Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله
Sign in to follow this  
Ali-F

Travel with my class - should I avoid it?

Recommended Posts

Salaam alaykum

 

Today I have returned from a "class-journey" to Germany.

My class-mates are actually all non-Muslims though we have 2 muslims (one who's fasidah meaning she drinks etc. and one who's maybe a good Muslim). Anyhow, this 2 days travel, was good, though boring, but we had some good laughs, until I realized that we entered a freakin' place where they sell alcohol (a kind of restaurant) and people ordered food, and..........................alcohol. Yes, I sat there, and I ask God for forgivness. Now, this "alcohol" thing was really annoying me, because these non-Muslims (my class-mates) drank and drank, I though had 2 friends who was with me. 

 

This made the travel quite sad, and not funny. Actually distresseing. 

 

Why? Because this was a 2-day travel, about 4 months, there will be a new travel to another country (a week), and this alcohol thing will obviously be there as well. I don't want that. This travel does also have some problems IMO.

 

1. It costs 463 £ (approximately.). Now this tour will be a "ski-tour" meaning that it will also cost me some money to buy different things, for example, ski-trousers. 

2. My prayers (salah) will be under problems if you may say that. I will find it difficult to pray.

3. This is actually the one of the most distressing reasons: My class will drink alcohol and sit on a table with that. Meaning that it will be haram,

4. I dont really want to go. Don't like it.

 

So, yea, these problems are there, and I have to pay the last amount of money 1st December, and now I really dont want to go.

But: I fear that people will laugh of my action, and say like "ew, why didn't Ali enter with us" or even backbite me, and that my grades will become worser and worser.

What do you think? Should I take to the next travel, or should I avoid it and dont think about what people will think?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Ali-F said:

But: I fear that people will laugh of my action, and say like "ew, why didn't Ali enter with us" or even backbite me, and that my grades will become worser and worser.

Talking about you is not even a problem and they will be punished in future for backbiting you. How would your grades get worse if you don't go? While they are on the trip, can't you study more?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why would missing a class trip affect your grades, Ali? Is the trip a required part of a course? With drinking? Guess I don't understand school in Europe, then. If it's not a requirement and it's costing you money and you don't want to go....use the time and/or money to go or do something else  that will be just as educational and not as stressful for you. If it's somehow a requirement, ask if you can substitute the thing you'd rather do. I know it's hard when you are young, but you are obviously a committed young man and want to follow a certain path in life or you wouldn't be here talking to your fellow faithful. Might as well start on the path now because, quite honestly, you won't be able to hang out with most of these school folks  anyway in a few years if you are living the life to which you aspire.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, Bakir said:

So I felt no remorse for being honest; my social life suffered from it but I don't regret it either, you can focus on other aspects of your life till you find a decent group of friends (it could be nice to focus on spirituality, philosophy, professional field, etc.).

Really brother, you will feel way more liberated if you were more open about your beliefs. Perform taqiyah when needed, but disliking alcohol and music isn't something to be ashamed of, but actually to be proud of. And believe me, many of those who are into the partying lifestyle know that too. Ignore what others think or stop thinking about you, they won't benefit you nor harm you in any way.

100% agree.

Brother Ali,

If you continue to worry about your classmates' opinions things will only become harder for you. In a few years time, if not already, many of your friends will be engrossed in a very much haram lifestyle. And as a practicing muslim it will be increasingly harder for you to fit it with them. As cliché as it sounds, if your friends do not accept you as you are they’re not worth your time. In year or two you will stop hearing from most of them and each of you will go your separate ways. So don’t compromise your religion for anyone. 

If these trips take you out of your "islamic comfort zone” and you don’t really want to go I see no need in going. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, notme said:

If you don't want to go, don't go! Never do things that go against your values out of fear of what others will think. What kind of life will you live if your actions go against your own morals?

 I agree. This trip will certainly affect my religion, and thus I don't want to go. Many thanks. 

 

10 hours ago, The Batman said:

Don't go bro

Short and simple. You're right.

 

10 hours ago, magma said:

What class is this? How old are you all?

