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In the Name of God بسم الله
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tendersoul

Celibacy During The End Of Times Hadith

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Yes, it has gotten harder.  But I guess it all comes down to a certain question, what exactly do we want?  What is holding us back?  We think the answers are obvious, but somehow they haven't permeated with us. 

 

And I still go back to this hadith, what are we supposed to make of this?

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Maybe some people are just not strong enough or don't deserve it.  And God is protecting those people by having marriage far from reach.  Is that another possibility?  Because many people who are married are miserable, and they might have wished they never did so.  Maybe we are the lucky ones. 

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Magma - Its the martyrs syndrome.

 

We are special and the creator is saving us from bad marriages?.... Marriages aren't bad, its the people within it, that are not taught to function and develop it properly. Once again, why is the creator saving us super good innocent muslims from bad marriages and yet gives the non-muslim functioning marriages?.

 

Yes, marriages are hard, due to how we muslims have been conditioned, other wise it would be very easy. And if muslims got together and worked at it properly, I am sure connections could be made and rejections could be accepted as part and parcel. I am always see invites to marriages, and as my dad knows a lot of folk, it is always the rich folk getting married, so we see a trend here. Money = early marriages, so what are us poor folk going to do about it?....... fight, go and get one ourselves or draw a wife?

 

Yes I am going to be harsh, because no one has been harsh regarding this matter, and otherwise people won;t get off their backsides and do something about it, instead of getting upset. That is exactly the mindset I am referring it, self defeating.

 

See you next week.

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Maybe some people are just not strong enough or don't deserve it. And God is protecting those people by having marriage far from reach. Is that another possibility? Because many people who are married are miserable, and they might have wished they never did so. Maybe we are the lucky ones.

Salam ,

Most are :

Those who are in want to get out , and those who are out want to get in .

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I quite agree with Brother Monad. I also think that many people on forums, such as this one, have a very skewed perception of marriage (and life in general) on account of the fact that they base their opinions on marriage and how to go about it on accounts they read on said forums. This is highly problematic because forums don't accurately reflect reality. Many people join forums when they are faced with some sort of problem, issue, or quandary that they haven't found an answer to in real life and need further guidance with. As a result, they are bound to hear mostly negative accounts and difficulties. 

 

Another factor that makes me quite inclined to agree with Brother Monad is that many of the problems discussed by people on here aren't necessarily universal. For instance, in my experience, I've not seen the epidemic of young unmarried men that is often discussed on here. I live in area that has one of the highest costs of living on the west coast and I still see many people my age (early 20's) getting married. Yes, some may face issues but it most certainly is not the case that young people, on the whole, are having to forego marriage.  Now, that isn't to say that marriage or finding a spouse is easy because it isn't but it's also not as impossible as it's often made out to be. I think it's possible that some people may subconsciously feel unprepared for marriage and may be projecting their anxieties towards marriage onto the process of looking for a spouse, resulting in them going about the process incorrectly and becoming disillusioned.

 

It's also ridiculous and inaccurate to claim that most people are unhappy in their marriages. Most people only discuss their marriages on forums when they are facing some sort of difficulty or need guidance and consequently, it tends to be the unhappy couples who open threads. As such, we tend to hear mainly the negative.That tends to be the case in real life as well as people tend not to discuss happy situations extensively as this comes across as boasting and distasteful. 

Edited by alina92

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Am I speaking out of genuine reason and experience or just cowardly despair?

 

I would say neither:

 

You are speaking out of experience but applying it in a way that is skewed.

 

 

 

 

The problems you cite are real. I don't think anyone would deny it.

 

But let's make a comparison.

 

 

Imagine a girl who is an Arab or an Iranian or any nationality with a history of tribes... imagine this is back when tribes meant everything. Do you think, under any circumstances, she would  be allowed to marry outside of her tribe?

 

This is an obstacle which has been more or less removed so we don't even think about it. But it was very real at the time. Nowadays we have replaced it with new issues. There always will be issues. The hadith that is quoted all the time about marriage completing half your deen... do we really think it is possible to complete half our deen without any semblance of struggle?

 

We need to find a way around the problems of our time. This means getting out of our comfort zones. This means  getting our hands dirty. This may even mean compromising on certain matters. But it has to happen sometime. That breakthrough will eventually happen.

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Maybe I shouldn't get married at all then, and I'm serious about that.  It looks like a trap that leads to destruction, just as most social relationships in the modern world (family, friends, colleagues etc) seem toxic, not God centered, hypocritical, suffocating, and heedless invitations to sin and vice.  If you want to be good, you pretty much have to be a loner, a slippery fox, unimpeded by everything else dragging you down. 

 

You would find it quite difficult to conclusively establish that relationships today are relatively more toxic, suffocating or just generally worse off than before.  It is easy to say these things, and people have a tendency to be pessimistic about the times they live in, but being morally upright has pretty much always been a lonely affair. 

