LONELINESS SUPPORT GROUP

[sidnaq]

Asalamualaikum, i dont know whether this is the proper way to create a thread but this is the way i am doing it.So Asalamualaikum once again and welcome to the Loneliness Support Group, this is a group for any and all members who wish to seek others like me at times if they are currently suffering from loneliness ,or chronic loneliness it dosnt even need to be in friendship it can even be in other wise such as marriage.Come, now remember this is a start of a group so if anyone has any suggestions on what we should get started on, anything is welcome.I want others to know out there that i know, i know the pain of what it is like to at times feel lonely, tell us your story, if you wish to , if you were lonely once, how did you beat it, are there any issues to be discussed? I also want to say beforehand that even though i am starting this thread i may not be around or am its curator, i just started it for the sake that i wanted to ask andknow if there were others too.

[zainabamy]

Wa aleikum as salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakathu,

This is a lovely idea 

[celestial]

This should be a worldwide organization. Cause, there is hardly anybody who isn't alone, including shiachat.

[sidnaq]

59 minutes ago, celestial said:

This should be a worldwide organization. Cause, there is hardly anybody who isn't alone, including shiachat.

wait what do you mean, could you clarify? i mean we can be talking internal loneliness, feeling alone and nobody to understand you, unable to make friends etc etc

[sidnaq]

3 hours ago, zainabamy said:

Wa aleikum as salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakathu,

This is a lovely idea 

thank you so much.please its a free group.if you have anything to contribute to the group please do so

[celestial]

4 hours ago, sidnaq said:

wait what do you mean, could you clarify? i mean we can be talking internal loneliness, feeling alone and nobody to understand you, unable to make friends etc etc

I mean, there should be a foundation like UNICEF, WHO, UN, Red Cross, NATO, EU to struggle loneliness worldwide. Wouldn't it be nice?

And of course, it shouldn't be zionist infiltrated like those above. Those were examples just to clarify.

Edited April 13, 2016 by celestial

[SYEDRAZAALI]

Salam. 

Indeed loneliness is well marked in almost each and every citizen of this world. To remove it we should first try to know the causes. The main causes are that we have no one to share our thoughts, feelings, sad moments. In short we lack a very important piece of our life's jigsaw puzzle. 

Our life is a jigsaw puzzle of 2000 pieces but if we only lack one piece the whole puzzle looks incomplete even if all the pieces are in place. 

And that piece is the key to remove lonliness, depression, sadness, etc. 

That piece is generally love or true friendship. But the fact is that both the things mentioned above are very difficult to get...so whats the solution.

Here I give you the super sweet recipe of life in which there is no place for depression, sadness, loneliness, etc. 

First let us understand that why are we lonely?  As said above we are lonely cause we don't have anyone to love or with whom we can share our thoughts (true friend). We lack these things because we are like everyone. We are not different from the crowd hence we have the same problem everyone has. 

Recipe:

1. Don't say what you want to. Say what the person in front of you wants to hear from you. It is difficult but it is worth the difficulty.

2. Don't criticise anyone. Reasarchs have shown that the effect after criticism is short lived while if the thing had been said with love and affection the effect would have last longer. 

3. We should state about our mistakes first than criticising others. 

4. We should appreciate the efforts of others. Every soul on this earth lives in a hunger of appreciation. Who doesn't want to be appreciated? But the appreciation should be true and honesty. 

5. Ask questions instead of giving orders it makes you polite.

6. Use encouragement make the faults seem easy to correct. Don't hyper the faults by criticising.

7. Praise even an infinitely small progress so that the person in front of you gets a place infinitely large in your heart. 

These are the 7 wonders of life. Hope it helps the lonely people lose their lonliness. 

I read these points in a book. I experienced it by applying it to my life. I found the results positive. Thats why i gave it to you.

Sorry if I offended anyone and if there is any mistake.

Its a bit long but its worth it.

 

[Last Hope]

3 hours ago, mosaks19 said:

How can you be lonely if you are on God's side ? You cant even if all humans would leave you , right?

Didnt Imam Ali A.S. said he would stay with the truth even if nobody will like him then , or something like this ? So i think if you know what you are doing and the reasons behind it you can not really get lonely, only if you distance yourself from Allah swt, so there is also the solution if you are feeling lonely--> get back to God (?)

