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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Waffles

Emotional Pain and Suffering

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Salam Brothers and Sisters,

I have a question for you all. Its a very sensitive one. Before adding on, I would like to say, I'm posting this on behalf of a friend who was an old member here.

We all I assume have seen what emotional suffering and helplessness feels like and what it means. That moment when you can't do anything after you've been humiliated. For some people, those moments come and go and it isn't a problem. However for others, that moment sticks in their minds forever and they never forget. 

For that second group of people, whenever they think about that moment, whether its a day or 20 years later, they get emotional because the wrong was never corrected and there was no justice done. Sometimes they may not be able to control themselves because of the emotional pain others have inflicted on them. It may drive them very far and even persuade them to donate and support the oppressor or the enemy of their brethren. Though it may not be their fault since they were driven emotionally towards that path through acts carried out by others.    

My question is, what can one do to help someone avoid letting their emotions get in the way of their humanity and logic? My friend is a very nice, kind, sincere, and loving person. A good Muslim Brother. He has good and pure intentions and has done a lot of good deeds. But every time he does a good deed, both his community and his fellow Muslims in general have stabbed him in the back and humiliated him. On one side, hes one of the most loving and caring people I know but then when he thinks about the humiliations hes suffered and everything people have done to him, he completely changes and his dark side shows. Hes not crazy or anything but he does things which he later ends up regretting deeply. He's lost people who were once good friends with him because of his actions, hes lost his community, now hes slowly losing his own roots and everything really because of his past horrible memories. 

What would you do to help a person in this situation? :) 

 

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13 hours ago, Waffles said:

But every time he does a good deed, both his community and his fellow Muslims in general have stabbed him in the back and humiliated him. 

 

I read about a Muslim hijabi who said that she will donate some money for every hateful comment she will get on her blog. It's becoming a general trend I have noticed. Every time, I do something nice for a person, that person returns the favor with back-stabbing or some mean comment. I don't know who was the brilliant person who started this trend but it's really insane. I don't make a big deal if someone doesn't return my favor or doesn't say thank you but when someone responds to my favor by being mean, it makes my blood boil. I have become really cold and I don't want to do anything nice for anyone. I guess this is the solution. Don't be nice. 

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Salam, 

Been there, done that. 

I have been in situations where I went out of my way to help people and even though I wasn't expecting anything in return but their insensitive comments and thankless attitude did hurt a lot. But the reason It doesn't affect me negatively is my belief that  I did it to please Allah (swt) and He will reward me for my good deeds. 

Here is a saying from Nahjul Balagha :

 If you find that somebody is not grateful for all that you have done for him, then do not get disappointed because often you will find that someone else feels under your obligation though you have done nothing for him and thus your good deeds will be compensated, and Allah will reward you for your goodness. - Imam Ali(a.s)

 

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38 minutes ago, Mokhtar2012 said:
39 minutes ago, Mokhtar2012 said:

I read about a Muslim hijabi who said that she will donate some money for every hateful comment she will get on her blog. It's becoming a general trend I have noticed. Every time, I do something nice for a person, that person returns the favor with back-stabbing or some mean comment. I don't know who was the brilliant person who started this trend but it's really insane. I don't make a big deal if someone doesn't return my favor or doesn't say thank you but when someone responds to my favor by being mean, it makes my blood boil. I have become really cold and I don't want to do anything nice for anyone. I guess this is the solution. Don't be nice. 

Who do they donate money too though? If its an opressor just to get back at those, who hurt them can you really blame them? They suffer from emotional pain inflicted by others yet they are criticized when its not even really their fault. Its human nature. Not everyone has the power to simply keep getting beat up and letting it go. Its hard.  

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Problem comes when you expect anything from people. If you do one good action, one kind gesture, make sure you do it for God, so it doesn't get lost, and you won't be dependant nor affected by people's reaction and behaviour. Because people are people, we are all like this, we easily disappoint others, consciously or unconsciously.

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