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In the Name of God بسم الله

Help me to avoid sitting at a table with alcohol

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So. you may remember my previous topic about me going to this dancing in school (bla..bla..bla). Well, my teacher exempted me from the dancing (alhamdulillah), and I am now free from this!

 

Though, we have a school-trip about 2 weeks to a foreign country (Austria). This trip is actually a ski-trip, and well, it may be fun, and so on.. I will keep my prayers, and do what I usually do.

 

THOUGH, on this trip we also have this communal eating, well, like a resturant. In this eating, I may (note the word may, because I ofc don't know if this happens, but the students are allowed to drink alcohol there) yes, I may sit at a table where others drink alcohol..

 

I would like to avoid this, but I really don't know how I should sort this out? I can't be asocial - that will not be good.. If I tell my teacher, she might say that "well, dont drink the alcohol" and the problem will not be solved. I thought of telling my teacher that I have a serious problem with alcohol, and that I get a bad feeling when I sit with people drinking it - but I don't really know? Also thought of telling the teacher if she could make a special table without alcohol? Maybe? Man, I dont know.

 

Please give me your thoughts!

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Bismillah

Go on the trip, if you have friends who don't drink, sit with them. If not, and you end up sitting on a table while where people are drinking, then get up and move. Once you're there, you will see tens of ways to get out of that situation. Unless everyone your age there drinks... 

Anyways, if you fear falling into sin and don't trust yourself to find a way out, then do not put yourself in that position. Worst comes to worst, be anti-social and miss that meal - or find a reasonable excuse (or make one up). 

Sooner or later, you may have to switch to homeschooling... :P

Edited by Al-Englisi
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Do you have Muslim classmates that will also go along on this trip? If so, perhaps together you can make a request to have a table made specifically for non-drinking students. Although, if you are the only Muslim going to that trip, it might be hard to convince the organizers of the trip to make special arrangements for one person. Nevertheless, you have nothing to lose if you address your concerns to your teacher just as you did with the dancing issue and by telling her/him that sitting at a table where alcohol is being served makes you seriously uncomfortable, due to religious and moral purposes. They should take that into consideration and try to make some type of accommodations for you by making sure that you sit at a table where alcohol is not being served. However, you need to be certain and confirm that such arrangements can be made before actually going.

37 minutes ago, Ali-F said:

Though, we have a school-trip about 2 weeks to a foreign country (Austria). This trip is actually a ski-trip, and well, it may be fun, and so on..

If nothing can be arranged and it is beyond the control of your teacher or the organizers to accommodate your needs, do you really see that this trip is worth going to? Especially when taking into consideration that going there could potentially cost you your Deen. Also, it seems to me that this is a typical school trip where students have the option to go to or be exempt from, so you're not obliged to go to it and neither does exempting from it affect your grade. If you really want to go skiing or snowboarding, I'm sure that you will have other chances to go and hopefully this time with Shi'as, relatives or any other Muslims that you are more comfortable to be with.

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I think youre over reacting. Youre not planning on drinking the alcohol yourself right? If they seem to be getting intoxicated and you feel uncomfortable then move or leave. Youre making everything too hard for yourself. Youre responsibility is to what you are doing first and foremost. If youre tryng to send a message to those around you by not participating,  consider that the way you do this could be misinterpreted if youre not careful. Too often people percieve the religious to be self righteous or snooty when nervousness around forbidden behaviour's lead to (what can be percieved as) anti-social, unkind or judgemental behaviour and attitudes. This can end up putting them off learning about the religion because why would they want to learn about a religion that makes you an unkind or self righteous person. Maybe alcohol will turn up on your table and maybe it wont, but staying present on that table is not tantamount to condoning the drinking of alcohol, im sure your friends know that this is against what your religion teaches(?) so i doubt you staying there will lead to them thinking 'O Ali didnt get up and leave when the beer arrived, therefore Islam must condone alcohol consumption'. If they had booked a session of wine tasting then i agree that you shouldnt attend, but if youre not required to drink then youre talking about a short period of time where people may or may not be imbibing moderate amounts of alcohol which youre not required to endorse. If it disturbs you so much dont look at the people who have ordered alcoholic drinks or leave sooner than you ordinarily would, but dont make a big thing out of it.

