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apofomysback

My Kids Are Making Me Go Mad

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My kids, as you all know, are 4.5 and 1.5 years old. For the past few days, they've made me go crack to the point that i've locked myself in and cried like a baby last night. they just dont get along. since 6 in the morning they start their fighting, crying, pushing, hitting and a whole lot more and it goes on the whole day till they finally go to sleep. these are hyperactive kids particularly the younger one. he cries THE WHOLE DAY and cannot even bear someone talking to me - be it his brother or the maid, even if they talk to me he starts crying like a maniac and throws the worst of fits. both of them just dont get along and dont play with each other anymore. whatever the elder one plays with or uses, the younger wants that only RIGHT AWAY or else its a crying fit hell throw.

 

i am starting to get very frustrated because with all my ailments and the mountains of work i have, i can't put up with this. its getting to me proper. because of their behavior, i am not being able to focus on my work at all - the work i used to finish in a day is taking me around 3 days to finish and that's not something i can afford right now. what do i do? i try playing with them together and even individually but it never works.. 

 

im at my wits end .. there isn't much i will be able to take. 

 

oh and to clear things out the elder one goes to school but even when he's away the younger one throws tantrums at even the tiniest of things...and once the elder one's back home., it's hell..

Edited by apofomysback

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My little princess is like your baby - she can't stand for me to pay attention to anyone or anything else. I just let her set herself up doing her thing right next to me. If she yells, throws things, shrieks (!!), or hangs on me, I tell her to go to her room. When she won't, and she never does, I remove myself from where she is.

I also try to give her some good one on one attention as often as I can, even if just for a few minutes at a time.

As for the fighting, I can tell you what I did and it worked for these two boys, but I tried it later with my own boys and it didn't work. A long time ago I had a home-based child day care. Two of the little boys I took care of were both assertive, dominant type fellows, so naturally they always fought. I would stop them, set them both on the carpet, face to face, and I would tell them that they must hold hands and smile for 3 minutes before they can continue playing. Usually they would make angry faces, then those angry faces would gradually change to silly faces, until the two were laughing and trying to outdo each other.

With my own boys this didn't work, but it might be worth a try. Sometimes the fighting just becomes a habit, and if that is the case, you need to find a way to break that habit.

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I give a bit of one on one attention to them too sis, but apparently it's never enough. I tell the one stories at night before bedtime, play with blocks with the younger one and do many other things individually too. the problem with the younger one is that he's just 1.5 and well, doesn't understand much of what i am saying, so getting them to do the hand holding thing is going to be very impossible. worst of all, he keeps hitting his elder brother,which makes matters worse.

 

maybe i should just take that bit of advice and reach out to a child psychologist or someone because things really are out of control right now.. 

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done that too sis... done that too...all that happened was that the younger started screaming on top of his voice (and boy does he scream loud), hit his feet on the floor and slapped his elder brother...

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Yikes! Kids can be a nightmare sometimes. I can't count how many times I abandoned my groceries, child under each arm, tears streaming down my face, and went home because trying to wrangle both toddlers in the store was impossible.

It does get better.

For a while. Then they become teenagers and it gets unimaginably worse. But at least when they are teenagers, you can count down the days until they are old enough to kick them out of the house.

If someone else having it worse will make you feel better, my friend adopted an abandoned and abused brother and sister, and the little boy turned out to be a nightmare demon child. He breaks things on purpose, tears holes in the walls and floor, beats her other children and their pets constantly, convinces the other children that they have to run away to escape him, and even tries to poison their food. At least he behaves well in public. My friend is convinced he's a psychopath.

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Your mental and physical condition during pregnancy plays a big role in how a child is born. If you think you were stressed or depressed then thats the main reason. The only way to deal with it is more attention, comfort, and love. For your older son I guess discipline since his character has already been formed.

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Stop the junk food, no chocolate and detox their minds.

 

 

 

 

If someone else having it worse will make you feel better, my friend adopted an abandoned and abused brother and sister, and the little boy turned out to be a nightmare demon child. He breaks things on purpose, tears holes in the walls and floor, beats her other children and their pets constantly, convinces the other children that they have to run away to escape him, and even tries to poison their food. At least he behaves well in public. My friend is convinced he's a psychopath.

possibly, but rather, that is a defensive mechanism, constructed sub-consciously through imitation and experience. Abusers do not abuse in public, they do it in private, and so the boy is mirroring this in the way he experienced it. He has to be softened inside to assimilate back to a healthy mind.