And remember you are not supposed to go for this worldy pleasures ,like drinking alcohol or other stupid  

the true believer will live in this world and in his body as if he is in jail or cage ,  while people of hell live like the opposite on earth
and will get to the real jail in the hereafter

Yes brother, your words are correct and true, but remember, infallible and people of "karamat" are different to us everyday sinners. loneliness is but a natural act for us humans. when you are with god, you never feel lonely, but this physical body that has drowned in sins is very much attached to the world of matter. so feeling lonely is inevitable .

[zainabamy]

1 hour ago, Tushi said:

Yes brother, your words are correct and true, but remember, infallible and people of "karamat" are different to us everyday sinners. loneliness is but a natural act for us humans. when you are with god, you never feel lonely, but this physical body that has drowned in sins is very much attached to the world of matter. so feeling lonely is inevitable .

Very true. It doesn't matter how much we give to your faith, we are inevitably going to feel lonely, feel sad and even feel angry with Allah (swt) and we shouldn't feel bad about that because its in our nature. One thing I've learnt is that our whole lives are journeys to Allah (swt) and it isn't always just a straight road, sometimes you can get lost along the way.  

[Last Hope]

9 minutes ago, zainabamy said:

sometimes you can get lost along the way.  

getting lost along the path......

that reminds me of someone >.>

[Shabbar-E-Shabbir]

I find that social media can sometimes make some one feel more 'lonely'.

One measure of success for any human being is having valuable relationships and having them in a meaningful way. I always feel one's family is always the first port of call. Sometimes you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. This is one of the biggest barriers to break, if one is able to mingle well with their family and build on their relationships, that is a sure way to improve one's well being and lifestyle.

[certainclarity]

1 hour ago, zainabamy said:

Very true. It doesn't matter how much we give to your faith, we are inevitably going to feel lonely, feel sad and even feel angry with Allah (swt) and we shouldn't feel bad about that because its in our nature. One thing I've learnt is that our whole lives are journeys to Allah (swt) and it isn't always just a straight road, sometimes you can get lost along the way.  

Salam,

What you said is true when we are ignorant of what Allah wants from us.

Everything with Allah has a law.

If we abide by the law of Allah on each thing, it is impossible to feel lonely.

All those feelings are due to our own ignorance :

Whatever reaches to you of good, is from Allah, but whatever befalls you of evil, is from yourself (4:79)

But this realization comes thru lots of hard experience for many, but those who are intelligent learn from others to avoid the trap and put the laws of Allah over self laws and expectations.

 I am sharing a living experience of myself and those who have experienced the same as I did.

I used to feel lonely among people !!! Alhamdulilah, The reason I don't feel lonely anymore is that I refused to think that humans will always feel the void even if they have Allah.

 Allah's promise is true and I believe his promise,*** if we remember him as he has asked us to repeatedly in the Quran***

It is about mind set. When religion is taught properly, you do not think or feel that way, because they believe in Allah's words 100%

Our patient and loving Allah so gently says in the Quran:

Is not Allah sufficient for His Servant ?(39:36)

If Allah tells you , if you are immersed in my rememberence I will be your company, your friend in loneliness, and those believe this whole hearted and practise what Allah says, it is impossible for Allah to go back on his words. Humans would. But Allah will never! Hadiths aside even Quran says it clearly:

Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, and be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me (2:152)

*******

Having said this believers are supposed to be helpers and brothers of one another:

 

The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They advocate virtue, forbid evil, perform the prayers, practice charity, and obey God and His Messenger. These—God will have mercy on them. God is Noble and Wise. ( 9:71)

 

Some people have stronger points in matters of faith, some people are better in organizing and decipline. 

 

Each can help the other to over come the weakness each other feels.

 

BUT the main work and steps should be taken by the individual who wants to change for the better.

 

The problem arises when one limits themselves that the only way not to be lonely is get what they want, and realize even after getting what they want they are still lonely.

 

We start believing we are doomed to loneliness no matter how much we try because this is human nature..

 

Last not least our best friend and our worst enemy is our own thoughts and mind set.

 It can encage you or set you free!

 

Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.(13:11)

 

Imam Ali (a.):

 

"Be careful for your thoughts, for they will become your words.

Becareful for your words, for they will become your actions.

Becareful for your actions, for they will become your habits.

Becareful for your habits, for they will become your character.

Becareful for your character, for they will become your FATE."

