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starlight

Dear>30 Year Old Single Asian/arab Guy

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I do not agree with some of the things she says...  rather I strongly disgaree with her idea of highly successful careerwomen being good prospective wives and mothers. It can only be possible if women give their career a back seat and devote their time and energies to their home and marriage which is highly unlikely for a woman who has invested a major part of her life on her profession.

but, nevertheless, I thought this would be an interesting read.

 

 

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10155834781700191&set=a.139276005190.228243.537920190&type=1&theater

Follow · July 19 ·

 
 Dear >30 year old Single Asian/Arab Guy,

I have been matchmaking for the past three years to help diminish the ever increasing number of 30-something year old singletons. I do this on a voluntary basis in the little spare time that I have as a working mum of two and for the most part I find it rewarding.

Recently, I have been contacted by several of you asking for introductions to a potential partner. I can see that you're all reasonably attractive high achievers with great careers and pleasant manners. A promising start! I move on to find out more about your hobbies - you are well travelled, charitable, sporty and creative. I proceed to ask what you are looking for in a spouse. You respond to tell me that you are searching for someone who is intelligent, possesses a great sense of humour and most importantly somebody who is spiritual. Bingo! This will be easy!

Over the past few weeks, I have spent hours of exchanges attempting to find you suitable matches; women with whom you can build a meaningful relationship. Some of these single women have included:

- a multi award winning writer for one of the world’s largest news corps
- an award winning journalist often featured on major news channels
- a surgeon who has performed operations across the world on a voluntary basis as an act of charity
- a high flying lawyer whose looks rival that of a Bollywood actress

I have been extremely disappointed to find that ALL of the above women have been rejected because you've deemed them 'too old’.This is despite the fact that they're all at least 5 years younger than you, or at the very most, the same age as you. Astonishingly, one of you (yes, you- the forty two year old with the grey hair ), was even bold enough to ask if I could 'guarantee' that the lady in question was fertile. Well no. I can't. In the same way that these single girls are NOT expecting me to provide them with your recent sperm count.

Another one of you expressed worries about the risk of any future children born to an ‘older woman’ having Down’s Syndrome. Ok, as a qualified GP, I can see that that's a legitimate concern. Sort of. But let's go on a fact finding mission together and we'll soon discover that the risk of a 35 year old woman conceiving a child with Downs Syndrome is 0.4%. To put it another way, there is a 99.6% chance that the child will be born WITHOUT Downs Syndrome. 0.4%, 0.4%!! Yet you still feel that the odds are too high. What happened to balance and perspective? Which leads me nicely on to my next point; physical attraction.

Almost all of you have expressed that you would like to marry someone attractive. Of course you would; there is no shame in admitting that and I value your honesty. However, in my experience, many of you are oblivious of your own shortcomings in the looks department and I have a sneaky suspicion you may have well and truly fallen off the self awareness horse. Conventional wisdom states that beauty is very much in the eye of the beholder, but it seems to me that some of you beholders are blind when looking at your own reflections. So, just to be perfectly clear- no, that isn't George Clooney staring back at you. If you want to marry a beautiful woman then please make an effort to make the very most of your own looks.

Physical attraction is a luxury that you may choose to wait for. You may even choose to be single forever rather than marry someone you aren’t physically attracted to. Good luck with that. Just don’t prioritise looks over character. Of course,you may insist on both and be willing to die single, or you may have to choose. My advice: choose character. You will eventually find true beauty shapes your perception from the inside out.

There is a genuine crisis happening right under our noses, where amazingly talented single women are being overlooked because of your irrational fears and increasing list of demands. It's time to ask yourself if it really is her age that you fear, or rather the fact that you may feel threatened by a woman who has achieved great things in life and is your intellectual equal.


Or perhaps it's neither and marriage simply isn't for you.

So, when you're next warming up your bowl of curry for one, made lovingly by your mother, please take a moment to reflect (and in some instances LITERALLY reflect) on why you're truly single. It's not because there is a global shortage of ‘good women’, but because you have a completely unrealistic idea of what you want in a wife.

