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In the Name of God بسم الله

Wife earning more than husband...

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Salam, 

Simple question for brothers, 

Would you marry a woman who makes more money than you? Yes or no, give reasons please. :)

For the married brothers, how would you feel if your wife started earning more than you? 

Edited by starlight
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As an alpha male in the relationship, I would not allow my significant other to diminish me in any way. 

In this case, I would appreciate her success not scorn it. Why would I? In turn, I would expect her to encourage me to pursue my own goals. I would also expect her to recognise that there is no 1:1 link between wealth and the true worth of an individual.

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33 minutes ago, starlight said:

Salam, 

Simple question for brothers, 

Would you marry a woman who makes more money than you? Yes or no, give reasons please. :)

For the married brothers, how would you if your wife started earning more than you? 

I personally wouldn't have a problem with it. As long as everyone stays mature and level headed about it.

If a man's ego can handle playing second fiddle to his wife then it's all good. If it doesn't go to the woman's head then it's all good as well.

Personally, I know of many couples that are like that and they're all fine with it.

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41 minutes ago, starlight said:

Salam, 

Simple question for brothers, 

Would you marry a woman who makes more money than you? Yes or no, give reasons please. :)

For the married brothers, how would you feel if your wife started earning more than you? 

how cool would be for a man to take care of the children and do the dishes and cook food and get the house clean before his wife comes back from job

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On 2/26/2016 at 7:16 PM, Azim Hussain said:

how cool would be for a man to take care of the children and do the dishes and cook food and get the house clean before his wife comes back from job

That would be the case if the husband is unemployed. So nothing wrong if he take cares of things at the home front while he isn't working.

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I think its absolutely fine.. As long as both partners understand, and it does not diminish his role in the family... At the end of the day, in today's economy, most likely they will need the money and (hopefully) she would use it for them to build their future together... so he shouldn't have a problem with it.

 

Just to add: I am a sister, but I know several couples in this situation, and they are very mature about it, because the husband realizes that this helps him and his family at the end of the day anyway... and if its something she enjoys doing, then even better:)

Edited by IFK
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If the husband believes in Allah, and believes that rizq is apportioned by Him Alone, then he will have absolutely no problem with it. It is Allah Who decides who earns what. If He decides that the wife should earn more, then the husband cannot possibly have an objection against his Lord's decision. 

If the higher income gets into the head of the woman, and she starts to behave arrogantly, the husband should have problems with her arrogance, and surely not with her portion of Allah's rizq.

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1 hour ago, Azim Hussain said:

i didnt know that there are women on this planet who would marry unemployed men

Employment is never permanent. Most women won't marry a man who doesn't want to be employed, but life doesn't always go as planned.

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1 hour ago, Azim Hussain said:

how cool would be for a man to take care of the children and do the dishes and cook food and get the house clean before his wife comes back from job

When I imagine this for my family, I imagine a lot of frozen pizzas eaten on paper plates. The children would be fine though, if a bit plump.

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2 hours ago, IFK said:

I think its absolutely fine.. As long as both partners understand, and it does not diminish his role in the family... At the end of the day, in today's economy, most likely they will need the money and (hopefully) she would use it for them to build their future together... so he shouldn't have a problem with it.

 

Thats inevitable though surely? he's no longer the maintainer of his wife and kids, therefore the degree of authority that exceeds his wife isnt there.

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7 minutes ago, Ruq said:

Thats inevitable though surely? he's no longer the maintainer of his wife and kids, therefore the degree of authority that exceeds his wife isnt there.

If both spouses are mature and respect each other, and there is equitable division of household tasks, there is no issue of authority. 

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I believe that my wife should not spend her time working and earning money. It is because I want to be dominant in the relationship. I believe that man and woman are created differently, and must have different roles in the life as well. I believe that employment is stressful for women, and they must be at home, without any stress, bring love and peace to the family, children and husband. I do not like the child to be with a babysitter. I believe that Allah gives the rizq of all the family members, no matter if the man only works or both man and woman.

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3 hours ago, Azim Hussain said:

how cool would be for a man to take care of the children and do the dishes and cook food and get the house clean before his wife comes back from job

Well, in all honesty here's what would happen if I was home all day...:D

  1. The kids would be running around dirty. ("They just took a bath last weekend")
  2. If it can't be cooked in a microwave then I'm not making it. (I can't cook to save my life)
  3. House would be a dirty mess (why clean when you know where everything is)
  4. Clothes would stay in the dryer after being washed (again, why clean when you know where they are)
  5. Electric bill would go through the roof because the TV would be on all day. (My Playstation skills would be quite improved however.)
  6. Dishes would be clean however because the dishwasher is running everyday but never unloaded (see #4.)
  7. Wife would come home to fresh, hot microwave pizza or the leftovers from the night before.