 

THOUGHTS=FATE

Edited April 13, 2016 by certainclarity

[Quiet one]

This is a great idea

[sidnaq]

okay then, how about something like this.What happens if someone is lonely though they try their level best not to be.Such as for example , in my case i was always a chronic loner.Sometimes at the beginning it was my fault that i couldnt fit in with others because i didnt think much about forming friends right away, until groups happened and friendships solidified, and no matter how hard i would try later on , my friendship was never that close , the same thing happened in my other school, then in my college, no matter how hard i tried, no solidify, like there was hard fast rule on my life to be friends with someone right away or lose em.SOme friendships i admit i lost on my own account because i wanted to feel alone at times, but then the lonelienss would kick in and i couldnt stand it anymore.i tried when moving to canada to make friends, but i felt like i just couldnt with people, even this semster, either i was too strong on some people so  they backed off, or eithe i met people once, not in my class, or people are busy, or the people that do accept me may be going thru emotional stuff, and then yeah...i tired being friends with girls in shia majlises, but sometimes the same concepts would apply not only with them but sometimes with other people, either lack of response, just saying hmm yeah hi, like three syllables and then thats it..its not their fault, i mean i feel like i have aproblem maybe i am not so good at conversing with people or idont even know whether i may act or look different that might put people off, i didnt want to state this because i am hoping that Allah can break me free of this, and grant me good friends, even if it is later in to college.or even later in life.

[certainclarity]

54 minutes ago, mosaks19 said:

 

thank you brother 

Inshallah we will be on the victorious side 

And Insha Allah for all who feel lonely Allah help us realize all we need is Allah.

The one who provided full catering service to a young lady called Maryam, in the corner of her lonely room... She neither needed any friends, nor fatty and contaminated foods, nor a man for a baby! And our beloved prophet who travelled the seven skies without a space suit, even scientist up to date cannot imagine for a second. Or for prophet Ibrahim the fire becomes cold ! And many many more!

Allah is the definer of all definitions we have just programmed ourselves to think in our own box.

 

Edited April 13, 2016 by certainclarity

[Last Hope]

On 4/13/2016 at 0:07 PM, mosaks19 said:

they are different compared with us that is true. And we should try to be like them. Also if i rembeber it well, he said it in such a way that it is not only speaking of his specific personlaty but in a teaching way.

i dont deny that you sometimes can feel lonely. But when you are by your self you also have a chance to think even better.
And when you think and remember God then you are happy again.
This life is maybe 100 years, that is only if you make it till such a age. What is 100 years compared that the years that have past only on this earth ?
 So all these worldy matters, even feeling lonley, should not matter that much, You can only realise this when you start thinking again 

as others already pointed out, when you disobey Allah swt , when you put distance between you and him, or other mistakes as a result you could get to feel lonley, so if you like to help your brothers and sisters we should focus on learning about Allah swt and learn logical laws and i believe that is fighting the source, and this will remove symptoms like loneliness

Brother, as i stated what you're saying is true, and that should be our ultimate goal for with god's pleasure, comes great things only the heart could withstand, but a good deed can take you so far for as a sin can drag you way behind. boredom, loneliness and satisfactory are all emotions, They are inevitable in us humans because of the way physical bodies are shaped surrounding our soul. only when we lose touch of physical matter can we really begin entering the world of the soul.  

[hasanhh]

Let us see how this thread goes. lt could develop into a forum.

[khudr]

"Your sickness is from you, but you do not perceive it and your remedy is within you, but you do not see it You presume you are a small entity, but within you is enfolded the entire Universe. You are indeed the evident/clear book, by whose alphabet’s the hidden becomes manifest." Imam Ali (a.s.)

I've always been a very lonely person, mainly because I never truly found like minded souls. After converting I distanced even more from the few friends I had. This is good because I don't want to live in between, I don't want to be a hypocrite and when I embrace something I want to embrace it fully. I still go through moments when I wish I had friends on my same mind setting, someone to share what I go through every day (and someone who wants to share with us the same, as a true friendship is never one sided). When I realize that nothing is necessary in itself, that at the end of the day you will always feel alone because that sense of incompleteness is normal due to our limited human nature, then you'll become more sensitive, more aware regarding God's presence (especially where you didn't expect to find Him). As others said before me, it's a matter of being selective with your own thoughts. Welcoming God in your life also means to choose what is beneficial on a practical level and what's not. No one is perfect, however we can still strive for the best example given which is found in our Infallible Imams (May God bless them). Educating ourselves is the best way to show God our gratitude for His infinite blessings upon us.

