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~ThePond~

My Husband Thinks I Dress Too Conservative

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Asalaam Alaikum brothers and sisters! I had a quick question concerning hijab and marriage.  I currently live in the United States, and I am an American convert, hamdullilah, and I had a question concerning Islamic dress.

 

My husband tells me I dress too conservative (I wear an abaya, or skirts, and usually a black or grey hijab (similar to the Iranian manner), and he often tells me that I do not need to wear the hijab so conservatively.  I respect his opinion, and I thank Allah he is a very understanding man, but I did not know what I should do.  I personally enjoy dressing conservative, and I believe it leaves more for him to be seen, but sometimes we can argue over this.  Should I listen to my husband and dress less conservatively, or is it more appropriate to continue dressing the way I do.  A few times I wore pants and a long shirt dress for him, but I feel awkward and not as protected in these clothes.  Any advise from scholars or married people would be best, thank you :)

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Wa alikum alsalam,

 

I am very proud of you, dear sister, even born muslim women who goes for studying there for awhile, don't wear as you do , as I know. I really admire my revert friends who dress too conservative in the western countries.

 

Don't listen to your husband, it is not even recommendable to listen to him in this case, because our marjas and scholars say that wearing abaya is the best. 

 

May Allah(swt) strengthen your faith insha Allah

Edited by Zahra1

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Dress to please him at home. Dress in any appropriate way that you prefer in public. It sounds to me like he isn't asking you to forego hijab, just to wear a style that you don't prefer. If that is the case, you can consider changing to please him, but you don't have to and he shouldn't ask. He saw how you dressed before he married you.

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You should dress modestly in public without a doubt. But when you are alone with your husband go creative with your clothing. Wear all sort of colors and all types of clothing. Ask him what he likes. And go with it. This will please him. 

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Your husband may have a point. What kind of dresses is he suggesting? The important thing is that you adhere to the Islamic guidelines on dress code; but not to go overboard that you neglect your husband.

 

I wish you success and happiness in your relationship.

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Your husband may have a point. What kind of dresses is he suggesting? The important thing is that you adhere to the Islamic guidelines on dress code; but not to go overboard that you neglect your husband.

 

I wish you success and happiness in your relationship.

 

From alternatives that she has described, I don't think they should be considered. 

 

Sister, don't compromise and God will assist you.

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From alternatives that she has described, I don't think they should be considered. 

 

Sister, don't compromise and God will assist you.

Pants and long shirt is hijabish, provided they are loose and  not form fitting...

Edited by starlight

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Pants and long shirt is hijabish, provided they are loose and  not form fitting...

 

I can understand that hijab can be very difficult in certain environments and people may have to be less conservative.

 

However we shouldn't underestimate the 'subjectivity' provided by differing spiritual levels and different practices. Just observe yourself and other people. You may find something unacceptable while another has no problem with it. You may at some point in your life feel a certain way and at another feel differently. Also take the differing views of the genders into account.

 

I personally think western style clothes for men can be too immodest.

Edited by Muhammed Ali

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Walaykm alsalam

If ur husband thinks u r wearing too concervatively, just ask him why he thinks so. Your husband in the end wants what's best for both of u so he may have suggested so based on the type of environment you're living in. Basically the philosophy of hijab is to revert foreign men's eyes, so if wearing a less conservative outfit and yet maintaining such a philosophy is possible then go ahead.

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Alright, so by less conservatively, he means like pants (he prefers jeans), a long dress/shirt, and a hijab worn not in the usual manner Shiite women wear? (like chin mostly covered), also the color the hijab because I tend to wear grey or black (like pink, blue, light red, etc.).

 

At home, I wear whatever he prefers and I have absolutely no problem for this as I enjoy having the chance to dress nice (like makeup as well since I do not wear makeup in public, and if I do it is to cover a blemish of some sorts)

 

He says he does not like how conservative I dress because it he believes people may judge us and find us to be of the "extremist." I have worn what he suggests a few time, but I feel like it is almost how everyone else dresses, with the exception that my hair is covered.  Also, I generally feel uncomfortable and not as "protected" if you will.

 

Thank you for all the nice comments, mashallah 

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Alright, so by less conservatively, he means like pants (he prefers jeans), a long dress/shirt, and a hijab worn not in the usual manner Shiite women wear? (like chin mostly covered), also the color the hijab because I tend to wear grey or black (like pink, blue, light red, etc.).

 

 

I believe it's fine to wear pants with long shirt. The color of hijab should always be some dark color, not bright colors. You can wear bright colored shirts (pink, light red etc.) with black hijab. I heard this from a female shia scholar. 

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I believe it's fine to wear pants with long shirt. The color of hijab should always be some dark color, not bright colors. You can wear bright colored shirts (pink, light red etc.) with black hijab. I heard this from a female shia scholar. 

 

Hm, never heard of that... I've heard you shouldn't wear bright, flashy colors in general but what's the difference between a bright shirt and black hijab, and a black shirt and bright hijab? 

Edited by dragonfly

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Off topic but what were you before you converted? Just curious.

I wouldn't consider myself part of a religion before, but I was raised Catholic, and given no choice in my religion until I went to college.

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Hm, never heard of that... I've heard you shouldn't wear bright, flashy colors in general but what's the difference between a bright shirt and black hijab, and a black shirt and bright hijab? 

I guess that if you wear bright scarf, it will make your face look attractive. If you wear a bright shirt with black scarf , it will create respect, not attraction. Western society is becoming obsessed with appearance and social status, that's why the change in rules. 

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