Kindness

[Lightbringer]

Salam,

I have been reflecting about kindness and I would like to discuss it with other people.

Some times when one is kind to someone, they end up taking it for granted and they might even be disrespectful to the person being kind. 

That same person would then be respectful if you would be disrespectful towards them instead. 

Other times when you express kindness, people try and take advantage of it. It is almost as if they are waiting for you to show a bit of kindness just so they can latch on, it is as if they are searching for a weakness in you to exploit.

Other times, they do not understand what kindness is and so they do not appreciate it, furthermore they might take your kindness as a sign of simple mindedness and/or general stupidity.

What do you think?

 

When should one be kind and how kind should one be?

Why should one be kind to begin with?

To whom should one be kind?

[sadegh]

W. A. Salaam, and welcome to SC!

In order to solve this problem, one should distinguish between arrogance (takabbur), humility (tawaadhu'), and abasement (tadhallul).

Tawaadhu' is one of the great attributes of true believers and those who observe it are the closest people to Allah s.w.t.

عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ع قَالَ: فِيمَا أَوْحَى اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ إِلَى دَاوُدَ ع يَا دَاوُدُ كَمَا أَنَّ أَقْرَبَ النَّاسِ‏ مِنَ اللَّهِ الْمُتَوَاضِعُونَ كَذَلِكَ أَبْعَدُ النَّاسِ مِنَ اللَّهِ الْمُتَكَبِّرُونَ.

Imam as-Saadiq a.s.: "It is in the revelations of Allah to the prophet Dawood that 'O Dawood, as the closest people to Allah are those who observe tawaadhu', the furthest people from Allah are the arrogant."

This moral value has two extreme sides:

excessive observance of tawaadhu', which is abasement;

excessive rejection of tawaadhu', which is arrogance.

Between these two extreme sides is tawaadhu', and Imams have mentioned some signs for it.

عَنِ الْحَسَنِ بْنِ الْجَهْمِ عَنْ أَبِي الْحَسَنِ الرِّضَا ع قَالَ... قُلْتُ مَا حَدُّ التَّوَاضُعِ الَّذِي إِذَا فَعَلَهُ الْعَبْدُ كَانَ مُتَوَاضِعاً فَقَالَ التَّوَاضُعُ دَرَجَاتٌ مِنْهَا أَنْ يَعْرِفَ الْمَرْءُ قَدْرَ نَفْسِهِ فَيُنْزِلَهَا مَنْزِلَتَهَا بِقَلْبٍ سَلِيمٍ لَا يُحِبُّ أَنْ يَأْتِيَ إِلَى أَحَدٍ إِلَّا مِثْلَ مَا يُؤْتَى إِلَيْهِ إِنْ رَأَى سَيِّئَةً دَرَأَهَا بِالْحَسَنَةِ كَاظِمُ الْغَيْظِ عَافٍ عَنِ النَّاسِ‏ وَ اللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِين‏

Hassan bin Jahm says, "I asked: [Imam ar-Ridha a.s.] what is the definition of tawaadhu'?" He said, "Tawaadhu' has levels, some of which are: to know the status of one's soul and place it in its right place, having a sound heart, not to like to be treated except the way he treats people, to repel evil [conduct] with good, to suppress his anger and forgive people and Allah loves the virtuous"

عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ع قَالَ: مِنَ التَّوَاضُعِ أَنْ تَرْضَى بِالْمَجْلِسِ دُونَ الْمَجْلِسِ وَ أَنْ تُسَلِّمَ عَلَى مَنْ تَلْقَى وَ أَنْ تَتْرُكَ‏ الْمِرَاءَ وَ إِنْ كُنْتَ مُحِقّاً وَ أَنْ لَا تُحِبَّ أَنْ تُحْمَدَ عَلَى التَّقْوَى‏

Imam as-Saadiq a.s.: "among the signs of tawaadhu' is to be satisfies with any position to sit, to say hello to whoever you meet, to abandon the useless discussion even if you are right, and to not like to be admired because of taqwaa."

 

Edited February 22, 2016 by sadegh

[Lightbringer]

12 hours ago, sadegh said:

W. A. Salaam, and welcome to SC!

In order to solve this problem, one should distinguish between arrogance (takabbur), humility (tawaadhu'), and abasement (tadhallul).

Tawaadhu' is one of the great attributes of true believers and those who observe it are the closest people to Allah s.w.t.

عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ع قَالَ: فِيمَا أَوْحَى اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ إِلَى دَاوُدَ ع يَا دَاوُدُ كَمَا أَنَّ أَقْرَبَ النَّاسِ‏ مِنَ اللَّهِ الْمُتَوَاضِعُونَ كَذَلِكَ أَبْعَدُ النَّاسِ مِنَ اللَّهِ الْمُتَكَبِّرُونَ.

Imam as-Saadiq a.s.: "It is in the revelations of Allah to the prophet Dawood that 'O Dawood, as the closest people to Allah are those who observe tawaadhu', the furthest people from Allah are the arrogant."

