Afraid and Alone

[CarolBell]

I'm not sure whether this belongs in the family issues or not, but I'll start with posting it here.

I'm a minor that's part of a Christian family in a Christian town, and the nearest mosque is an hour away in the big city.  The closest Shia mosque is two hours away.  My mom has been wondering why I'm learning about Islam, and I just say that I'm learning, because I am, but she keeps asking if I'm going to convert.  I avoid answering, but I know in my heart that I want to, need to let the world know that I worship Allah, the one and only.  But I'm not one to argue with my mom, and she tells me how Islam is a male dominated religion.  I know that it's not, but how do I explain that?  I'm not good at defending my side of the argument, but if I'm to maintain my family's trust, I must have a good defense of this religion that's based in facts, not just my or another's opinion.  Thank you for your support throughout the couple of days I've been here.

[Ali.Isa]

41 minutes ago, CarolBell said:

I'm not sure whether this belongs in the family issues or not, but I'll start with posting it here.

I'm a minor that's part of a Christian family in a Christian town, and the nearest mosque is an hour away in the big city.  The closest Shia mosque is two hours away.  My mom has been wondering why I'm learning about Islam, and I just say that I'm learning, because I am, but she keeps asking if I'm going to convert.  I avoid answering, but I know in my heart that I want to, need to let the world know that I worship Allah, the one and only.  But I'm not one to argue with my mom, and she tells me how Islam is a male dominated religion.  I know that it's not, but how do I explain that?  I'm not good at defending my side of the argument, but if I'm to maintain my family's trust, I must have a good defense of this religion that's based in facts, not just my or another's opinion.  Thank you for your support throughout the couple of days I've been here.

Salam, impressive, you have or must have it in your genes for not arguing with your mom, that thank to dad and mom. About your mom saying that islam is a dominated religion, you can give this to her, a gift: http://hadith.net/en/post/27968/what-is-the-reality-of-the-codex-of-fatimah/

Come on you have it easier, think about of those siblings of yours in Islamic Republic that are afraid of their parents dislike of having chador, and wears it outside without them knowing it so no problem happens. But we are here knowledge wise and spiritual wise for you, soft wise, hope your hard side gets better and a mosque near where you live, you can actually make a prayer corner for yourself, a little non-official holy place. Anyways and about your mom first ask question and make her doubt about her view, from where did she got her information from and so on. You can also participate in the topic of 'WHAT IS RELIGON'.

Also hope this website helps you: http://www.islamquest.net/en/archive/question/fa1825

 

[narsis]

Bismillah.

Salaam.

The first step to introduce her Islamic teachings is your conduct ... they have to realize that there is something changed in you that attracts them ... being like a servant to them and being in a high possible state of spirituality will bring them trust and make them to think.

With Duas.

Narsis.

[Akbar673]

1 hour ago, CarolBell said:

I'm not sure whether this belongs in the family issues or not, but I'll start with posting it here.

I'm a minor that's part of a Christian family in a Christian town, and the nearest mosque is an hour away in the big city.  The closest Shia mosque is two hours away.  My mom has been wondering why I'm learning about Islam, and I just say that I'm learning, because I am, but she keeps asking if I'm going to convert.  I avoid answering, but I know in my heart that I want to, need to let the world know that I worship Allah, the one and only.  But I'm not one to argue with my mom, and she tells me how Islam is a male dominated religion.  I know that it's not, but how do I explain that?  I'm not good at defending my side of the argument, but if I'm to maintain my family's trust, I must have a good defense of this religion that's based in facts, not just my or another's opinion.  Thank you for your support throughout the couple of days I've been here.

Don't tell them you are converting. Plain and simple.

You're a Minor so they'll just give you a hard time when you tell them. Just keep it inside your heart and continue on.

Even the Prophet (PBUH) hid his religion at first. When the time is right you'll know when to announce your conversion.

Besides, as you mentioned you're not quite there yet in being able to verbally defend your choice. Leave it be for now, strengthen your knowledge level so you'll be able to answer their questions to you in a clear, mature and sensible manner. 

Don't worry all things happen in due time. Keep it to yourself for now.

Don't be scared or nervous. Allah and the Ahle Bait are with you at every step more than you'll ever know.

