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In the Name of God بسم الله

Getting Rid Of Masturbation

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Concise answer
 

Sin is like a foul-smelling swamp full of sewage; the more one sinks into it, the less he senses its smell, because he actually loses his sense of smell and can't tell that he is drowning anymore.

 

At the same time, anytime one makes a strong decision to return from this swamp, it is considered a victory. One who has decided to fight sin, needs to increase his ambitions for such, so that he can be victorious in the following stages of this struggle.

Self-satisfaction which is called masturbation is a cardinal sin and haram and there is a heavy punishment for that. The best way to avoid masturbation is to get married (permanently or temporarily) under special conditions stipulated in religious articles. If marriage is not possible one should avoid masturbation by exercising, fasting, and filling his spare times in order to keep people and society safe from mental, spiritual and physical damages of this action.

 

Masturbation is not permissible under any circumstances. The best way to get rid of masturbation is to take action for marriage. Fasting, studying, taking exercise and thinking about your own personality as a respected human being can help you stay away from sex-related sins. Surely, you should also stay away from sexually exciting and provocative things or going to such places where you might be aroused sexually. By doing so, you save yourself from physical and spiritual harms of masturbation.

 

Detailed Answer
 
Sin is like a foul-smelling swamp full of sewage; the more one sinks into it, the less he senses its smell, because he actually loses his sense of smell and can't tell that he is drowning anymore.

At the same time, anytime one makes a strong decision to return from this swamp, it is considered a victory. One who has decided to fight sin, needs to increase his ambitions for such, so that he can be victorious in the following stages of this struggle.

As for how to increase ambition and motivation and finally keep away from sins, there are some methods that might be useful:

1- Paying attention to the disadvantages and harms of the sin
2- Paying attention to the high value of your own character and personality
3- Paying attention to the magnanimous rank of Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì and that He has to be obeyed
4- Paying attention to the significance of struggling against sin and one’s illegitimate desires as a skill, and the pleasure of winning the struggle against the self or the carnal desires.

One of the most important points concerning this matter is for you not to lose hope in Allah’s ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì mercy, and to trust in and ask Him for help. No matter how great the sin may be, one should never lose hope in Allah’s mercy.  He should not get frustrated even if he repeatedly breaks his repentance, and he should make up his mind and decide not to commit this sin again. We believe that you will be victorious, with the help of God and His grace.

Istimna or self – satisfaction that has been referred to as masturbation in religious and jurisprudential parlance, means doing something to discharge the sperm from the body. This can be done by touching your body, watching sexual scenes (pictures, movies, …) or reading sexual contents and books (stories, novels,…) or listening to sexual materials (tape, telephone conversation,…) or thinking about sexual matters in order to discharge the sperms. In either ways, this is haram and considered as a major sin.[1]

The best way to avoid masturbation and self – satisfaction is legal marriage (permanently or temporarily) under special conditions stipulated in practical article. If marriage is not possible, one can use the following recommendations while trusting in God and consigning his matters to Him:

1 – Decide firmly to avoid masturbation
2 – Avoid watching any type of pictures and movies sexual in nature.
3 – Be careful when you choose your friend. Do not choose the type of people who enforce you to do this. Also, avoid making friend illegally with opposite sex.
4 – Avoid dreaming and try to make yourself busy with good things such as reading books (non-sexual ones), heavy exercise, etc. Moreover, remember that idleness can lead you to anything.
5 – If possible, try not to be alone anywhere.
6 – Fasting can be quite helpful in controlling your internal desires and strengthening your will.
If you cannot fast, do not eat a lot or at least do not over load your stomach when you want to sleep.
7 – Do not eat food items, which are sexually arousing like banana, chocolate, fig, date, onion, pepper, egg, red meat, oily foods, etc.
8 – Keep your urinary bladder empty at all times.
9 – Read some books before going to sleep at night and never sleep on your front or stomach.

The conclusion is that masturbation is not permissible under any circumstances. You should take action for marriage. Fasting, studying, taking exercise and thinking about your own personality as a respected human being can help you stay away from sexual sins. Keep in touch with faithful and practicing Muslims. Surely, you should also stay away from sexually exciting and provocative things or going to such places where you might be excited sexually. If you put these into practice, you will succeed in guarding yourself against the evil of sin.
 
[1]  This sin has been considered as being tantamount to adultery. See: Wasail al-Shi’ah, vol.20, p. 352.

 

http://www.islamquest.net/en/archive/question/fa1083

Edited by PureEthics
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  • 3 months later...
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Great post, but this answer still won't help those really drowning in their addictions. 

For one thing, an individual who masturbates wont be better off married as this behavior will continue. The married couple will have trouble in terms of intimacy and intercourse as a result of this.

It is also very difficult for those young brothers in the west to get married at such an early age - most of those plagued by this addiction are within their teens - especially with the requirement that the husband financially takes care of his spouse.

 

Everytime this question arises on SC as to how one goes about quitting masturbation, the same answers follow

  • Get married
  • Be conscious that Allah has forbidden this, and fear Allah

There is a problem with that second "solution" as well. For one thing, whenever I tried to quit back in the day, I would always remind myself that if I truly feared Allah, I wouldn't sin. But we are merely human! What I've noticed is that whenever that time comes, and you get tempted, your mind fogs up really quickly and immediately you can't think of any harm done by masturbating. You see all the "good" in it, while all those overbearing cons don't seem to pop up as you - as you are being tempted - are thinking in terms of the short run. You can acknowledge that Allah is the Almighty and that you will be punished for committing such an act while tempted, but it still wouldn't matter much as the "pros" and the desired feelings haven't been satisfied; this unsatisfied feeling then fogs your mind. 