Edited by monad

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Apoo have you tried making them watch programmes about the Imams/Prophets? It is engaging and teaches people manners and you can throw in those 'you see how he behaves with his brother?' If ur going to do that i wouldnt suggest Prophet Yousefs story lol although it is an amazing story.

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My kids, as you all know, are 4.5 and 1.5 years old. For the past few days, they've made me go crack to the point that i've locked myself in and cried like a baby last night. they just dont get along. since 6 in the morning they start their fighting, crying, pushing, hitting and a whole lot more and it goes on the whole day till they finally go to sleep. these are hyperactive kids particularly the younger one. he cries THE WHOLE DAY and cannot even bear someone talking to me - be it his brother or the maid, even if they talk to me he starts crying like a maniac and throws the worst of fits. both of them just dont get along and dont play with each other anymore. whatever the elder one plays with or uses, the younger wants that only RIGHT AWAY or else its a crying fit hell throw.

 

i am starting to get very frustrated because with all my ailments and the mountains of work i have, i can't put up with this. its getting to me proper. because of their behavior, i am not being able to focus on my work at all - the work i used to finish in a day is taking me around 3 days to finish and that's not something i can afford right now. what do i do? i try playing with them together and even individually but it never works.. 

 

im at my wits end .. there isn't much i will be able to take. 

 

oh and to clear things out the elder one goes to school but even when he's away the younger one throws tantrums at even the tiniest of things...and once the elder one's back home., it's hell..

Wow...sounds like your younger one is really hitting the "terrible twos" age hard. Every child is different. All of mine went through it but they were all on a spectrum of how they were behavior-wise ( as teenagers as well). But I can relate. Two of my boys fought like cats and dogs when they were little ( starting at about same age as yours...they are about the same space apart) .My husband and I both had to separate them sometimes and take them off in different directions when they were very young. Both got talks and time outs when they were old enough to understand it. We didn't allow them to "just fight it out" as some people suggested because those two would really hurt each other if given the chance. It was exhausting sometimes. Like having a pair of grizzly bear cubs in the house. Turned out to be just a rather long phase and they eventually just stopped as they matured. In adulthood they are best buddies. But it wasn't clear if fratricide wasn't in the cards when they were small...lol!

You might want to go to a child psychologist, as you suggested in your other posts, just to get more tips on how to deal with that. It's good you have that resource. Can you have husband,friends ,or relatives take one or both so you can have a break sometimes, especially when you need to work?

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If someone else having it worse will make you feel better, my friend adopted an abandoned and abused brother and sister, and the little boy turned out to be a nightmare demon child. He breaks things on purpose, tears holes in the walls and floor, beats her other children and their pets constantly, convinces the other children that they have to run away to escape him, and even tries to poison their food. At least he behaves well in public. My friend is convinced he's a psychopath.

That's true psychopath behavior right there, but what most people fail to understand and realize that it is a symptom of an illness.

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If someone else having it worse will make you feel better, my friend adopted an abandoned and abused brother and sister, and the little boy turned out to be a nightmare demon child. He breaks things on purpose, tears holes in the walls and floor, beats her other children and their pets constantly, convinces the other children that they have to run away to escape him, and even tries to poison their food. At least he behaves well in public. My friend is convinced he's a psychopath.

 

Your friend should seek professional help immediately. What you describe sounds quite like oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), a disorder which is characterised by repeated temper tantrums, deliberate disobedience, destructive behavior, such as deliberately breaking things and causing damage, deliberately attempting to annoy or upset others, attempting to harm others without provocation, frequent angry outbursts, and spiteful and hateful behavior.  This condition is quite common among abused or neglected children and requires immediate attention as it can become quite severe and escalates as the child ages.

 

The sister of a friend of mine is a child psychologist and she's mentioned that she sees it quite alot in children that have been adopted from unfortunate situations. 

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I have to agree with Gaius and Alina. This boy needs help. But tell her to take him to a psychologist experienced in dealing with this type of disorder. From my years of experience they are great, as the writer pointed out, at covering their tracks around authority figures and convincing inexperienced counselors that their family is lying, scapegoating them, etc. ,even from a fairly young age. One of my friends who adopted a child like that was always stunned that the kid would try to convince her she didn't see what she just saw. He ended up badly abusing one of her biological children. It's great to take kids in from bad situations, but you have to be aware of the potential problems , especially if you have other children in the home.