Edited by King

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I quite agree with Brother Monad. I also think that many people on forums, such as this one, have a very skewed perception of marriage (and life in general) on account of the fact that they base their opinions on marriage and how to go about it on accounts they read on said forums. This is highly problematic because forums don't accurately reflect reality. Many people join forums when they are faced with some sort of problem, issue, or quandary that they haven't found an answer to in real life and need further guidance with. As a result, they are bound to hear mostly negative accounts and difficulties. 

 

Another factor that makes me quite inclined to agree with Brother Monad is that many of the problems discussed by people on here aren't necessarily universal. For instance, in my experience, I've not seen the epidemic of young unmarried men that is often discussed on here. I live in area that has one of the highest costs of living on the west coast and I still see many people my age (early 20's) getting married. Yes, some may face issues but it most certainly is not the case that young people, on the whole, are having to forego marriage.  Now, that isn't to say that marriage or finding a spouse is easy because it isn't but it's also not as impossible as it's often made out to be. I think it's possible that some people may subconsciously feel unprepared for marriage and may be projecting their anxieties towards marriage onto the process of looking for a spouse, resulting in them going about the process incorrectly and becoming disillusioned.

 

It's also ridiculous and inaccurate to claim that most people are unhappy in their marriages. Most people only discuss their marriages on forums when they are facing some sort of difficulty or need guidance and consequently, it tends to be the unhappy couples who open threads. As such, we tend to hear mainly the negative.That tends to be the case in real life as well as people tend not to discuss happy situations extensively as this comes across as boasting and distasteful. 

 

No... You simply cannot deny that the divorce rate is higher now than ever before in human history. Many many people are unhappy in their marriage and only a fraction of them go on forums to discuss their marriage issues. 

The parasite of feminism has infiltrated society including very much our own. Women's demands are impossible to meet, both before and after marriage. Yes, I am picking on women. Women want to be in charge, they want to be independent, they want to have careers, they want to wear the trousers and if that isn't enough they will do their best to manipulate men for the rest of "his" life to get more resources out of him. Asking a woman to do her wifely duties, i.e. cooking, cleaning and rearing children is considered an insult to them. This is all after they have taken heaps of dowry/gold just to marry them.

 

Sorry, but marriage was actually much easier before this feminism nonsense took over the world and as far as I know feminism started in the 1960's when online forums wasn't even a figment of anyone's imagination. THAT is reality, the forums are a mere reflection of that reality. Marriage has now become a joke, so I say no thanks I'm better off without it.

 

Lol, "you live in an area that has the highest cost of living on the west coast"... don't you see how you are contradicting yourself? Who do you think can afford to live in such a rich area? a). The poor people who can't afford to get married or b). The rich people who can. hmm... I wonder which one? lol... unless of course you were referring to the street bums in that neighbourhood getting married in the rich people's trash cans?

Edited by jaguar_knight

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No... You simply cannot deny that the divorce rate is higher now than ever before in human history. Many many people are unhappy in their marriage and only a fraction of them go on forums to discuss their marriage issues. 

The parasite of feminism has infiltrated society including very much our own. Women's demands are impossible to meet, both before and after marriage. Yes, I am picking on women. Women want to be in charge, they want to be independent, they want to have careers, they want to wear the trousers and if that isn't enough they will do their best to manipulate men for the rest of "his" life to get more resources out of him. Asking a woman to do her wifely duties, i.e. cooking, cleaning and rearing children is considered an insult to them. This is all after they have taken heaps of dowry/gold just to marry them.

 

Sorry, but marriage was actually much easier before this feminism nonsense took over the world and as far as I know feminism started in the 1960's when online forums wasn't even a figment of anyone's imagination. THAT is reality, the forums are a mere reflection of that reality. Marriage has now become a joke, so I say no thanks I'm better off without it.

 

 

No one is denying that there are unhappily married couples or that the divorce rate is higher than in past eras. I simply stated that it is false that ALL married people are unhappy as a couple of posters insinuated. The fact that there are people who are unhappily married or more divorces than in the past still doesn't mean that EVERY married person is unhappy or wants a divorce. If everyone around you is miserable and unhappily married, it is unfortunate and I'm sorry to hear that but, again, they don't represent EVERY married person out there and it's silly to claim otherwise.   

 

If someone believes that marriage is not for them and believes that they would be more content being single than married, that is absolutely fine. There is absolutely no shame in doing what they feel is right for them. They're quite free to abstain from marriage. There really is no need to make ridiculous generalizations and claim that everyone who chose differently is miserable and unhappy to justify their own choices. 

 

 

 

Lol, "you live in an area that has the highest cost of living on the west coast"... don't you see how you are contradicting yourself? Who do you think can afford to live in such a rich area? a). The poor people who can't afford to get married or B). The rich people who can. hmm... I wonder which one? lol... unless of course you were referring to the street bums in that neighbourhood getting married in the rich people's trash cans?