Highschool, second year. Next year is my last year, alhamdulillah. 

 

10 hours ago, hameedeh said:

Talking about you is not even a problem and they will be punished in future for backbiting you. How would your grades get worse if you don't go? While they are on the trip, can't you study more?

You are true. I just fear that people will stay away from me (I don't know if that's Shaytan) but I feel that my classmates will ignore me, and that it would affect my group-work with them. Though, the funny thing is that I dont go to parties, and they know that, and no one is staying away from me (apparently lol) 

10 hours ago, Bakir said:

 

 

Yes, you are right. No one will affect me, and I will live my life without them. 

 

9 hours ago, Vestige said:

Forget what they think and ponder on your own self. It's honestly not worth it, just don't go.

I agree.

 

6 hours ago, Finder said:

Salam,

No One can make the decision for you. It is up to you to use your best judgement in such situations. 

Yes, but I just wanted to hear the opinions of my brothers and sisters. I find this difficult. 

 

3 hours ago, LeftCoastMom said:

Why would missing a class trip affect your grades, Ali? Is the trip a required part of a course? With drinking? Guess I don't understand school in Europe, then. If it's not a requirement and it's costing you money and you don't want to go....use the time and/or money to go or do something else  that will be just as educational and not as stressful for you. If it's somehow a requirement, ask if you can substitute the thing you'd rather do. I know it's hard when you are young, but you are obviously a committed young man and want to follow a certain path in life or you wouldn't be here talking to your fellow faithful. Might as well start on the path now because, quite honestly, you won't be able to hang out with most of these school folks  anyway in a few years if you are living the life to which you aspire.

 

No, this is not a required part. It's voluntarily, and I can keep away if I wish to. Therefore, I think about just leave it, and not go.

 

34 minutes ago, Yasmeena said:

100% agree.

Brother Ali,

If you continue to worry about your classmates' opinions things will only become harder for you. In a few years time, if not already, many of your friends will be engrossed in a very much haram lifestyle. And as a practicing muslim it will be increasingly harder for you to fit it with them. As cliché as it sounds, if your friends do not accept you as you are they’re not worth your time. In year or two you will stop hearing from most of them and each of you will go your separate ways. So don’t compromise your religion for anyone. 

If these trips take you out of your "islamic comfort zone” and you don’t really want to go I see no need in going. 

Yes, this will take me out of my "comfort zone", and that's the problem. I don't have a Muslim mate, that's sad, because then it would be easy. But yes, you're right.

 

 

_____________

 

On a side note brothers and sisters, it seems that I walk alone and no one likes me, lol, no, I hav two friends who are good. They respect me (when I prayed once, they respected it). I walk with them, and so on. The problem is with the girls, not all of them, there are some girls who're good, and I know that they will not find this as a problem. But I think about the other girls and boys. But as you said, I shouldn't think about it.

The travel is on March. I don't want people to know it shouldn't I wait say one week before they  go, or the day they will go, and not already know, because there's quite long time until the travel?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A ski-trip is very much an optional extra as far as school (in the UK is concerned), I'd be surprised it's any different where you are.

Not attending should have no effect on your grades. In fact, you'd be far better off education wise spending that money on private tuition, if you want to improve your grades.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

At your age, the urge to fit in with your peers is very powerful and totally natural. On the good side,IMHO, it means you're psychologically and developmentally right where you should be. This is the time of life when young folks start taking real steps outside their family -house group and bonding to age-mates. Around here it was when the young folk would seek their visions and prepare to take on adult tasks, from marriage to hunting in groups or defending the villages. The Elders and others helped them through this. 

I was wondering why you are so alone in this. Are there other Muslims around?

Edited by LeftCoastMom
I can't speyull

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/27/2015, 3:07:01, Ali-F said:

Salaam alaykum

 

Today I have returned from a "class-journey" to Germany.Why? Because this was a 2-day travel, about 4 months, there will be a new travel to another country (a week), and this alcohol thing will obviously be there as well. I don't want that. This travel does also have some problems IMO.

