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Sister In A Haram Relationship - Please Help

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Salam Alaykom brothers and sisters!

I have a big issue in my family. (My parents passed away 5-6 years ago. This has a true meaning to my issue). My sister is in a haram relationship with a bad guy. He has been with numerous amount of girls, even going to Thailand for vacation and the temptations over there, (while being with my sister, but she doesnt blieve me), I know that he had slept with prostitutes in Thailand, his brother told mes. He is a guy who gambles, smokes, has been in a lot of fights, is surrounded by bad friends, not at all a religious guy och a very bad charactor. 

 

There has been/is intimacy between the two and I tried to break them up by firstly talking to him and her, several times. After 3-4 times of "breaking up", my sister was still lying to me about this guy. One day I found out that this guy had been where me and my sisters were, visiting relatives. He had given my sister a letter from the police from this other county because he didnt understand what the letter said. So I found this and was furious and went to his house. I went in and told him to stay away and he said he didnt want to. I asked him about the intimacy. He lied at first, but later he said that it was I while ago. So I punshed him in the face. I told him that I wanted to talk to his parents, so I had to come back later that day. I did and I talked to them. They told me that they would talk to him, but that it would take time, because he would get mad. This made me think that his parents are afraid of him.

 

I dont know what to do, I have tried to stop talking to her because I was sick and tired of all the fights we've had. Of course this did ot work. I tried to talk her out of it, it didnt work. I asked her what she sees in him and she says, he is nice to me and my answer to that is that there are a lot of nice people out there. She, herself, doesnt even know what she sees in him. 

 

Wassalam!

 

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Look brother I have a sister and I understand how you feeling, but I would suggest since she is quite mature to take her decisions you can't actually do much in this situation, you have to remain calm, find a good day sit with her and tell her whole thing without getting angry or emotional, secondly pray to Allah to give her hidayat, thirdly everyone has their own luck and destiny if she is destined for this guy you can't do much about it.

 

so remain calm do your part in this situation and leave rest in the hand of Allah subhanu.

 

Good Luck.

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Look brother I have a sister and I understand how you feeling, but I would suggest since she is quite mature to take her decisions you can't actually do much in this situation, you have to remain calm, find a good day sit with her and tell her whole thing without getting angry or emotional, secondly pray to Allah to give her hidayat, thirdly everyone has their own luck and destiny if she is destined for this guy you can't do much about it.

 

so remain calm do your part in this situation and leave rest in the hand of Allah subhanu.

 

Good Luck.

I dont think she is mature. In the beginning after the death of our parents, all of us (me and my five sisters), became religious. I wasnt at all religious before, so this changed me and I try to stay as consistent as possible to Islam. But they lost it, they went the opposite way somehow. Im not saying im the best brother or muslim, I can admit that I am some sort of a hypocrite, but I want the best for them. And this guy is not it and her choice of future goal of becoming a hairdresser is not either. All this is just making them lose Islam even more. 

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Why don't you help your sister get married? to either the person she is in a relationship with or to someone else who she might like.

 

May be talk to the guy and ask him to change his ways. 

 

Using force won't be much help here, try to use the conscience of both your sister and her boyfriend to get them to mend their ways.

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Why don't you help your sister get married? to either the person she is in a relationship with or to someone else who she might like.

 

May be talk to the guy and ask him to change his ways. 

 

Using force won't be much help here, try to use the conscience of both your sister and her boyfriend to get them to mend their ways.

This is easier said than done. I hate this guy and our whole family is against it. I want her to get married to my cousin who is a great guy! He is all this guy is not. But she doesnt want to because she doesnt have feelings for him, which I understand. But she can at least find a better guy!

How old is she?

20

since you have 5 sisters I think it will be best if one of your sister (who is more mature) should handle this situation, talk with your other sisters about this, but again with calmness.

They have been talking to her, one is 32-33 years old and the other is 23-24. But she doesnt listen. Even the one that is 18 is more mature in every single aspect.

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AsSalam Aleykum,

 

I will point out two main issues from where you can draw a solution.

 

Number 1: If your sister is dating someone who is far away from Islam (not even mentioning that he is a bad guy) it means that your sister is not religious at all because religious girl would not do it. (Please don't get offended, just trying to be realistic) If she is not religious then  that what she gets. Koran says that such type of person deserves such type of partner, the other type the other etc. And it is logical.

