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In the Name of God بسم الله

Is it wrong to hold a grudge?

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I am 17 now, and I am a brother, and I often hold grudges over little things, and even pray for people's deaths when they wrong me.....for instance, a 9th grader girl in my school told me she couldn't sit next to me because she was moving this weekend and it was her last day at the school....but sure enough, the next week i found her in the library and confronted her.......i tried apologizing, but she wouldn't accept my apology....so one morning, i decided to stare at her through her classroom window....a teacher's assistant came and yelled at me and threatened to take action if I did this again......i prayed for both their deaths, and told my parapro, who then deducted points from my behavioral point sheet....i ended up dropping a level, making it harder for me to leave alternative school by the end of this year and go to turkey in 15 months like my dad promised me he would if i was in regular ed for a whole year.....i also referred to the teacher (not the assistant) as a "state sponsor of terrorism" (and inside joke i have is referring to people as nations....pls help me i swear im not trolling)

A gigantic 12th grade boy was bullying this girl by tapping her ipad which she uses for school, she told him to stop, but he wouldn't. so i told on him, and i told him i told on him, and he said, "and you wonder why you have no friends...." (I have autism)...i prayed for his death....

also, another 12th grader was picking on the same girl, by closing her ipad, so i told on him and he got in big trouble.........he then called me a snitch.....i prayed for his death, and rejoiced in my victory over him.......

i also pray for fox news anchors' death and pamela geller's death.....

is this haram?

i know praying for tyrants' deaths is halal, but what about smaller evils? and how do I get over grudges?

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Assalam aleikum,

Its easy sometimes to hold grudges against people that have hurt us but like anything in life, we must follow the Sunnah. The Prophet (sawa) when he moved back to Mecca forgave the man who not only killed his Uncle Hamza (as) but also mutilated his body. Imagine being the Prophet and seeing a family member being slaughtered like this. Its unimaginable, but so was the mercy of our Prophet.

When we compare some of the things that happen in our lives to this, it puts everything into perspective. Reflecting on history can help us feel gratitude that we didn't face such events and it helps us to let go of our grudges.

I hope this helps inshallah :) 

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6 hours ago, Sinan said:

I am 17 now, and I am a brother, and I often hold grudges over little things, and even pray for people's deaths when they wrong me.....for instance, a 9th grader girl in my school told me she couldn't sit next to me because she was moving this weekend and it was her last day at the school....but sure enough, the next week i found her in the library and confronted her.......i tried apologizing, but she wouldn't accept my apology....so one morning, i decided to stare at her through her classroom window....a teacher's assistant came and yelled at me and threatened to take action if I did this again......i prayed for both their deaths, and told my parapro, who then deducted points from my behavioral point sheet....i ended up dropping a level, making it harder for me to leave alternative school by the end of this year and go to turkey in 15 months like my dad promised me he would if i was in regular ed for a whole year.....i also referred to the teacher (not the assistant) as a "state sponsor of terrorism" (and inside joke i have is referring to people as nations....pls help me i swear im not trolling)

A gigantic 12th grade boy was bullying this girl by tapping her ipad which she uses for school, she told him to stop, but he wouldn't. so i told on him, and i told him i told on him, and he said, "and you wonder why you have no friends...." (I have autism)...i prayed for his death....

also, another 12th grader was picking on the same girl, by closing her ipad, so i told on him and he got in big trouble.........he then called me a snitch.....i prayed for his death, and rejoiced in my victory over him.......

i also pray for fox news anchors' death and pamela geller's death.....

is this haram?

i know praying for tyrants' deaths is halal, but what about smaller evils? and how do I get over grudges?

Salam. Bismillah.

Hate in your heart is blocking you from reaching a higher rank with Almighty God, If you are a Shia of Ali, get rid of hate, the followers of Imam Ali a.s does not have hate in their hearts. Hate darkens your heart, Love enlightens your heart and cleans it, hate makes a heart dirty! Now ask yourself, do you want to have a dirty heart?

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8 hours ago, Sinan said:

I am 17 now, and I am a brother, and I often hold grudges over little things, and even pray for people's deaths when they wrong me.....for instance, a 9th grader girl in my school told me she couldn't sit next to me because she was moving this weekend and it was her last day at the school....but sure enough, the next week i found her in the library and confronted her.......i tried apologizing, but she wouldn't accept my apology....so one morning, i decided to stare at her through her classroom window....a teacher's assistant came and yelled at me and threatened to take action if I did this again......i prayed for both their deaths, and told my parapro, who then deducted points from my behavioral point sheet....i ended up dropping a level, making it harder for me to leave alternative school by the end of this year and go to turkey in 15 months like my dad promised me he would if i was in regular ed for a whole year.....i also referred to the teacher (not the assistant) as a "state sponsor of terrorism" (and inside joke i have is referring to people as nations....pls help me i swear im not trolling)

A gigantic 12th grade boy was bullying this girl by tapping her ipad which she uses for school, she told him to stop, but he wouldn't. so i told on him, and i told him i told on him, and he said, "and you wonder why you have no friends...." (I have autism)...i prayed for his death....

also, another 12th grader was picking on the same girl, by closing her ipad, so i told on him and he got in big trouble.........he then called me a snitch.....i prayed for his death, and rejoiced in my victory over him.......

i also pray for fox news anchors' death and pamela geller's death.....

is this haram?

i know praying for tyrants' deaths is halal, but what about smaller evils? and how do I get over grudges?