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As anyone would say, just don't drink the Alcohol. Common sense right? Just don't pay attention to the people drinking? 

In Chemistry if you do that at school, wouldn't you use Alcohol in your experiments? You can look at it and use it in your Chemistry experiments, so then why make a fuss about it? If you didn't know Alcohol has many other uses other than drinking? 

Sick of these threads... Other day a user made a thread on whether he should travel on Turkish Airlines... Like really?

 

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^ok like...seriously, some of us follow something called a religion and Marja that instructs not to sit at a table with that filth...yea we ain't even gonna hang out in those places...and wth...like really? What does this have to do with a freakin science experiment?

Ali-F...we got your back bro. Stay strong ;)

 

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8 hours ago, Zendegi said:

In Chemistry if you do that at school, wouldn't you use Alcohol in your experiments? You can look at it and use it in your Chemistry experiments, so then why make a fuss about it? If you didn't know Alcohol has many other uses other than drinking? 

the intention makes sense bro!

when some one uses alcohol for hygiene and when he drinks alcohol for pleasure knowing that this is sin should not be taken the same!

you may pass the red light to rush to hospital and rescue some one and you may do it for pleasure not to respect the laws. and for both you would get ticket. but how would you feel in both scenarios?

 

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  • Advanced Member
18 hours ago, Ali-F said:

So. you may remember my previous topic about me going to this dancing in school (bla..bla..bla). Well, my teacher exempted me from the dancing (alhamdulillah), and I am now free from this!

 

Though, we have a school-trip about 2 weeks to a foreign country (Austria). This trip is actually a ski-trip, and well, it may be fun, and so on.. I will keep my prayers, and do what I usually do.

 

THOUGH, on this trip we also have this communal eating, well, like a resturant. In this eating, I may (note the word may, because I ofc don't know if this happens, but the students are allowed to drink alcohol there) yes, I may sit at a table where others drink alcohol..

 

I would like to avoid this, but I really don't know how I should sort this out? I can't be asocial - that will not be good.. If I tell my teacher, she might say that "well, dont drink the alcohol" and the problem will not be solved. I thought of telling my teacher that I have a serious problem with alcohol, and that I get a bad feeling when I sit with people drinking it - but I don't really know? Also thought of telling the teacher if she could make a special table without alcohol? Maybe? Man, I dont know.

 

Please give me your thoughts!

Really happy that Alhamdullah you solved the problem with that.

and as for the new question you brought up I do not think I would have any thing more that what other members said especially what @King made in his post.

take pride in your being devout Muslim! what they will understand and will make sense for them is that to what extent your are loyal to your religion! what ever it says!

being devout with God is always accepted!

 

 

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17 minutes ago, Sumayyeh said:

^ok like...seriously, some of us follow something called a religion and Marja that instructs not to sit at a table with that filth...yea we ain't even gonna hang out in those places...and wth...like really? What does this have to do with a freakin science experiment?

Ali-F...we got your back bro. Stay strong ;)

 

wow, you took me back 'like' a decade. I feel as if i just overheard a phone conversation on a South London bus. :hahaha:

No offense intended!

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17 hours ago, Sumayyeh said:

I. can't. wait. till. you. graduate.

I seriously doubt they'll take a bunch of high schoolers to a bar. If they do go, don't go. And just be like, yo I can't be somewhere where there's alcohol being served. I'm grabbing my grub somewhere else--like a next door fast food place or something like that. As a high schooler, even putting aside religion, that's a perfectly understandable thing to say. (And be like...Y'all gonna hate on me, go ahead. I won't see your faces in another year).

Ok...maybe don't say it like that...but you get the point. 

whatever you do, be strong. Have confidence... your religion is above all that.

