over conscious of over doing thus even if I do get all dressed up I never stand out because you know how girls are now a days being over dressed and flashy but my mom is getting angry and keeps telling me that I don't listen to her anymore and I don't follow hijab and my body shape is showing she expects me to wrap a blanket around me and then go out. The university I am in is known for it's really out of limits rules and discipline but since it is the only well known art college in Pakistan I could not miss the opportunity but I am really getting tired of my mom's insecurity and over the top demands that I am unable to fulfill considering the surrounding that I am living in.I realize that she might be right in an Islamic point of view but that makes me hate Islam in a certain way I also want to enjoy my university life and have fun like everyone else but the way my mom is imposing hijab onto me is just pushing me further away from Islam and making me feel trapped and bound. "Islam is suffocating" says the heart as I try reasoning with it day and night trying to have fun and still not cross the islamic limits.... :/ 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Salam sister.

First of all let me tell you a hades. I dont remember from which imam it is related but it may help you.

The hades says that the world is a prison for the momin n momina. While it is heaven for kafir.

In the present scenario you can see that the most enjoyable things are gunah e kabira. Indeed medicines are bitter than sweets but the are good for your health.

The thing is that the gunah and the bad things seem very good and enjoyable while they are harmful. But the good things and sawab gaining things are tasteless and boring while these are beneficial.

In my suggestion first of all try to talk to your mother and sort out the misconceptions between both of you.

Then try to get the full of what you want under the islamic rules. 

It is not true that a momin doesn't enjoy. He does but in a limited manner.

Hope it helps.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Hamd said:

I recently entered a university and I wanted to attend its functions I have previously attended school and college functions and I have always studied in co-education.I belong to a practicing shia family which is why hijab has always been a big part in my life.at all functions and events i have never taken off my hijab neither do I ever intend to do so but my mother has become so insecure ever since i entered university(even though I have never done anything wrong or immoral).She tells me to take a chaddar to the function and wants me to not go if possible.I am always over conscious of over doing thus even if I do get all dressed up I never stand out because you know how girls are now a days being over dressed and flashy but my mom is getting angry and keeps telling me that I don't listen to her anymore and I don't follow hijab and my body shape is showing she expects me to wrap a blanket around me and then go out. The university I am in is known for it's really out of limits rules and discipline but since it is the only well known art college in Pakistan I could not miss the opportunity but I am really getting tired of my mom's insecurity and over the top demands that I am unable to fulfill considering the surrounding that I am living in.I realize that she might be right in an Islamic point of view but that makes me hate Islam in a certain way I also want to enjoy my university life and have fun like everyone else but the way my mom is imposing hijab onto me is just pushing me further away from Islam and making me feel trapped and bound. "Islam is suffocating" says the heart as I try reasoning with it day and night trying to have fun and still not cross the islamic limits.... :/ 

(salam)

I hope this doesn't come across as rude, but I guess you're in a better situation than girls who have mothers who compete with them about sleeping with men or plastic surgery, or who disgrace each other in front of others for the inflation of the ego, or who discourage their daughters from education altogether, or who teach their daughters a superficial idea of beauty and self-worth, or who blatantly do not even care about them. Alhamdullilah, I don't have a mother like this, but I know people who do.

I don't mean to devalue your current predicament, but sometimes it helps to consider the alternatives. 

"I also want to enjoy my university life and have fun like everyone else" - which entails what exactly? Do you practice for your family or for yourself? I hope it is the latter. When you're on the outside looking in, sometimes what you perceive as "fun" is actually a mirage. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

"the way my mom is imposing hijab onto me is just pushing me further away from Islam" - Again, do you wear hijab because it has been prescribed for us by Allah SWT, or because you just want to make your mother happy so you have a roof to live under?

University should be foremost about studying, and anyone who is paying too much attention to what you wear or what you look like is wasting their own time, and should be focusing on their own studies.

لاَ إِكْرَاهَ فِي الدِّينِ

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Salam.

If your outer garments are revealing and you suspect that you're getting attention from other men then I believe the chador is obligatory.