This moral value has two extreme sides:

excessive observance of tawaadhu', which is abasement;

excessive rejection of tawaadhu', which is arrogance.

Between these two extreme sides is tawaadhu', and Imams have mentioned some signs for it.

عَنِ الْحَسَنِ بْنِ الْجَهْمِ عَنْ أَبِي الْحَسَنِ الرِّضَا ع قَالَ... قُلْتُ مَا حَدُّ التَّوَاضُعِ الَّذِي إِذَا فَعَلَهُ الْعَبْدُ كَانَ مُتَوَاضِعاً فَقَالَ التَّوَاضُعُ دَرَجَاتٌ مِنْهَا أَنْ يَعْرِفَ الْمَرْءُ قَدْرَ نَفْسِهِ فَيُنْزِلَهَا مَنْزِلَتَهَا بِقَلْبٍ سَلِيمٍ لَا يُحِبُّ أَنْ يَأْتِيَ إِلَى أَحَدٍ إِلَّا مِثْلَ مَا يُؤْتَى إِلَيْهِ إِنْ رَأَى سَيِّئَةً دَرَأَهَا بِالْحَسَنَةِ كَاظِمُ الْغَيْظِ عَافٍ عَنِ النَّاسِ‏ وَ اللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِين‏

Hassan bin Jahm says, "I asked: [Imam ar-Ridha a.s.] what is the definition of tawaadhu'?" He said, "Tawaadhu' has levels, some of which are: to know the status of one's soul and place it in its right place, having a sound heart, not to like to be treated except the way he treats people, to repel evil [conduct] with good, to suppress his anger and forgive people and Allah loves the virtuous"

عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ع قَالَ: مِنَ التَّوَاضُعِ أَنْ تَرْضَى بِالْمَجْلِسِ دُونَ الْمَجْلِسِ وَ أَنْ تُسَلِّمَ عَلَى مَنْ تَلْقَى وَ أَنْ تَتْرُكَ‏ الْمِرَاءَ وَ إِنْ كُنْتَ مُحِقّاً وَ أَنْ لَا تُحِبَّ أَنْ تُحْمَدَ عَلَى التَّقْوَى‏

Imam as-Saadiq a.s.: "among the signs of tawaadhu' is to be satisfies with any position to sit, to say hello to whoever you meet, to abandon the useless discussion even if you are right, and to not like to be admired because of taqwaa."

 

 

That was a nice reply, thank you.

So then one must go forward with balanced humility.

Would you say that the concept of humility is similar to that of kindness?

Can a person be humble but not kind?

[sadegh]

10 hours ago, Lightbringer said:

 

That was a nice reply, thank you.

So then one must go forward with balanced humility.

Would you say that the concept of humility is similar to that of kindness?

Can a person be humble but not kind?

You're welcome.

kindness is a sign of humility and if one balances his humility, his kindness should be balanced, too.

Peace!

[Lightbringer]

On 2016-02-23 at 0:11 PM, sadegh said:

You're welcome.

kindness is a sign of humility and if one balances his humility, his kindness should be balanced, too.

Peace!

 

I see. But to whom should one be kind to?

Also, what do you say about those who act disrespectful if you are kind/respectful but act respectful if your not respectful towards them, how would you say one should handle those situations?

If I have understood you correctly, then you are saying that a person that is not kind is also not humble?

[sadegh]

14 hours ago, Lightbringer said:

 

I see. But to whom should one be kind to?

Also, what do you say about those who act disrespectful if you are kind/respectful but act respectful if your not respectful towards them, how would you say one should handle those situations?

If I have understood you correctly, then you are saying that a person that is not kind is also not humble?

As I mentioned in my first post, tawaadhu' is a state between takabbur and tadhallul. If showing kindness and respect to someone leads to abasement/ tadahllul, then it is not going to be tawaadhu' anymore.

In these cases, one should keep seriousness, without being disrespectful.

Concerning your last question, yes, a person who is not kind in the situations that he should be is not humble.

[Lightbringer]

On 2016-02-25 at 4:42 PM, sadegh said:

As I mentioned in my first post, tawaadhu' is a state between takabbur and tadhallul. If showing kindness and respect to someone leads to abasement/ tadahllul, then it is not going to be tawaadhu' anymore.

In these cases, one should keep seriousness, without being disrespectful.

Concerning your last question, yes, a person who is not kind in the situations that he should be is not humble.

 

I see, thank you.

Then being kind is derived from being humble. Having a balanced kindness is sign of balanced humbleness.

So the last question is: To whom should one be kind to?

[sadegh]

12 minutes ago, Lightbringer said:

 

I see, thank you.

Then being kind is derived from being humble. Having a balanced kindness is sign of balanced humbleness.

So the last question is: To whom should one be kind to?

To everyone, except those enemies of Allah s.w.t. who deliberately disobey Him.

Edited March 1, 2016 by sadegh