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Shia_sister

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I'm an individual that lives in Canada. Yesterday I found out that my sister posted a picture of Her self on a dating app. She is a person that wears the scarf and dresses modestly due to my parents rules. I was horrified when I found it and can't believe my sister would put a picture of herself without a scarf out there for the whole world to see. How do I deal with it? I am unable to tell my mom because I'm certain she'll get a stroke if I do. PLEASE HELP!!

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Speak to the person ( calm and collected ), because she is your sister. There is a reason why she has done it, possibly feels unattractive and wants to see how many guys will give her likes or needs a BF OMG OMG OMG!!!!!. We do not know the real reasons, none of us are psychic. Ask her and hopefully you will have one of those typical episodes where, both people scream and shout, to prove their rights were violated.

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On 1/22/2015 at 5:29 PM, Khalilallah said:

Well she has signed up to a dating site because she wants a man.

So tell your parents to give her a man in marriage, so she doesn't have to become so desperate or misled as to post herself online.

I replaced man with chicken burger in your post and its still accurate.

@OP i think you should talk to your sister in a friendly and soft manner about this.if relation between you two is not friendly enough then try a mutual friend.

inform her about different ways of finding a potential partner with dignity.

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A guy a couple months ago proposed to her and they got engaged but she broke it off. When we asked her why she broke it off she said she isn't looking for a partner and wants to finish university first. Which leaves me puzzled as to why she is doing this, and what her intention are by doing this.

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Don't jump to conclusions, may be it is possible that she doesn't  know about it, as there have been many instances where fake

Pics of girls are being used in Dating Sites, or she has intentionally done it.  If I would have been at your place, I would simply ask her  about it, make her understand about negative publicity. Tell her that this pic could haunt her in Coming Years..........as what ever is put on Internet, will remain there for eternal...!

Now comes the question," He, who is without sin can cast the first stone" So it depends on you, how your impression is on her, if you think you are not the right person, Tell your Mama before others tell her and make her Worried

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I'm an individual that lives in Canada. Yesterday I found out that my sister posted a picture of Her self on a dating app. She is a person that wears the scarf and dresses modestly due to my parents rules. I was horrified when I found it and can't believe my sister would put a picture of herself without a scarf out there for the whole world to see. How do I deal with it? I am unable to tell my mom because I'm certain she'll get a stroke if I do. PLEASE HELP!!

This is what happens when Islam is enforced on some one without making him/her understand its value.

Edited by ShiaHashmi

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On 1/22/2015 at 11:23 PM, Shia_sister said:

A guy a couple months ago proposed to her and they got engaged but she broke it off. When we asked her why she broke it off she said she isn't looking for a partner and wants to finish university first. Which leaves me puzzled as to why she is doing this, and what her intention are by doing this.

Maybe she made the University excuse because she didn't like the guy for some other reason but either couldn't tell you or because you would not have understood and just told you whatever would get you off her back.

On the other hand, perhaps she has never felt as strongly about Hijab as you and your family do.

We don't know your sister so we can't accurately tell why she did what she did and nor will any of our advice be as accurate as what you think is best, given your first hand experience. My suggestion, however, would be to talk to her gently and ask her about it. Don't force her and don't try to contradict her. Even if she says she doesn't want to wear Hijab and feels like she was forced into it, at least initially, just nod your head calmly and say you understand. You can, then, try to change her mind gradually. But, never push too hard and always remember you are neither responsible nor are you her guardian. You may feel the need to stop her from what you believe is totally unacceptable but, in your insistence, you'll probably just push her away. Make the best case you can and leave her to make her own decision and accept her decision and your sister as who she is now, not as who you want to be. That doesn't mean you stop trying but just that you don't overdo it.

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So don't go rushing to tell your parents, they will likely over react.

You need to calmly talk to your sister and get to the bottom of why she's doing it.  If it's an Islamic match-making site I wouldn't feel as bad about it, but if it's a secular one I'd be a little more concerned as that could indicate she's looking for a non-Muslim spouse/boy friend.  But you need to figure out why.  Maybe she doesn't even consider herself Muslim, or maybe she only loosely considers herself one and only acts religious in front of the family.

You can't force religion on someone.  You need to have a heart-felt conversation with her and see if she realizes what she's doing is wrong according to Islam.  You need to get her to believe in what is right, even if it is baby steps back towards the right path.

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I feel so sorry for you! I can imagine how hard this maybe on you. My advice may not be appropriated but WALLAH this is exactly what i would do... so here goes....

 

considering the circumstance where she chose not to get married as she wanted to "finish uni", and has past the most volatile years of her life, I would print the post with the pic, hang it in her room so she sees it as soon as she walks in. i will then confront her and tell her she can’t be trusted no more, as a results she is no longer allowed out the house and will be married off to a guy i see fit. Will then take her for a virginity check!  

 

Maybe harsh or old fashioned. But I don’t believe in more than one chance with these sorts of issues. All it takes it one too many chances and her life is ruined. I’d rather it be ruined through marriage then zina! 

 

oh and defo tell your parents!!

 

Regards.

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I am not sure if you've done something about the situation since your first post, but I agree with a lot of the posters above. 

I think you should try to speak to her calmly, find out her reasons for doing what she's doing and approach this carefully, I don't know if she's your younger sister, but if so, you can come across as the caring older sister, who only wants the best for her, just make sure you listen to what she's saying and allow her to speak.

I say calmly and carefully, because you do not want her to rebel and start doing things even more secretively, if somehow you can come across as caring (and not seem judgemental towards her, which may be hard to do), then maybe in the future, she will feel like she can come to you if any other situations like these arise.

This is not an easy situation and obviously the above is my opinion, but whatever you decide to do, inshallah all works out for the best.

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