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In the Name of God بسم الله
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raza20

frustated from shyness of my wife

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Salamun alaikum brothers and sisters....... Me and my wife belong to same village.....she completed her studies in village ....and I studied and settled in Mumbai ...... We got married 2 years ago....and since we had not make love...I respect her lot and fulfill her daily basic needs....love from my heart and also share feelings and she too love me and happy with me....problem is that she is very shy to make love and since 2 years we have not consummate marriage.... My sexual desires are not fulfilled becoz of my wife.....I told her lots of hadees about marriage and intercourse ,.... But she is very shy to have it..... I am very much frustrated bcoz of this...... She not even kiss me.....deprived of love ........ I respect her and love her.....I cannot leave her as she's mine and I care for her....what should I do...frequently I cry at night ....did lot of dua and allll...still same condition....please give advice so I can make her heart to do soso

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There is a lot to learn from seduction. Find out which activities may help in growing the attraction.

Shyness in any case is common. Some people are extremely shy. However there is a difference between being shy and not willing to consummate marriage. Find out which is blocking her and if she actually wants but her shyness isn't allowing her to. In such a case, I guess you will have to go very slowly and help her to get accustomed to the experience. Sex is a very intimate experience, if one isn't used to such level of intimacy, shyness may become a real burden to be able to experience it. Even the slightest thought may ruin it. So approach the issue carefully, but focus on her mostly.

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we are been together in a house since 2 years , whenever I approached her for my desire she gives excuses that she is not in mood, tired, or wants to sleep bcos of tiredness.... I appreciated her a lot at every instance..... When I wanted to take a kiss she just run away not allowing me to do so...... My family expecting child from us.....a lot of pressure on me.....seriously tensed ..... I love her lot but she's least interested in sex.....but she loves me....... At times beco of my desires she get rude

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If she's from a very religious background, it could be that she was raised with such a taboo around intercourse that it is carrying over into lawful intercourse after marriage.  It happens in all cultures and religions.  Should could benefit from counselling, although I'm not sure the appropriate counselors exist in mumbai since theses topics aren't quite as openly discussed over there as they are here in the states.  Try to find a counselor/therapist, if not try to find a female who can counsel her on it, if not that then maybe even tell her to talk to her mother/sisters.  

 

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The above suggestions are great. Also take into consideration the possible chance she has no desire for sex. Some women are like that, it is a small percentage but it happens, and for them sex is terribly traumatic. This situation is still a mistery for many, but happens in ocassions.

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jazakallah khair....I will try my best to make her understand and I will care her with my true heart even if she will not fulfill my desires...... May Allah in name of Ahlebait a.s.  give patience to me .so that. I can give a happy life to my wife and family too,.....just pray for us.. Jazakallah khair to all for good suggestions

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Dear Raza 

       there might be a medical problem with her...take her to a gynacologist...otherwise 2 years is a life time brother..if shariah has fixed a period of max 4 months than there is a logic..maker knows us better than us...if u have shown her to a doctor than state that  and I along with others will try to give you a better advise. Women are not like men they have many strange problems...Usually a woman gets ready and can easily be aroused by a man,s touch. Don,t try to kiss her just caress her and touch her on her bosom and see how she reacts..do it slowly and steadily and not make her feel as if you are forcing her  and pretend that you are not going to have intercourse with her just making puppy love...I hope you will be successful in your quest  

Edited by Haji 2003
you are a genius Bro. We shall have lots of fun with your a/c, [inshallah] but a bit of your post was too graphic.

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Sounds like more of a maturity or Psychological problem. How old is she ?

Also, its completely natural to be shy at first for any woman but this is a little out of the norm. Does she not have any desire of her own?

 

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yes a counsellor i a good idea,and also speak to a islamic scholar who should tell her that it is her duty, even with strictness if she is not listening to kinder words, this is your right brother and her duty, if she is not fulfilling her duty it could be a major sin for her, if she islamic tell her that its not for herself but to please her husband for the sake of Allah SWT.

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It means your wife is good and chaste, and so are you. But no need to worry. You have already done all the ground work; Marriage and explaining it to her. Your duas have been answered brother. I will pm you the simple and easy solution...

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10 minutes ago, Maryaam said:

Can you clarify please I am confused.  You wrote this post a month ago.  http://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/235033544-confused-to-do-marriage/?do=findComment&comment=2855936

lol talk about fantasising about worst case scenarios 

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Please don't be offended by what I'm about to say but how did you two get married? Was it love marriage or arranged and pressured from the family? It could be she isn't attracted to you sexually from the sounds of it and she's voiding having sex with you and even kissing you, or it could be other reasons but it's just a thought I had. 

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