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In the Name of God بسم الله
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lost.soul1995

Please Help, I Really Need Advise Fast

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I had always had a strong connection and chemistry with someone i had known and grown up with all my life, we had a relaltionship when we were younger at around 13-14 we were both young and stupid and got caught by my mother, then last year it all started again, we love each other so much and we both still do, things started to get serious really quickly, he said he wants to get married and i agreed, anyways things got serious really quickly and he convinced me that we would be together no matter what even though we both knew we would have massive problems with our parents accepting us, but i still believed and trusted him, unfortunately i allowed for the worst to happen, we both committed zina and fornication without nikkah, this now means i am no longer a pure girl. months went by and things were going great except for his parents who were strongly against me simply because they did not like me and they wanted a bride from their home land. two weeks before my birthday he stopped talking to me, i was really confused and i didn't know why, he broke up with me because of his parents and he said that he is going to get married to the person they desire only because he does not want to disrespect his parents for Allah's sake, but what about me ? he has basically ruined my life if he marries another, how am i supposed to get married to someone else like this?  what will my parents do when they find out from a future husband? does respecting his parents outweigh leaving me like this with no future? anyway, he is about to go and get nikkah with someone very shortly, my mother found out about our recent relationship and she asked if we had commited zina or fornication but i was too afraid to tell her the truth, she said  that it will ruin your honour, our families honour, and your future, i really wanted to tell her that we did fornicate and commit zina but i was so scared, what do i do ? do i tell her? do i leave it? please please help me as he is going to get married soon and i dont want to be too late to take action

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First of all you need to do tuaba. About the guy, do you really want a future with a person who can't stand up for you? If he truly loves you, why can't he take a stand for you and at least not go ahead with the nikkah at this time? He is getting his nikkah done, so seems like you need to swallow the bitter pill and move on.

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Dear sister, leave him. He acts like a child, he just wanted to sleep with you.. We girls trust people easily, we love deeply and sometimes we are blind. You can't change the time but you can learn from this mistake. Look, what a hypocrite he is. He made zina with you, but he want a virgin wife. Today i had a book in my hand about women's right in islam. There was written that both men and women sins in the same, they will go to Jannah in the same way, they will be rewarded the same. He is just a hypocrite- i would never ever want to talk to this kind of men again. Make tauba, go deeply into islam, make yourself busy with the things you like and learn from this mistake. Don't worry about next marriage, there is so many muslim men who doesn't care about virginity, just find the right one. :) Don't be sad, make this mistake a big lesson for you, don't give up and keep your head up. Don't let this guy ruin your life, he is not worth it.

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Repent of your sins, but do not confess them to anyone. Your sins are between you and Allah. You deserve a man who loves you, not one who only uses you.

Women are so gullible when unscrupulous men manipulate their emotions!

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Dear sister, you don't need to tell anybody about your sins because it's between you and Allah swt. Your husband can't tell if you're a virgin or not unless you tell him. But if you want to be morally correct then you should inform him before getting married, just to keep your marriage honest. But which you already know, ask for forgiveness and inshallah Allah will forgive you. Regarding the guy, well you should move on since he is already doing nikah with somebody else. I don't think he is the one to blame, you can't be responsible or control his actions, only yours and you did an active choice to do zina with him. So you have only yourself to blame. But all do mistakes and don't ever doubt Allahs mercy and you shouldn't worry about what your mother will say or your future husband will do, you should worry about Allahs judgement, people are insignificant.

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As other said, your best first move would be to do tawba. Salat al layl and dua kumayl are really great for asking for forgiveness, as well as getting closer to Allah swt.

In the other hand, the rest of your doubts depend totally on who you are and what your circumstances are. If you really meed to share your past with your future husband, then do it if that won't cause any harm to the honor of your family.

If your parents can understand these actions without wrongly reacting against you in an agressive or emotional way, then it may be a good idea to tell them, even if they get angry at you at first. But you will have to fight hard to make them trust you again. Don't forget that islamically you have disobeyed your wali which is your father and it's normal that he will be very displeased with you at first.

Your story is sad but these things happen. That man just looks like a selfish coward so forget about him. That's one of the reasons Islam promotes official marriages and forbids zina.

May Allah accept your repentance and gives you power to overcome all of this.

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 Your husband can't tell if you're a virgin or not unless you tell him.

 

Correct me if I am wrong people, speaking as a virgin male. I am pretty sure you can tell if the girl is a virgin. 

 

However as for advise, what’s been done has been done! And these types of stories sadden me as they are increasingly conman in our communities. Mainly amongst our youth.  There is a hadeeth i read where it says, there will come a time where our woman will be wearing hijab and fully covered but they are not virgins. I think we are now living in this time. whatever the reasons.

 

I say try get in touch with his wife to be and let her know what a scum he is. But its unfair to only blame him. you shouldn't have been doing anything with him in the first place for it to lead to zina! as soon as you did that, his respect for you fell. the key to keeping a guy is never letting go of your values and giving into haram. That way he will only respect you more and the anticipation will make him more keen!

 

There is no magic solution to your issue. Apart from do towba and do not repeat.  

 

God is all forgiving!

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First of all, you need to do tauba sister. God is All Forgiving, All Merciful. Second leave the guy alone he was just wanting to sleep with you and ruin your virginity. I'm sure you'll find someone else who's pious and way better than the guy you like. Allah(SWT) decides our fates so leave it up to God. ^_^ 

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