 

What are we supposed to do? I've tried everything, I've looked up everything. I've been scared to death numerous times reading articles speaking of the negative side-effects of masturbation. This scare leaves me without the sin for a little while, then eventually I fall into it again and the cycle is restored. 

I've decided that it's time I stop reading other people's advice on how to stop, as many of those writing it either haven't stopped, or haven't been plagued by the addiction at all. I'm making any assumptions based off the original poster. But this advice almost never works. It is taken into consideration and evaluated by those trying to quit, but they almost always end up relapsing and falling back into addiction.

 

What should I do at the moment to quit? I don't know. But it's pretty hard. I'm not saying it's impossible to evade the sin completely, but man is it hard. 

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(bismillah)

 

You should do Mutah if you cannot marry permanently.

 

Before I tell you how, please know that Mutah makes a person undesirable to the eyes of other women, so it may create problems for you in the future, in which case you should keep it a secret.

 

Do Mutah with an Ahl Al Kitab and avoid disrespecting Muslimahs.

 

If you know someone in the west then if she is white or Caribbean then you don't need to ask if she is Christian or Jewish, the ruling is that you can assume a person is Ahl Al Kitab if the majority of the population in that country is Ahl Al Kitab.

 

Don't tell them you are Muslim from the beginning.

 

The way to go about this is to approach a girl and do small talking and get her to like you and interested, once that is done then ask for her phone number. So basically do what a non Muslim would do to get a girl friend but avoid touching and maintain a respectable manner.

 

Once you have her number, you can go out with her to a few dates, movies, dinners, coffee whatever. Please avoid touching and remember she is Na mahram so don't do any haram. 

Walk her back to her home and after a few dates she will wonder why you don't hold her hand or hug her or kiss her etc.

 

She will eventually ask why because women care a lot about their appearance and they will start thinking they are not attractive if you avoid touching her so eventually ask why and then you say:

 

"I have a lot of respect for women and their dignity and out of respect for you I have avoided touching you because I do not belong to you. If we wanted to have a relationship then there is thing called Mutah, it gives you my loyalty, my love and my commitment and it makes a relationship magical".

 

Note how I have avoided the word marriage, avoid the word marriage at all cost, describe Mutah as you would describe marriage but avoid using the word "Marriage".

 

After all the dates and dinners and movies and talking etc, she will be too emotionally attached to you to break it off, she would have spent hours getting ready to impress you so without a doubt she would be willing to say 1 sentence, and also tell her to make this commitment valid, I have to give you a gift. :shifty:

 

She will without a doubt accept as she had already accepted you by giving you her number.

 

Through out the whole process be commanding not asking and try not to ask open ended questions. Remember you might not see it but the woman is way more Shy than you.

 

I am sure there are plenty of people in your uni, college or school for you to practise this on. 

 

After the Mutah Nikah is done then if you find out she is Atheist, without a doubt she will say the Shahada just out of love for you :)
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(bismillah)

You should do Mutah if you cannot marry permanently.

Before I tell you how, please know that Mutah makes a person undesirable to the eyes of other women, so it may create problems for you in the future, in which case you should keep it a secret.

Do Mutah with an Ahl Al Kitab and avoid disrespecting Muslimahs.

If you know someone in the west then if she is white or Caribbean then you don't need to ask if she is Christian or Jewish, the ruling is that you can assume a person is Ahl Al Kitab if the majority of the population in that country is Ahl Al Kitab.

Don't tell them you are Muslim from the beginning.

The way to go about this is to approach a girl and do small talking and get her to like you and interested, once that is done then ask for her phone number. So basically do what a non Muslim would do to get a girl friend but avoid touching and maintain a respectable manner.

Once you have her number, you can go out with her to a few dates, movies, dinners, coffee whatever. Please avoid touching and remember she is Na mahram so don't do any haram.

Walk her back to her home and after a few dates she will wonder why you don't hold her hand or hug her or kiss her etc.

She will eventually ask why because women care a lot about their appearance and they will start thinking they are not attractive if you avoid touching her so eventually ask why and then you say:

"I have a lot of respect for women and their dignity and out of respect for you I have avoided touching you because I do not belong to you. If we wanted to have a relationship then there is thing called Mutah, it gives you my loyalty, my love and my commitment and it makes a relationship magical".

Note how I have avoided the word marriage, avoid the word marriage at all cost, describe Mutah as you would describe marriage but avoid using the word "Marriage".

After all the dates and dinners and movies and talking etc, she will be too emotionally attached to you to break it off, she would have spent hours getting ready to impress you so without a doubt she would be willing to say 1 sentence, and also tell her to make this commitment valid, I have to give you a gift. :shifty:

She will without a doubt accept as she had already accepted you by giving you her number.

Through out the whole process be commanding not asking and try not to ask open ended questions. Remember you might not see it but the woman is way more Shy than you.

I am sure there are plenty of people in your uni, college or school for you to practise this on.

After the Mutah Nikah is done then if you find out she is Atheist, without a doubt she will say the Shahada just out of love for you :)

beautiful plan
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  • Development Team

Masturbation is a difficult thing, it's going to be a long, strange journey to keep it under control.

@Khalilallah- I would highly recommend NOT to do Mutah with an atheist, an atheist could lie and try to lead you astray from Islam, plus no matter how much she likes you, she will never respect your faith enough to the special relationship that is Mutah if a she is a strong atheist. Better to choose from the Ahl ul Kitab, Muslimah or agnostic. There will tons of heartache and I don't see it working out if someone does Mutah with an atheist.

Edited by Gaius I. Caesar
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Great post, but this answer still won't help those really drowning in their addictions. 

For one thing, an individual who masturbates wont be better off married as this behavior will continue. The married couple will have trouble in terms of intimacy and intercourse as a result of this.