 

1. It costs 463 £ (approximately.). Now this tour will be a "ski-tour" meaning that it will also cost me some money to buy different things, for example, ski-trousers. 

2. My prayers (salah) will be under problems if you may say that. I will find it difficult to pray.

3. This is actually the one of the most distressing reasons: My class will drink alcohol and sit on a table with that. Meaning that it will be haram,

4. I dont really want to go. Don't like it.

So, yea, these problems are there, and I have to pay the last amount of money 1st December, and now I really dont want to go.

But: I fear that people will laugh of my action, and say like "ew, why didn't Ali enter with us" or even backbite me, and that my grades will become worser and worser.

What do you think? Should I take to the next travel, or should I avoid it and dont think about what people will think?

you will find the answer to your question right there in your post. (Bold). If you don't want to go you do have to.

I have said this earlier to you and I will repeat. Don't let  people's opinions dictate your actions. 

Personally, If there were a couple of friends with whom I could enjoy without indulging in haram stuff and money was not a problem, I would have gone.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, LeftCoastMom said:

 This is the time of life when young folks start taking real steps outside their family -house group and bonding to age-mates. 

1

Yes, but as a Muslim he is going to learn how to negotiate this. The process is easier in a more multicultural society, e.g. if there were Jews and Hindus around, for example. Also Jewish and Asian (non-Muslim) values tend to be closer to Muslim ones, than Anglo-Saxon ones.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 minutes ago, Haji 2003 said:

Yes, but as a Muslim he is going to learn how to negotiate this. The process is easier in a more multicultural society, e.g. if there were Jews and Hindus around, for example. Also Jewish and Asian (non-Muslim) values tend to be closer to Muslim ones, than Anglo-Saxon ones.

Well, anyone with a set of values different from a dominant one will likely have to do that. I don't know where he is, but I was hoping it was multi-cultural enough for him to find some fellowship.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, LeftCoastMom said:

At your age, the urge to fit in with your peers is very powerful and totally natural. On the good side,IMHO, it means you're psychologically and developmentally right where you should be. This is the time of life when young folks start taking real steps outside their family -house group and bonding to age-mates. Around here it was when the young folk would seek their visions and prepare to take on adult tasks, from marriage to hunting in groups or defending the villages. The Elders and others helped them through this. 

I was wondering why you are so alone in this. Are there other Muslims around?

There's a Muslim girl in my class. I dunno if she will attend or not. I live in a school where the majority is non-Muslims.

1 hour ago, starlight said:

you will find the answer to your question right there in your post. (Bold). If you don't want to go you do have to.

I have said this earlier to you and I will repeat. Don't let  people's opinions dictate your actions. 

Personally, If there were a couple of friends with whom I could enjoy without indulging in haram stuff and money was not a problem, I would have gone.  

 

Indeed. I will not let people's opinions dictate my actions. 

I would 100% go if I had Muslims in my class, or some who didn't drink (meaning) they would maybe attend a halal place and not a haram place. 

Now, this ski-tour is going to be a collective gathering, it will probably be that people will sit together and drink etc. Even my two nearest friends will probably also sit there.  This makes it difficult that I am like the only person who dont do this. 

So, I think it's rather better that I stay off. Why not take a precaution? I don't have anything to lose. Do you agree?

33 minutes ago, LeftCoastMom said:

 but I was hoping it was multi-cultural enough for him to find some fellowship.

 

Sadly, no. As said, I am the only Muslim (male). 

Previously, I had Muslim friends, and actually non-Muslims who didn't drink and so on. That was a beast time. Miss it. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ali F, here is something I came across and decided to share with you. I think its excellently written. 

How to deal with peer pressure?

To understand how to deal with peer pressure, one must first understand what peer pressure is. A dictionary definition for peer pressure is : social pressure by members of one's peer group to take a certain action, adopt certain values, or otherwise conform in order to be accepted. Note the "to be accepted" part of the definition. It means that the reason that one would "feel pressure" is if and only if he *wanted* to be accepted by his peers. So, what if he didn't want that? Then he wouldn't "feel pressured". Interestingly, the conventional understanding is that people, by nature, want to be socially accepted, and that people that don't want that, are mentally ill -- but this is a parochial mistake. To illustrate that this conventional understanding is false, consider this:
"I much prefer the sharpest criticism of a single intelligent man to the thoughtless approval of the masses." -- Johannes Kepler (1571 - 1630 AD)
Whats the implication?