Edited January 7, 2016 by Akbar673

[zainabamy]

8 minutes ago, Ali.Isa said:

Salam, impressive, you have or must have it in your genes for not arguing with your mom, that thank to dad and mom. About your mom saying that islam is a dominated religion, you can give this to her, a gift: http://hadith.net/en/post/27968/what-is-the-reality-of-the-codex-of-fatimah/

Come on you have it easier, think about of those siblings of yours in Islamic Republic that are afraid of their parents dislike of having chador, and wears it outside without them knowing it so no problem happens. But we are here knowledge wise and spiritual wise for you, soft wise, hope your hard side gets better and a mosque near where you live, you can actually make a prayer corner for yourself, a little non-official holy place. Anyways and about your mom first ask question and make her doubt about her view, from where did she got her information from and so on. You can also participate in the topic of 'WHAT IS RELIGON'.

Also hope this website helps you: http://www.islamquest.net/en/archive/question/fa1825

 

Assalam aleikum, Carol,

I suggest sitting with your mum and telling her about the great women of Islam. Tell her about Khadija (sa) and how she supported the Prophet (saw) and his companions with her wealth. Tell her about Fatima Zahra (sa) and how she stood up for her right of Fadak. Tell her about Zainab (sa) and how important she was at Karbala and how she stood up and shook the foundations of Yazid. I'm sure you mum would be so impressed.

Here are a few good lectures you can use:

Ummul Baneen:

 

Fatima Zahra (as)

 

 

Lady Zainab (as)

 

 

 

 

 

Umm Salamah (sa)

 

 

The Hijab and how it empowers the Muslim woman

 

 

The marriage of Imam Ali (as) and Fatima Zahra (as)

 

 

If you have any questions sister, please feel free to message me. I am always here to support you inshallah.

Ali.Isa, I understand that you mean well, but please don't say that the sister has it easier than other people. We all have our struggles and we shouldn't belittle a situation that we do not face. I really don't mean this to be rude, and I'm sure you didn't mean anything malicious by it.

Amy

 

 

[Ali.Isa]

Alaikom as Salam wa Rahmatollah, of course agree, different siblings have problems or difficulties to cross it and get stronger in faith, and we should not say one problem is more difficult than the other rather that both is difficult in its own way and place and right, so maybe no difficulty is easy, if you undermine it, that it is easy it will became so great that you can not handle it, but rather think and take the necessary measures and leave the rest to Allah, MAYBE WHEN TIME PASSES Allah CHANGES THE SITUATION IN YOUR FAVOR. GOOD THAT YOU POINTED IT OUT, Nice.

[yasahebalzaman.313]

1 hour ago, CarolBell said:

I'm not sure whether this belongs in the family issues or not, but I'll start with posting it here.

I'm a minor that's part of a Christian family in a Christian town, and the nearest mosque is an hour away in the big city.  The closest Shia mosque is two hours away.  My mom has been wondering why I'm learning about Islam, and I just say that I'm learning, because I am, but she keeps asking if I'm going to convert.  I avoid answering, but I know in my heart that I want to, need to let the world know that I worship Allah, the one and only.  But I'm not one to argue with my mom, and she tells me how Islam is a male dominated religion.  I know that it's not, but how do I explain that?  I'm not good at defending my side of the argument, but if I'm to maintain my family's trust, I must have a good defense of this religion that's based in facts, not just my or another's opinion.  Thank you for your support throughout the couple of days I've been here.

Don't tell them! I totaly agree with @Akbar673. He said it all, thats the perfect answer. Wait until you are independant enough financially and have enough religious knowledge. Because if they're like my parents they'll make your life extremely hard. Just wait.

[Ali Musaaa :)]

Salaamun Alaykum

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I (as well as many others) have gone similar experiences. The best thing you can do is remain on good terms with your parents, and slowly make Hijra (migration) to Allah and His Messenger [sawa]. You are under no obligation to share with them your feelings about this at this present time. Especially if you fear a negative reaction may follow. 

You can simply tell her that perhaps Islam is perceived to be a "male-dominated" religon due to the ill-treatment of women by some men. Sadly, this is a human problem, not something isolated in the Muslim community. You can respond by stating the status of women (e.g., that the Prophet said in a famous hadith that Paradise lies under the feet of mothers) that you have found in your research of Islam.

I have not read it, but have heard from others that this is a nice book to consult on this matter: http://www.iranchamber.com/personalities/mmotahari/works/woman_rights_islam.pdf - it is by Ayatollah Mutahari.

Keep on reading, here and there, and you will learn and grown with time, effort, and patience. 

As a side note, I'm certain you will find this fascinating and beneficial:

There exists in our faith a notion called Taqiyyah whereby one can conceal their faith for the presevation of life, amongst other things. If you were to become a Muslim in the near future, it is perfectly fine if you keep it to yourself. Allah is aware of your struggle and effort and knows He is your goal and desire. He will make it easy for you, insha'Allah.