This is probably my wife wouldn't be thrilled with me being home with the kids. :hahaha:

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On 2/26/2016 at 10:28 PM, Moi2022 said:

I believe that my wife should not spend her time working and earning money. It is because I want to be dominant in the relationship. I believe that man and woman are created differently, and must have different roles in the life as well. I believe that employment is stressful for women, and they must be at home, without any stress, bring love and peace to the family, children and husband. I do not like the child to be with a babysitter. I believe that Allah gives the rizq of all the family members, no matter if the man only works or both man and woman.

I agree with most of what you have said. Ideally, the wife should stay home and take care of the family while the husbands works outside the home.  But these days lots of women end up working, for various reasons. So what if she  works and has a bigger paycheck than yours? would you feel insecure??? 

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10 minutes ago, notme said:

My husband could have typed exactly this. :worried: Is this common, or do I know you?

:salam:

All guys are the same when it comes to housework :D

I was trying to be sarcastic when I was typing that post but halfway through I realized that its all actually true. :hahaha:

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1 hour ago, Akbar673 said:

Well, in all honesty here's what would happen if I was home all day...:D

  1. The kids would be running around dirty. ("They just took a bath last weekend")
  2. If it can't be cooked in a microwave then I'm not making it. (I can't cook to save my life)
  3. House would be a dirty mess (why clean when you know where everything is)
  4. Clothes would stay in the dryer after being washed (again, why clean when you know where they are)
  5. Electric bill would go through the roof because the TV would be on all day. (My Playstation skills would be quite improved however.)
  6. Dishes would be clean however because the dishwasher is running everyday but never unloaded (see #4.)
  7. Wife would come home to fresh, hot microwave pizza or the leftovers from the night before.

This is probably my wife wouldn't be thrilled with me being home with the kids. :hahaha:

looll

id be sleeping all day , and when my wife would return from work she would wake me up

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3 hours ago, Qa'im said:

I would have no issue with it personally, but I know that most women would prefer a husband who surpasses them in wealth, age, status, experience, confidence, education, strength, height, etc. If she surpasses him in wealth, he has to be someone who can compensate in all of these other areas. The Prophet married Khadija, but not all of us have the Prophet's mind or character, and not all women have Khadija's devotion and sincerity.

I liked your post because of what you mentioned about sayeda Khadija (as) and the prophet (sws) but I think that beyond what you mentioned, even if a man can't compensate in those areas (u mentioned wealth and status) I believe they are the same, so if he doesn't have the wealth but has the knowledge of the religion and actually practices it (not just preaches it) then hey, what else you want? If his character is truly pleasant and treats his wife the way the prophet (swt) instructed men, then I don't know if any sister would prefer wealth over character. Sometimes u can't have it all, and character I believe is priceless! 

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3 minutes ago, StarryNight said:

I liked your post because of what you mentioned about sayeda Khadija (as) and the prophet (sws) but I think that beyond what you mentioned, even if a man can't compensate in those areas (u mentioned wealth and status) I believe they are the same, so if he doesn't have the wealth but has the knowledge of the religion and actually practices it (not just preaches it) then hey, what else you want? If his character is truly pleasant and treats his wife the way the prophet (swt) instructed men, then I don't know if any sister would prefer wealth over character. Sometimes u can't have it all, and character I believe is priceless! 

As the hadith goes, if you are pleased with a man's religion and manners, then marry him, for if you do not, there will be corruption in the Earth. That being said, not every sister has the faith that Lady Khadija had. Even if they value religion in a man, they will still desire someone they are attracted to. There is nothing wrong with that. If your faith is at a level where you can forgive those things I mentioned, then may Allah bless you, but we also should not guilt women who are not there yet. It is natural that she be more attracted to someone older, financially stable, stronger, and of social status. I have seen many marriages fall apart around me because they ignored conventional wisdom and only married someone for their religion. Issues of experience, money, and attraction can still break a marriage between two very good individuals.

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5 hours ago, Azim Hussain said:

id be sleeping all day , and when my wife would return from work she would wake me up

 

4 hours ago, Jaffery15 said:

I would stop working and enjoy eating going out etc If she is OK with it. 

These two men should probably not marry women who are likely to earn more than them. 

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On 2/27/2016 at 8:33 AM, Jaffery15 said:

I would stop working and enjoy eating going out etc If she is OK with it. 

 

Why should I work if she is OK with it? Specially if she's bringing more than enough.

What makes you think a wife will ever be okay with it?

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