 

How do you know? You cannot speak for every being. Maybe you are speaking for yourself? Being married is a blessing from Allah swt, to counter act all acts of evil. Having trouble with intimacy and intercourse because someone masturbated(s) before? How does that make any sense. Those troubles can be the result of inner issues. If it is the case, then before choosing to get married, they may need more self improvement and reflection.

 

 

It is also very difficult for those young brothers in the west to get married at such an early age - most of those plagued by this addiction are within their teens - especially with the requirement that the husband financially takes care of his spouse.

 

I am beyond sick and tired of hearing such an excuse. Although it may have some weight, but it is not the absolute as some make it to be. IF you TRULY want to stop sinning, and marriage is the main solution, TELL YOUR PARENTS ABOUT YOUR ISSUES. Your parents would definitely not want you to sin, and if it is the fastest way to stop, they surely they will agree. The truth of the matter is, they wont tell their parents, they are afraid of their parents or even marriage, they just dont want to get married, or they enjoy indulging in such a disgusting act.

 

 

I would always remind myself that if I truly feared Allah, I wouldn't sin. But we are merely human! You can acknowledge that Allah is the Almighty and that you will be punished for committing such an act while tempted, but it still wouldn't matter much as the "pros" and the desired feelings haven't been satisfied; this unsatisfied feeling then fogs your mind.

 

The problem is the fear in Allah was with just plain words. When one truly understands and wishes to understand Allah swt, their self desires get tamed. Another solution is truly understanding the negative black hole that will consume you from such an horrid act. Why do we not kill or commit adultery? Why do we not eat our feces? Because we understand the evil of such a nature, therefore it will never ever even dare to challenge our minds. IF we understand Allah, and our actions and obedience to him, all evils will seem the same way. If you understand how by one masturbating, is essentially destroying a life to be in the semen, then you wouldnt dare. Or understanding how it will affect your future God conscious relationship with your lover, and essentially going behind his/her back, you would want to save yourself.

 

 

You should do Mutah if you cannot marry permanently.

 

Before anyone jumps on this option understand that there is sharia behind it, that one must fully obey. Therefore, seek the guidance of your marja. I believe it is not allowed with atheists and polytheists.

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Your discourse would make absolute sense to me if people had actual faith, Ethics. But even the parents of those youths wouldn't reall bother themselves too much, if even considering it, about marrying their son. They would rather just have an argument with him to bury the issue deep enough to not even hear about it again. But that won't make their son stop, nor will get him married faster.

Let's be realistic about the disgraceful state in which most of us are in. Let's not forcibly pretend to be otherwise. Sincerity is also expected from us.

Khalil, I personally find your post a bit sexist, because it just seems like a procedure or list of guidelines to follow to have some sort of control of a woman in the West. These women are no less than any other muslim woman, and you may find many whose honesty overcomes a great number of hijabis.

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Your discourse would make absolute sense to me if people had actual faith, Ethics. But even the parents of those youths wouldn't reall bother themselves too much, if even considering it, about marrying their son. They would rather just have an argument with him to bury the issue deep enough to not even hear about it again. But that won't make their son stop, nor will get him married faster.

Let's be realistic about the disgraceful state in which most of us are in. Let's not forcibly pretend to be otherwise. Sincerity is also expected from us.

Khalil, I personally find your post a bit sexist, because it just seems like a procedure or list of guidelines to follow to have some sort of control of a woman in the West. These women are no less than any other muslim woman, and you may find many whose honesty overcomes a great number of hijabis.

 

How can you speak on behalf of everyone? I love how many of you take your own feelings and label the majority. I hear this statement from only a few of you and the alike on this site. Literally, those that always bring about mutah because they cant get married, the ones that cant get married just because, or the pro gay. In the west, alhamduillah, from my experience, going to a few mosques, I have not seen or heard of such issues. Considering, the culture I am from, people talk, and this is never the problem within the religious. Suppose, you are right, all they do is complain and play the blame game. They are never reactive or preventative, looking to improve and become God conscious, because the answer you tend to get on this forum is I am weak, sinful, and thats how I will always be.

Edited by Ethics
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You tend to prejudge my words without asking the deeper meaning I want to achieve through them.

I am not talking on behalf of everyone. I'm pointing out to the fact that if people were really more concerned about such issues and really worried about marrying their sons earlier, they wouldn't avoid hearing about nor take lightly masturbation problems.

The disgraceful state I was referring to has nothing to do exclusively with my or youths' personal emotions. The disgraceful state is lack of faith and commitment, as well as self knowledge, which is in my eyes even worse. This is what we are suffering from.

I have never meant we have to masturbate because 'poor us, we can't marry'. That's being a real coward in my eyes, which has nothing to do with how a muslim should be, and we should be ashamed of our manlihood if we acted like that.

Edited by Bakir
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Khalil, I personally find your post a bit sexist, because it just seems like a procedure or list of guidelines to follow to have some sort of control of a woman in the West. These women are no less than any other muslim woman, and you may find many whose honesty overcomes a great number of hijabis.

I don't think so, Mutah for a man in the west with an Ahl al Kitab is basically just a GF-BF relationship except a Nikah is done. So what I said is may be just a way of bringing up Mutah without using the word marriage. Anyone who is able to get a girl friend can instead have a wife if they recite the formulae.

 

What is sexist about that?

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Do Mutah with an Ahl Al Kitab and avoid disrespecting Muslimahs.

[...]
She will eventually ask why because women care a lot about their appearance and they will start thinking they are not attractive if you avoid touching her so eventually ask why
[...]
After all the dates and dinners and movies and talking etc, she will be too emotionally attached to you to break it off, she would have spent hours getting ready to impress you so without a doubt she would be willing to say 1 sentence, and also tell her to make this commitment valid, I have to give you a gift. :shifty:
 
She will without a doubt accept as she had already accepted you by giving you her number.
[...]
After the Mutah Nikah is done then if you find out she is Atheist, without a doubt she will say the Shahada just out of love for you :)

I don't consider the first sentence of the quote sexist, but actually unjustly discriminating. If you feel more comfortable doing mutah with an Ahl Al Kitab then that's ok, but it is in no way something disrespectful from an islamic standpoint, but from a social one.