If you acknowledge Allah and the Prophet [sawa], the next step is to act on that knowlegde and on whats deep in your heart. This is done by affirming God's Oneness and Muhammad's [sawa] truthfulness by saying the Shahadah and entering completely into Islam. You do not need anyone to be there to 'confirm' this. It is between you and your Lord. I understand perfectly if you feel you are not 'ready'. It is a strange state to be in and one I recall very well and was lingering in for far too long before I felt I could no longer sit on the sideline - so to speak - but I had no other choice but to plunge into the ocean of Islam. Under it's surface, I saw, and still do, see nothing by Light. It is no exaggeration that I wouldn't be where I am now if it wasnt for my decision to accept Islam, the Prophet [sawa] and his Family [as]. 

You will know when you are ready, your Lord will call and your heart will respond.

At the end of the day, no one is better at discerning what is appropriate in your situation more than yourself. Be sincere in your supplications and prayers to God and always rely on Him. We are here to help as much as we can, insha'Allah. 

If you have anymore questions, please do not hesitate to ask, or inform us of your progress.

Note: I am not sure why those lines are appearing in my text. I didnt put them there 

 

Edited January 8, 2016 by magma
strikethrough gone!

[ShiaMan14]

3 hours ago, CarolBell said:

I'm not sure whether this belongs in the family issues or not, but I'll start with posting it here.

I'm a minor that's part of a Christian family in a Christian town, and the nearest mosque is an hour away in the big city.  The closest Shia mosque is two hours away.  My mom has been wondering why I'm learning about Islam, and I just say that I'm learning, because I am, but she keeps asking if I'm going to convert.  I avoid answering, but I know in my heart that I want to, need to let the world know that I worship Allah, the one and only.  But I'm not one to argue with my mom, and she tells me how Islam is a male dominated religion.  I know that it's not, but how do I explain that?  I'm not good at defending my side of the argument, but if I'm to maintain my family's trust, I must have a good defense of this religion that's based in facts, not just my or another's opinion.  Thank you for your support throughout the couple of days I've been here.

Good luck sister. You will find a good support system on ShiaChat. I agree with the folks who said to not 'come out' yet. Islam is very much about your personal relationship with Allah so there is no need to openly admit it. 

There is a lot of information on al-islam.org about women in Islam and they debunk the myth that Islam is oppressive to women.

[CarolBell]

To all of you who suggest that I not tell my parents:

Thanks for your advice, but may I ask how I am to be a good Muslim without their knowledge?  I'm not sure of all the Muslim rules on eating and dress, but my family's main entree at every meal contains pork, and my mom would get suspicious if I wore a hijab to school.  Suggestions?

[zainabamy]

35 minutes ago, CarolBell said:

To all of you who suggest that I not tell my parents:

Thanks for your advice, but may I ask how I am to be a good Muslim without their knowledge?  I'm not sure of all the Muslim rules on eating and dress, but my family's main entree at every meal contains pork, and my mom would get suspicious if I wore a hijab to school.  Suggestions?

There are a few things you can do.

Try if you can to learn how to pray and try to establish regular prayers everyday.

Focus on your manners and make sure they are good, be charitable and work on your inner modesty. One time a companion of the Prophet (saw) asked how he should treat his Jewish mother after he had converted, the Prophet said you should treat her even better than before. As for outer modesty, if you are not comfortable with hijab yet, just focus on dressing as modestly as you can (i.e. clothes that cover and are not tight).

You can gain Islamic knowledge from watching lectures and reading books. Knowledge is so so so important in this religion. And try to read a bit of the Qur'an everyday whether online or if you have the hard copy. 

Becoming a Muslim is a process. It takes time and you develop slowly overtime. So take it slow.

Amy

[Reza]

Do things incrementally and slowly. Maybe decide to be a vegetarian right now (which is an accepted lifestyle many non-Muslims have). When things become more favorable later, you can get halal meat.  Hijab (especially the headscarf) is the most distinct symbol, so don't start that until you've officially converted (said your Shahadah) and you're ready for it to be publically known. Until then, wear as modest dress as you can.

The Prophet took many years to introduce Islam to people, before people accepted many aspects of the religion, so it takes time. Don't focus on exact practices as much as learn about the religion as a whole, in its totality. Read on the most interesting parts first, including mercy, justice, existence, etc. The other things will naturally follow afterward.

