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Semiramis

Remaining unmarried in Islam

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45 minutes ago, narsis said:

Salaam sister.

They were some exceptions due to their special mission.

Salam, brother.

What about the daughters of Imam Musa al-Kadhim [a]? Weren't all of them unmarried? Yes, it depended on their situation and I guess, even today, it depends on certain situations whether we can get married or not. Some simply can't even if they want to.

But yes, it is a sunnah to get married and one should try to fulfill it, no denying that.

Ma`asalama.

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1 hour ago, narsis said:

Salaam sister.

They were some exceptions due to their special mission.

Salam,

As you mentioned marriage becomes, obligatory, if you feel , you will fall into sin.

This is the case mainly for men.

If a female, is not needy emotionally, financially or physically, there is no harm,in staying single.

The fact now a days people fall into more sin, when they get married, by harming their spouse,physically and/or emotionally,and it takes years for them to recover, and not only not complete half their religion but destroy even what they had safe guarded.

So unless you get proposed by a man who is God fearing, it may not be the wisest thing to do specially if you are not falling into sins by not getting married.

What is definitely obligatory for both women and men is seeking knowledge of religion according to your time and mental capacity.

If you don't you are committing a sin whether married or unmarried.

 

 

Edited by certainclarity

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Thank u all … I’m  sick n tired of being proposed by the wrong guys… my mom announced me once many years ago about the Islamic view of love, sex, marriage n mixing freely with non-mahram guys… But my sis got married to her boyfriend n she’s more successful than the others who got married to their traditional suitors which is more acceptable by Islam n traditions. Anyway nobody can ignore the importance of marriage in Islam but although I’m living in a shia  country , nobody respects Islam rules..  Unlike most Iranian girls I haven’t got lots of makeup on n while most Iranian boys are too superficial they prefer those girls. Meanwhile they r guys who r too religious n they ask their moms to find a girl for them.. In such ceremonies the self-respect of the girl can be hurt… Bcuz they’re just looking 4 a damn sexy girl for their sons n in my opinion if the girl’s appearance should be evaluated before formal proposal ceremonies the same thing should happen to the boy as well … n I hate this inequality. I really can’t tolerate marriage conditions here. It’s why I wanna remain single

Edited by Semiramis

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8 minutes ago, certainclarity said:

Salam,

And let those who do not find the means to get married be chaste ( 24:33)

The most important means for a proper marriage is the means of taqwa in the potential spouse, not financial status or looks, if you don't come across such means, stay chaste, until Allah enriches you out of his bounty, whether that enrichment is being content without a spouse or with a spouse.

salam n merci for sharing your opinion... It was a good relief :) I hate being blamed for not having spouse by people around but i really liked your guidance n it will help me to handle this situation hereinafter... 

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7 hours ago, narsis said:

 

 

الشيخ الطوسي بِالْإِسْنَادِ إِلَى أَخِي دِعْبِلٍ عَنِ الرِّضَا ع قَالَ: إِنَّ امْرَأَةً سَأَلَتْ أَبَا جَعْفَرٍ ع فَقَالَتْ أَصْلَحَكَ اللَّهُ إِنِّي مُتَبَتِّلَةٌ فَقَالَ لَهَا وَ مَا التَّبَتُّلُ عِنْدَكِ قَالَتْ لَا أُرِيدُ التَّزْوِيجَ أَبَداً قَالَ وَ لِمَ قَالَتْ أَلْتَمِسُ فِي ذَلِكَ الْفَضْلَ فَقَالَ انْصَرِفِي فَلَوْ كَانَ فِي ذَلِكَ فَضْلٌ لَكَانَتْ فَاطِمَةُ ع أَحَقَّ بِهِ مِنْكِ إِنَّهُ لَيْسَ أَحَدٌ يَسْبِقُهَا إِلَى الْفَضْل‏.

(Bihār al-Anwār, vol.100, p.219, H.13)

And there are many many Ahādīth condemning unmarried state. If you are interested to see those let me know to translate some for you.

 

TBh, After reading the narrations like these I aspired to find some one giving utmost priority to conditions that Allah(swt) wants it's servants to marry on.... 

But I have decided remain single.... Because hardly anyone follows them.

 

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5 hours ago, AvengerAfterRepentance said:

TBh, After reading the narrations like these I aspired to find some one giving utmost priority to conditions that Allah(swt) wants it's servants to marry on.... 

