Partner Communication

[Memory85]

Salam brothers and sisters,

I've been married for few years, we hardly have communication between us which I tried to work it out but it seems not working at all. Most of the time he is quiet after he comes back from work. Sometimes I think its work pressure and I should let him remain in silence. But other times it gets too much for me that I really hate it but I remain silent and keep it to myself because I mentioned it few times to him before and he just says its work and that there are days he doesn't talk much. So am I over reacting? Is this normal in marriage life? Or there is something wrong?

[notme]

Does he talk a lot with other people? Some people are just introverted and more quiet and private. But if he's chatty and sociable with others and not with you, you should ask him why.

[:Sami II]

(salam)

 

With all due respect sis, there is a way for a wife to make her husband do anything, she can make him smile in an instant, make him bark like a puppy dog, purr like a little cat or even get him to ttttalk ( that's so hard to even say it for us men ).

I'll leave this up your imagination.

Duas for you and your husband on a successful marriage.

 

ws

Edited January 11, 2015 by :Sami II

[Memory85]

Does he talk a lot with other people? Some people are just introverted and more quiet and private. But if he's chatty and sociable with others and not with you, you should ask him why.

He's not that social, he hardly goes out with his own friends. So when he sees them obviously he gets chatty as it would been a long time. But in general with family and relatives he's normal sometimes chatty other times quiet.

[Memory85]

(salam)

With all due respect sis, there is a way for a wife to make her husband do anything, she can make him smile in an instant, make him bark like a puppy dog, purr like a little cat or even get him to ttttalk ( that's so hard to even say it for us men ).

I'll leave this up your imagination.

Duas for you and your husband on a successful marriage.

ws

Salam bro,

I don't get why the blame is always on the wife. She's the one who always needs to try and make things work etc. Why don't men realise that they have responsibility too?

[Anisa Bandeh Khoda]

Your hubby reminds me of my brother.. He has no respect for you sweetheart. You have to talk to someone about it, because that is not normal. You deserve better treatment.

Kind regards,

Anisa

Edited January 11, 2015 by Anisa Bandeh Khoda

[h1229m]

many cold treat of spouses is because of weak sex  relation ! do you think have a problem in sex ! try be starter in sex , it excitative for men

did you express liking him ! and he too ! if you have a problem try travel or in weekend go somewhere in nature to be quit

you can go to psychiatrist too

men almost like be silent , specially if their work be hard

Edited January 11, 2015 by h1229m

[notme]

He's not that social, he hardly goes out with his own friends. So when he sees them obviously he gets chatty as it would been a long time. But in general with family and relatives he's normal sometimes chatty other times quiet.

I'm female and not very talkative. It's just how some people are. Try expressing affection in other ways. And tell him, during a time when you are both happy and relaxed, that you feel like he is uncommunicative, that you love him and don't want to pressure him, but that it makes you unsure of how he feels about you and the marriage.

[-Enlightened]

Your hubby reminds me of my brother.. He has no respect for you sweetheart. You have to talk to someone about it, because that is not normal. You deserve better treatment.

Kind regards,

Anisa

 

 

do we have the same brother ? cause my brother is the same exact thing ! :P i just hope he doesn't read this cause he is on shiachat too lol (although he is a quiet member)

Edited January 11, 2015 by -Enlightened

[Khalilallah]

If he doesn't talk to you it is probably because he has nothing to say, I like people who only speak when they have something to say.

 

On the other hand, if he was chatty and he blabbered on all day complaining and cursing and being a chit chat then you will be annoyed.

 

So feel happy that he talks little, don't take it for granted. Being talkative is worse than being silent.

[Abbas Lover]

(wasalam)

I think it s normal for men!when they r tired,they dont speak!

even when I m so tired,I dont speak!

[Memory85]

Your hubby reminds me of my brother.. He has no respect for you sweetheart. You have to talk to someone about it, because that is not normal. You deserve better treatment.

Kind regards,

Anisa

Well honestly if I say he doesn't respect me I'd be unfair to him because he treats me and trusts me very well. It's just the communication bit.

[Memory85]

many cold treat of spouses is because of weak sex relation ! do you think have a problem in sex ! try be starter in sex , it excitative for men

did you express liking him ! and he too ! if you have a problem try travel or in weekend go somewhere in nature to be quit

you can go to psychiatrist too

men almost like be silent , specially if their work be hard

I think we're both cold when it comes to that. We don't really express our feelings to each other and I think we're shy sometimes I know it sounds weird since its been months and months we're married. But I usually sms him love msgs from time to time.

[Memory85]

I'm female and not very talkative. It's just how some people are. Try expressing affection in other ways. And tell him, during a time when you are both happy and relaxed, that you feel like he is uncommunicative, that you love him and don't want to pressure him, but that it makes you unsure of how he feels about you and the marriage.

I've spoken to him about it he thinks it's not the words its the actions and I agree. But then as females I think we like to hear nice words about our look dressing etc.

[Memory85]

If he doesn't talk to you it is probably because he has nothing to say, I like people who only speak when they have something to say.

On the other hand, if he was chatty and he blabbered on all day complaining and cursing and being a chit chat then you will be annoyed.

So feel happy that he talks little, don't take it for granted. Being talkative is worse than being silent.