 

The rest of the quote is, in my opinion, an unjust representation of these targeted women.

 

1.- There are men and women who care about their appearance and there are also those who don't. It is up to each individual, not a specific gender or arquetype of woman in a specific society (in this case, the western one). Not all women are so superficial, many of them value themselves by other criteria.

 

2.- In the second hand, not all women develop this type of emotional attachment that doesn't let them think wisely and deeply about what they do and really want. The type of attachment you refer to is a toxic one that is clearly very common in oppressed women.

 

3.- A woman giving a number to a guy to get to know him better doesn't mean she is actually agreeing to perform mutah with that guy. That is assuming too much, especially in the western society.

 

4.- Joining a religion out of "love" for someone and not for the religion itself is, again, the same case I explained in point 2, a toxic attachment. Toxic attachments are not only bad for the women themselves, but for the man in the long run.

 

Anyway, it is just my opinion, take it or ignore it, I don't really mind, just keep in mind it is in no way a malicious observation from my part.

Edited by Bakir
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I don't consider the first sentence of the quote sexist, but actually unjustly discriminating. If you feel more comfortable doing mutah with an Ahl Al Kitab then that's ok, but it is in no way something disrespectful from an islamic standpoint, but from a social one.

 

The rest of the quote is, in my opinion, an unjust representation of these targeted women.

 

1.- There are men and women who care about their appearance and there are also those who don't. It is up to each individual, not a specific gender or arquetype of woman in a specific society (in this case, the western one). Not all women are so superficial, many of them value themselves by other criteria.

 

2.- In the second hand, not all women develop this type of emotional attachment that doesn't let them think wisely and deeply about what they do and really want. The type of attachment you refer to is a toxic one that is clearly very common in oppressed women.

 

3.- A woman giving a number to a guy to get to know him better doesn't mean she is actually agreeing to perform mutah with that guy. That is assuming too much, especially in the western society.

 

4.- Joining a religion out of "love" for someone and not for the religion itself is, again, the same case I explained in point 2, a toxic attachment. Toxic attachments are not only bad for the women themselves, but for the man in the long run.

 

Anyway, it is just my opinion, take it or ignore it, I don't really mind, just keep in mind it is in no way a malicious observation from my part.

I see your point, first point I am not disrespecting non Muslims when I say avoid Muslimahs because to an average non Muslim virginity is not important. 

 

Second, I see your point about some exceptions but these are exceptions, I was talking general 

 

Third, when a guy asks for her number, does she think he is interested or does she think this guy collects numbers as a hobby?

 

Fourth There is nothing wrong with joining religion out of love, not everyone approaches Islam intellectually, many of us are simply born Muslim, many love Ahl Al Bayt and join and many love Islamic practices and they join, love isn't a bad door way. 

 

The way I see it any Halal means which brings a person into Islam is good, the end justifies the means here. 

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Well, that's your opinion and I respect it. But I still feel that generalizations are no good, because this include people who really don't deserve to be included in such category of women. I just try to put myself on other people's shoes, not trying to disqualify your points, really.

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  • 2 months later...
  • Basic Members

Salam guys I need your help urgently. I feel like im standing on the edge of jahannum. I created this shiachat account today for this very issue. even though ive known and used this website for general information for many years now. firstly is the brothers community forum mentioned below still working
http://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/22293-discussion-of-inappropriate-topics/

Also I just made the account, Im not sure how to contact the two people InshaAllah & Abu Hadi mentioned for the above group in link above.If the group is not functioning can someone please direct me to a person/scholar who deals in these matters. Also, have all the people above advising to get marriage consider, how detrimental it is for the spouse to discover his male counterpart has these problems (especially if they dont cease)?? The sin should multiply as the person cheating not only himself and Allah but his partner as well now.

Edited by syedhel
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Salam guys I need your help urgently. I feel like im standing on the edge of jahannum. I created this shiachat account today for this very issue. even though ive known and used this website for general information for many years now. firstly is the brothers community forum mentioned below still working

http://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/22293-discussion-of-inappropriate-topics/

Also I just made the account, Im not sure how to contact the two people InshaAllah & Abu Hadi mentioned for the above group in link above.If the group is not functioning can someone please direct me to a person/scholar who deals in these matters. Also, have all the people above advising to get marriage consider, how detrimental it is for the spouse to discover his male counterpart has these problems (especially if the dont cease)?? The guna should multiply as the person cheating not only himself and Allah but his partner as well now.

 

You cannot private message them unless you hit a post number. Brother, literally just stop, stop doing the haram act. If you marry, you can further solve this matter since you have  a lover now who can satisfy your needs, in which halal too. That haram act is nothing but a few seconds of pleasure, it is rubbish. Think about your future, both in this life and the afterlife, and if that does not stop you from doing the haram, then you need to recheck your faith and your integrity. You need to have self control to overcome this issue, with a goal in mind. For me there is no way in hell I would do such a thing for one, the pleasure is pointless to me, two it is against the command of Allah, and three, I respect and care for my future wife to not do it to her. I understand how vital she will be in my life, and how I expect the same from her. Repent and ask Allah swt for help. When ever you feel like doing it, stop yourself, think about Allah swt, and go do something in public. Dont stay in private areas. Make yourself constantly around others.

