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In the Name of God بسم الله
Areej Fatima

My brother has left Islam

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Salam,

My brother has left Islam, he is now an atheist. For some time he was questioning things and questioning Quranic verses and used to say he is searching, now he says he is not a muslim anymore. My family still had hope and all of us were trying hard to bring him back to the right path... we would argue logically with him but he replies and acts like a typical atheist and is not willing to accept anything. Still... because he is young and immature we still hoped that he will eventually realize - up until now we took it as a theoretical problem, we were so confident of him that he wouldn't be practically living the life like an atheist, we thought atheism was only in his mind we didn't know it had make it to his life and his ways. We just learnt that he's been committing great sins. He lives on his own, my parents live in a different country with my brother and his family, I live in a different country and my sister lives close to him but he doesn't listen to anyone. He is independent and rich and alone. . . though he's only 24.

We're religious and when we learnt of how sinful life he's living ..it was like a majlis on skype, my mom cried so much, my sister in law, my siblings and me... we have been crying for him for what irreversible sins he's done and how he has broken our trust.. but what I need advice for now, is that what should we do now ? Should we confront him of what we've come to know.. should we break ties with him ? Should we stop talking ? Should we let him know that we know ? Or should we, like my mom says, be silent for the time being... My mom plans to go to him and compel him to live with her in a Muslim country so that he will be in front of her eyes. And my father keeps saying we should force him to marry and things will get better.... but obviously if he isn't Muslim we can't marry him to a muslim girl, it would be something if we get him to marry anyone.. as obviously marriage is now unnecessary and uninteresting to him. 

It's that if we all take a stand against him he will (most probably) not pay much heed to it and can even go without talking to us for months.. what we fear is that deserting him would only cause him to sink even deeper into the sinful lifestyle... such as taking drugs and other substances. But on the other hand I think that if we keep silent we would ourselves be committing a sin...

I really want sincere advice on what we all should do... I know that only Allah can guide him now but if there's anything WE can do... 

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i have seen many ppl who are muslims living in western countries becoming confused like this. its unlikely he'll leave islam altogether. just treat him like a normal muslim brother even if he has stopped praying. many muslims living in muslim countries arent praying at all either....he'll take time but he'll become normal. 

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Sister first of all I suggest you ask him to list exactly what reasons he has for leaving islam, then if you can provide the list that he writes to us, we can reply accordingly. he is 24 and living alone for (what I am assuming) is the first time in his life, so all forbidden things for him growing up are now within easy reach with no restrictive presence to tell him that these things are wrong. It could be that he is simply going through a rebel phase, could be he has some underlying issues, could be that he genuinely rejects islam for well thought out reasons. 

find out as much as you can about his problems, and type them on this site, InshaAllah we will help you

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this is the end of times brother/sister 

many people are sinning at a great great magnitude 

peoples belief in God has been so dwindled and so obscured by things like "science" 

people get educated on some small aspect of the universe or us, and suddenly they think they know better then God

they belittle God 

but on another important thing is that this is the PROOF of God 

you see when people become Atheists from some religion, they dont just become Atheists and live their lives with some new name on their lips 


rather they go heavy into things that are forbidden

you dont find Atheists become philanthropists, or suddenly become a huge benefit to society 

you find they go straight for all the evil they can imagine and do 


they want to do and try everything while leaving things like prayer and fasting and good deeds, they dont become better people as Atheists they become selfish evil people doing every evil sin under the sun 

in fact that is the only reason they are Atheists, so they can live a care free life

now about the Question as to what to do , really the answer is nothing

if God sees in this person good and seeking truth, God will give him guidance and bring him back , but if God knows that this person will truly turn away forever, then God wil let him go and theer is nothing you can do abotu ti 

Quran  : "Do you wish to guide the one whom We have sent astray? Never will you find guidance for him.."

Now i know it might be hard to let go of a relative, but remember on judgement day all relations will be cut and you wont care for anyone, not even your mother (unless your a Mumin who was saved then its a different story)

as to how ot treat this person? well you cant cut relations that is a sin, so you must keep your relations , and the way to behave towards them is as if everything is okay 

you cant sever relations and turn on them and curse them etc you must be in good behaviour according to Islam in front of them and pray for them 

however bear in mind that the Quran says that for the disbelievers praying for them makes the Quran a curse and damages them 



 

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Salaam alaikum,

I am so sorry to hear that.  The best advice I can give is this: treat him like your brother whom you love and care for.  Try to forbid evil and enjoin good.  Most importantly, live the Deen as best you can.  Be the example of Islam! I find that people leave things that feel empty, and unfortunately, so much of the Ummah focuses on fiqh, fiqh, fiqh.  It's like a conversation doesn't get beyond "halal... haram... wajib...halal... haram"

We risk losing the spirit of the Deen to the laws of fiqh.  In many ways, it's like our Jewish brethren who focus too much on law and tradition rather than Allah subhana wa ta'ala.

Be authentic; love him; pray for him, but most importantly never give up on Allah! 

Remember the words of Imam Ali (AS): do not let your anxieties overwhelm you, for only on the darkest of nights do the stars shine the brightest.

I will make du'a for your family as well.

R

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From my experience, I have seen this in a lot of people and usually the trigger is when they start eating haram food. What starts as a small bite of a big mac or a cheese burger slowly takes them away from Allah and his message one bite at a time.

