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In the Name of God بسم الله
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~ThePond~

Advice To Newly Married Sisters

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I originally posted this in the brothers forum; however, another brother suggested I post this in the sisters' forum.  Here is some advice I gathered from being married.

 

(these are not in any logical order)

 

1) Find enjoyment and pride in beautifying yourself for your husband, and maintaining modesty outside the home.

Discover what your husband likes in terms of appearance for the home: have fun shopping for nice pretty pieces of clothing for the home.  I find it really enjoyable to go shopping with sisters, choosing clothing, fragrances, and makeup for the house.  One of my female coworkers (non-muslim) once told me she finds it very charming how Muslim women buy beautiful pieces solely for their husbands, while maintaining modesty outside.

 

2) Figure out which dishes and cuisines your husband prefers and finds appetizing.
Spend time learning recipes and perfecting them.  Select elaborate dishes for special occasions or for "dates" at home.

 

3) Set aside time once a week for a "date" with your husband.

Always make sure to find time with your husband to keep things eventful and entertaining.  These don't have to be spontaneous; rather, I find it great to pick one specific thing both of you enjoy, and find time to do these things, especially during stressful or busy times.

 

4) Figure out something your husband excels at, and appreciate, and thank him (especially things that pertain to homemaking).

For example, my husband is really knowledgable about tea and coffee brewing.  Sometimes, men want to help around the house as well, and sometimes they may feel that you do everything for them, and they would like to pamper you in the same manner.  Make sure to always thank him for whatever he does, no matter how often he does it.  Just because, say he always makes tea for you, or buys you clothes, does not mean you should forget to thank him for what he does.  Let him know that, you ALWAYS appreciate what he does for you.

 

​5) Find time for religious learning together.

Whether it be reading Islamic books or articles. Find time to incorporate religion into your daily lives.  Read and recite Qur'an together.  

 

6) Allow him time for his friends.

Some sisters feel they want to always be his priority (and you should be), but make sure he has time to talk to his friends as well.  Also, having other sisters to communicate with (especially converts) makes being a Muslim sister even more comforting and enjoyable.

 

7) Appreciate his hobbies.

As long as the hobbies are halal, make sure that you do not criticize or mock his interests.  If he enjoys video games, allow him to partake in these activities, and respect them.  Do not call his hobbies "childish" or "stupid." In turn, make sure he respects your hobbies as well.  If he prefers to be alone during these times, allow him to do so. If you feel lonely, find a hobby that you enjoy as well.

 

8) Respect his need for intimacy.

This one is pretty self explanatory.  Sometimes, men have more of a "drive" than women, try to understand his disposition is different than yours.  But also make sure he respects your boundaries.  Communicate about your likes and dislikes pertaining to intimacy; do not judge his preferences, as long as they are halal, you do not need to worry.  

 

9) Keep a clean home (if you are the homemaker exclusively: I understand this isn't a required duty for women)

A clean house keeps one's mind focused and relaxed.  I know that if my house is untidy, I find things like assignments and work even more daunting.  

 

10) If arguments occur, respect what calms your husband down.

If your husband needs to cool off by going outside or driving, do not prevent him from doing so.  Even though sometimes we wish to be stubborn, understand continuing an argument only creates further strife and discord. 

 

11) If your husband strays from Islamic teachings or principles, offer advice respectfully, and make a point to state your intentions are only to help him in this world and the hereafter.  Do not condemn him outright, rather impartially speak to him, in a calm, but warm manner.

 

12) Do not allow jealousy to come between you and him.

If you are feeling jealousy, simply tell your husband why you may feel jealous, do not accuse him of dishonorable things.  Speak like "I feel ___" not "You make me feel ___". This is very accusatory, and makes your husband feel as if he is wronging you. (Obviously, if he does wrong you and you have reasonable evidence that he has done so, this is an entirely different manner).  Let him know your jealousy does not come from you feeling he is dishonorable or unfaithful, rather it comes from your love for him.  In general, jealously is very harmful for a woman, and she must combat this. At the same time, men can be equally jealous or more so; I am not saying this is an exclusively female trait.

 

13) Compliment him in both regards to surface and deeper levels.

By surface I mean, compliment his appearance, and by deeper, I mean his piety, righteousness, and character.  Everyone needs to be complimented on both. But make sure you appreciate both of these aspects.  For example, women enjoy when their husbands call them beautiful, but also when their husbands say they are great mothers and modest, religious sisters.

 

​This is all I could think of for now. More advice would be great :) 

Edited by ~ThePond~

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