We gotta be strong, otherwise you'll have this problem  again and again (even after you graduate). May Allah make it easy for you Inshallah. And don't worry bout the small stuff, cuz it's all small stuff :)

 

 

 

Thank you for your post.

It's a five days trip, for about 3-5 days, we'll have this meal together. It's really difficult to skip the meal, and say "Yallah, I'm going to eat alone". That could possibly affect my social status afterwards - which isn't quite good. 

17 hours ago, Al-Englisi said:

Bismillah

Go on the trip, if you have friends who don't drink, sit with them. If not, and you end up sitting on a table while where people are drinking, then get up and move. Once you're there, you will see tens of ways to get out of that situation. Unless everyone your age there drinks... 

Anyways, if you fear falling into sin and don't trust yourself to find a way out, then do not put yourself in that position. Worst comes to worst, be anti-social and miss that meal - or find a reasonable excuse (or make one up). 

Sooner or later, you may have to switch to homeschooling... :P

1

Praise to God, I have one friend who doesn't drink, and another who primarily follows us, so if we don't drink, he wouldn't.  Lastly, I have another friend who doesn't drink as well, so we might sit together.

 

I find it hard to not put myself in that position, because I'm already in that position - if you know what I mean :-).

Homeschooling? Haha!

16 hours ago, Al-Hassan said:

Do you have Muslim classmates that will also go along on this trip? If so, perhaps together you can make a request to have a table made specifically for non-drinking students. Although, if you are the only Muslim going to that trip, it might be hard to convince the organizers of the trip to make special arrangements for one person. Nevertheless, you have nothing to lose if you address your concerns to your teacher just as you did with the dancing issue and by telling her/him that sitting at a table where alcohol is being served makes you seriously uncomfortable, due to religious and moral purposes. They should take that into consideration and try to make some type of accommodations for you by making sure that you sit at a table where alcohol is not being served. However, you need to be certain and confirm that such arrangements can be made before actually going.

If nothing can be arranged and it is beyond the control of your teacher or the organizers to accommodate your needs, do you really see that this trip is worth going to? Especially when taking into consideration that going there could potentially cost you your Deen. Also, it seems to me that this is a typical school trip where students have the option to go to or be exempt from, so you're not obliged to go to it and neither does exempting from it affect your grade. If you really want to go skiing or snowboarding, I'm sure that you will have other chances to go and hopefully this time with Shi'as, relatives or any other Muslims that you are more comfortable to be with.

 

No I don't have male Muslims, I'm the only soldier.

The problem with this trip is that I actually told my teacher that I wouldn't go to this trip (because of the religious reasons and so on). When I said this my teacher told me that I already had signed a paper (I didn't know that this meant that I had to go to this trip). I refused to go I told them, but I felt that I was threatened by the teacher. She told me that I will get sanctions upon me, and I obviously feared this, and told that I would go, and I also paid the quite big amount of money (which was required) to go on this trip. As you see brother, I really tried, and now I am going to this damned trip (religiously). 

So, I couldn't say no (well I could refuse) but then I would get some unknown sanctions thrown upon me. 

Theoretically, I could make-up that I am sick before we're leaving, and thus I will be exempted (but that's not easy to do). So, I am really in despair.

15 hours ago, Ruq said:

I think youre over reacting.

2

Sister, it's the fact that it's not allowed for me (according to the marjah) to do this.  

8 hours ago, King said:

You must know that there are non-muslims out there who do not drink and commonly excuse themselves, it shouldn't be a problem at all.

1

As I have written, it's a problem. 

 

8 hours ago, Zendegi said:

As anyone would say, just don't drink the Alcohol. Common sense right? Just don't pay attention to the people drinking? 

In Chemistry if you do that at school, wouldn't you use Alcohol in your experiments? You can look at it and use it in your Chemistry experiments, so then why make a fuss about it? If you didn't know Alcohol has many other uses other than drinking? 

