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In the Name of God بسم الله
IbnSina

Struggles Of A Muslim Man Living In The West

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Ok, what I need to know right now is the following:

 

1. What is the definition of the word chastity exactly?

 

2. You can lose your virginity but maintain your chastity as said by many of the posters here correct? 

 

3. If you do muttah which Allah(SWT) has said to be halal, then you lose your chastity or not? And if you do muttah one time versus one hundred times, does that affect the status of your chastity?

 

4. What is the islamic view on maintaining virginity? If muttah does not take away chastity, then what is the point of staying virgin and tormenting yourself?

 

5. Does the maintaining of virginity mean anything to Allah(SWT)? Or does the maintaining of chastity mean anything and virginity is irrelevant?

 

So in short, why on earth would you decide to stay virgin, if it pains you and muttah is fully okay and does not make you please your Lord less?

What the Flapjack is the point then?!

 

Chastity is about recognising the sexual union as sacred and being conscientious about that. It involves self constraint and its most often mentioned in relation to the approach to marriage in the Quran (doing it the right way, taking this responsibility seriously).

 

I would suggest you reflect on verse 4:25 It may not be traditionally understood to be referring to mutah marriage, but if you consider that one of the ways mutah marriage has been thought to be beneficial (in the case of a person who is struggling to (or cannot) secure a permanent marriage and fears sin) then this verse would seem to be relevant. It says that in the case of a person who fears distress/sin, he can marry a matured believing slave, but to be patient is better. So wouldn’t it seem reasonable to apply this in your case too?  If you have decided on taking the more responsible approach and a harder path for the sake of Allah then don’t doubt that you will be rewarded.

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Ok, what I need to know right now is the following:

1. What is the definition of the word chastity exactly?

Chastity basically means to not engage in sexual activity that goes against the sexual norms of a religion, culture, or society. So there can be different notions of chastity. For us, the most important is obviously the Islamic view of chastity, but we can obviously be impacted by other notions of it.

2. You can lose your virginity but maintain your chastity as said by many of the posters here correct?

Yes, of course. A married person who loses their virginity is obviously not unchaste.

3. If you do muttah which Allah(SWT) has said to be halal, then you lose your chastity or not? And if you do muttah one time versus one hundred times, does that affect the status of your chastity?

Chastity is not the same thing as virginity. So no, you don't become unchaste by doing mut`a. Obviously if someone abuses it, by having the wrong intentions, then that is wrong, but it isn't really a problem of chastity from the religious point of view. However, it may break cultural notions of chastity.

4. What is the islamic view on maintaining virginity? If muttah does not take away chastity, then what is the point of staying virgin and tormenting yourself?

There is no value in unnecessarily remaining a virgin. However, getting married or doing mut`a is easier said than done for a lot of people, who therefore have to remain virgins until it becomes a possibility.

5. Does the maintaining of virginity mean anything to Allah(SWT)? Or does the maintaining of chastity mean anything and virginity is irrelevant?

Virginity doesn't mean anything. It would always be preferable for virginity to be lose in a lawful way, rather than be kept for no good reason. Virginity is however preferable to zina.

So in short, why on earth would you decide to stay virgin, if it pains you and muttah is fully okay and does not make you please your Lord less?

Because it's not so easy to do mut`a in this society without engaging in some unlawful actions. However, if it is a lawful option for you, then by all means, go ahead (while being aware of the potential consequences). Edited by Haydar Husayn

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SubhanAllah, the most amazing thing happened while I was at the mosque today.

After the lecture I went up to the sheikh and asked him if i could speak to him in private.

And I told him all about my situation and all the things I have been thinking of, this is really unlike me to and talk to a sheikh in private or at all for that matter.

 

He said that me maintaining my virginity was not in vain as my niat was to please Allah(SWT) and that is was the "lesser of the good". 

I understand now that my concept of virginity was wrong and that it was an old western idea. I thought to myself that the hardest way is always the best way in the eyes of Allah(SWT) and he explained to me how that is incorrect and that Allah(SWT) wants to make things easy for us.

 

And he explained to me the difference between chastity and staying virgin for men and I also spoke more about him regarding for example how some people only want to marry others from the same nation and about getting a wife from Iran and the risks etc. He had such nice answers to the things I asked about, I never looked at it that way.