But I have decided remain single.... Because hardly anyone follows them.

 

Salam,

Allah's priority can be known thru, what he has made wajib on you then the mustahab.

 Seeking knowledge of religion is wajib ,  praying is wajib, fasting is wajib, character building is wajib, getting married is mustahab, unless you feel you will fall into sin.

If one is not really needy physically, emotionally , financially for a spouse, better to concentrate on the wajib, and if a good God conscious man comes and asks for you in marriage , you can do the mustahab.

Wish you all the best.

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10 hours ago, Semiramis said:

salam n merci for sharing your opinion... It was a good relief :) I hate being blamed for not having spouse by people around but i really liked your guidance n it will help me to handle this situation hereinafter... 

Salam aleikum,

To so many people marriage has become an obligatory thing to do and a sign of success. This just isn't the case. You've not failed in anyway if you're not married or don't want to. :) 

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15 hours ago, Noor al Batul said:

What about the daughters of Imam Musa al-Kadhim [a]? Weren't all of them unmarried? Yes, it depended on their situation and I guess, even today, it depends on certain situations whether we can get married or not. Some simply can't even if they want to.

This was because there were no sayeds around to marry the sayedzadis. plenty of shias though. food for thought

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8 hours ago, AvengerAfterRepentance said:

But I have decided remain single.... Because hardly anyone follows them.

I do not know if you are male or female so I will keep this generic. 

choosing to remain single is a super super bad idea. 

first of all, none of us are as good as prophets (pbut) or noble ladies like Sayyeda Fatima (SA), and yet they all married. the only exception I believe was hazrat ISA as the lineage had to end with him so the sons of ismail (as) became the fathers of the holy prophet (pbuh) and ameerul momineen (as) and as mentioned before Lady Maryum (SA)

secondly, lack of a "suitable" spouse is a death spiral. find a guy/ girl you can tolerate for the rest of your life and never stop work on your relationship together for the rest of your life. most people are good enough.

forget thinking "Mr/ Mrs perfect" or "my one true soulmate". its rubbish. many/ most of the prophets and masumeen (as) were polygamous.

its better and easier to find a stone with potential and turn it into a diamond, than to waste your whole life waiting for someone to drop a diamond in your lap. 

when it comes to peoples dirty pasts - trust no one. least of all the elder generation. they havent got a clue and have ruined our entire generations marriages by thinking times and people havent changed in 50 years. 

do your own research. hire an investigator if you need to. the world is small. if you marry blindly to someone who turns out to be a psycho in this day and age you can only blame yourself

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6 minutes ago, DigitalUmmah said:

  hire an investigator if you need to. the world is small. if you marry blindly to someone who turns out to be a psycho in this day and age you can only blame yourself

^^^ are you serious? 

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10 minutes ago, starlight said:

^^^ are you serious? 

That does seem a little drastic but we do already do that kinda thing, don't we? The whole 'Aunty' system (and, you'd know, Aunty ji) and asking the family's friends and so on. I think there's even a word for this kind of investigation that I can't remember at the moment.

On the other hand, if the other party finds out that you let a investigator loose on them, well, you can say goodbye to them forever.

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9 minutes ago, Khadim uz Zahra said:

That does seem a little drastic but we do already do that kinda thing, don't we? The whole 'Aunty' system (and, you'd know, Aunty ji) and asking the family's friends and so on. I think there's even a word for this kind of investigation that I can't remember at the moment.

On the other hand, if the other party finds out that you let a investigator loose on them, well, you can say goodbye to them forever.

Its the same thing. But id trust an independent source over aunty-ji because she may hide faults with her pure intentions. Its really not drastic because theyd never find out, how would they?

 

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What about if you get married and your spouse finds out that you got a P.I to do a background check on them? How do you think he/she will react to the information?

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7 minutes ago, starlight said:

What about if you get married and your spouse finds out that you got a P.I to do a background check on them? How do you think he/she will react to the information?

If you decide to go ahead even after the investigation, that means its all good! If the suitor doesnt admit any major screwups, but you find some, they arent worth marrying cos theyre liars and cowards. Whats the harm or danger?