[certainclarity]

16 minutes ago, khudr said:

"Your sickness is from you, but you do not perceive it and your remedy is within you, but you do not see it You presume you are a small entity, but within you is enfolded the entire Universe. You are indeed the evident/clear book, by whose alphabet’s the hidden becomes manifest." Imam Ali (a.s.)

I've always been a very lonely person, mainly because I never truly found like minded souls. 

Salam:

Al Kafi:

Imam Jafar Al Sadiq (a.):

"O Hisham, maintaining patience in loneliness is a sign of the strength of intelligence.

One who has understanding about Allah he keeps himself aside from the people of this world and those interested in it.

He becomes interested in what is with Allah. Allah then gives him comfort in his fear and company when he is lonely. Allah gives him riches in his poverty and honor without the existence of his tribesmen.

Edited April 13, 2016 by certainclarity

[sidnaq]

On 4/13/2016 at 5:45 PM, hasanhh said:

Let us see how this thread goes. lt could develop into a forum.

i cant honestly tell the difference between thread and forum, but in sha Allah i pray it succeeds and helps people

[sidnaq]

3 hours ago, khudr said:

"Your sickness is from you, but you do not perceive it and your remedy is within you, but you do not see it You presume you are a small entity, but within you is enfolded the entire Universe. You are indeed the evident/clear book, by whose alphabet’s the hidden becomes manifest." Imam Ali (a.s.)

I've always been a very lonely person, mainly because I never truly found like minded souls. After converting I distanced even more from the few friends I had. This is good because I don't want to live in between, I don't want to be a hypocrite and when I embrace something I want to embrace it fully. I still go through moments when I wish I had friends on my same mind setting, someone to share what I go through every day (and someone who wants to share with us the same, as a true friendship is never one sided). When I realize that nothing is necessary in itself, that at the end of the day you will always feel alone because that sense of incompleteness is normal due to our limited human nature, then you'll become more sensitive, more aware regarding God's presence (especially where you didn't expect to find Him). As others said before me, it's a matter of being selective with your own thoughts. Welcoming God in your life also means to choose what is beneficial on a practical level and what's not. No one is perfect, however we can still strive for the best example given which is found in our Infallible Imams (May God bless them). Educating ourselves is the best way to show God our gratitude for His infinite blessings upon us.

SubhanAllah, i hope youre happier now, whether alone with God, by the way, when you mean like minded souls, what do you refer to, like minded how? like to be as pious, or talking more about God like you?

[hasanhh]

I was thinking about this a while ago, so for a passing thought:

Think of: trying to meet people.

Are there clubs, societies, whatever where there are people of similar interests.

There are book clubs, golfing clubs, 'geek' clubs for nerds, socializing clubs.

Few people fit into more than one or two clubs.

SC has several forums for us.

Like: Love Bernie-Hate Hillar; Ate and Eating; hadith research; even vocabulary words.

We even have emotocons to accent our thoughts, exempli gratia Love Bernie-Hate Hillar

 -or- Love Bernie Hate Hillar

Hmmm. made myself hungary. Time to

[Sumayyeh]

@sidnaq Wat up sid? 

There is no such thing as alone...Allah (swt) is closer to you than your jugular vein. Talk to him--exactly how you would talk to your very best bestie. How would you feel if you were in a room with someone and you were ready to listen to them...but they kept saying "I'm so lonely?" Allah is there, he's watching you...have trust in Him...He's your Creator...aren't you going to acknowledge him?

Also why you worried about them people? How do you know that if they were your "friends" they wouldn't have a negative influence on you?

like someone said above Allah is your best friend...he's always there for you 24/7. 

Think positive and positive things will happen (that's actually based on a hadith)...so please don't have a negative mindset, and always have confidence. You're doing fine...just make Dua for Allah to help you specifically in this matter, be friendly and the very best you can be, and call it a day  

Ain't no body got time to worry about what them people thinks 

[khudr]

7 hours ago, sidnaq said:

SubhanAllah, i hope youre happier now, whether alone with God, by the way, when you mean like minded souls, what do you refer to, like minded how? like to be as pious, or talking more about God like you?

yes, precisely. For some reason I've always been surrounded by people who were far removed from God/spirituality in a broader sense. And even if they claimed they were, their actions, their interests showed the exact opposite.

Alhamdulillah I've never felt like this. I accept what it comes.

[sidnaq]

20 hours ago, Sumayyeh said:

@sidnaq Wat up sid? 