 

SubhanAllah I got what I prayed for, I think I am a better muslim now and that my perspective of these things are more in accordance with Islam now and less in accordance with my own thoughts, It feels so strange and weird, almost like a haze has been lifted from my eyes I feel so much lighter now.

 

He also told me how I should stop thinking too negatively about stuff and he had a point.

Only Allah(SWT) knows why I had to become 26 years old before getting this realization at a point where I was ready to explode, but my rigid way of seeing things and living has given me many good things as well and have made me into the man I am today, the amount of resilience and self discipline it has given me is really amazing alhamdulillah.

 

I am not angry anymore, it was always the will of Allah(SWT) for me to walk this way and I only prayed for him to make me a better muslim alhamdulillah, I will take what my hard lifestyle has given me and make the best out of it as I move away from it and more towards the lifestyle of Islam.

 

I will inshaAllah soon wright again and explain how I think my lifestyle has benefited me and what I think others in my place should do and how my concept of virginity has changed. I do not know where these strange concepts of my own has come to me, but I thought that if I did the extreme opposite of the kuffar around me then I was doing the best thing.

 

Oh man I feel so strange, I can't even recognize myself anymore, this month is truly blessed! What a transformation of the mind...

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I do not know, I will have to think about it... whatever happens now I am just glad I got this haze lifted from me, I feel so much lighter and life feels so much easier. 

Really one big strange day, the weirdest one my life yet, the person I was when I woke up and the person that is going to sleep soon are like two completely different persons, I am so relieved.

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That did not answer the question at all.

 

@ SlaveOfAllah

 

I never said anything about sinning/adultery, muttah is not sinning. And according to the sisters and most of the brothers here, staying pure has nothing to do with virginity AT ALL.

 

@ magma

 

If the end result is the same, why on earth would I go the way which would be harder if the result does not change at all? Do I hate myself?

 

 

Ok, what I need to know right now is the following:

 

1. What is the definition of the word chastity exactly?

 

2. You can lose your virginity but maintain your chastity as said by many of the posters here correct? 

 

3. If you do muttah which Allah(SWT) has said to be halal, then you lose your chastity or not? And if you do muttah one time versus one hundred times, does that affect the status of your chastity?

 

4. What is the islamic view on maintaining virginity? If muttah does not take away chastity, then what is the point of staying virgin and tormenting yourself?

 

5. Does the maintaining of virginity mean anything to Allah(SWT)? Or does the maintaining of chastity mean anything and virginity is irrelevant?

 

So in short, why on earth would you decide to stay virgin, if it pains you and muttah is fully okay and does not make you please your Lord less?

What is the point then?!

Moderator's note: please don't use foul language on an Islamic forum, particularly during the month of Ramadan. Putting asterisks in the middle doesn't change the meaning.

1. Chastity is abstaining from sexual / physical relationships except with your spouse/s

Not indulging in fantasies about anyone except your spouse/s

and not looking at anyone with lust except your spouse/s

 

2. Yes. refer to above

 

3. No. No as long as the mutah is conducted according to sharia rules

 

4, Virginity is equivalent to chastity IF (and this is an important IF) the person has no opportunity to engage in halal marriage/s, either zawaj mutah or zawajtul nikah (or both) . IF the person has the opportunity to marry, has the desire to marry, and then does not marry because they want to maintain their virginity, then this is not chastity but monasticism, which is highly discouraged in Islam. In that case, not only is there no value to it, but there is a harm in it, both to the individual and society. 

 

5. Again, maintaining virginity does mean something to Allah(s.w.a) and is equivalent to chastity if the person has no opportunity to marry. If they have the opportunity, then the meaning of it is in doubt.

 

In short, Islam encourages marriage/s. Period.

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1. Chastity is abstaining from sexual / physical relationships except with your spouse/s

Not indulging in fantasies about anyone except your spouse/s

and not looking at anyone with lust except your spouse/s

 

2. Yes. refer to above

 

3. No. No as long as the mutah is conducted according to sharia rules

 

4, Virginity is equivalent to chastity IF (and this is an important IF) the person has no opportunity to engage in halal marriage/s, either zawaj mutah or zawajtul nikah (or both) . IF the person has the opportunity to marry, has the desire to marry, and then does not marry because they want to maintain their virginity, then this is not chastity but monasticism, which is highly discouraged in Islam. In that case, not only is there no value to it, but there is a harm in it, both to the individual and society. 