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I appreciate your answer. I have tried all of what you suggested. Believe me I have gone to even greater lengths than the advises in this post and in this whole website. I am sick of living a double life in which I have a huge sajood mark on my forehead from praying and asking for forgiveness endlessly and reverting back when my brain numbs and I lose control of myself. It's an endless cycle. I'm ashamed of myself when I sit in the majalais of Imam Hussain and my heart feels heavy from embarrasment when i touch the alam. I've even seen a psychologist a year back and it didnt help. I wish suicide wasnt a sin or I could be marooned on an island with no technology. But I have responsibilities even though im not doing justice to them. 
With regard to your answer about marriage, I disagree. I'm not saying marriage doesnt work for most people but for someone so deep in it as me, its not the answer. Just take my word for it because I dont want to disclose too much here. I just dont know what to do. right now sitting here I know I dont want to ever go anywhere near this haram activity. But I dont trust my nafs one bit anymore. May Allah save people from doing the injustice to their nafs like I have and finding themselves in my position.

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Now for the real help.

 

I suggest reading this book, named THE POWER OF HABIT, google it, there is a free pdf version lurking or purchase it here http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X

 

Later, he would famously write that the will to believe is the most important ingredient in creating belief in change. And that one of the most important
methods for creating that belief was habits. Habits, he noted, are what allow us to “do a thing with difficulty the first time, but soon do it more and more
easily, and finally, with sufficient practice, do it semi-mechanically, or with hardly any consciousness at all.” Once we choose who we want to be, people
grow “to the way in which they have been exercised, just as a sheet of paper or a coat, once creased or folded, tends to fall forever afterward into the
same identical folds.”
If you believe you can change—if you make it a habit—the change becomes real. This is the real power of habit: the insight that your habits are what you choose them to be. Once that choice occurs—and becomes automatic—it’s not only real, it starts to seem inevitable, the thing, as James wrote, that
bears “us irresistibly toward our destiny, whatever the latter may be.”
The way we habitually think of our surroundings and ourselves create the worlds that each of us inhabit. “There are these two young fish swimming along
and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says ‘Morning, boys. How’s the water?’ ” the writer David Foster
Wallace told a class of graduating college students in 2005. “And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the
other and goes ‘What the hell is water?’

 

Bad habits can only be replace by good habits and right now you have attached the pleasure aspect of life to self abuse, as nothing else in life is giving you pleasure. That is how addiction starts. It is no different then those who over do anything, such as eating, watching too much television, working out, working, consider it a form of obsession that is mixed up with the pleasure complex.

Edited by monad
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 I wish suicide wasnt a sin or I could be marooned on an island with no technology. But I have responsibilities even though im not doing justice to them. 

With regard to your answer about marriage, I disagree. I'm not saying marriage doesnt work for most people but for someone so deep in it as me, its not the answer. Just take my word for it because I dont want to disclose too much here. I just dont know what to do. right now sitting here I know I dont want to ever go anywhere near this haram activity. But I dont trust my nafs one bit anymore. May Allah save people from doing the injustice to their nafs like I have and finding themselves in my position.

 

Salam Br, 

 

Suicide is a much greater sin than masturbation. Don't talk like that, please

 

Marriage is the only halal release for this feelings which you have and which you are misdirecting currently.

You should try to get married ASAP, even if it is Mutah with Ahl Al Kitab, this is halal whereas what you are doing is haram, Which you already know. 

 

Also, you have to understand that the vast majority of Brothers and Sisters (including probably 99% of those on SC) are struggling with issues similar to yours (maybe not exactly the same but some other haram which they are either doing or constantly tempted to do). Just because they don't post about it doesn't mean it isn't real. That is part of being in the dunya, it will never fully go away(as long as you are still in the dunya). The most you can do is try to put as much distance, both physically, spiritually, and psychologically, between you and the sin as you possibly can. 

 

Distancing yourself from haram happens in stages. 

The first stage is to realize your mistake and feel sadness and regret in your heart over that mistake. It seems like you have already taken that step

 

The second step is to do whatever possible to distance yourself from that sin physically.

That could mean moving, changing jobs, only using Internet in public places, changing friends, 

even getting divorced if your spouse is the main cause of the sin. In other words, moving on from

the place where this haram habit developed. In your case, things like moving to a new location don't apply

since you could do this anywhere. But figure out what you could do, what changes you could make in your life 

to distance yourself physically. 

 

The third step is to restore the Haqq (the rights) that you have violated. In this case the Haqq is with your own body parts, your eyes, ears, private parts. These have rights and the way to restore those rights is to use them only for the halal, and the only way to do that is to get married. There is no other way, as long as you still have the desire to use them in the haram way. You can also fast, and fasting has good effects, but it is not a complete solution. The only complete solution is both zuhd(fasting is part of that) and also marriage. 

 

If you have further questions, you can post on this thread or email me. 

Also, don't get discouraged, As long as you still feel sadness and regret over the sin, it means there is still hope for you to stop. 

Salam. 

Edited by Abu Hadi
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Thank you for the responses.  Ive tried many of the things like distancing myself from the internet as much as possible etc and honestly for a while it works..some times  for shorter sometimes slightly longer periods but the problem is it always comes back stronger. I hope I can just quit it period this time because it feels better to open up for once. It would be good to have your email address or of someone else willing to listen and help because there are things I'm hesitant to write on a public forum. I feel ive said too much already. And like i said ive already consulted a psychologist on this matter but he was not a muslim and i felt there was a difference in our values.

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Ok, I do not like to talk about this subject, especially out in public like this.

But there are basically two options you have to stop this curse:

 

Option number 1:

 

JUST. STOP. RIGHT. NOW

You can't stop? Guess what, yes you can stop. Nobody is forcing you.

What makes you think you deserve a muslimah, if you are not even man enough to control yourself? Realize that what you are doing is pathetic, it is not something that a man does, that is just western [Edited out]: "oh its so good for you, oh its natural" [Edited out]. If you want to marry a lady, start by being a man.

