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In the Name of God بسم الله

Conflicts In The College Cafe. Women Only Please.


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Hey, can those of you who know about my daughter be kind enough to give me some advice on another thing that happened? I was going to wait until next week to talk more to you, but my daughter is a bit unhappy regarding an incident that happened today up at the college. She went there to make sure she had everything arranged for her classes, which start in a couple of weeks. She was wearing one of the bracelets the young gentleman we spoke of had given her. Long story short, there are some Muslim young ladies from various Middle Eastern countries at school there as well. My daughter knows them from last year's classes and has been reasonably amiable with them in the past, but they don't really socialize outside of school.

She saw them at the college cafe as she passed by their table. They said hello and asked if they had had a good summer,etc. They were chatting nicely when one of them noticed her bracelet and asked where she got it. She told them who had given it to her and they all froze up and looked at her. Then they asked at which store in town he bought it for her and she told them it came from his mother. It seems that prompted a lot of " dirty looks" and the entire attitude changed. My daughter told me.."It got so cold in there you could feel the icebergs floating by!"

It was pretty obvious they didn't want to talk much to her anymore,so she said she had to get back home ( truth), but it was very uncomfortable. She's trying to shrug it off, but she is likely going to have classes with some of them and hopes this is not going to turn into some sort of " thing".

If it does, any advice?

Thanks.

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  • Veteran Member

^ i doubt its about the bracelets.

 

 

 

Salams again,

 

Do these other girls know the boy in question well? their reactions seems odd. The only things i can think of without more details are:

 

- they have an issue with the idea of a Muslim guy having an interest in marrying a non-Muslim?

- Theyre Sunni and know he's Shia and have some awfully bigoted views about Shi'is?

- One of them has a thing for him somehow (and the others know about it) and was hoping he may be a potential suitor for them?

 

Cant think of anything else right now. Do any of these have potential?

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Hi. I did not post in your first thread, but wish you guys the best in the future.

Regarding this issue, this is just guessing, but some Muslims can be rather uptight about inter-faith marriage. Or, since he sounds rather nice, plus they're also Muslim, perhaps they (or one of them) were also interested in him as a prospective spouse?

I just realised that I've written almost the same things Ruq. Rather than delete my post and save you the trouble of reading the same stuff twice, I'll let it stay as testimony to the fact that I sometimes think like someone who is possibly my favourite person on this board. Sorry if I sound flippant; I realise this is important to you.

Unless these girls do something outright mean, perhaps it would be best to just ignore them? What do you think?

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I think all of you are right. ( Thanks for the good wishes Koshaan :-)

My daughter is kind of blind-sided by this.

Didn't see that coming.

She tries to get along with everyone and usually succeeds.

She expected there might be some issues with people on her side of the line, but not from the Muslims.

Wow.

She's debating with herself about whether even to tell him about this or just chalk it up to another interesting life experience and hope they won't try to trip her or something in biology lab.

PS...she does have quite a bit of fire under the sweet nature, though...like " Well,mom, the first day of class I might just have to wear the bracelet AND the earrings!" ;-)

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^ MashAllah on your daughters strong character. If the cause is envy then she could quote the last verse of surat Al-Falaq to them:

 

(i seek refuge in God) '...from the evil of an envier when he envies."

 

Although i suspect that may be unlikely to help :unsure:

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My daughter just got off the phone with an Arab woman she met last year in a class they took together. They became friends,sometimes studied in the library together and so and exchanged numbers. ( She is an older woman doing some graduate work...has grown kids and is kind of your favorite Earth-Mother type personality). Guess news travels fast in ethnic college communities. She heard about the bracelet incident and cheered my daughter up considerably...just told her pretty much what you all said except she thinks it's mostly jealousy and will probably pass,although my daughter should expect to get the stink-eye from them most of the fall. She does know of some of the young women in question and said most were fine but some , well, weren't exactly living the lifestyle their parents might have liked. They probably assumed my daughter was a "secret girlfriend " and they might have been planning on trying to somehow drive the two of them apart and take him themselves when they were ready by letting him know they would somehow get the news to his parents, etc....but the presence of his mom's bracelet on my daughter's wrist was obviously a major surprise and totally blasted any of those plans right out of the water...lol! Nice how somehow people pop up in your life when you need them.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Veteran Member

Oh exciting! inshAllah a pleasant time will be had by all. Let us know how things went. Im very sorry to hear that your daughter had to deal with such behaviour from her classmates, but very happy to hear she has found a nice friend too :)

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^ i doubt its about the bracelets.

