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In the Name of God بسم الله
Semiramis

Remaining unmarried in Islam

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6 minutes ago, DigitalUmmah said:

  hire an investigator if you need to. the world is small. if you marry blindly to someone who turns out to be a psycho in this day and age you can only blame yourself

^^^ are you serious? 

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10 minutes ago, starlight said:

^^^ are you serious? 

That does seem a little drastic but we do already do that kinda thing, don't we? The whole 'Aunty' system (and, you'd know, Aunty ji) and asking the family's friends and so on. I think there's even a word for this kind of investigation that I can't remember at the moment.

On the other hand, if the other party finds out that you let a investigator loose on them, well, you can say goodbye to them forever.

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9 minutes ago, Khadim uz Zahra said:

That does seem a little drastic but we do already do that kinda thing, don't we? The whole 'Aunty' system (and, you'd know, Aunty ji) and asking the family's friends and so on. I think there's even a word for this kind of investigation that I can't remember at the moment.

On the other hand, if the other party finds out that you let a investigator loose on them, well, you can say goodbye to them forever.

Its the same thing. But id trust an independent source over aunty-ji because she may hide faults with her pure intentions. Its really not drastic because theyd never find out, how would they?

 

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What about if you get married and your spouse finds out that you got a P.I to do a background check on them? How do you think he/she will react to the information?

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7 minutes ago, starlight said:

What about if you get married and your spouse finds out that you got a P.I to do a background check on them? How do you think he/she will react to the information?

If you decide to go ahead even after the investigation, that means its all good! If the suitor doesnt admit any major screwups, but you find some, they arent worth marrying cos theyre liars and cowards. Whats the harm or danger?

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17 hours ago, certainclarity said:

The fact now a days people fall into more sin, when they get married, by harming their spouse,physically and/or emotionally,and it takes years for them to recover, and not only not complete half their religion but destroy even what they had safe guarded.

It it not considered as a negative point for marriage, but for our conduct and choices. This is why Islam has a system for a successful marriage ... many factors and conditions must be regarded to have a successful marriage.

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People need to investigate who they are marrying. A relative of my husband who lives in Iran had a suitor who came to their house and she was impressed with the man and his parents. He wore a military uniform when he came to talk about marriage. Later her father investigated and found out that he was not in the military, but this was only a costume to make him look good. He also was not employed and had a history of drug use. It's your job to find out about the person you want to marry. Your family members can help you with this. 

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19 hours ago, Noor al Batul said:

What about the daughters of Imam Musa al-Kadhim [a]? Weren't all of them unmarried? Yes, it depended on their situation and I guess, even today, it depends on certain situations whether we can get married or not. Some simply can't even if they want to.

Bismillah.

Salaam.

There was the upmost oppression over Shias in the time of Hārūn al-Rashīd and Maʼmūn that no one was able to even refer to Imams' residence to ask a question. So there such a very dreadful situation does not allow one to propose to the girls of the house of Ahlulbayt (a.s.), in addition to the martyrdom of Imam al-Kādzim (a.s.) and forcing Imam Rizā (a.s.) by Maʼmūn to travel to Khurāsān and being far from his sisters.

With Duas.

Narsis.

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25 minutes ago, hameedeh said:

People need to investigate who they are marrying. A relative of my husband who lives in Iran had a suitor who came to their house and she was impressed with the man and his parents. He wore a military uniform when he came to talk about marriage. Later her father investigated and found out that he was not in the military, but this was only a costume to make him look good. He also was not employed and had a history of drug use. It's your job to find out about the person you want to marry. Your family members can help you with this. 

EXACTLY. 

ask the poor people whose lives have been destroyed by accepting unworthy suitors who lied about themselves, if they wish they had investigated their spouse properly beforehand or not. 