Kind regards,

Farah Kausar
Voluntary matchmaker & wife of brilliant man
Edited by starlight

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You can't really guilt men into marrying these women, or blame the guys that didn't marry them. First, as you mentioned, being a highly successful businesswoman has nothing to do with being a good wife or mother. Sure, it may help out with the expenses, but it says little about her personality, her religiosity, or her nurturing capacity. By the looks of it, these women put their careers first ("award winning writer for a world news corporation", surgeon, etc.), and while there is nothing wrong with women working, men do not judge a woman's relationship value based on her success in free market capitalism. Perhaps their parents pushed them into that direction, or society, or maybe their own material ambitions, but for thousands of years, most women around the world from every culture married before the age of 30. You can't expect the sociological and biological reasons for this to change. To even become a successful lawyer with Bollywood looks means that you had to ignore years of proposals from guys looking for smart, good-looking girls (i.e. almost everyone). Now that she's in her 30s, she turns around and wants to get married? That means that marriage was a low priority for her when she was young, when Islam and conventional wisdom very highly emphasizes marrying young and having children. The Prophet wanted us to multiply and have many children in comparison to the other nations (أكثروا الولد أكاثر بكم الامم غدا), and every society did this until the last 30 years. Now, you have tons of women in their 30s and 40s in the corporate world who are down to marry just about any guy - well, just not a younger man, or a man making less money, or from a different culture, etc.

I sincerely hope these women get married, but if they don't, they shouldn't try guilting others for their own problems.

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she sure is funny 

On 7/21/2015 at 1:15 PM, Qa'im said:

You can't really guilt men into marrying these women, or blame the guys that didn't marry them. First, as you mentioned, being a highly successful businesswoman has nothing to do with being a good wife or mother. Sure, it may help out with the expenses, but it says little about her personality, her religiosity, or her nurturing capacity. By the looks of it, these women put their careers first ("award winning writer for a world news corporation", surgeon, etc.), and while there is nothing wrong with women working, men do not judge a woman's relationship value based on her success in free market capitalism. Perhaps their parents pushed them into that direction, or society, or maybe their own material ambitions, but for thousands of years, most women around the world from every culture married before the age of 30. You can't expect the sociological and biological reasons for this to change. To even become a successful lawyer with Bollywood looks means that you had to ignore years of proposals from guys looking for smart, good-looking girls (i.e. almost everyone). Now that she's in her 30s, she turns around and wants to get married? That means that marriage was a low priority for her when she was young, when Islam and conventional wisdom very highly emphasizes marrying young and having children. The Prophet wanted us to multiply and have many children in comparison to the other nations (أكثروا الولد أكاثر بكم الامم غدا), and every society did this until the last 30 years. Now, you have tons of women in their 30s and 40s in the corporate world who are down to marry just about any guy - well, just not a younger man, or a man making less money, or from a different culture, etc.

I sincerely hope these women get married, but if they don't, they shouldn't try guilting others for their own problems.

hmm well you can't assume she never tried, or wasn't interested in marriage. Don't just assume, put your self in there shoes :(

I can tell you that many muslim shia girl just can't find a suitable religious guy. Men generally are more intimidated from women of higher status then them etc etc

the list goes on.........

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38 minutes ago, Muslimah313 said:

hmm well you can't assume she never tried, or wasn't interested in marriage. Don't just assume, put your self in there shoes :(

Of course you can't assume. I based my answer on the information given. The entire post was just about a matchmaker guilting men for not marrying these girls. The only merits the blogger advertised were their careers and their looks - nothing about their personalities, religiosity, or nurturing qualities. But you can't blame someone who says "no". Love is a two-way street, and no means no, whether that no is coming from a woman or a man.

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2 minutes ago, Qa'im said:

Of course you can't assume. I based my answer on the information given. The entire post was just about a matchmaker guilting men for not marrying these girls. The only merits the blogger advertised were their careers and their looks - nothing about their personalities, religiosity, or nurturing qualities. But you can't blame someone who says "no". Love is a two-way street, and no means no, whether that no is coming from a woman or a man.

true you have a good point in that perspective 

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It's funny, but it's onesideded.

This lady, because she said she is a GP (I am assuming this stands for General Practitioner, i.e. a doctor)

is overly sympathetic to these 'highly achieving career women' and underly sympathetic to  the man's perspective.

Being involved in the matchmaking process thru a muslim organization here in the US and having some dealing with some of these 'highly sucessful career women' myself, I can say that it is just as much the problem of these women as it is the men. On several occasions, I had women in their early thirties turn down good potential matches because the man was 'not as educated' as them, although they did have college degrees and good jobs, but if they had a Masters Degree the guy had to have a Master, if they were a phD candidate, the guy had to have his phD, etc. 

Many times these women, who it is already hard to find a match for if they are pushing 30, shoot themselves in the foot , so to speak, by being overly picky. So that is the other side of it. 

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