Please keep in mind that the veil is there to protect you in order that you may go about untroubled, not to confine your freedom:

Qur'an 33.59 - O Prophet! Tell thy wives and daughters, and the believing women, that they should cast their outer garments over their persons (when abroad): that is most convenient, that they should be known (as such) and not molested. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (trans. Yusuf Ali)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Only you can decide your actions, but your mother worries about you and wants the best for you.  Be patient and gentle with her, even if you disagree. 

You are an adult.  If you are meeting the requirements of hijab (loose clothing covering all except hands and face) and are within social norms of modesty in your culture, you don't have to obey.  You do have to respect your mother and consider her wishes.  Is there more harm in doing as she asks, or in not doing as she asks?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear sister - Juma Mubarak:

I assume the school you are talking about is in Lhr and if indeed it is this one, then you also know that it carries certain reputation of liberalism even though its one of the best ones among what it teaches. If my daughter goes there, I would be worried too because this is a age (18-23) when pseudo loves, flirts, lust wrapped as lust sort of things start. College giving a certain freedom from tightly controlled environment of high school adds fuel to the fire. I've seen many girls and boys here from Muslim families who are not exposed to the bad side of Western culture going to college and being corrupted partly due to age and partly because they do not know how to act in certain situations. Unfortunately culture is slightly worst off back in Asian countries due to people's blind following of the West and not taking good things from here.  

I would second your mother, you should start taking chador which is among the best forms of hijab anyway, much more than the arab attires. Besides Allah swt has made the physique of a young girl so attractive that it has to be veiled. Ask your brothers who you are frank with and they could tell you what young men think when they look at a woman.   You should also add a bit to your persona and aura such as be extremely professional in your school, don't indulge too much into all the extra things that go on besides that help in your education, do have fun, lots of fun but adhere to certain timings, protocols, language, physical closeness, of who you befriend with, who you let talk with yourself, gender segregation rules of Islam, among other things.

Good luck in your school. The next four years could be the best years for you for the rest of your life if you act responsibly and could become the most remorseful if you slip.

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My 2 cents would be. Try to understand why Hijab is important? The moment you understand this, everything will be easier. But keep this in mind, not your mother, nor anyone from this forum can TEACH you about Hijab. Only YOU can understand it better. You took the time out to make an account and then post in this forum. Good. Now one step further and search in the forum or google or youtube as to why Hijab is important for a lady?? The sooner you do this, the better you will feel. Iltamas e Dua.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Salam, if it's the art college that bro Irfani mentioned, I can understand your mother's concerns.On the flip side, if your parents were this apprehensive about the environment they shouldn't have allowed you to go there in the first place. You can't exist in a bubble, you have to make some friends at least, meet people, socialise, develop contacts if you intend to continue down this career path. I am sorry if I come across as rude but this was an oversight on your parent's part IMHO.

 I know two girls, both from moderately islamic non hijab practicing families whose parents didn't allow them to apply to this particular college. One of them tried to protest but they put their foot down. I think they did the right thing. 

If you are confident that your hijab is proper then sit down with your mother and tell her that you realize the importance of hijab and guarding one's modesty, thank her for  trusting you  and reassure her that you will never let her down.

Regularly share the details of your day at the college what you did your friends etc. with your parents This might help in allaying some of their anxieties. Do not act irritated when your mother tells you to take a bigger chador etc, this might make her think that you have started despising hijab and she will worry even more. 

Edited by starlight

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, notme said:

Only you can decide your actions, but your mother worries about you and wants the best for you.  Be patient and gentle with her, even if you disagree. 

You are an adult.  If you are meeting the requirements of hijab (loose clothing covering all except hands and face) and are within social norms of modesty in your culture, you don't have to obey.  You do have to respect your mother and consider her wishes.  Is there more harm in doing as she asks, or in not doing as she asks?

She doesn't have to obey her parents???

Forgive me sister, but is that what you're saying?

Edited by The Batman

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, The Batman said:

She doesn't have to obey her parents???

