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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Dragon123

Love Before Or After Marriage?

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The article up for discussion is this:

http://lovehaqtually.com/2015/02/02/love-before-vs-after-marriage/

 

It basically divides the marriage approach to 3 categories:

1) Love comes after marriage

2) There must be the potential for love, but not necessarily love itself

3) Love is a must or it’s a no-go

 

Where did you those of you married find yourself and how were your feeling like for your spouse before marriage?

 

For those unmarried, which category do you place yourself?

 

 

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You can tell when romantic love is possible. Don't marry unless romantic love is possible.

That having been said, romantic love is not necessary for a marriage to be successful, only mutual respect and compatible values and goals.

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Lol.... Not meaning to derail but when I read the title I remembered this joke I read somewhere

Son: Father, should there be love before marriage or after marriage?

father: makes no difference , the important thing is your wife never gets wind of it.

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I think at minimum, there must be the possibility of love/attraction.  When meeting your spouse, I think speaking to them reveals a good deal about them.  Attraction does not have to be necessarily physical; it can be spiritual, emotional, and intellectual.  You can become attracted to them simply by getting to know their character.  Love can come after marriage, especially since most people do not "date" before marriage and only meet occasionally. If a man does not love his wife after marriage, I see a small chance of this being a passionate marriage; yes it can be successful in terms of stability, but I do not think many woman would enjoy a marriage without passion or love.  If a woman does not feel loved, she may find more faults with her husband than those she would normally overlook if she was loved by him.  Men also need to feel loved; what man would wish to be married to a woman who simply fulfilled her wifely duties but did not feel affection for him; a loveless marriage may lead to unnecessary, petty quarrels.  A man may seek love elsewhere if he feels his wife does not love him.  Now if both individuals neither love each other, and they do not care, that is another story.

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Love is a must or it’s a no-go. who the hell marries someone they dont love??????

There are many reasons to marry, and none of us know the circumstances of others. The question should be: who would not love the person they chose to marry?

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You can tell when romantic love is possible. Don't marry unless romantic love is possible.

 

I think it's harder to tell than you state. Most Muslims have never been in a relationship before so it's hard to pick up on what is important because of lack of experience. Especially with the rules and boundaries in the Islamic courtship process, it is harder to access than the western way where it becomes apparent much more easily.

 

I think it also depends a lot on the person. Some people are more complex or picky and others are satisfied and fall in love rather easily. Some people know exactly what they want, others don't and rely on intangibles and feelings alone.

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^Maybe.

So hopefully their parents or whoever is guiding them through the spouse selection is a good judge of character and will be able to tell for them. Love is easy if respect is there, so there's no reason for any two people who can get along to not choose to love each other.

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I wanted to share another article on this topic:

 

http://popchassid.com/didnt-love-wife/

 

Sample...

 

 

From Disney movies to my favorite shows like “The Office” to practically every pop song released, love is constantly sold as an emotion we have before we’re married.  An emotion that, once had, somehow magically stays within a marriage forever.

 

I can’t imagine a bigger lie.  And I’m saddened to think about how much those messages bounced around in my head for so long.  And how much I’m sure those messages are bouncing around in other people’s heads as well.

 

I think that might be a big part of the reason the divorce rate is so high in this country.  Imagine a whole nation of people constantly chasing the emotions they had when they were dating.  A country of people trying to live a Disney movie.

 

That’s a recipe for disastrous marriages; for a country with a 50% divorce rate;  for adultery (the classic attempt to turn the fire back on); for people who do stay together to simply live functional, loveless marriages.

 

Well worth the read.

 

Does anyone else have experiences to share or thoughts on the issue?

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Sure. For us, the shared values was actually the thing that initially attracted us to each other and that enabled the resultant love to grow on a good foundation. Good marriages are made of a lot more than just " feelings". But we were never too much into "Hollyweird Relationship Advice " anyway.

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Well, I am not married yet and this is a bit of observation but I believe that love comes after marriage, it seems to me that people mistake trust for love. Hence some erroneously assume that love comes before marriage, trust comes before marriage. Trust is the foundation of love and a good marriage; For what is love if you cannot trust, let alone marriage?

P.S. I realize that I could be wrong on this because of my circumstances and lack of experience but I understand that love in general is a matter of trust and a marriage illustrates this very well.

Edited by Gaius I. Caesar

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