 

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:'( we are so so so hurt and broken by what he's doing. Its not just him I'm concerned about... I fear my parents will gradually fall sick because of the stress, my mother has been blaming herself since, I feel our family will fall apart. We are all so depressed... we grew up together, we spent 20 years in the same house.. we used to watch scientific documentaries together... he could use the documentary to disprove God and we could use the same documentary to prove God. We've had many intellectual discussions, he's thought about it, like so many of the posts in the atheism section in here.. and the atheists arguing there .. he argues in much the same way. No matter how much logical we are after a certain point it appears he cant understand anymore... for the past few months he's been so forgetful and confused it's like his mind is not working properly either... he keeps listening to music non-stop and doesn't distinguish between haram and halal food... all those things are meaningless to him. But he has such destructive habits that even another rational atheist would say that he's headed towards doom.

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2 hours ago, mightymask said:


as to how ot treat this person? well you cant cut relations that is a sin, so you must keep your relations , and the way to behave towards them is as if everything is okay 

you cant sever relations and turn on them and curse them etc you must be in good behaviour according to Islam in front of them and pray for them 

 

2 hours ago, reisiger said:

The best advice I can give is this: treat him like your brother whom you love and care for.

How many of you would agree with this .. ? We should behave normally with him ? All that pain in my heart I shouldn't convey to him ? I am so angry and sad that because of him my parents will suffer and my siblings will suffer... that I can never see him in the same light again. He's committing punishable sins... are we allowed to keep quiet ? 

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Atheism by itself is not the problem here. I mean, to be honest, many people may eventually have an atheist/agnostic phase. I have seen people who managed to benefit and return to religion with more strength after this phase. Problem is when atheism is a reaction against one's culture, religion, and self-identity. The issue here is not intellectual but of social nature. Maybe using an approach adjusted to his social condition rather than intellectual/religious stance could work better.

And whatever the God you want to believe or not to believe in, one should try not to lose the trust and love of good relatives, regardless of your beliefs. He could even benefit from reading some valuable atheist thinkers, as many have acknowledged the value and dignity of religion. Atheism is not about being a stubborn sinner.

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It sounds like your loved one has some big problems underlying his abandonment of his religion, not just a simple falling   away from faith. Your family might be reacting to that, too?Most atheists I know are very moral because they acknowledge personal and societal responsibility. Probably forcing him into a situation he doesn't like , unless you feel his life is imminently in danger, is just going to drive him further over the edge. I know it is difficult, but I think that you and your family should do whatever it takes to try to get yourselves in a good place mentally and health-wise so you can be ready to get him the help he needs when he can accept it. You can't if you are panicking yourselves. I personally don't think you should retreat from him unless he is directly harming other family members.

No need for your family to beat itself up over this. It seems you had a close, happy home. This happens to many families.

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4 hours ago, hafiz said:

i have seen many ppl who are muslims living in western countries becoming confused like this. its unlikely he'll leave islam altogether. just treat him like a normal muslim brother even if he has stopped praying. many muslims living in muslim countries arent praying at all either....he'll take time but he'll become normal. 

He hasn't left praying, that is the sin that probably we do. He ......... is drinking, fornicating, making money through wrong means............. :'( :'( 

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Does your brother have any friend? You could ask a Muslim friend to contact him and involve him in halal activities, because if he is left alone he is likely to increase his sins.

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17 minutes ago, Areej Fatima said:

He hasn't left praying, that is the sin that probably we do. He ......... is drinking, fornicating, making money through wrong means............. :'( :'( 

Not much different from many people out there, still I have seen people who living an exactly similar phase in their lives they managed to return and embrace faith with greater love and commitment.

Again, the situation is not solved with crying and worrying. At this point, knowing how hard these situations are to communicate, I would recommend you to find a knowledgeable person with experience in life with atheism/atheists that can start talking with him. If you can't put yourself in his shoes, you won't be able to help him at all. I see many religious people who over react to these lifestyles when they are rather extremely normal and natural (which doesn't mean good or praiseworthy). If we can't really face such lifestyles with patience, certain level of indifference, and hold a solid stance, we won't benefit from any debate with different people.

I remember convincing an atheist once (who in my opinion is extremely intelligent, more than me, and who lived a lifestyle like the one you mention). I never tried to change him, we just enjoyed talking. And I would say the debate was more focused on me and why I was muslim. Be natural, and live your religion as something natural. Take care of yourself, as others will eventually be curious about you and your faith and may eventually embrace religion.

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6 hours ago, DigitalUmmah said:

Sister first of all I suggest you ask him to list exactly what reasons he has for leaving islam, then if you can provide the list that he writes to us, we can reply accordingly. he is 24 and living alone for (what I am assuming) is the first time in his life, so all forbidden things for him growing up are now within easy reach with no restrictive presence to tell him that these things are wrong. It could be that he is simply going through a rebel phase, could be he has some underlying issues, could be that he genuinely rejects islam for well thought out reasons. 

find out as much as you can about his problems, and type them on this site, InshaAllah we will help you

I absolutely agree with Brother DigitalUmmah.....

'ask him to list exactly what reasons he has for leaving islam'.....may just be the best and most practical way to address the issue. Let it not be a phone conversation but a written request (email maybe) for which in return your brother may endeavour a more concise and thoughtful response. The manner of request is also important especially giving credence to a perspective which he may hold above all else, hence an attentive approach.

 

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