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In the Name of God بسم الله
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YaaAllah

I Want To Marry The Love Of My Life, But....

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Salam alaykom!

I have met a girl and I am really into her. I can see her as the mother of my children. But the problem is she is sunni. I want to raise my children as shias and she has agreed to this. But yet I cant because of confused children.

I have read many threads everywhere and most people do not recommend it and I understand that. But I cant see myself with another person. I actually dont want to either.

I read that it was mostly a problem if the girl was the shia and the guy the sunni but ok if the guy is shia.

I really want her to become shia, any good suggestions on how to aproach this and not sound like I want to control her or anything like that.

Please help

Wa salam!

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(Salam)

She has agreed to let you raise the children as followers of Ahlul Bayt (as) and Rasoolillah (saw) ? What are you waiting for? Congratulations ya akhi!

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At one point or another she's going to search about shia beliefs herself. Simply answer any questions she has, don't push it on her. Sort of do your own thing and let her do the research she wants to. Otherwise, if you try to open discussion and elaborate more than needed, she will get upset and angry and will close off for a while.

Chances are extremely high she will be shia later after the marriage.

She agreed that the children be brought up on shia beliefs. As long as she is truly all right with that and you know she wouldn't "secretly" push sunni beliefs into the kids, I'd definitely go for it.

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Actually my paternal uncle married a sunni women and unfortunately the children are not the strongest of muslims. Even though my uncle is a good shia. I a, just trying to say that there can be both intended and unintended outcomes that could come from this. Inshallah things work out for the best.

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Actually my paternal uncle married a sunni women and unfortunately the children are not the strongest of muslims. Even though my uncle is a good shia. I a, just trying to say that there can be both intended and unintended outcomes that could come from this. Inshallah things work out for the best.

 

Yeah but cant you say that about pretty much anything you do in life? non of us can control what our kids end up believing, theyre going to be responsible for that. All he can do is attempt to inculcate an open mind and heart in his child and give it any information that will help it make the best choices (and pray). If this woman seems to be of a similar approach then inshAllah they will do what it takes to make a healthy marriage and healthy kids.

Edited by Ruq

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I personally suggest that u should marry her. She is giving u permission to allow your children to grow up as lovers of the ahlul bayt. That's what u want isn't it? Also by marrying her u can teach her about the teaching of ahlul bayt and she might as well be convinced that the shia path is the truth. I say go for it akhi though I do have a issue about her parents. They might not like the idea of their daughter marrying a shia. Not only that but if she does become a shia, this might start a controversy. Anyways good luck brother :)

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Her parents accept it and i have talked to them. They like me.

But another big thing in my life is that I have many sisters and only one have been married. The other ones, I want to be a role model to them. This girl is not from the same country as me, she is palestinian and Im afghan. So if I marry her, the door for marrying sunnis/(a guy that is also an arab, that is a bad guy) will be open for my sisters. I have a sister that is with a guy that is shia but not at all a good guy and he is not from the same country as me and my sisters and I dont want her to marry this guy because he truely is a bad guy and my sister will say, well you married her, a sunni girl, why shoulnt I be able to marry this guy

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Her parents accept it and i have talked to them. They like me.

But another big thing in my life is that I have many sisters and only one have been married. The other ones, I want to be a role model to them. This girl is not from the same country as me, she is palestinian and Im afghan. So if I marry her, the door for marrying sunnis/(a guy that is also an arab, that is a bad guy) will be open for my sisters. I have a sister that is with a guy that is shia but not at all a good guy and he is not from the same country as me and my sisters and I dont want her to marry this guy because he truely is a bad guy and my sister will say, well you married her, a sunni girl, why shoulnt I be able to marry this guy

 

Is there anybody who can somehow help me solve this issue, because this is what also stands in the way of me marrying this girl. 

My sisters are "feminists", they dont see this issue as I do. They say that everything that I can do, they should be able to do so too. 

 

 

Does she love AhlulBayt?

 

That is the question I would ask

She is not very informed about shia or even sunni. So she doesnt know much about the ahlulbayt. When I for example told her that today was the day the Prophet(sawaw) died, she was ashamed becaused she did not know about it. That is one of the things that shia truely holds on to and makes it a big deal. So maybe inshaAllah that day will come when she wants to know more and maybe she herself can study it and do her own research.

 

This is my dream...

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At one point or another she's going to search about shia beliefs herself. Simply answer any questions she has, don't push it on her. Sort of do your own thing and let her do the research she wants to. Otherwise, if you try to open discussion and elaborate more than needed, she will get upset and angry and will close off for a while.

Chances are extremely high she will be shia later after the marriage.

She agreed that the children be brought up on shia beliefs. As long as she is truly all right with that and you know she wouldn't "secretly" push sunni beliefs into the kids, I'd definitely go for it.

This.

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I've thought about this issue myself.  A religion or school of thought is really just a label.  Isn't there more to people than just that label?  Is a nominal Shia who is not religious better than a religious, kind Sunni?  Whatever happened to personality, humanity, and other things?

 

Then I realized how important those labels really are.  It seeps into everything.  People of the same label have the ease of relying on shared defaults, assumptions, starting points, and viewpoints, and minimal thinking and working is required.  While with others, you have to spend so much time definiting, clarifying, and parsing out EVERYTHING. 

 

Or you can just stay single and alone, living your label and letting them live theirs. 

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