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17 hours ago, certainclarity said:

The fact now a days people fall into more sin, when they get married, by harming their spouse,physically and/or emotionally,and it takes years for them to recover, and not only not complete half their religion but destroy even what they had safe guarded.

It it not considered as a negative point for marriage, but for our conduct and choices. This is why Islam has a system for a successful marriage ... many factors and conditions must be regarded to have a successful marriage.

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People need to investigate who they are marrying. A relative of my husband who lives in Iran had a suitor who came to their house and she was impressed with the man and his parents. He wore a military uniform when he came to talk about marriage. Later her father investigated and found out that he was not in the military, but this was only a costume to make him look good. He also was not employed and had a history of drug use. It's your job to find out about the person you want to marry. Your family members can help you with this. 

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19 hours ago, Noor al Batul said:

What about the daughters of Imam Musa al-Kadhim [a]? Weren't all of them unmarried? Yes, it depended on their situation and I guess, even today, it depends on certain situations whether we can get married or not. Some simply can't even if they want to.

Bismillah.

Salaam.

There was the upmost oppression over Shias in the time of Hārūn al-Rashīd and Maʼmūn that no one was able to even refer to Imams' residence to ask a question. So there such a very dreadful situation does not allow one to propose to the girls of the house of Ahlulbayt (a.s.), in addition to the martyrdom of Imam al-Kādzim (a.s.) and forcing Imam Rizā (a.s.) by Maʼmūn to travel to Khurāsān and being far from his sisters.

With Duas.

Narsis.

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25 minutes ago, hameedeh said:

People need to investigate who they are marrying. A relative of my husband who lives in Iran had a suitor who came to their house and she was impressed with the man and his parents. He wore a military uniform when he came to talk about marriage. Later her father investigated and found out that he was not in the military, but this was only a costume to make him look good. He also was not employed and had a history of drug use. It's your job to find out about the person you want to marry. Your family members can help you with this. 

EXACTLY. 

ask the poor people whose lives have been destroyed by accepting unworthy suitors who lied about themselves, if they wish they had investigated their spouse properly beforehand or not. 

I will say this again - there is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for anyone to marry someone blind or based on trust or their elders decision. if the suitor ends up being a loser, blame yourself for being a bigger loser for not properly investigating before deciding to marry a complete stranger. its different if you are younger/ controlled by parents, but even then, how difficult is it to quickly scan someones facebook, linked in, CRB, and references?

when it comes times for my kids marriages, I will demand previous 12 months bank statements, then demand they log into their phone, facebook, twitter and email there and then in front of everyone and let me look through everything. AFTER that I will hire a private investigator. if they have a problem? they can go find another suitor. if they admit up front that they have a bad past, i will respond according to who they are as a person at that time. 

remember kids: trust no one when it comes to suitors. especially when it comes to the futures of your own children or yourself. 

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19 minutes ago, DigitalUmmah said:

EXACTLY. 

ask the poor people whose lives have been destroyed by accepting unworthy suitors who lied about themselves, if they wish they had investigated their spouse properly beforehand or not. 

I will say this again - there is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for anyone to marry someone blind or based on trust or their elders decision. if the suitor ends up being a loser, blame yourself for being a bigger loser for not properly investigating before deciding to marry a complete stranger. its different if you are younger/ controlled by parents, but even then, how difficult is it to quickly scan someones facebook, linked in, CRB, and references?

when it comes times for my kids marriages, I will demand previous 12 months bank statements, then demand they log into their phone, facebook, twitter and email there and then in front of everyone and let me look through everything. AFTER that I will hire a private investigator. if they have a problem? they can go find another suitor. if they admit up front that they have a bad past, i will respond according to who they are as a person at that time. 

remember kids: trust no one when it comes to suitors. especially when it comes to the futures of your own children or yourself. 

You sound like my ex father in law..have some faith..and have some mercy on the suitor bro..Yes people are evil and you should do a background check but you need to draw a line somewhere

 

To the OP's question, I would recommend get married. In our times I dont believe that one can stay away from sin if you are single. Humans have a dire need for companionship. At some point in time you would want a partner and what if its too late by then..yes there are bad marriages, failed marriages but that shouldn't stop you from doing something which is recommended by Allah, our Prophet(S.A.W.W) and Ahlul Bayt (A.S)

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2 minutes ago, seekingadvice1 said:

To the OP's question, I would recommend get married. In our times I dont believe that one can stay away from sin if you are single.

