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In the Name of God بسم الله

Am I Too Idealistic? (Friendship)

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بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Assalamu alaykum,

My friend once told me that he views me as a best friend and he calls 3 other people his best friend.

I told him I would never be able to have him as a best friend, not because he's a bad person or there is anything wrong, but because I believe you only have one best friend - that's why it's called best friend(singular)

I also told him I don't know if I am being too idealistic in this world, but this is what I see in friends and ranks:

1. Best friend

2. Close friend

3. Good friend

4. Friend

5. Acquaintance

He of course is not offended and completely understands however...

Am I being too idealistic in this dunya? Is this realistic? Islamic?

I would be grateful for all your ideas.

JazakAllah.

Edited by yashia
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  • Advanced Member

Mind if I asked how old you were? 

 

My ideas? I think experience would be a more suitable word. As you grow older, I believe, the meaning of friendship changes. I now see friends as people you spend time with. You may share thoughts and experiences with. You can help each other too. Minor and little things. Things like moving furniture, lending money (limited amounts) or helping you with your work. But it wouldn't hurt me too much if they decided to move on.  

A close friend is a friend you know for a longer period. Someone who knows a little more about you, and you about them. 

 

Now if by best friend you mean someone you trust with your deepest perhaps "darkest" thoughts/experiences, I'd say entrusting your immediate family is best. Extended family have a tendency to leave your back covered in deep wounds, so I would advise you to steer clear. Personally, I confide mine to my elder brother. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Advanced Member

Found this just now:

مَنْ أَرَادَ اللَّهُ بِهِ خَيْرَاً رَزَقَهُ اللَّهُ خَلِيْلاً صَالِحَاً

God grants a good friend to the one for whom He wishes good.

- Prophet Mohammad (Sawa) [Nahjul Fasaha | Hadith 704]

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Wa Alaykum as-Salaam,

 

Friendship is very important. I think it's necessary to attach so much importance to it and be cautious with whom you want to be.

 

According to the Qur'an, a friend can bring salvation to you, as he can deviate you and corrupt you.

 

الْأَخِلاَّءُ يَوْمَئِذٍ بَعْضُهُمْ لِبَعْضٍ عَدُوٌّ إِلاَّ الْمُتَّقين‏
Friends, on that day, will be enemies of one another, except the pious. (43:67)

 

...وَ يَوْمَ يَعَضُّ الظَّالِمُ عَلىَ‏ يَدَيْهِ يَقُولُ يَلَيْتَنىِ اتخََّذْتُ مَعَ الرَّسُولِ سَبِيلًا* يَاوَيْلَتىَ‏ لَيْتَنىِ لَمْ أَتخَِّذْ فُلَانًا خَلِيلًا* لَّقَدْ أَضَلَّنىِ عَنِ الذِّكْرِ بَعْدَ إِذْ جَاءَنى
A day when the wrongdoer will bite his hands, saying, "I wish I had followed the Apostle's way!* Woe to me! I wish I had not taken so and so as a friend!* Certainly he led me astray from the Reminder after it had come to me... (25:27-29)

 

Imam Ali a.s. sets forth a very beautiful definition about "friend"; he says, "الصدیق انسان هو انت الا انه غیرک; 'Friend' is a person who is you, except that he is not you."

 

It means that a real friend is one who deems himself united with you and treats you like himself, and the only difference between you and him should be your physical bodies.

 

So again, I believe it's necessary to categorize your friends and put everyone in his right place.

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