 

5. Again, maintaining virginity does mean something to Allah(s.w.a) and is equivalent to chastity if the person has no opportunity to marry. If they have the opportunity, then the meaning of it is in doubt.

 

In short, Islam encourages marriage/s. Period. 

I second this with one amendment if I may dear br Abu Hadi.

When referring to marriage these days amongst the shia brothers why as a default only one wife is mentioned?

Is this the subliminal message to install and cement the concept of the "one wife" as being the only acceptable narrative these days ?

Is monogamy the only option today ?

Is this islamic ?

Edited by :Sami II

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I second this with one amendment if I may dear br Abu Hadi.

When referring to marriage these days amongst the shia brothers why as a default only one wife is mentioned?

Is this the subliminal message to install and cement the concept of the "one wife" as being the only acceptable narrative these days ?

Is monogamy the only option today ?

Is this islamic ?

:Sami II, please read the last line of Abu Hadi's post again. :)

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:Sami II, please read the last line of Abu Hadi's post again. :)

salam dear sis 

thank you pointing No.5 again, my deepest apologies for my error.

 

5. Again, maintaining virginity does mean something to Allah(s.w.a) and is equivalent to chastity if the person has no opportunity to marry. If they have the opportunity, then the meaning of it is in doubt.

 

In short, Islam encourages marriage/s. Period.

WS

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(salam)

Reading your post I was astonished to find that there was someone with a similar situation as myself (same age too) but I'm in the U.S. However, I don't define chastity the way you do, as in chastity = virginity. Chastity is to abstain from any sort of sexual attraction to another except one's rightful spouse. You need to get over this whole "im a virgin so I will only marry a virgin" attitude, because then you only will have yourself to blame for your loneliness. People go through different obstacles everyday in regards to preserving ones "virginity." Some are able to keep it like you and I, but some falter and make a mistake. That is for Allah (swt) to judge them on, what matters is if that person has repented and shows great remorse for what they have done (this of course applies to non halal unions). Some can't hold it and perform mutah to counter there need for sexual satisfaction, does that make a person "weaker"? No, defiantly not.

Coming from someone with a very similar situation, I hope this has helped you.

(wasalam)

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Brother kbsquare,

 

You are completely right, I see things like that now.

Thank you for your advice and opinion on the matter.

InshaAllah we will both find someone sooner rather than later, iA i will update this thread as things develop, stay tuned and we might both learn something iA.

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This really start to sound a new science to me called "How to find a good spouse for a man" :D. Since it's so difficult to find.

salam my dear brother 

hope you and your family are well and ramadan is treating you good with all its blessings.

If you are still looking for a wife/wives, I am happy to assist you.

I have found marriage sites very helpful in finding wives for myself, my sons and other family members.

If an old ugly man like me can do it, I'm sure a young handsome brother like yourself will do even better.

My secret is I use a system that I have created, it took me more then 5 years to develop it, I spent more then $1,100,000 to try this system and tested it extensively.

I would say I have a success rate of 99% of finding the perfect wife. 

For me the conditions of an ideal wife/wives were simple, shia or willing to convert, hijab or willing to dress as one, accept polygamy and help me prepare for :Al-Hujjat a.s.

I'm happy to start a new topic or PM me, which ever suits you dear bro.

WS

Edited by :Sami II

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salam my dear brother 

hope you and your family are well and ramadan is treating you good with all its blessings.

If you are still looking for a wife/wives, I am happy to assist you.

I have found marriage sites very helpful in finding wives for myself, my sons and other family members.

If an old ugly man like me can do it, I'm sure a young handsome brother like yourself will do even better.

My secret is I use a system that I have created, it took me more then 5 years to develop it, I spent more then $1,100,000 to try this system and tested it extensively.

I would say I have a success rate of 99% of finding the perfect wife. 

For me the conditions of an ideal wife/wives were simple, shia or willing to convert, hijab or willing to dress as one, accept polygamy and help me prepare for :Al-Hujjat a.s.

I'm happy to start a new topic or PM me, which ever suits you dear bro.

WS

umm, pardon me, but $1, 100, 000 just to find a couple wives?

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