My Brother

[RuckOver293]

First off, I should explain I do not come from a Muslim family. While my father and mother are christian, my brother does not seem to be religious in any way (at least not outwardly). This story starts in December of last year, a few weeks after he started dating this girl. He told us that she was 18 and that she was about to graduate high school and all that. However, I started getting messages from some of his former friends, telling me that she was actually 16 years old. I was, at first, shocked but also not convinced. After all, these were his former friends, and I didn't know if they were just trying to start trouble.

Still, I confronted him, and he assured me they were lying. Still, I couldn't let it rest (while I love my brother dearly, I am sad to say he is not very trustworthy.) Turns out they were right. Some snooping on instagram revealed she was, indeed, only 16. And newly turned 16 at that. My first fear was the law, but where I live in the US the age of consent is 16. Next, my fears went to family. Legal or otherwise, if my parents found out they would be furious. He just got off probation and I didn't want to see him fall down again. So I confronted him again, and we had a deep, rather heated, discussion.

Long story short, I told him that as family I'd always have his back, but that I did not necessarily approve of the relationship. I thought that was the end of that.

However, today, one of his former friends started messaging me again, talking about how I was an "a-lister" and my brother a pedophile, and began posting things on Facebook. He didn't name any one, but it's very obvious. I'm not sure what to do, especially if this blows up in his face. I personally do not feel threatened by this guy, but I worry about my family back home.

 

[Khadim uz Zahra]

Exactly how old is the brother?

[RuckOver293]

he's 19 years old

[Khadim uz Zahra]

Well, then, I'm not entirely sure what the problem is. I've always been a little amused at how people consider 18 some golden number, after which everything somehow becomes alright. A three year difference isn't exactly a lot and while, yes, 16 might be relatively young, a lot of people at 16 are quite mature. Since it's also not a problem legally, the only concern you have is what others might say, yes? And, really, to that problem the centuries-old solution is to ignore them. That's it. 

Regarding your parents, well, that's a whole 'nother can of worms. Did you talk to your brother about it? In the heated discussion you had, I'm sure he said all the things a teenage boy 'in love' would say but what was his reaction to the parents' disapproval? I'm sure you must have brought it up?

Edited February 16, 2016 by Khadim uz Zahra

[RuckOver293]

The big issue is that they didn't know until today. A lot has happened since I made this post, but the cat is out of the bag. Thankfully, may parents were not terribly upset with him for having lied to them about her. My only concern has always been, and will be, the well being of my family. I don't really care what people have to say about their relationship, lol.

However, the guy kept harassing my mother and telling her all these things but made it sound like my brother was seriously in trouble. It's been a stressful day, but Alhamdulillah it has all worked out for the best!

[Bakir]

The very fact they are his former friends but still so much concerned about his private life should be a reason to put an eye rather on them than on your brother. Such relationships happen. Aren't always meaningful, but they aren't bad for achieving certain growth and experience which will later be much needed. Of course, be a source of support for him not to commit any idiocy and to focus on what is really important for him. As for those people, yeah, be careful. Envy is a root for many wicked behaviours.

[apofomysback]

27 minutes ago, Bakir said:

The very fact they are his former friends but still so much concerned about his private life should be a reason to put an eye rather on them than on your brother. Such relationships happen. Aren't always meaningful, but they aren't bad for achieving certain growth and experience which will later be much needed. Of course, be a source of support for him not to commit any idiocy and to focus on what is really important for him. As for those people, yeah, be careful. Envy is a root for many wicked behaviours.

Agreed 100% with Bakir (as always). People usually grow out of these relationships, and they are an important part of one's development and growth. Experiences such as these teach us a lot about life. Be there as a source of guidance and support for your  brother, not a shouting machine. Having heated discussions with him is going to achieve nothing - if anything, it may give him the fuel to rebel and keep on going ahead with things that may harm him. 

Relax, and focus on the people you should be focusing on and their motives - in this case, his former friends.