 

 

 

Salams again,

 

Do these other girls know the boy in question well? their reactions seems odd. The only things i can think of without more details are:

 

- they have an issue with the idea of a Muslim guy having an interest in marrying a non-Muslim?

- Theyre Sunni and know he's Shia and have some awfully bigoted views about Shi'is?

- One of them has a thing for him somehow (and the others know about it) and was hoping he may be a potential suitor for them?

 

Cant think of anything else right now. Do any of these have potential?

 

Disclaimer: This is not meant as a reply to opening poster's issue, so she can ignore it.

 

Ruq, the emboldened line, I had no idea some Muslim girls in the West thought like this until I came across three, four, five cases from real life and e-stories that I understood how sensitive some girls are about a Muslim man (aka Eastern origin) courting native girls. The common reasoning is "we here can't find suitable spouses and they go around marrying other races." 

Edited by Marbles
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  • Advanced Member

Disclaimer: This is not meant as a reply to opening poster's issue, so she can ignore it.

 

Ruq, the emboldened line, I had no idea some Muslim girls in the West thought like this until I came across three, four, five cases from real life and e-stories that I understood how sensitive some girls are about a Muslim man (aka Eastern origin) courting native girls. The common reasoning is "we here can't find suitable spouses and they go around marrying other races."

Maybe they should broaden their horizons, too. The world is full of good men. :-)

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Things went well and everyone seems happy but my husband had to leave for a meeting this afternoon and ran out of time so needs more info..this will be something of an intercultural ...process.

It's like the old adage of "two porcupines mating....how does this even get done?" But we all know there are sometimes little porcupines. :-)

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Maybe they should broaden their horizons, too. The world is full of good men. :-)

 

That is true (lots of good people of many types), but the thing is that in terms of religious laws, Muslim women can't marry non-Muslims.  Muslim men can marry Christians or Jews, but Muslim women can only marry Muslim men.
 
I think the rationale is that the father would have more influence on the religious upbringing of the kids (although I think kids usually probably spend more time with their mothers, and that has a lot of influence... so the father would need to make a concerted effort to teach the kids about religious topics).
 
But anyway, that does create a demographic issue, because guys are more likely than girls to either: "import" a wife from "back home" or marry a local non-Muslim.
 
It reminds me of issues I've read about regarding the Black community too... because Black guys who are successful have a higher likelihood of marrying non-Black women, but that creates a demographic mismatch in the Black community as well; and Black women don't always have an easy time finding non-Black husbands.
 
 
However, I don't see why those girls at your daughter's college would really care much about demographic issues at their ages... because I'm guessing most of them probably haven't even tried to get married yet.
 
 
PS You and your family sound very nice (except I'll say that you and coldcow's gun knowledge scares me :lol: )  But if more people were like you, the world would be a nicer place.  :)
Edited by Bright
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  • Veteran Member

Things went well and everyone seems happy but my husband had to leave for a meeting this afternoon and ran out of time so needs more info..this will be something of an intercultural ...process.

It's like the old adage of "two porcupines mating....how does this even get done?" But we all know there are sometimes little porcupines. :-)

 

Ouch!

 

Any more gossip information available on the aforesaid event and proceeding developments?

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Ouch!

 

Any more gossip information available on the aforesaid event and proceeding developments?

He's soon going out fishing ,etc. with her big male cousins in a remote place ....with no roads...you have to take a boat in.

He's incredibly brave and/or stupid. :-/

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^ Uh oh, is he going to be initiated into the circle of trust? :P

I'm debating with myself about how much he should trust her cousins. Don't want him "initiated "into the ocean or the river. Might have to have husband have a word with them beforehand. :-)

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