Forgive me sister, but is that what you're saying?

Yes, that is what I'm saying. From an Islamic point of view it is not haram to disobey your mother if there is no disrespect involved. It's a good idea to obey your mother because in most cases she knows more than a young person and she has your best interests in mind, and you are obligated to respect her. I recommend obeying mother, but not because disobedience is a sin - because she loves you and you love and respect her.

A dependent person is obligated to obey his or her father as long as his orders aren't contrary to Islamic law.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/22/2016 at 8:25 PM, The Batman said:

She doesn't have to obey her parents???

Forgive me sister, but is that what you're saying?

Fulfilling the requirements of hijab as per Allah swt's commands is what she is obligated to do. Parents can't set their own rules and expect their children to follow them. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
41 minutes ago, notme said:

Yes, that is what I'm saying. From an Islamic point of view it is not haram to disobey your mother if there is no disrespect involved. It's a good idea to obey your mother because in most cases she knows more than a young person and she has your best interests in mind, and you are obligated to respect her. I recommend obeying mother, but not because disobedience is a sin - because she loves you and you love and respect her.

A dependent person is obligated to obey his or her father as long as his orders aren't contrary to Islamic law.

Actually, that's not the Fiqhi viewpoint. The wajib is that a son or a daughter have to obey their parents - if disobedience leads to the annoyance of the parents. There's nothing about dependence and independence.

Yes there are exceptions, such as, obeying parents will lead to disobeying God, and other stuff.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/22/2016 at 9:16 PM, The Batman said:

Actually, that's not the Fiqhi viewpoint. The wajib is that a son or a daughter have to obey their parents - if disobedience leads to the annoyance of the parents. There's nothing about dependence and independence.

Yes there are exceptions, such as, obeying parents will lead to disobeying God, and other stuff.

Are you sure of this Batman? ^^^^ I think you are confusing between obedience and respect. 

Sayid Khamene'i:

Q7: In what situations must a child (even if he is mature in body and intellect) still obey the commands of his parents?

A: It is not obligatory to obey one’s parents. However, it is forbidden to annoy them, or cause them grief.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 minutes ago, starlight said:

Fulfilling the requirements of hijab as per Allah swt's commands is what she is obligated to do. Parents can't set their own rules and expect their children to follow them. 

 

 

السؤال: ما حكم والد يطلب من أبنته لبس (البوشية) مع العلم بأنٌ البنت تقلد من لايرى إشكال في إظهار الوجه أمام الأجنبي؟

الجواب: لايجوز مخالفة الاب اذا كانت موجبة لتاذيه الناشيء من شفقته عليك

Question: What is the ruling on a father who tells his daughter to wear the "boshiya", even with the knowledge that the daughter follows (a marja) who has no problem with showing the face in front of the stranger (man)?

Answer: It is not allowed to disobey the father if (the disobedience) will cause him harm, if the harm is on due to his (the father's) affection upon you.

http://www.sistani.org/arabic/qa/0444/page/2/#9946

Edited by The Batman

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, starlight said:

Are you sure of this Batman? ^^^^ I think you are confusing between obedience and respect. 

Sayid Khamene'i:

Q7: In what situations must a child (even if he is mature in body and intellect) still obey the commands of his parents?

A: It is not obligatory to obey one’s parents. However, it is forbidden to annoy them, or cause them grief.

Sayyed al-Sistani says obedience is wajib to the parents if disobedience leads to the annoyance of the parents, if the annoyance is due to their affection towards the child.

