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In the Name of God بسم الله

Sisters only please, sensitive areas

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zainabamy

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Assalam aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakathu,

First I would please like to request that if you are a brother viewing this thread, please don't read any further, jazakallah khayr. 

 

Sisters, I'm in a bad situation. About a month ago, I got to know a brother via social media who proposed to me. I was surprised and not to mention extremely wary because I had reached a point where I only wanted to focus on Allah (swt) and because of bad relationships in the past, my mental health had been put at risk. I told this brother that I was happy to get to know him, as I was extremely fond of him, in a halal manner and he agreed. We would message each other everyday.

Then at one point I had to travel someone close where he lived and he suggested meeting up. Even though I did like him, I was still worried but agreed anyway. One the day that I met him, I instantly liked everything about him and I felt as if I could trust him. He said that he was interested in doing mutah with me with the intention of permanent marriage after inshallah. So we agreed to do mutah. That lunchtime I only got to see him for a short time as he had to go back to work but he said he would see me when he finished work in the evening.

I waited all evening for him and he never showed up. I was getting increasingly worried because he wasn't answering my messages or calls. My instinct was that something bad had happened. I gave up waiting and went to bed hoping that soon I would know what was going on. The next morning I still didn't have a reply and I was incredibly upset. It wasn't until the day after that that he contacted me telling me that someone close to him had passed away on the night he was due to meet me after work. Understandably I felt sorry for him and told him I would be there for him, I didn't tell him how upset I was because he didn't message me to say what was going on. Even though I had known him for a short time, I wanted to be there for him, to support him just like a wife would. 

From then on things haven't been the same and he just doesn't seem interested in our relationship anymore. I've tried to give him some space and then after that several times to arrange to meet up but getting through to him has been impossible. There are times when he has read my messages and then ignored them or not even read them at all and this seems to be getting worse. I feel as if I am the only one trying to make things work now. I know he's feeling bad, anyone would, but this is upsetting me too. I have fallen for him now and feel incredibly vulnerable because I scared of getting hurt. I feel abandoned by him. I just wish he'd talk to me or call me, just something small like that would help so much. 

I don't think he has ever had ill intentions, I mean we haven't even slept together, but I still feel abandoned because he doesn't seem to care anymore. I even told him I was upset and he didn't reply. My health has been going downhill again recently. My mood is low everyday and I feel increasingly anxious, mainly about this situation and then juggling other life problems too. I really thought that we could be happy together but I just don't know what to do now. I try almost everyday to get through to him but most of the time it fails. Thankfully, my faith is ok but I'm struggling to focus on Allah (swt) with these other thoughts going on in my head. I think I'm comparing these events to things that have happened before when guys have turned their backs on me because they don't think I'm worth their time, and as a result I'm slipping into old bad habits. I wrestling with myself to not hurt myself or overdose like I've done before because I fear Allah (swt). (By the way I am getting help for my mental health so that is covered alhamdulilah)

I just need advice as to what to do now. I'm tempted to not contact him at all and wait for him but I'm awful at being patient and I feel like I've been waiting too long anyway. I really don't want to walk away from him, it would shatter me.

:cry:

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:ws:

Dear sister Zainabamy,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation but Alhumdolilah you are doing well by trying not to relapse and staying strong. I know it must be difficult but just imagine if you had gone further in your relationship with him and then he started behaving the way he has. You have seen his behaviour yourself and after various attempts to make contact and not receiving the desired response it might be better for you to carry on concentrating on yourself like you already are. Allah (s.w.t) knows best.

Salaam. 

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His excuse is not very original. He probably has other internet sisters he is chatting and meeting up somewhere else. 

I think your mental and emotional health is very fragile. You cannot be so depressed that an Internet relationship is not working out. Knowing how relationship affects you, I think it's best for you to avoid men or relationship until you get over or heal from your past

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35 minutes ago, Gypsy said:

His excuse is not very original. He probably has other internet sisters he is chatting and meeting up somewhere else. 

I think your mental and emotional health is very fragile. You cannot be so depressed that an Internet relationship is not working out. Knowing how relationship affects you, I think it's best for you to avoid men or relationship until you get over or heal from your past

wow excellent advice-better said than anyone else. 

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1. You were 'extremely wary' and had not gotten over the past relationships, but you told him 'that you were happy to know him'??????  :confused:Doesn't make sense. You were probably not ready for another relationship. 

2. Even if it's an family emergency sending a text message or voice note on whatsapp takes what? one minute? even less. It tells a lot about a person's character. A person with integrity and rectitude would never have stood up a girl. For me this alone would have been enough to break things off.

3. Do not call or contact him again, he has no interest in continuing the friendship/relationship. If a guy wants to be with a girl he makes the effort. 

4. Please take some time before getting involved with another guy, at least a couple of years.If you don't, the chances of getting trapped in one bad relationship after another are very high.Be comfortable with being alone, realise your self worth,set goals for yourself, have dreams, take up something that's exciting , learn to be happy without a man in your life.

 

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Or it could just be that he is not ready to share his feelings with you in an emotional level. Some people are closed off emotionally and it could take them a long time to emotionally open up to someone. 

Depending on who it is that passed away, it could be that he is not ready to share his feelings with you.

That is just another perspective.