There is no such thing as alone...Allah (swt) is closer to you than your jugular vein. Talk to him--exactly how you would talk to your very best bestie. How would you feel if you were in a room with someone and you were ready to listen to them...but they kept saying "I'm so lonely?" Allah is there, he's watching you...have trust in Him...He's your Creator...aren't you going to acknowledge him?

Also why you worried about them people? How do you know that if they were your "friends" they wouldn't have a negative influence on you?

like someone said above Allah is your best friend...he's always there for you 24/7. 

Think positive and positive things will happen (that's actually based on a hadith)...so please don't have a negative mindset, and always have confidence. You're doing fine...just make Dua for Allah to help you specifically in this matter, be friendly and the very best you can be, and call it a day  

Ain't no body got time to worry about what them people thinks 

hmmm yes sumayyeh  i will try to , to talk to Allah, hmmm i also feel maybe the reason i am kept away could be for positive reasons, or maybe im not ready to be their friend yetthank you for your advice about Allah SWT, i will try ot talk to Him, i wish i wasnt worried about what people thought but i feel lately whatever i say or do is weird ,it doest matter where i stay, or who i speak with.but yes thank you for your advice, it really really really made me feel better

[A7861]

Salaams Everyone;

I for one, think this is an amazing idea. Human beings are social creatures and from time to time loneliness does creep up on us (on me anyway).

I signed up on here to get some support from people who are from the same cultural background and religion as I feel this will help.

So how does this group work?

W'Salaam  

[Muhammad Islam]

As-salāmu ʿalaykum,

I too came here for the same reason.

[sidnaq]

17 hours ago, A7861 said:

Salaams Everyone;

I for one, think this is an amazing idea. Human beings arworkcial creatures and from t ime to time loneliness does creep up on us (on me anyway).

I signed up on here to get some support from people who are from the same cultural background and religion as I feel this will help.

So how does this group work?

W'Salaam  

To tell u thr truth i started the group but at this point dont exactly have a clue on how to Make it work *but if you have any suggestions we could try to.perhaps try to have a weekly or monthly session

[Last Hope]

13 hours ago, sidnaq said:

To tell u thr truth i started the group but at this point dont exactly have a clue on how to Make it work *but if you have any suggestions we could try to.perhaps try to have a weekly or monthly session

well here is an idea ... why dont we make a secret facebook group ... we can make it public here... and every one who wants can join ... you can have a weekly sit down where we talk about our problems and talk about things happening in your life ... or we can use any chatting app ... or we can use this chat right here .. make a date and contact an admin to make it a sticky post so everyone would know the date

[sidnaq]

11 hours ago, Tushi said:

well here is an idea ... why dont we make a secret facebook group ... we can make it public here... and every one who wants can join ... you can have a weekly sit down where we talk about our problems and talk about things happening in your life ... or we can use any chatting app ... or we can use this chat right here .. make a date and contact an admin to make it a sticky post so everyone would know the date

that sounds great, okay then , hmm instead of fb group why not here, just talk about problems and things etc.

[sidnaq]

11 hours ago, Tushi said:

well here is an idea ... why dont we make a secret facebook group ... we can make it public here... and every one who wants can join ... you can have a weekly sit down where we talk about our problems and talk about things happening in your life ... or we can use any chatting app ... or we can use this chat right here .. make a date and contact an admin to make it a sticky post so everyone would know the date

Okay so how about this, tell us about yourself

[Sumayyeh]

@sidnaq

 

[sidnaq]

13 minutes ago, Sumayyeh said:

@sidnaq

 

thank you JazakAllah

[Sumayyeh]

@sidnaq from the clip above...

"They asked Imam (a) how much does Allah love us?"

"The Imam said look into your heart and see how much you yourself love Allah--Allah loves you more than that." <3

"Taqwa means being mindful of Allah, being mindful of the Day of Judgement, and being mindful of the whispering of Shaytan"

 

[sidnaq]

28 minutes ago, Sumayyeh said:

@sidnaq from the clip above...

"They asked Imam (a) how much does Allah love us?"

"The Imam said look into your heart and see how much you yourself love Allah--Allah loves you more than that." <3

"Taqwa means being mindful of Allah, being mindful of the Day of Judgement, and being mindful of the whispering of Shaytan"

 

yeah i see, by the way i havent checked out the clip yet, so i cant respond properly to it, but in sha Allah i will try to remember to, but thank you again