Jump to content
shiasoul

Could you marry him?

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

Salaam Alaykum

what would you advise a girl who wants to fulfill the sunnah of the Prophet and get married while she still likes a guy from her past (who's not interested in her). I mean, a guy wouldn't want to marry a girl whose thoughts are on another man, right?! But then that would leave her single for a very very long time. 

Edited by shiasoul

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Following the sunnah of the prophet isn't about sacrificing our lives. Religion isn't an emotional, intellectual or personal suicide. And experiencing it like that is just sad.

The problems we face in our lives may or may not have a solution. But we were blessed with hope to overcome such obstacles in life. Many people for whatever reason aren't in a recommendable position to marry. Some may eventually find the right moment to marry after some time, others not. No need to rush it nor sacrifice for the sake of sunnah, because the problems derived from such sacrifice in the long run will surely be worse for one's spirituality, life and overall, happiness.

It is easier to live alone and faithful to one self than to force what we don't want. Don't underestimate the power of love, especially in women. It can ruin her whole life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Forget about the guy who does not like you.

If the only fault you can find in the new guy is that you are thinking about the old guy then with all due respect I think that is silly.

Forget about the old guy, he has already forgotten about you. Think about the new guy and start your life with him instead.

Or you know... stay single for a very very long time, so much fun!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Do not marry anyone if the 'first' is still on ur mind(I'm assuming the guy u can't forget is the 'first' becuz  forgetting the ones after the first is much more easier).

Stay single ..it's much better to suffer while single than suffering while married and committed..

 

May Allah help you coz u really need it! Peace

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Salam. 

 

From a very young age we're told that marriage is half our deen (funfact: it comes from sunni hadith). I would agree that it does help many avoid small and great sins. So eventually, for both your deen and your mental/emotional wellbeing, do get married sister.

Personally, I don't think love exists the way it does in movies and books. It's a temporary emotion that I think God created to help people connect. After marriage what keeps you together are memories and responsibilities. Children glue you together.  Notice, I said what keeps you together, but that doesn't mean you no longer love another. It's just another kind of love. A little like that you feel with family before marriage (or so I'm told). 

 What you're feeling could possibly be an obsession (of what might have been?) rather than love. We think of a song over and over, not because we necessarily like the song, but because your brain sees it as an incomplete task. This can possibly relate to what you're going through. Gain some closue if need be (allow your brain to complete the task?). How you do that depends on you. If you're 100% sure it won't work out between you and first guy, without even an ounce of hope- move on. Your responsibilities will most definitely make you forget. Unless this is a zulaikha and nebi yousef scenario.... guess only prayer can help you then. 

Important to note, everything I said comes from what I have observed rather than experienced. I also thought I might mention, the strongest love you will ever feel is that towards your child. Maybe knowin that might comfort you :)

Ws. 

 

(Sorry for any typos. Writing from my phone :S) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Get yourself sorted out first. If you do choose to marry the second guy while still seeking closure on the first, you must never let your husband know, because he will be hurt by it. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, shiasoul said:

Salaam Alaykum

what would you advise a girl who wants to fulfill the sunnah of the Prophet and get married while she still likes a guy from her past (who's not interested in her). I mean, a guy wouldn't want to marry a girl whose thoughts are on another man, right?! But then that would leave her single for a very very long time. 

Forget the 1st guy (besides he's not interested anyway so what's the point?) and be loyal in your heart to the one whom you choose to marry.

On a side note while getting married is indeed completing half of your deen, you also need a level of maturity. If one is interested in someone else while marrying another then that is a major disaster in the making.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Salam

 

firstly, confirm in final terms if there is any chance of making it work with the first guy who she has feelings for. 


secondly, analyse herself and her emotions: what "feelings" does she have, i.e. what attracts her to the first guy. is it superficial things like his looks? his beard etc? are the things that she finds attractive in him, not possible to be found in anyone else, ever?


thirdly: speaking as someone born and raised in the west, emotional adultery is DESTRUCTIVE. cheating does not have to be having sex. flirty emails, whatsapps etc are incredibly damaging. unless she is prepared to fully commit herself to her husband and not find comfort and self worth from other men, no matter how innocent it seems, DO NOT MARRY ANYONE. 
 

Fourthly: what crime has the second man committed, for him to be treated in such a disgraceful manner that his wife does not even love him. do not be selfish, do not be jahil. do not be immature. 


fifth (and final): seek an answer through patience and prayer inshaAllah. perform all wajibaats on time without fail and improve yourself spiritually. this layla majanu rubbish that affects so many youth is the whisperings of shaytaan. do not ruin your life for chasing what you see on bollywood movies. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/8/2015 at 7:01 AM, shiasoul said:

Salaam Alaykum

what would you advise a girl who wants to fulfill the sunnah of the Prophet and get married while she still likes a guy from her past (who's not interested in her). I mean, a guy wouldn't want to marry a girl whose thoughts are on another man, right?! But then that would leave her single for a very very long time. 

WS 

there is an arabic saying is who sells me i sell them..... its called a past for a reason, say bismillallah and start over im sure when u get engaged ull laugh and say how silly of me :D wish u luck sister

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

W'Salam,

I think it very much depends on how much contact the girl has had with the guy from her past. It probably isn't a wise idea for her to get married to someone who will be committed to her, whilst she's still having thoughts of another man - specially if a great deal of contact has been exchanged between them. It wouldn't be fair on the potential husband, nor would it be entirely healthy for the relationship. This doesn't necessarily mean she will be single for a very long time; it's all dependent on how willing she is to try and move on from it.

In the words of Alain de Button "My identity had for so long been forged around 'us' that to return to the 'I' involved an almost complete reinvention of myself. It took a long time for the hundreds of associations that I had accumulated with her began to fade. I had to walk through Islington on numberless occassions before I could forget that Islington was not simply her district, but just a useful place to shop or have dinner. I had to revisit almost every physical location, rewrite every topic of conversation and activity that she and I shared in order to reconquer them for the present, in order to defuse their associations with her. And so gradually I forgot."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Shiasoul:

The solution lies in the girl herself. She has to choose between following the sunnah by getting into a marriage "All in and All at once" or don't marry at all if her heart is still stuck to someone else. In my opinion, this kind of clinginess to the mortal world is a sign of lack of her iman anyway, in which case she should work on bigger issues in herself than worrying about marriage. 

One thing for sure, no one should marry any one with halfhearted intentions. They will risk ending up like Zaid and Zainab (the cousin of the Prophet) who asked for divorce because her heart never rested on Zaid due to Zaid's family and other physical attributes. Zainab was obviously from Banu Hashim and probably didn't consider herself the 'kufu' for Zaid and the marriage eventually broke. Prophet later himself married Zainab, all the while teaching people that Islam does not bend its rules of hijab, tehreem, and inheritance for adopted children. Zaid was the adopted child of the Prophet but was not from his blood lines. 

Edited by Irfani313

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...