I disagree. Single people can stay away from sin. It's difficult, but not impossible. 

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4 minutes ago, seekingadvice1 said:

yes there are bad marriages, failed marriages but that shouldn't stop you from doing something which is recommended by Allah, our Prophet(S.A.W.W) and Ahlul Bayt (A.S)

This is true. 

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1 minute ago, seekingadvice1 said:

You sound like my ex father in law..have some faith..and have some mercy on the suitor bro..Yes people are evil and you should do a background check but you need to draw a line somewhere

no, I have faith in Allah and the Masumeen (as), but I expect nothing from a world that could not even give my Maula Hussain (as) a kaffan. 

I *may* tone down my aggresive attitude to my future son in law, but i stand by my requirements. if he is open about his past, i will be lenient and respect his honesty - god knows all of us have pasts.

if he tries to hide, I will reveal his lie and make sure everyone in my community knows he is going to potential marriages by lying and cheating. its about time our people took a stand against dogs like this. I have seen too many decent people have misery carved into the lines of their faces because they trusted strangers

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7 minutes ago, DigitalUmmah said:

no, I have faith in Allah and the Masumeen (as), but I expect nothing from a world that could not even give my Maula Hussain (as) a kaffan. 

I *may* tone down my aggresive attitude to my future son in law, but i stand by my requirements. if he is open about his past, i will be lenient and respect his honesty - god knows all of us have pasts.

if he tries to hide, I will reveal his lie and make sure everyone in my community knows he is going to potential marriages by lying and cheating. its about time our people took a stand against dogs like this. I have seen too many decent people have misery carved into the lines of their faces because they trusted strangers

You should maybe read up about what Islam says about revealing your sins to others, and revealing other peoples sins that Allah has concealed. 

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5 minutes ago, Ali_Hussain said:

You should maybe read up about what Islam says about revealing your sins to others, and revealing other peoples sins that Allah has concealed. 

hiding peoples sins doesn't count when it comes to suitors - look it up. in fact I am pretty sure it is WAJIB to reveal ones past sins if you feel it will negatively affect the spouse.

5 minutes ago, starlight said:

@DigitalUmmah  I must say I feel sorry for your future son/s in law. 

I am firm but fair. I am never cruel or vindictive, and I don't think I am being unreasonable by looking for actual evidence of the boys cleanliness for my daughters. I will not cast my pearls before swine. 

I am totally ok with guys who have pasts - I am no angel - so long as they are honest with me. if theyre honest about their past and convince me that they are decent now (I cant be lied to) then its all good. 

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5 hours ago, DigitalUmmah said:

This was because there were no sayeds around to marry the sayedzadis. plenty of shias though. food for thought

Please explain on this...

This is the first I am hearing of this.

If the Imams (as) didn't marry a Syed wife then the same didn't apply to their daughters ?

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25 minutes ago, Akbar673 said:

If the Imams (as) didn't marry a Syed wife then the same didn't apply to their daughters ?

6 of the 12 Imams (as) did not marry sayedzadis - I believe that Imam Redha (as) wife (or mother?) was a black african cook. 

the sayed/ non sayed marriage issue can boil down to Imam Musa Kadhim (as) daughters - the anti marriage side sees it as evidence that sayedzadis cannot marry non sayeds, while the pro marriage side says that there were secondary conditions i.e. Imam (as) spent 16 years in prison, and there was massive persecution against shia so taqiyya was neccessary, meaning no suitors could come for their hands. 

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1 hour ago, DigitalUmmah said:

hiding peoples sins doesn't count when it comes to suitors - look it up. in fact I am pretty sure it is WAJIB to reveal ones past sins if you feel it will negatively affect the spouse.

I am firm but fair. I am never cruel or vindictive, and I don't think I am being unreasonable by looking for actual evidence of the boys cleanliness for my daughters. I will not cast my pearls before swine. 

I am totally ok with guys who have pasts - I am no angel - so long as they are honest with me. if theyre honest about their past and convince me that they are decent now (I cant be lied to) then its all good. 

I'm so with you on this. If I ever have a daughter, her husband-to-be should be prepared for a thorough check. Honestly, I've seen way too many scum to risk my daughter's life and happiness. Honestly speaking, I feel bad for the poor guy already! 

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