Watch this video, it might address some of your mother's fears:

[Ali Musaaa :)]

Regarding you concern about the consumption of pork, when asked, you can refer them to passages of the Bible which prohibits the consumption of pork (such include: Leviticus 11:7-8 and Isaiah 66:17), and say you wish to abide by these commandments God gave Moses and Aaron. 

[yasahebalzaman.313]

Just now, CarolBell said:

To all of you who suggest that I not tell my parents:

Thanks for your advice, but may I ask how I am to be a good Muslim without their knowledge?  I'm not sure of all the Muslim rules on eating and dress, but my family's main entree at every meal contains pork, and my mom would get suspicious if I wore a hijab to school.  Suggestions?

Don't rush things just yet. If your parents are some logical human being, when you will show them how much verses there are in the old testament that prohibits pork they will be convinced. But most christian people do not care about such things honestly, and they wont answer you regarding this matter, they are just way too deep living this ''lifestyle''. Just don't eat pork and for now don't open them a religious discussion that may be suspicious about you converting(don't do the same mistakes that I've done) About the hijab, God knows your situation and He knows that you can't right now wear one, because maybe you will be kicked out of the house or have huge problems with your parents. But when you will become independent you are obliged to put a veil. Every thing will work itself out step by step. All you have to do is to fully trust God. You made my heart skip a beat when i read that you are thinking in wearing a hijab to school. God Bless you my dear.

[Ali.Isa]

Salam Alaikom, this link could also be really helpful, because a muslim brother share pretty in detail his journey, and reading it, will give you and prepare you to act more cautious and excellent. If you need to be strong ask Allah for vitality in arabic Aafiya.

15 hours ago, CarolBell said:

To all of you who suggest that I not tell my parents:

Thanks for your advice, but may I ask how I am to be a good Muslim without their knowledge?  I'm not sure of all the Muslim rules on eating and dress, but my family's main entree at every meal contains pork, and my mom would get suspicious if I wore a hijab to school.  Suggestions?

http://theislamicperspective.org/new-muslims/converting-to-islam-2/stories/jeremydavidson/

[mj1]

20 hours ago, CarolBell said:

I'm not sure whether this belongs in the family issues or not, but I'll start with posting it here.

I'm a minor that's part of a Christian family in a Christian town, and the nearest mosque is an hour away in the big city.  The closest Shia mosque is two hours away.  My mom has been wondering why I'm learning about Islam, and I just say that I'm learning, because I am, but she keeps asking if I'm going to convert.  I avoid answering, but I know in my heart that I want to, need to let the world know that I worship Allah, the one and only.  But I'm not one to argue with my mom, and she tells me how Islam is a male dominated religion.  I know that it's not, but how do I explain that?  I'm not good at defending my side of the argument, but if I'm to maintain my family's trust, I must have a good defense of this religion that's based in facts, not just my or another's opinion.  Thank you for your support throughout the couple of days I've been here.

well, best prove is that prophet himself had a daughter and his progency continued from her

 

[Abu Hadi]

On 1/7/2016 at 1:15 PM, CarolBell said:

I'm not sure whether this belongs in the family issues or not, but I'll start with posting it here.

I'm a minor that's part of a Christian family in a Christian town, and the nearest mosque is an hour away in the big city.  The closest Shia mosque is two hours away.  My mom has been wondering why I'm learning about Islam, and I just say that I'm learning, because I am, but she keeps asking if I'm going to convert.  I avoid answering, but I know in my heart that I want to, need to let the world know that I worship Allah, the one and only.  But I'm not one to argue with my mom, and she tells me how Islam is a male dominated religion.  I know that it's not, but how do I explain that?  I'm not good at defending my side of the argument, but if I'm to maintain my family's trust, I must have a good defense of this religion that's based in facts, not just my or another's opinion.  Thank you for your support throughout the couple of days I've been here.

You don't have to get into a debate with them. You can just be honest with them and say you are investigating / doing research and you haven't come to any conclusions. 

Being a revert myself, I went thru this phase, took about a year. When you make your decision, you will know its the right time, and by then you will have enough knowledge to at least defend yourself on the basic points. 

Also, i run a site with some brothers and sisters, 

http://migration313.org

We have some resources there for new reverts

http://migration313.org/discuss/viewforum.php?f=20&sid=12f542b390df7886d4e65f5771364dd0

you might want to check out.

Also, if you need someone to talk to, let me know and I will try to find a sister in your area who may be able to help you. 

Wish you the best in your journey. 

Salam.