Or it could be what the rest have said.

Human beings are complex in nature. Anything could have happened from the time you had lunch to the time he communicated with you again to make him behave the way he did.

Whatever his reasons are, you could talk to him about it. He may open up or not. Even if he does explain himself chances are it could be a lie.

At the end of the day, if a persons attitude makes you uncomfortable you are not forced to stay with them. You should be able to realize within you if he is worth the stay or if you should move on. That decision will be based on how much you know yourself and what you want for yourself.

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Sister, don't wander away from yourself to get close to someone else.

Focus on your relationship between Allah and the Ahul Bayt (as), get so lost in this that you will see your anxiety will dissolve. And Allah (swt) will rectify your relationship with others, watch you will see how He (swt) in his magnificence will send someone that is the right match for you, in an unexpected instance. Just do your work quietly and sincerely and Tawwakul (rely on Him).

With Duaas

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Omg! First of all I pray to Allah that may you be okay and find a good spouse 10x better than this guy because it sounds as if he was just playing with you. Sister, honestly speaking you shouldn't have met him in person and when he purposed, you should've told him to talk to your parents and not you. But for right now just try to forget what happened and you can do that by praying to Allah and asking for help from him, Just cry your heart out to Allah. He knows and he is the only one who can help you 100%. If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here for you!

Wish you the best!

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As salamun alaikum.

I'm a boy. Sry for reading ur post. I just want to say that u have a great life ahead if u just learn to let sum things go. The boy that you told about is just like a handful of sand in your hand. The more tightly you try to hold the more it will fall. Every man is not the same. But there are people who dont care of others feeling. I know that its your personal matter. I am sorry for this. But when i went through your post i got a smell of depression in your words. That guy would be living in a very good condition and would be leading a very happy life. He could be with someone else. But just because of that crook you are spoiling your life and guess what is the worst part? He doesn't even give a heck about you so why to spoil your life after a crook? I'm really sorry that i am reading this prohibited post. I could have made a new account with a female gender. But its bad if you are hurted with truth and its worst if you are happy with lies. Luk sister this world stops for non. If you want to be successful you should just make your way through the crowd . Everyday millions of people are heart broken but the one who gets over it as soon as possible are the successful one. My advice would be that you should spent sometime with you parents,   because they are the one who will never ever break your heart. You should do something thats you hobby and be a gud girl. Its difficult but not impossible.

Hope that helps. 

Sorry once again.

May Allah help you.

Khuda hafiz 

Edited by ALONEnLONELY
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  • 4 weeks later...
  • Basic Members

A.salam 

plz tell me....humary mazhab main love ki ejazt hai between girl & boy .....also agr kesi larki ar larky ko love ho jy but larki ki family us larky sy apni beti ki shadi k liy agree na ho ....ar larka kahy k agr hum na mily tu main khud ko khtm ker lon ga....tu larki ko kiya kerna chahy..plz tell me ...meri frnd es situation main hai bht tensed hai wo koe solution btain 

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4 hours ago, Haniya said:

A.salam 

plz tell me....humary mazhab main love ki ejazt hai between girl & boy .....also agr kesi larki ar larky ko love ho jy but larki ki family us larky sy apni beti ki shadi k liy agree na ho ....ar larka kahy k agr hum na mily tu main khud ko khtm ker lon ga....tu larki ko kiya kerna chahy..plz tell me ...meri frnd es situation main hai bht tensed hai wo koe solution btain 

1.nahein ejazat

2. Larki ko apny parents ki baat hi man'ni chahiye. Larka jaye bharr main :p

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  • 4 weeks later...
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Zainab, I know you posted this a while back, but if you need someone to talk to I will be happy to listen to you and give you advice. I know how it feels to not have someone listen to your problems and to not give you advice and comfort you. To know that you have no one like that in real life is heartbreaking and very lonesome, I mean I know it is for me. Sometimes people and even friends don't really have the time to help. 

I know how much it hurts to be abandoned by someone else and to feel like you are not worth anything. But Allah has created you for a purpose. Allah loves you more than a mother loves their own child. Allah will comfort you when times are rough and listen to you when there is no one who would want to listen. When I have patience in situations like these, I end up with so much better things happening in my life. As we go through these struggles in life, we get stronger and grow every time. We learn from what is wrong and right. Don't be upset about this situation because now you know which type of guy you shouldn't trust. What I learned in life is to never give in to a guy too quickly. Be the strong woman that Allah wants us to be. Do not get manipulated by these men. Men can be tricksters and trick girls into liking them. A guy who truly cares about you would not ask you to do things in private or meet up in private. A guy who cares about you would come to your parents first. For me, I would never want to be in a relationship with someone on social media or anything similar. Don't ever, EVER trust them. I promise you the right guy will come into your life. It will happen if it's meant to be. 

I learned that the more I get hurt the more I get stronger. I would rather go through hardship then go on in life with ease because we can guide others with what we have learned. We can warn other younger sisters from the knowledge that we have gained in life. 

Best of luck to you hun, and may Allah give you the strength in life to always keep you stronger. 

You are beautiful sis, so don't let some disgusting man ever bring you down or make you feel worthless.

~Do not run after him who tries to avoid you~ (Imam Ali A.S)

:)

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