So here is step 1: Stop.

And that is all. No tricks, no shrinks, no books. 

Just stop.

And when you want to do this again, just don't. Who is the master of you? Your brain or not? Just do not do it, end of discussion. Relentless self control and conviction, no regards to your feelings, you are a robot and that is all.

Oh and also, start lifting heavy weights.

 

Option number 2:

 

Now you can start working on your masturbation.

Start counting how often you masturbate.

Start to actually make statistics of it, start to analyze each time.

Think back of the reason to why you masturbated on that particular time, what was the initiator?

Start eliminating what it was that made you start.

What more can you tell from the statistics, was it a particular day or time of the day? What were you doing at that time?

 

When you stop watching pornography. You will automatically stop masturbating as much, because naturally you do not get aroused
as much. You will still masturbate mostly because you are used to it and it feels good. But you will do it less and less. And then some times you will just do it because you are bored.

 

Anyways, sooner or later, you will say [Edited out] it and just stop because you got tired of it and because there inst that element of severe provocation anymore. And then in time even if you get severely provoked you will still not be affected, because you don't want to go back to that hell hole again. And you feel so much better about yourself now  and you don't have to turn to Allah(SWT) in such shame any more and ask for forgiveness for that action and you can finally start to feel good about yourself. Will you still get hard and wet from time to time? Yes you will, but also, you will not give a sh*t.

 

 

Ok?

Now if you ask me personally, go with option number 1. Be relentless in your self control and then you can end up like me.

Congratulations.

 

Or go with option number 2 and marry someone when the time is right and until then you will have some freaking patience.

 

Or if you do not like any of the options, then you can do none of them and end up like you, in which case your initial post was just a waste of time and so was my reply. Good night.

Edited by Jaafar Al-Shibli
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(salam)

 

Uncle :Sami's "KRAV MAGA" style advise to my young dear brothers in such situations.

I'm a humble old man who has been raised in the west most of my life and I have sons and grandsons that I'm raising, and like many of the young brothers here, they face the challenges most young men face these days. And to make things worse most of us are "brown" men, unlike the "white" men, we are cursed with a crazy insatiable hunger, this just adds to the problems.

 

I have found that the advises given by many good respected brothers like Br Ethics, Br Abu Hadi and others, don't really work for the 99.9% of the brothers raised in the west.

It is like the advises given by ancient zen masters or ancient wise old Tibetan Kung Fu masters that advise their chosen disciples raised in the high isolated Tibetan monasteries. 

let me explain, the ancient martial arts of kung fu is wonderful, and when you are taught by a wise old master, you become a better person and you can defend yourself well, if you were raised in the villages of Tibet 3000 years ago, where there were rules in combat, where there were high morals and you knew the enemy, it was a fair fight.

These days for us weak desperate brothers like myself, who is raised in the filthy streets of the gutter west, where there are no rules, anything goes and when you think you've figured it out, the goal posts keep changing , we need the "Krav Maga" to stay alive, to stay good and to win against the formidable enemy of the Nafs.

I would like to share some techniques here that I have advised my sons and grandsons on overcoming difficult situations.

 

Technique no.1.

 

This is a basic and foundational manoeuvre to develop the strength from within, and it all starts with your intention and admission. You must realise you have a problem and it is a serious problem. This is war and everything out there is tipped against you, the man today is under attack from enemies that is hidden and disguised. You must see it as something that will take you away from being the 313 of the :Imam a.s, and you must win this war. There are no rules out there as they try anything and everything to get you and the old zen masters, the Tibetan kung fu masters advises don't work because the enemy knows these manoeuvres has a counter move to overcome you.

So call on our beloved :Al-Hujjat a.s for help, ask him to assist you so you may join the ranks of the 313. It is the night of Qadr tonight reach out to him and beg with your life, and recite :Dua Jaushan E Kabeer from your heart to implement the following steps into your life.

 

Technique No.2 

 

[Note from Moderator: Do not post content which is knowingly false, inaccurate, vulgar, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, and derogatory]

 

Technique No.3 .

 

[Note from Moderator: Do not post content which is knowingly false, inaccurate, vulgar, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, and derogatory]

 

 

Technique No.4 

 

Make more money as you will need it, and make money without working much, you don't need to be rich as these women don't want much as they are use to not having much unlike our respected sisters or western women, It's night of Qadr tonight, so ask as your risq is allocated to you tonight and ask for abundance.

 

Tecnhique No. 5 

 

Change your diet, less meat, no wheat, less sugars and more organic whole natural raw foods, Drink more pure alkaline water free of fluoride, recite Bismillah and salawat into the water, swirl is 7 times anti clockwise and think of our beloved :Hussein a.s when you drink it .

 

Please remember me in your Duas tonight( Abu Muhammad ) and I will remember all of you for success in this world and success in the next. May you all be amongst the 313.

 

ws

Edited by Jaafar Al-Shibli
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As bro Abu Hadi points out, this is a secretive subject among brothers and quite shameful which is why it is never fully debated or pursued. In the past, being just myself, I have presented a few pro-masturbation arguments but even I do not feel proud of that (and probably its partly to blame why Abu Hadi wrote that "99% of SC'ers have similar problems". I'm going to try and describe the situation in bullets style.

 

- Masturbation can produce a lot of guilt. It starts as a quest for relief and ends in regret. This burden alone is heavy enough.

 

- Before this act, a man may even begin to feel that he is a threat to society, even hijabis. We must understand what we are and what this power is. This power is made so immense so that mankind does not stop reproducing. Continuation of species.

 

- When its done and senses are regained, it may feel like murder. Oh I have just usurped something and deprived a potential partner of their right. This strong feeling of guilt is a healthy thing as it guides us into reality and self accountability and then we take account of things.