 

Yes, I do (currently San Francisco and previously Los Angeles) and yes, people are getting married. I'm in my early twenties and got married a few months back. I also have a few family members, friends, classmates acquaintances and the like who are my age (or near my age) who have gotten married or are in the process of doing so.

 

Everyone's circumstances are different and getting married at that age may not be viable or even desirable for every single person out there and it would be grossly inaccurate to claim otherwise. However, it's equally inaccurate that claim that every single person out there is having to delay marriage until 30+ as many people on here are quite fond of claiming. 

Edited by alina92

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aren't japanese practicing celibacy too? avoiding dating and living as single without partners?

 

i blame the internet.

 

This was on the news last year.

The youth are more pre-occupied --as in addiction-- with their electronics.

 

 

 

Who wouldn't want this? http://www.ultraupdates.com/2014/02/110-cute-and-romantic-muslim-couples/

 

The Prophet Muhammad said, "After Islam, there is no benefit for a Muslim man better than a Muslim wife. She makes him happy when he sees her, she fulfills his requests, and she protects herself (modesty) and his property when he is absent." (Tahdheeb al-Ahkam) في تهذيب الأحكام محمد بن يعقوب عن عدة من أصحابنا عن سهل بن زياد عن جعفر بن محمد الأشعري عن عبد الله بن ميمون القداح عن أبي عبد الله عن آبائه عليهم السلام، قال، قال النبي صلى الله عليه وآله، ما استفاد امرء مسلم فائدة بعد الاسلام أفضل من زوجة مسلمة تسره إذا نظر إليها وتطيعه إذا أمرها، وتحفظه إذا غاب عنها في نفسها وماله.

 

Do not lose faith in the mercy of Allah. Allah has given you all lawful options, and in the end, Perfection is only for Him.

LoL

Good web link.

My favorites are 1] the handcuffs; 2] the sitting couple wearing green, white and black; 3] and most of all, the couple on the driveway --that's real realism, reality --not reality TV

 

tendersoul at post 26 referred to "momeen". When both parties have this, it is not enough. It is the day-by-day things that make or break.

The biggest mistakes women make are: 1] "Why doesn't he behave/cooperate/think like my girlfriends?";  2] and: "Why does he say I'm dumb because I asked him to fix something?"; and 3] "Why is he mad because I cleaned out the house?"

The biggest mistakes men make are: 1] "Why does she say I am 'uncooperative'?"; 2] "Why doesn't she know how to fix anything?" and 3] "Why does she throw my stuff out?" and 4] "I never get any peace-and-quiet around here!" (join a men-only club)

 

So, about three decades ago, one of my cousins got married. So the gift I brought had two cards in it: hers was a best-of-happiness card. His was a sympathy card.

Except for "hello" she hasn't talked to me since.

Edited by hasanhh

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No one is denying that there are unhappily married couples or that the divorce rate is higher than in past eras. I simply stated that it is false that ALL married people are unhappy as a couple of posters insinuated. The fact that there are people who are unhappily married or more divorces than in the past still doesn't mean that EVERY married person is unhappy or wants a divorce. If everyone around you is miserable and unhappily married, it is unfortunate and I'm sorry to hear that but, again, they don't represent EVERY married person out there and it's silly to claim otherwise.   

 

If someone believes that marriage is not for them and believes that they would be more content being single than married, that is absolutely fine. There is absolutely no shame in doing what they feel is right for them. They're quite free to abstain from marriage. There really is no need to make ridiculous generalizations and claim that everyone who chose differently is miserable and unhappy to justify their own choices. 

 

 

 

I already know that this doesn't apply to everybody, I thought we were talking about whether there is an "epidemic" of people staying single or not? You were denying that this is becoming widespread. People are choosing to stay single because they know the terrible implications of getting married and those suckers who do get married have to struggle just to keep the marriage going and many end up in divorce. A divorce where the man almost always loses in divorce settlements, custody of children etc. thanks to the feminist run legal system which always favours the women. This is very much an epidemic i'm afraid, if you are having trouble believing this you can look up the data and news articles yourself I'm not going to do it for you. 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, I do (currently San Francisco and previously Los Angeles) and yes, people are getting married. I'm in my early twenties and got married a few months back. I also have a few family members, friends, classmates acquaintances and the like who are my age (or near my age) who have gotten married or are in the process of doing so.

 

Everyone's circumstances are different and getting married at that age may not be viable or even desirable for every single person out there and it would be grossly inaccurate to claim otherwise. However, it's equally inaccurate that claim that every single person out there is having to delay marriage until 30+ as many people on here are quite fond of claiming. 

 

Yes but I wasn't talking about age... I was talking about being able to afford to get married. It is clear you are living in a community where the people are rich enough to get married at an early age. I know this first hand myself too, living in London where the community is also rich.

 

You and your pals are happily married... good for you... you must be one of the fortunate ones.

 

However as I was saying earlier, the institution of marriage as a whole has been made a mockery of thanks to the pestilence of feminism and hence the gradual destruction of society.... Just as The Prophet (p) told us would happen.

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