XD lol that was awesome.

nah you are fine, it is just hard to be alone in this world . watch this :

And overtime you have accumulation of negative feelings, come here and talk, all listening ears.

Edited by Chaotic Muslem
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4 minutes ago, Ali_Hussain said:

...right

I kind of get the thing with the bully, but all in all, you should probably chill out a teeny weeny bit.

lol, it is easy for you to say that, but when you live inside your head all the day long, it becomes really hard not to have all sorts of negative feelings towards others. I hate most people most of times, but i learned to just let these feelings sweep out through one way or another.

And lol XD i can't get the meaning of teeny weeny, i am not talking about a language ,  i am talking about practice. My brain cannot translate that to any proper behaviour 0.0 If he is autistic, he won't get you either !

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37 minutes ago, Chaotic Muslem said:

lol, it is easy for you to say that, but when you live inside your head all the day long, it becomes really hard not to have all sorts of negative feelings towards others. I hate most people most of times, but i learned to just let these feelings sweep out through one way or another.

 

Ok, but it still seems a little extreme, but as you say, there may be other factors involved.

I don't know the brother, but it reminds me of this discussion on fb a while ago, there was this convert brother who is Sunni, but he is trying to explore other schools, and this other guy with Allahyarri as his avatar just insulting him non-stop because he was questioning certain things, and then the convert guy said "Come on, instead of just insulting me, can you show some Islamic etiquette and speak to me with some love and respect" - I thought that was a nice post, so I 'liked' it. Then I get home in the evening, and see that I have a notification from someone I don't know who mentioned me, but I can see his avatar, it's the Allahyarri guy, his post was: "Ali, you like the post of someone who denies Imam Ja'far's status, you fake cardboard Shi'a, I curse you"

...I was laughing, but I remember thinking to myself, that is just a teeny-weeny bit over the top.

teeny-weeny

(adjective)
For the last 40 years or so, a term that means something small, tiny. Can be used together with the word itsy-bitsy (see for example the song "Itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polka-dot bikini").

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=teeny-weeny

Edited by Ali_Hussain
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12 hours ago, Chaotic Muslem said:

XD lol that was awesome.

nah you are fine, it is just hard to be alone in this world . watch this :

 

It's interesting that he didn't say that lonely people die early because they develop diseases. He said they die early because they put themselves in dangerous situations. Is this a threat that lonely people are more likely to be killed? I guess people in Iraq and Syria were lonely, that's why they attracted the danger of Isis. I like his suggestions at the end, volunteering at a shelter, talking to seniors at a hospital. I can do that. Let's see if doing these things will solve my problems or I will make more enemies. 

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Dear hateful brother :)

One piece of advice, whenever you hate someone with that intensity, stop yourself, take a deep breadth, and step into the hate target's shoes. The bully you told on, think about him, he may be bullied all his life by his abusive dad or by other bullies, the girl may have told on and showed up in library, she might be terrified by your certain actions and could not sleep for last two weeks. 

I used to be like you, so hateful against Sunnis and Wahabis that I literally asked for their death and destruction in salat, specially when I used to read about the ordeals of Imam Ali, Sayyida Zahra, Imam Hassan and Imam Hussain alehis-salam. I was cursing Sunnis and Wahabis all day and all night for not seeing the truth, and if seeing, not accepting and acting upon it.

Later on I learned to step in their shoes, I realized their misery in being born in a Sunni household, being fed with lies of Umer and Ayesha, being perpetually confused on Ahlulbayt, and once I did this and did it in a pondering way, I started feeling sorry for them, feeling sympathy for them for living a fake Islam, of being so close to the Islam of Prophet and still being so far away. So much so that I started praying in my salat for their guidance and for their understanding of Islam. This eventually helped me being a better person, a better parent, a better son, a better husband, and a better preacher to Sunnis. 

Harboring hate of any kind is bad, as long as it is against the enemies of Allah swt and is expressed in a constructive way. Cursing the enemies of Prophet and Allah is perfectly fine too as long as end goal is for their guidance and not worst. Again this does not mean you accept their acts of terror on other Muslims and non-Muslims, they still have to pay for their crimes that they commit in their Sunnism or Wahabism.

 

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11 hours ago, rkazmi33 said:

It's interesting that he didn't say that lonely people die early because they develop diseases. He said they die early because they put themselves in dangerous situations. Is this a threat that lonely people are more likely to be killed? I guess people in Iraq and Syria were lonely, that's why they attracted the danger of Isis. I like his suggestions at the end, volunteering at a shelter, talking to seniors at a hospital. I can do that. Let's see if doing these things will solve my problems or I will make more enemies. 

what's your problem?

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