 

- When we look into the Quran and Hadith, this sin is not as weighty, in fact, not as weighty as fornication incomparably. Imam Ali reportedly beat the hands of a transgressor with a stick and then arranged his marriage. Now that consequence seems light enough. I wonder why it is so. While this bullet is meant to lighten the burden of guilt, it is not meant as encouragement.

 

- Circumstance today in this unfortunate era are different. We have things like feminism and a plethora of problems to deal with the imbalance. The effects of it and the reactions of it are just another nail in the coffin of today's society. This imbalance and the resulting loss of roles and team work, blended with strict materialism even in marriage contract and all the shamelessness and lack of willpower and making taboo or unacceptable the things like mutah and polygamy can not just be brushed aside. The end product of even a Islamic marriage today is what happens when the rear wheels and the front wheels of a car are mounted on the same axle and it becomes a vehicle meant for a clown whose job is to produce comedy for the onlookers till the day he dies. Fun for the audience, money for the stage owners, sad for the clown. Such are the times now.

 

- Porn is masturbation aid, and is just ugly and unnecessary. It is a blasphemy against human beings and exposes what was meant to be most hidden in this world. Each time the internet slows down at night I simply know that thousands of youth in the subscriber base of my ISP are watching porn and this is such a big waste.

 

- Habitual masturbation is usurpation of the rights of women. Usurpers are judged and punished in our faith.

 

 

So there, I have offered my thoughts on the subject with my limited knowledge and without trying to appear an ayatullah. :D

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Yes, its something most people don't talk about.  For most people, online forums like these are their only refuge and medium.

 

In the end, what happens will happen.  Some will overcome, some will have more success than others.  Of course, others will fail, and some will fail even harder.  Some will get that jolt, that impetus to stop immediately.  Some will relapse from time to time.  Or they will be fortunate enough to get married and its all cured away.  While others will wallow perpetually in a low state, and will suffer for years, draining the beauty of youth and potential they had. 

 

God help the human race. 

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@Br Sami, with all due respect.

 

I almost broke my fast after reading your post, because I was about to puke.

Have you heard about sexual perversion?

 

I am a 26 yr old virgin who does not masturbate, carrying a mountain of frustration and the things you say wants me to puke, go figure.

 

@Br Magma

 

I like that last sentence: "While others will wallow perpetually in a low state, and will suffer for years, draining the beauty of youth and potential they had."

 

@Everyone:

 

Realize this: We are not here to enjoy ourselves, and it is not the meaning of life to find happiness. Who said you were supposed to be happy and satisfied?

Think of the Prophet(a.s.) and his Ahlulbayt(a.s.), did they live happy lives without hardship? Their entire life span was a big unending hardship.

But if we could just see 0,5 of a second of what they have now, then we would gladly take on whatever hardship in this life and it would not phase us at all, because we are just all strangers passing by and we would know this.

 

And also, everyone here in this thread is wrong and I am right, I am the proof of it. So if you want to stop masturbating go with my post and if you don't want to stop then this short youtube link would summarize my response, and yes PROFANITY WARNING:

 

 

 

Wa Salam.

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@Br Sami, with all due respect.

 

I almost broke my fast after reading your post, because I was about to puke.

Have you heard about sexual perversion?

 

I am a 26 yr old virgin who does not masturbate, carrying a mountain of frustration and the things you say wants me to puke, go figure.

 

Salam my dear brother, 

Please accept my deepest and sincere apologies and I beg for your forgiveness as it was not my intention to make you feel this .

May I offer kaffarah as recompense and I will feed 60 poor souls on your behalf.

Mashallah 26 years old and a virgin, mubarak to you.

You must have a huge collection of star wars figurines.

I lost my virginity at 6 and it was downhill after that.

I'm a desperate wretched old man with many flaws and weakness and death stares at me, every year when it's the holy month of Ramadan, I look at it as my last.

I offer my humble advise for the wretched and weak brothers who have no hope and no where else to go.

You are the 0.01%, a true zen master, an elite and a good momin.

May you be amongst the 313 inshallah 

Please remember me and all the other useless brothers that are infested with sexual perversions and diseases, in your duas. Pray for us as we need all the duas from pure holy brothers such as yourself.

with all due respect.

 

ws

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Salam everyone. Yesterday was laylutal qadr and I prayed a lot for forgiveness and help. I feel confident 'right now'. But I know the urge will come in full throttle in 3-5 days. That is when I have to be strong. IA I can just stop like brother ibn sina said. I don't want to go through this whole cycle again..I've been struggling with this for too long. I have even researched how the brain changes with increased dependence on addiction and how to combat it in the future both from a scientific and religious point of view. I just need to make sure I apply everything, all this and everything that has been said here..like the bro said:
"What makes you think you deserve a muslimah, if you are not even man enough to control yourself?"
That is not an option for me right now. I will go through the book someone quoted but I realize the answer lies within myself and my resolve and conviction. The first method prescribed by bro ibn sina is what I will aim for..Ty for remembering in your duas bro Abu Muhammad. I will keep all of you in my duas as I always keep those suffering from similar spiritual hajaat because I know firsthand how difficult it can be. I request all of you to pray that I defeat this curse and be free from it forever. I was reading dua tawbah last night and came across this part:
"
Not all that I have said rises up from
my ignorance of my evil footsteps
or forgetfulness of my blameworthy acts in the past,
but in order that Thy heaven and those within it
and Thy earth and those upon it
may hear the remorse which I have professed to Thee
and the repentance through which I have sought asylum with Thee.

Then perhaps one of them, through Thy mercy,
may show mercy upon my evil situation
or be seized by tenderness for my evil state.
There may come from him for my sake
a supplication to which Thou givest ear
more than to my supplication
or an intercession surer with Thee
than my intercession
through which I may be delivered from Thy wrath
and attain to Thy good pleasure!"