 

Number 2: Solution is to bring her back to Islam. If you do so she will automatically get rid of him herself. But how are you going to do this? We all know it is easier to say it than do. She is not religious + she is " in love" with a guy whom she trust. She doesn't have mother to consult. This is a difficul situation, don't want to lie. But I agree with what is said above. First of all CALM DOWN, do not scream, do not fight, do not get angry and in fact vice versa. Be extremely nice, smile to her, tell her that you were angry these days but it is all because you love her, tell her that you think she is mature, and you trust her decision and you will always be there for her. Hug her and say that you love her. Then give her a space since she is already in this situation. Always be  positive and mature, make her feel comfortable around you, make her feel a need to talk to you, become her castle, become her guardian, parent. Create a relationship where she trusts you and relies on you. Take her out, spend time with her, make her happy. When this happens slowly, and IN A SMART WAY start preaching Islam , and salaat, and try to avoid direct talks about that guy. If you are religious as you say, slowly she will come towards you and far away from that guy.

 

P.S. [ You mentioned you are kind of hypocrite. This is not good. You have to improve your Imaan, and be sincere with Allah. How you except to help someone when you yourself need help. And don't forget duas, and prolonged rukus and sajdas]

 

Hope this helps,

 

Wassalam Aleykum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh

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Brother everyone has to marry their equal.

 

The cousin who is a great guy, he deserves more than your sister who fornicates with bad men. Do you think it would be fair on your cousin if he marries your bad sister?

 

Salih for a Saliha

Momin for a Momina

Muslim for a Muslima

Fahish for a Fahisha.

 

So your sister's equal is the man who is involved with her in her sins. You should try to get her married to her equal.

 

When Allah leaves people astray, you can't guide them. The best you can do is make them recite a Nikah so they are married rather than fornicating.

Edited by Khalilallah

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Brother everyone has to marry their equal.

 

The cousin who is a great guy, he deserves more than your sister who fornicates with bad men. Do you think it would be fair on your cousin if he marries your bad sister?

Even though it hurts to hear this, I do agree. I have been talking to my aunt a lot. Because she want her son to get married with my sister. My cousin loves my sister and he really wants to marry her, but she doesnt.

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Brother everyone has to marry their equal.

 

The cousin who is a great guy, he deserves more than your sister who fornicates with bad men. Do you think it would be fair on your cousin if he marries your bad sister?

 

Salih for a Saliha

Momin for a Momina

Muslim for a Muslima

Fahish for a Fahisha.

 

So your sister's equal is the man who is involved with her in her sins. You should try to get her married to her equal.

 

When Allah leaves people astray, you can't guide them. The best you can do is make them recite a Nikah so they are married rather than fornicating.

 

Wow, my equal would be quite a frightening one then. 

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Wow, my equal would be quite a frightening one then. 

You underestimate yourself.

 

The fact that you feel guilt for sinning shows your goodness. 

 

Also marriage is not a "gold necklace" placed around peoples neck for being perfect. It is a step in our life just like birth and death, a marriage is solution not a reward.

 

So try to marry someone who is willing to listen and learn and help each other become better people.

Edited by Khalilallah

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You underestimate yourself.

 

The fact that you feel guilt for sinning shows your goodness. 

 

Also marriage is not a "gold necklace" placed around peoples neck for being perfect. It is a step in our life just like birth and death, a marriage is solution not a reward.

 

So try to marry someone who is willing to listen and learn and help each other become better people.

These two together is not a good mix for becoming better people because none of them are good. It's had impact on the behavior of my sister. She started smoking. She is also surrounded by friends who only talk about boyz and looks and all the other [Edited Out]ty things you can do the western countries...

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Yeah, that's what happens.  Because its the path of least resistance, and the Islamic solutions given are probably not appealing and fall on deaf years.  Likely because it has been mixed too much with culture (whatever it is), and the personal idiosyncrasies of your family.  I can tell you that someone feeling pressured to marry a "good" cousin, will retaliate in all sorts of ways.   And without parents, I can understand why a deep emotional void would be present, and how people will go way out there to fulfill it.  Also, she seems quite young and immature too. 

 

And this happens in all countries. 

Edited by magma

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Lol dragonxx... XD!

I don't think you guys should be judging his sister. I have met many girls in our shia society in this situation, and honestly, I can't blame them. Most of these girls have no loving parents. If a girl knows no love in life, she will give herself to the first idiot showing her some appreciation.

You face a serious issue here and you don't know how it will end. first of all make sure she isn't being beaten or abused by her current boyfriend. Secondly, she needs a huge event to occur, something like an earthquake to open her eyes. She is very attached to the guy because she doesn't know what love is.

So please, avoid calling her fahisha, she is a victim too and has no power at all. Yet she can overcome her situation and build a new life.

And brother, don't underestimate my advice, I'm talking from experience.

Edited by Bakir

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