Edited by The Batman

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@The Batman

Question: What are the limits of obeying one’s parents?Answer: The duty of a child towards his parents is of two kinds:The First: To be kind towards them by providing for them, if they are in need. To provide for their day-to-day needs. To respond to their requests that are related to their daily lives at a level that is normal and usual for a human being, in the sense that if he refuses to fulfill them, it would be regarded as “not being good to them” — and that would differ depending on whether they are healthy and strong or ill and weak.The Second: To behave towards them kindly, by not offending them in word or action, even if they are unjust to him. In some religious text, it says, “And if they hit you, do not shun them; instead say, ‘May Allãh forgive you.’”This is as far as it relates to the parents’ situation. As for those issues concerning the affairs of the child himself by which he could offend one of the parents, these are of two kinds:The First: If the parent’s distress results from his concern for the child, it is forbidden for the child to do something that would distress his parent, irrespective of whether or not the parent has prevented him from it.The Second: If the parent’s distress results from of his own evil characteristics (for example, dislike for the good of this world or the hereafter for his child), this kind of distress has no bearing on the child, thus, it is not obligatory on the child to submit to this kind of desires.It becomes clear from this that, on its own, obeying the parents in their personal commands is not obligatory. And Allãh knows the best.

http://www.sistani.org/english/book/46/2057/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, starlight said:

@The Batman

Question: What are the limits of obeying one’s parents?Answer: The duty of a child towards his parents is of two kinds:The First: To be kind towards them by providing for them, if they are in need. To provide for their day-to-day needs. To respond to their requests that are related to their daily lives at a level that is normal and usual for a human being, in the sense that if he refuses to fulfill them, it would be regarded as “not being good to them” — and that would differ depending on whether they are healthy and strong or ill and weak.The Second: To behave towards them kindly, by not offending them in word or action, even if they are unjust to him. In some religious text, it says, “And if they hit you, do not shun them; instead say, ‘May Allãh forgive you.’”This is as far as it relates to the parents’ situation. As for those issues concerning the affairs of the child himself by which he could offend one of the parents, these are of two kinds:The First: If the parent’s distress results from his concern for the child, it is forbidden for the child to do something that would distress his parent, irrespective of whether or not the parent has prevented him from it.The Second: If the parent’s distress results from of his own evil characteristics (for example, dislike for the good of this world or the hereafter for his child), this kind of distress has no bearing on the child, thus, it is not obligatory on the child to submit to this kind of desires.It becomes clear from this that, on its own, obeying the parents in their personal commands is not obligatory. And Allãh knows the best.

http://www.sistani.org/english/book/46/2057/

Yes that does not contradict what I said. I never said obedience is wajib in and of itself.

It is wajib if it causes annoyance or grief to the parent, which is due to their affection upon the child.

In the same exact quote that you quoted it says:

 

Quote

The First: If the parent’s distress results from his concern for the child, it is forbidden for the child to do something that would distress his parent, irrespective of whether or not the parent has prevented him from it.

 

Edited by The Batman

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am not really sure what part of my post made few of you think that I am unaware of the rulings of Islam on hijab and I don't realize the significance or spiritual service that hijab provides.I posses complete awareness of Hijab in Shariah it's importance and purpose what I meant was that I want hijab to be something I do for Allah but due to my mother it starts to feel like a forced act done to please and satisfy my mom which is why I start hating it (which does not make me feel like taking it off, its just annoyance and frustration that builds up eventually causing rebellious arguments). Nobody cares about what I wear except me and I don't want to blend into a sinful crowd by becoming like them but I don't want to stand out in a way that people are uncomfortable around me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/22/2016 at 7:42 PM, starlight said:

If you are confident that your hijab is proper then sit down with your mother and tell her that you realize the importance of hijab and guarding one's modesty, thank her for  trusting you  and reassure her that you will never let her down.

Regularly share the details of your day at the college what you did your friends etc. with your parents This might help in allaying some of their anxieties. Do not act irritated when your mother tells you to take a bigger chador etc, this might make her think that you have started despising hijab and she will worry even more. 

@Hamd What sis starlight said is, in my opinion, the best way to approach your situation.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Hamd please do not blame religion. Islam is not suffocating,  your  mother's opinion is suffocating. Have you tried to compromise? If you don't want to wear abaya  or chador,  fine wear a long cardigan or something over your outfit.  Have a calm conversation with your mother explaining how well she raised you to not do things you shouldn't be doing.  Talk to her about your school life as well. Make her comfortable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...