Why do people want to "fit in"? -- why do they crave other people's approval? -- why do they want to be accepted by a group? Instead of having a goal of social acceptance, why don't they have a goal of living morally? One might say that he can have both goals, but he'd be wrong.

Either he seeks to do the right thing, or he seeks to do what other's will approve of. Sometimes these two goals don't conflict, in which case there's no problem, and seeking approval was unnecessary. But what about when these goals do conflict? How should one choose which goal matters? Should he choose (1) the right thing that won't be accepted by the group, or (2) the wrong thing that will be accepted by the group? If he chooses (1), then the group is immoral and he shouldn't want acceptance from immoral people. If he chooses (2), then he's choosing immorality, and to make matter's worse he's partaking and thus condoning the group's immorality.


Consider this hypothetical situation. A person enjoys biology and she wants to earn money doing some kind of work involving biology. She wants to get good grades in highschool so that she can be accepted into a good university. And she wants to attend a good university so that she can have lots of opportunities after university. One day some friends of hers say they are skipping school that day and have asked her to join them. She declines explaining her reasoning that she wants to stay in school to keep up her grades. They respond by saying that one day won't cause a problem and they again ask her to go, this time with some peer pressure tactics like "come on, it won't be fun without you".

Now she's conflicted. She wants to stay in school so that she can keep up her grades but she also wants to join her friends so that they will accept her in the social group. How does she resolve this conflict of goals? If she goes with them, she is sacrificing her preference for staying in school to keep up her grades. If she doesn't go with them, she is sacrificing her preference for acceptance. So she loses either way. What should she do? The conventional understanding of how she should choose involves "weighing" options. It implies that she could figure out which of the two options she values "more", but this doesn't work. We cannot meaningfully "weigh" options. What we should do is refute the options that are bad, leaving only one good option. How does this work? In the case of this hypothetical, the girl should criticize her options. She could ask herself the following questions:
 
After having told my friends my reasoning for wanting to stay in school, why did they insist on me sacrificing my values just so that they could get what they want? Because they are thinking selfishly.

Why don't they care that I get what I want? Because they are thinking selfishly.

If I sacrifice what I want, and if that leads to failure, will they support me financially? No, because they are thinking selfishly.

If I don't go with them, thus preserving my life plan, is that selfish thinking? Yes.

What do I gain by doing what they want? I gain acceptance by people who don't care about my values and are willing to coerce me to sacrifice my values -- not only are they selfish, they are also willing to hurt me to get their way.

What do I gain by staying in school? I get to preserve my life plan   
 
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks, starlight, that's a very well written text.

An interesting note is that I 'fear' that if I don't go, people will know, and thus they will ask questions and maybe look in a weird way. Actually, I don't fear that I will be "out" of the social group. I have one, and this trip will not affect it. I am more worried about the - if you may say that - "evil eye" from people. 

E.g. "Oh Ali, have you brought your things to the ski-trip?"

Me: "Well, I actually can't come, that's quite sad"

Friend: "What? (Here the critism or the backbiting or the "man, he's a anti-social person", will begin. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why not just say "I can't go. I have something else I must do then." And then come up with something else to do - visit a relative, take a seminar, tour a university that you'd like to attend, do some volunteer work, whatever works for you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, I tried to say that today (to my teacher) and it apparently seemed that I couldn't do that, because I already had signed the paper which was about if I want to go or not. 

She said something with that if I rejected to go, it would result in a warning from the high school, and that she would speak with her boss to see if what should happen. I was like "What the heck". I thought it was a chill moment, just saying no, and everything would be ok, but well, it seems that the picture has changed. 

 

I feel obligated to go now and I think I just have to avoid the haraam-activities, and be strong and tell people that I cannot sit where alcohol is present. I guess thats my plan..........

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...