Sick of these threads... Other day a user made a thread on whether he should travel on Turkish Airlines... Like really?

 

I know what you mean, but this is a question of religion (is it allowed or not) and it's not according to S.Sistani. 

 

7 minutes ago, mahdi servant.01 said:

Really happy that Alhamdullah you solved the problem with that.

and as for the new question you brought up I do not think I would have any thing more that what other members said especially what @King made in his post.

take pride in your being devout Muslim! what they will understand and will make sense for them is that to what extent your are loyal to your religion! what ever it says!

being devout with God is always accepted!

 

 

You're right. I guess I have to contact my teacher and tell her. 

Ah, ya Zaynab!

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  • Advanced Member
19 hours ago, Ali-F said:

So. you may remember my previous topic about me going to this dancing in school (bla..bla..bla). Well, my teacher exempted me from the dancing (alhamdulillah), and I am now free from this!

 

Though, we have a school-trip about 2 weeks to a foreign country (Austria). This trip is actually a ski-trip, and well, it may be fun, and so on.. I will keep my prayers, and do what I usually do.

 

THOUGH, on this trip we also have this communal eating, well, like a resturant. In this eating, I may (note the word may, because I ofc don't know if this happens, but the students are allowed to drink alcohol there) yes, I may sit at a table where others drink alcohol..

 

I would like to avoid this, but I really don't know how I should sort this out? I can't be asocial - that will not be good.. If I tell my teacher, she might say that "well, dont drink the alcohol" and the problem will not be solved. I thought of telling my teacher that I have a serious problem with alcohol, and that I get a bad feeling when I sit with people drinking it - but I don't really know? Also thought of telling the teacher if she could make a special table without alcohol? Maybe? Man, I dont know.

 

Please give me your thoughts!

the story of asiya a.s. may help you out ..she was the wife of pharaoh , pharaoh was a  very very very big harami and he did all sorts of major sins and allowed all sins to be done by others in his palace..you just have to face this problem for like an hour or so, look at the situation of asiya a.s. she was in a worse environment for years yet her faith in god was soo strong that her name is quran as one of the best lady.. i have been in a similar situation too ,it was soo awkward , just sit there and look at their faces and laugh lol.

Edited by Azim Hussain
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Ok, I look white so I actually understand this issue. Let me give you advice that is realistic. I was the only Muslim in high school and one of 5 in my university 2 of whom I was related to. So, hanging out with Muslims wasn't so easy. But, what I did do is I made Islam a topic of discussion. Now my friends when they are with me don't drink around me or at the same table as me. I didn't make it a harsh religion I told them about how Islam is something we can't drink and it makes me uncomfortable when people drink around me. If we go out to dinner they will go to the bar and drink before or after we hang out. It is just something they know I wont be around. Drinking is something they choose to do, but it's just like if you praying made them feel uncomfortable you would do it away from them. I know that seems ridiculous and silly, but for some people saying Allahu Akbar is scary. They know I'm not a terrorist, but they are uncomfortable. Talk to your friends about it in an open honest way. Make it a light conversation. Interestingly enough one of my friends majored in Arabic and did some Islamic Studies as a result of these conversations. Educate your friends. If they still don't listen then trust me those aren't the friends you want. No true friend will not care about something important to you. 

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Not sure if it is even worse if they drink before you meet them. I remember to meet someone and once I greeted him I realized he was drunk. I took it as a grave offense (and I have nothing against drinking per se - it is a stupid drug that would better be banned, but there are places and moments for drinking).

Edited by Bakir
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On 2/21/2016 at 4:26 PM, Ali-F said:

I would like to avoid this, but I really don't know how I should sort this out? I can't be asocial - that will not be good.. If I tell my teacher, she might say that "well, dont drink the alcohol" and the problem will not be solved. I thought of telling my teacher that I have a serious problem with alcohol, and that I get a bad feeling when I sit with people drinking it - but I don't really know? Also thought of telling the teacher if she could make a special table without alcohol? Maybe? Man, I dont know.