What can I say? Lol So it's either no talking or too talkative no balance!

[Memory85]

(wasalam)

I think it s normal for men!when they r tired,they dont speak!

even when I m so tired,I dont speak!

Could be!

[h1229m]

My sister Express Your Love together ! Talk with him and go to psychiatrist and sexology , with this background you become colder and colder ! and you may have emotional divorce (not Legal divorce , hope you understand )

[Anisa Bandeh Khoda]

do we have the same brother ? cause my brother is the same exact thing ! :P i just hope he doesn't read this cause he is on shiachat too lol (although he is a quiet member)

haha twinnie joOn.. dw just remember I adore you, you're the moOn in my 2 eyes.. If i see your brother I will make him a better brother.. ;) 

[notme]

I've spoken to him about it he thinks it's not the words its the actions and I agree. But then as females I think we like to hear nice words about our look dressing etc.

Try giving him compliments or thank him for something he does all the time, see how he reciprocates. It sounds to me like this marriage has the necessary love and respect, but you are both getting used to each other and overcoming shyness. (You don't need shyness with your spouse at all, but it takes time.)

[:Sami II]

Salam bro,

I don't get why the blame is always on the wife. She's the one who always needs to try and make things work etc. Why don't men realise that they have responsibility too?

because the woman is more superior, more mature and is the boss 

[notme]

because the woman is more superior, more mature and is the boss

The woman endures more, carries more of the weight, and deserves more respect and honor, but the man is the one who must take the responsibility of being the boss. Don't try to push all the man's responsibilities onto the woman - she has enough!

[:Sami II]

The woman endures more, carries more of the weight, and deserves more respect and honor, but the man is the one who must take the responsibility of being the boss. Don't try to push all the man's responsibilities onto the woman - she has enough!

sure , that's how I was raised many moons ago, but men these days are not and choose not to be the boss.

They have trouble leading one wife let alone 4 wives, and it's getting worse each generation.

I might be the last of the mohicans , sorry to say this sis but looks like you're the boss whether you like it or not.

As for respect to the wives in my house , I'm the only person that has respect as I'm the man , the father and the husband.

respect comes from authority , and as the man I have the authority, and for the wives , the word more suited for them is cherish, they are cherished in my house.

And the only times my wives will carry more weight is during their pregnancy.

[monad]

The objective is to propose a solution, not what one prefers.

 

Your husband needs to be told, although he is an introvert, when he comes home, after his unwinding rest period he must talk to his wife. Communication gives the indication that their is care, love, harmony, respect and someone who is willing to listen and discuss problems. Conversations can be of any subject, and if one finds the mundane or usual subjects useless, then find one, and discuss. It would be especially worse, if the female is a house wife and does not talk to anyone outside, yet hopes to speak to someone when they come home. Time for some counseling sessions in marriage before silence takes over, as this would imply repressed emotions that will implode one day. Conversation is part of action too and part of justice.

Edited January 12, 2015 by monad

[notme]

men these days are not and choose not to be the boss.

 

That is one thing that annoys me.  The man is supposed to be the head of the household.  I have known so many ladies whose husbands were more like large children than like leaders.  Why even bother with marriage if you don't gain a partner in the deal?  And most strong and sensible women, when nobody else takes charge, feel like they have to take charge themselves, which just perpetuates the situation and makes it worse.  In an ideal family structure, the husband is the king, making the laws and offering protection and support, and the wife is the queen, offering comfort and advice and maintaining the kingdom in the king's absence.

 

But this is a diversion from the topic.  

 

The OP asked for advice on how to communicate with her introverted husband.  

 

I recently read a book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, by Susan Cain.  It is an enjoyable and easy read.  She might find it informative and it might help her to understand her husband.  

[mahdi servant.01]

probably some guys here seem more chatty!! not dealing with what you raised as a propblem that annoy you in your daily life. I think better to consult with a counselor, try to find a muslim one or the ones who is not against religion as he/she may cause you some more problems as well.

[Memory85]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Not having communication is a problem but I don't think we are at a stage to go counselling and honestly I don't really believe in their work as it is known what they would say and they will drag it forever just to talk etc.

I think it should start with one own self.

Notme- thanks for the book. Inshallah I'll get a chance to read it.

Salams

[:Sami II]

That is one thing that annoys me.  The man is supposed to be the head of the household.  I have known so many ladies whose husbands were more like large children than like leaders.  Why even bother with marriage if you don't gain a partner in the deal?  And most strong and sensible women, when nobody else takes charge, feel like they have to take charge themselves, which just perpetuates the situation and makes it worse.  In an ideal family structure, the husband is the king, making the laws and offering protection and support, and the wife is the queen, offering comfort and advice and maintaining the kingdom in the king's absence.

 

But this is a diversion from the topic.  

 

The OP asked for advice on how to communicate with her introverted husband.  

 

I recently read a book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, by Susan Cain.  It is an enjoyable and easy read.  She might find it informative and it might help her to understand her husband.  

you are unique sis , most young sisters like yourself prefer to be the boss these days and desire men that are subordinate to them.

 

[sevinbirbirinizi]

Sister, just be a kind of mirror of him. If he doesnt wan to talk, don't force him. If you insist, he will run away. Be beautiful and be busy when he comes....Try for a while... I wish Allah brings love to you....