I will say this again - there is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for anyone to marry someone blind or based on trust or their elders decision. if the suitor ends up being a loser, blame yourself for being a bigger loser for not properly investigating before deciding to marry a complete stranger. its different if you are younger/ controlled by parents, but even then, how difficult is it to quickly scan someones facebook, linked in, CRB, and references?

when it comes times for my kids marriages, I will demand previous 12 months bank statements, then demand they log into their phone, facebook, twitter and email there and then in front of everyone and let me look through everything. AFTER that I will hire a private investigator. if they have a problem? they can go find another suitor. if they admit up front that they have a bad past, i will respond according to who they are as a person at that time. 

remember kids: trust no one when it comes to suitors. especially when it comes to the futures of your own children or yourself. 

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19 minutes ago, DigitalUmmah said:

EXACTLY. 

ask the poor people whose lives have been destroyed by accepting unworthy suitors who lied about themselves, if they wish they had investigated their spouse properly beforehand or not. 

I will say this again - there is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for anyone to marry someone blind or based on trust or their elders decision. if the suitor ends up being a loser, blame yourself for being a bigger loser for not properly investigating before deciding to marry a complete stranger. its different if you are younger/ controlled by parents, but even then, how difficult is it to quickly scan someones facebook, linked in, CRB, and references?

when it comes times for my kids marriages, I will demand previous 12 months bank statements, then demand they log into their phone, facebook, twitter and email there and then in front of everyone and let me look through everything. AFTER that I will hire a private investigator. if they have a problem? they can go find another suitor. if they admit up front that they have a bad past, i will respond according to who they are as a person at that time. 

remember kids: trust no one when it comes to suitors. especially when it comes to the futures of your own children or yourself. 

You sound like my ex father in law..have some faith..and have some mercy on the suitor bro..Yes people are evil and you should do a background check but you need to draw a line somewhere

 

To the OP's question, I would recommend get married. In our times I dont believe that one can stay away from sin if you are single. Humans have a dire need for companionship. At some point in time you would want a partner and what if its too late by then..yes there are bad marriages, failed marriages but that shouldn't stop you from doing something which is recommended by Allah, our Prophet(S.A.W.W) and Ahlul Bayt (A.S)

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2 minutes ago, seekingadvice1 said:

To the OP's question, I would recommend get married. In our times I dont believe that one can stay away from sin if you are single.

I disagree. Single people can stay away from sin. It's difficult, but not impossible. 

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4 minutes ago, seekingadvice1 said:

yes there are bad marriages, failed marriages but that shouldn't stop you from doing something which is recommended by Allah, our Prophet(S.A.W.W) and Ahlul Bayt (A.S)

This is true. 

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1 minute ago, seekingadvice1 said:

You sound like my ex father in law..have some faith..and have some mercy on the suitor bro..Yes people are evil and you should do a background check but you need to draw a line somewhere

no, I have faith in Allah and the Masumeen (as), but I expect nothing from a world that could not even give my Maula Hussain (as) a kaffan. 

I *may* tone down my aggresive attitude to my future son in law, but i stand by my requirements. if he is open about his past, i will be lenient and respect his honesty - god knows all of us have pasts.

if he tries to hide, I will reveal his lie and make sure everyone in my community knows he is going to potential marriages by lying and cheating. its about time our people took a stand against dogs like this. I have seen too many decent people have misery carved into the lines of their faces because they trusted strangers

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7 minutes ago, DigitalUmmah said:

no, I have faith in Allah and the Masumeen (as), but I expect nothing from a world that could not even give my Maula Hussain (as) a kaffan. 

I *may* tone down my aggresive attitude to my future son in law, but i stand by my requirements. if he is open about his past, i will be lenient and respect his honesty - god knows all of us have pasts.

if he tries to hide, I will reveal his lie and make sure everyone in my community knows he is going to potential marriages by lying and cheating. its about time our people took a stand against dogs like this. I have seen too many decent people have misery carved into the lines of their faces because they trusted strangers

You should maybe read up about what Islam says about revealing your sins to others, and revealing other peoples sins that Allah has concealed. 

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