"Bad feeling"-- Sorry, I'm not buying it, and your teacher wouldn't either. Don't lie to get what you want.

I agree, you're making it too hard on yourself. In a way, the table is an arbitrary distinction, in my opinion. You could be at a long table with you on one end and the alcohol on the other end. Or, you could be at a short table with no alcohol but 2 feet away would be another table with alcohol. In the latter scenario, you would be at a different table but closer to the alcohol. 

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10 hours ago, BabyBeaverIsAKit said:

"Bad feeling"-- Sorry, I'm not buying it, and your teacher wouldn't either. Don't lie to get what you want.

I agree, you're making it too hard on yourself. In a way, the table is an arbitrary distinction, in my opinion. You could be at a long table with you on one end and the alcohol on the other end. Or, you could be at a short table with no alcohol but 2 feet away would be another table with alcohol. In the latter scenario, you would be at a different table but closer to the alcohol. 

"Bad feeling" is what I get? I may say I get this bad feelig because of religious reasons :-)

 

On 23/2/2016 at 7:27 AM, pshela1989 said:

Ok, I look white so I actually understand this issue. Let me give you advice that is realistic. I was the only Muslim in high school and one of 5 in my university 2 of whom I was related to. So, hanging out with Muslims wasn't so easy. But, what I did do is I made Islam a topic of discussion. Now my friends when they are with me don't drink around me or at the same table as me. I didn't make it a harsh religion I told them about how Islam is something we can't drink and it makes me uncomfortable when people drink around me. If we go out to dinner they will go to the bar and drink before or after we hang out. It is just something they know I wont be around. Drinking is something they choose to do, but it's just like if you praying made them feel uncomfortable you would do it away from them. I know that seems ridiculous and silly, but for some people saying Allahu Akbar is scary. They know I'm not a terrorist, but they are uncomfortable. Talk to your friends about it in an open honest way. Make it a light conversation. Interestingly enough one of my friends majored in Arabic and did some Islamic Studies as a result of these conversations. Educate your friends. If they still don't listen then trust me those aren't the friends you want. No true friend will not care about something important to you. 

Nice, I totally agree.

Well, my class mates KNOW that I don't drink and go to parties, and obviously, they probably respect me because of this. Though, I haven't told them about this drinking where there's alcohol. The negative consequence is that they feel like "Cmon Ali, you don't drink and do this and that, but sitting and not drinking?!". I don't want to be recognized as a extremist.

..but, I agree with you, and alhamdulillah they know who I am. 

______________

SIDE NOTE

I will send the message about this problem, and inshallah´ it will be solved. Though, I will also tell her that my medical card hasn't arrived, and maybe I can be exempted from this travel? The sad thing is that I have already paid the money, but religion before money :-)

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  • 1 year later...
1 hour ago, Ali-F said:

Wow. I wrote this when I was doing my second year in high school (we have three years in my country). Now, I recently graduated, and I laugh when I read this. Amazing.

 

 

I remember that one time, my manager was drinking at the table. I told him I can't sit behind this table, and he didn't do that anymore.

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  • Advanced Member

where i work at the end of a year the staff are taken to a bar, but it's also a restaurant (we are nearly all women, but no Muslims). i usually go, drink water (i take my own bottle) and congratulate every one on finishing another hectic year and the manager hands awards out. However I always warn them in advance that i will leave after 20-30 minutes (that's usually when the drinking gets out of hand) because my religion doesn't allow me to be around alcohol. they usually accept this. i think this way you can be social to a degree, while avoiding as much haram as possible.

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10 hours ago, Afsaneh14 said:

because my religion doesn't allow me to be around alcohol. they usually accept this. i think this way you can be social to a degree, while avoiding as much haram as possible.

I agree with you. Most non-Muslims don't even know that we are not allowed to be near alcohol let alone drinking it. Honestly when they find out, they are very respectful.

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