Respecting Parents

[ZelzelehAndFigs]

Salam Alaikum Everyone,

 

Okay sooooo I know it is our islamic duty to respect our parents at all times, in all situations etc. but,

 

but.

 

My mother is an emotionally/verbally abusive person who has anger management issues. I know I sound like a whiny child but every since I was very young she treated me as if I had the mental capacity to understand certain issues that a child doesn't at that age. This could be related to the fact that she was single and probably craving adult understanding. She is extremely explosive and never admits to making any sort of mistake. She blames me constantly for her mistakes and when I defend myself, tells me that I am being disgustingly rude and ungrateful. I appreciate everything she has done for me (raised me as a single mother while juggling a full time career) but the way she treats me contributed to so many mental health problems that she again, became angry with me for. All this changed slightly when she remarried another man but anyway,

 

How much do I have to respect her? and am I obliged to respect her husband as a "father"?

[notme]

You have to respect your mother, but you don't have to let her verbally and emotionally abuse you.  

 

Your stepfather is not your father, but if he is providing you with sustenance and a home you should appreciate that.  If he is good to you and your mother, that is worthy of respect.

[Hameedeh]

Mothers go through much hardship that we cannot fully understand until we get married and have a child of our own. Fathers, too. Step-parents have an additional problem, because the step-children sometimes keep them at arm's length and do not get close enough to even hug them. We need to consider that our parents and step-parents (grandparents and step-grandparents) have rights on us. Allah loves those who are kind.

 

http://www.al-islam.org/treatise-rights-risalat-al-huquq-imam-zain-ul-abideen

[Shaikh Hakim]

 

Holy Quran

أُولَـٰئِكَ يُؤْتَوْنَ أَجْرَ‌هُم مَّرَّ‌تَيْنِ بِمَا صَبَرُ‌وا وَيَدْرَ‌ءُونَ بِالْحَسَنَةِ السَّيِّئَةَ وَمِمَّا رَ‌زَقْنَاهُمْ يُنفِقُونَ - 28:54

Qarai Translation: Those will be given their reward two times for their patience. They repel evil [conduct] with good, and spend out of what We have provided them

To respect the parents is an obligation unless any Haram is engaged.

Patience is what you need.

 

Be careful not to respond her in a wrong way. Bad reaction to a bad action is still a bad action.

 

May Allah grant you and us Sabr and patience

 

[Akbar673]

Salam Alaikum Everyone,

 

Okay sooooo I know it is our islamic duty to respect our parents at all times, in all situations etc. but,

 

but.

 

My mother is an emotionally/verbally abusive person who has anger management issues. I know I sound like a whiny child but every since I was very young she treated me as if I had the mental capacity to understand certain issues that a child doesn't at that age. This could be related to the fact that she was single and probably craving adult understanding. She is extremely explosive and never admits to making any sort of mistake. She blames me constantly for her mistakes and when I defend myself, tells me that I am being disgustingly rude and ungrateful. I appreciate everything she has done for me (raised me as a single mother while juggling a full time career) but the way she treats me contributed to so many mental health problems that she again, became angry with me for. All this changed slightly when she remarried another man but anyway,

 

How much do I have to respect her? and am I obliged to respect her husband as a "father"?

 

What you have to realize is that your Mother is a human who has gone through many difficult challenges in her life. Naturally, its only a matter of time before those challenges and stresses break us down. From a Psychiatric standpoint she is showing classic signs of what's known as Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Its a mix of enviornment and genetics. She probably inherited certain traits of it which leads to her behavior.

 

To make a long story short...a medical professional would be the best place for her and for you to start. If she doesn't go then you should. No need to let issues trickle down to another generation.

 

Also, how old are you ?

[hafiz]

my family hates me for being shia. im patient with them and forgive. when i have to study and concentrate i leave the living room and go to my own room. otherwise i show patience with my parents. it requires effort. 

but remember they love you more than any one. your mother in your case...only by carrying u in the womb for 9 months...and your step father if he gives you sustenenace the least you can do is respect them. loving the mother is very much emphasised in Islam, mothers show unconditional love...bear with her.