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In the Name of God بسم الله

Are parents allowed to spy on their kids?

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Are parents allowed to spy on their children? young ones, as well as older ones? i am 23 , and i feel my parents might be ,but then they deny it ,although it sometimes feels like that to me.I cant accuse them all the time, because i might even be wrong, and then they call me crazy or tell me that i will get kicked out of the house.i dont know what to do, any advice?the problem is it affects me if i feel someone might be looking over me and i cant function properly after that.it drives me crazy .Parents please dont snoop on your kids especially if you don't know how it affects them.

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Their house, their rules. 

Having suspicion is contrary to Islamic ideals, but parents are responsible for the teaching and guidance of their children, and that requires knowledge. 

My kids know that I have a right to look at anything they bring into my house including in their rooms and including on their computers, and they also know that I won't make extra work for myself without reason. 

If you want privacy, move out. If you want to be treated as an adult, be one.

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Salaam, 

A lot of things that parents do to protect their kids is considered spying by the kids.The idea isn't to intrude on their privacy but to keep a watch for any tell tale signs or red flags that only the adults will recognize. 

Are parents allowed to spy on their kids? Up to a certain age, yes. I am a mother and probably I will be keeping tabs on my kids until they graduate !!!  I believe it's better if the parents make sure their kids are aware they are monitoring them, 

If the child shows a consistent honest and responsible behaviour then he/she can be allowed more privacy and vice versa. 

At 23 I think a person is a grown up and should not need any monitoring. What makes you think they are spying on you??  

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1 hour ago, starlight said:

Salaam, 

A lot of things that parents do to protect their kids is considered spying by the kids.The idea isn't to intrude on their privacy but to keep a watch for any tell tale signs or red flags that only the adults will recognize. 

Are parents allowed to spy on their kids? Up to a certain age, yes. I am a mother and probably I will be keeping tabs on my kids until they graduate !!!  I believe it's better if the parents make sure their kids are aware they are monitoring them, 

If the child shows a consistent honest and responsible behaviour then he/she can be allowed more privacy and vice versa. 

At 23 I think a person is a grown up and should not need any monitoring. What makes you think they are spying on you??  

 

1 hour ago, notme said:

Their house, their rules. 

Having suspicion is contrary to Islamic ideals, but parents are responsible for the teaching and guidance of their children, and that requires knowledge. 

My kids know that I have a right to look at anything they bring into my house including in their rooms and including on their computers, and they also know that I won't make extra work for myself without reason. 

If you want privacy, move out. If you want to be treated as an adult, be one.

teach them, be responsible for them, but dont spy on them unnecessarily, i agree when my friend said if you have sand in one hand and you squeeze it the more it escapes, if you spy on them i dont know about htem, but it makes a person feel like so uncomfortable like they will always be up to no good, and the more the spying increase the mor likely a person could go, oh you think i m a criminal you tihnk i do bad things, now im going to actually go ahead and do bad things. THATS WHAT I WAS ABOUT TO DO.i am a girl, in my heart i couldnt go out and get a boyfriend so i started to look at more girls,your kids "not me" may not want to move out of the house and want to live with a family but theydont want to be treated as kids even when they are adults , it sort of messed up my senses, and can drive one crazy.

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@sidnaqi know it makes some girls feel like their parents do not trust them at all but thats not the case at times.

I think our parents have the rights to worry and keep on trying to know what we do at times cos this is the only way they can learn to trust us... If they keep on monitoring you for a long time, and never see you doing something wrong, they'll learn to trust you with time :)

You dont have to worry sister sidnaq since you're not doing anything wrong.

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I believe spying is not constructive in a son or daughter education. Rather, a relation based on trust, without any taboos nor constant judgement but comprension is what would be more interesting. I have been educated like this, while it has not been the case of my siblings. There is absolutely no topic nor error nor feelings I haven't shared with my parents. And definitely, the best decisions I have took in my life were mostly based in this beautiful and genuine sincerity between us. 

However, sometimes they ask many questions and they probably don't want to hear the answers. Thus I prefer to just shut up, they won't insist either (nor they would benefit from spying on me xD).

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My kids are teenagers and younger so I'm sure that makes a difference, and I do agree that spying without their knowledge of it is definitely wrong. 

I won't go looking unless I have reason to suspect something going on, but I tell my kids that I do have a right to look. If they don't want their mom to know, they shouldn't be doing it.

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12 minutes ago, notme said:

My kids are teenagers and younger so I'm sure that makes a difference, and I do agree that spying without their knowledge of it is definitely wrong. 

I won't go looking unless I have reason to suspect something going on, but I tell my kids that I do have a right to look. If they don't want their mom to know, they shouldn't be doing it.

For some reason I find this cute xD! If they are already informed, they know the risk heheh.

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My mother use to riffle through my stuff/junk looking for "anything".

Never, ever finding anything. 

This drove her frantic.  :clap:

Like I was really hiding "something".

She would even get my Dad to go look at stuff in the garage, attic, where ever she didn't want to go.

I always kinda thought this -stuff moved and all- then my sister confirmed it years later. Mother would even wonder to my grandparents she said.

I should have acted "suspicious" to play into it.  :woot:

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21 hours ago, sidnaq said:

Are parents allowed to spy on their children? young ones, as well as older ones? i am 23 , and i feel my parents might be ,but then they deny it ,although it sometimes feels like that to me.I cant accuse them all the time, because i might even be wrong, and then they call me crazy or tell me that i will get kicked out of the house.i dont know what to do, any advice?the problem is it affects me if i feel someone might be looking over me and i cant function properly after that.it drives me crazy .Parents please dont snoop on your kids especially if you don't know how it affects them.

Dear Sidnaq...

one day when you're a parent Inshallah you'll understand more where they're coming from...

They're doing it because they love you <3

(even if doesn't sound like that lol.....:))

 

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9 hours ago, Sumayyeh said:

Dear Sidnaq...

one day when you're a parent Inshallah you'll understand more where they're coming from...

They're doing it because they love you <3

(even if doesn't sound like that lol.....:))

 

i know sumayyeh,i feel if im a parent then would i be stricter, or just like my own parents i dont know, love is one thing sumayyeh, but yeahhh

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When my kids were younger they knew we would be able to go into their rooms. I don't remember  ever actually snooping through their drawers, etc...but I did put laundry away and vacuum under the beds, so it was their risk. If I felt they were abusing the TV or Internet, it went away for a while.

We never had problems but with minor issues with only one kid ...and he did his stuff away from home. Now all's well. 

Since they have proven themselves trustworthy, now that they are young adults they care for and clean their own rooms and we rarely go into them unless there is an emergency or we are invited. No snooping at all on anything. I know things when they tell me. They come and go pretty much as they please,but since their lives are full of chores, part-time or full-time jobs ,and school, that leaves little time anymore for mischief, I've found. They aren't into the party scene and would just as soon hang out  at the house with us,siblings ,or good friends here in the neighborhood hiking or fishing.

The only thing we still do is try to find out where they are if they don't show up where they are supposed to be. Too many twisty roads and drunken tourists. They do that for me, too, though.

I'm going to miss them when they all leave. 

Edited by LeftCoastMom
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^^^^ Leftie reminded me of our converse to this:

As my oldest sister and I remember, we were never allowed in our parents room after we were 4.

As an aside, I remember Mom asking to get something out of her purse a few times and I'd ask, "Is it all right to go into your room?". Even after college and before she passed.

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