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Apoo have you tried making them watch programmes about the Imams/Prophets? It is engaging and teaches people manners and you can throw in those 'you see how he behaves with his brother?' If ur going to do that i wouldnt suggest Prophet Yousefs story lol although it is an amazing story.

ummm you can't expect a 4 year old and a 1.5 year old to know anythng about the Imams/Prophets...plus the younger one doesn't understand anything .. i can try that when they're older though

Wow...sounds like your younger one is really hitting the "terrible twos" age hard. Every child is different. All of mine went through it but they were all on a spectrum of how they were behavior-wise ( as teenagers as well). But I can relate. Two of my boys fought like cats and dogs when they were little ( starting at about same age as yours...they are about the same space apart) .My husband and I both had to separate them sometimes and take them off in different directions when they were very young. Both got talks and time outs when they were old enough to understand it. We didn't allow them to "just fight it out" as some people suggested because those two would really hurt each other if given the chance. It was exhausting sometimes. Like having a pair of grizzly bear cubs in the house. Turned out to be just a rather long phase and they eventually just stopped as they matured. In adulthood they are best buddies. But it wasn't clear if fratricide wasn't in the cards when they were small...lol!

You might want to go to a child psychologist, as you suggested in your other posts, just to get more tips on how to deal with that. It's good you have that resource. Can you have husband,friends ,or relatives take one or both so you can have a break sometimes, especially when you need to work?

the terrble two's it is LCM...the terrible two's it is..there's a war going on around my place right now too - the elder one wants to revise his Quran lessons and the younger one isn't letting him..distractions don't work...nothing works :(

 

my husband isn't really the 'responsible' kind and we dont have the sort of family or friends who'd be willing to help out so that's a major no-no too..

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salam,

somehow, read that your kids are 45 & 15?

read again with a smile of course. Sorry for madness, smoke the map again. Endure insha'Allah.

ws

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Character is definitely not fully formed in a 4 yr old.

 

I am not a psychologist but i said what i said based on my observation of my cutie patootie darling of a daughter who is almost 4. She is already displaying strong behavioural signs of her parents' characters and personalities..

 

You might find this interesting

http://education-consumers.org/issues-public-education-research-analysis/childrens-behavioral-styles/

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I can't add to the good advice others have offered but as Wahdat has pointed out, if they are too demanding and creating situations to get attention, their behaviour might be bettered by giving them right type of attention at the right time. How do you go about it is entirely for you to figure out in your home scenario.

 

I'm sure it's never as simple and straightforward as I have made it out to be but as Michel Montaigne would say, 'what do I know.'

 

Good luck though...

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I guess you are doing the obvious ones of limiting sugar intake and additives etc.

 

Do you have any exercise activities for them?

 

At that age they could start learning to swim. You could start the older one on a bike. I have a nephew who sounds like your 1.5 year old, at the age of 3 he's now quite docile, but very intelligent.

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Your friend should seek professional help immediately. What you describe sounds quite like oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), a disorder which is characterised by repeated temper tantrums, deliberate disobedience, destructive behavior, such as deliberately breaking things and causing damage, deliberately attempting to annoy or upset others, attempting to harm others without provocation, frequent angry outbursts, and spiteful and hateful behavior.  This condition is quite common among abused or neglected children and requires immediate attention as it can become quite severe and escalates as the child ages.

 

The sister of a friend of mine is a child psychologist and she's mentioned that she sees it quite alot in children that have been adopted from unfortunate situations. 

Sounds more like conduct disorder which is considered more severe. Kids with ODD don't display cruelty to others, animals, etc. Kids with conduct disorder are at higher risk of a myriad of issues so the friend should definitely take the child in to a psychiatrist before it gets way out of hand.

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I guess you are doing the obvious ones of limiting sugar intake and additives etc.

 

Do you have any exercise activities for them?

 

At that age they could start learning to swim. You could start the older one on a bike. I have a nephew who sounds like your 1.5 year old, at the age of 3 he's now quite docile, but very intelligent.

Hmmm swimming sounds interesting...my kids don't go out too much...i'll try to talk my husband into taking them out somewhere..might help..

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Sounds more like conduct disorder which is considered more severe. Kids with ODD don't display cruelty to others, animals, etc. Kids with conduct disorder are at higher risk of a myriad of issues so the friend should definitely take the child in to a psychiatrist before it gets way out of hand.

 

Yes, you're quite right! I think this ^ is one of the characteristics that separates CO from ODD. (I looked it up in my Psych textbook after reading your post.  :lol: )

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