 

and remembered a hadis of Imam Ali (dont remember exact words) that sometimes all it takes for a prayer to accepted is to be recited for you from someone else's tongue. So please remember me in your prayers in this blessed month and afterwards. I hope next time I write here it is with good news and after gaining back my lost spirituality.
Thank you.

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@ br Sami

You are nothing more or less, than what you chose to be.

If you chose to be a slave to your desires then that is on you.

 

No, I do not have starwars figurines, toys are for boys. I am not virgin because I can’t get rid of it, I am so because I chose to be it until/if I marry and instead of toys I have patience and discipline. One is not a man just because he lost his virginity, that is not necessary manly, but to have conviction and resilience that is for sure manly.

 

And I am not holy, I just decide not to give up on the internal fight I have. We all have a choice and I make the ones that I think is right, not necessary the ones I want to make. I do not wish to walk the easy path and that has a price on its own, but it is still a CHOICE we make.

 

There is a reason to why I am 26 and look like 36 and why I lost my hair before I lost my virginity, because everything has a price. Do you not think I have the same feelings as you? The same desires? Am I not human?

 

And you say true muslimas will not satisfy your needs, that is not a correct thing to say because you never know what is under the hijab. What do you think the young pious hijabi sisters who already have the world against them and read this thinks and feels?

 

You did not think they read your posts because it is in the brother section? Oh but they do, just like they are reading this very line right now.

I know her and I know you, because I know myself and for every difference there is between us, there are 10 similarities. So please do not be so reckless in your speech and take into consideration the consequences it might have on some.

 

Do you not think they also have sexual frustration? Or is that only limited to former soviet village girls?

And if the muslima is not satisfying your needs, then maybe it is because you are doing something wrong and not her? They were raised modest and shy, maybe if you made an effort they would feel more comfortable and self confident so that both of you can be happy.

 

There is always hope and there are always choices to make. And if you there is no hope in this life, then live for the hope of the next.

 

I am not trying to insult you, or try to present myself as a super holy guy because I am not. I have my demons too that I am fighting and I will not give up on fighting them, even if I will have to live alone and die alone, bitter, angry and virgin. This life is a fight, one long fight. 

And while you lift and hug your 4 wives, I lift and hug iron and steel and they do not hug back.

 

I do not like the message that you are sending the young brothers and by extent the young sisters. I do not like it at all.

You are telling them to bend to their desires and adapt to them to please them, I am telling them to take heart and fight your nafs, to be honorable so you can look yourself in the mirror eye to eye without flinching and to value themselves and their partner and not be greedy.

 

I am sorry if you felt insulted, that was not my intent. Just remember that we are what we chose to be and if you decide that you will let your private parts dictate your life then you are per definition a man of his private parts.

 

And I do not wish to think that a man who has lived as long as you would end up a slave of his desires.

Edited by IbnSina
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(bismillah)
 
You should do Mutah if you cannot marry permanently.
 
Before I tell you how, please know that Mutah makes a person undesirable to the eyes of other women, so it may create problems for you in the future, in which case you should keep it a secret.
 
Do Mutah with an Ahl Al Kitab and avoid disrespecting Muslimahs.
 
If you know someone in the west then if she is white or Caribbean then you don't need to ask if she is Christian or Jewish, the ruling is that you can assume a person is Ahl Al Kitab if the majority of the population in that country is Ahl Al Kitab.
 
Don't tell them you are Muslim from the beginning.
 
The way to go about this is to approach a girl and do small talking and get her to like you and interested, once that is done then ask for her phone number. So basically do what a non Muslim would do to get a girl friend but avoid touching and maintain a respectable manner.
 
Once you have her number, you can go out with her to a few dates, movies, dinners, coffee whatever. Please avoid touching and remember she is Na mahram so don't do any haram. 
Walk her back to her home and after a few dates she will wonder why you don't hold her hand or hug her or kiss her etc.
 
She will eventually ask why because women care a lot about their appearance and they will start thinking they are not attractive if you avoid touching her so eventually ask why and then you say:
 
"I have a lot of respect for women and their dignity and out of respect for you I have avoided touching you because I do not belong to you. If we wanted to have a relationship then there is thing called Mutah, it gives you my loyalty, my love and my commitment and it makes a relationship magical".
 
Note how I have avoided the word marriage, avoid the word marriage at all cost, describe Mutah as you would describe marriage but avoid using the word "Marriage".
 
After all the dates and dinners and movies and talking etc, she will be too emotionally attached to you to break it off, she would have spent hours getting ready to impress you so without a doubt she would be willing to say 1 sentence, and also tell her to make this commitment valid, I have to give you a gift. :shifty:
 
She will without a doubt accept as she had already accepted you by giving you her number.
 
Through out the whole process be commanding not asking and try not to ask open ended questions. Remember you might not see it but the woman is way more Shy than you.
 
I am sure there are plenty of people in your uni, college or school for you to practise this on. 
 
After the Mutah Nikah is done then if you find out she is Atheist, without a doubt she will say the Shahada just out of love for you :)

 

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha  :lol:  !!!!!

That made me laugh till my ribs began to ache, ROFL :P

But brother, as far as the  American girls are concerned, they will let let you make out to them just like that, but the moment they hear something 'Islamic', they would cringe and run away. Poooofff!!!! (trust my 2 years' experience ;) , and NO, I DIDN'T DO IT!)

As for the OP brother, if you have chosen to go by bro. Khalilallah's advise, remember to carry your marja's risalah with you, so that you get the formula for mutah all correct without fumbling at the last moment , just before you two jump into the pit of fire(excuse the pun ;) )

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@ br Sami

You are nothing more or less, than what you chose to be.

If you chose to be a slave to your desires then that is on you.

 

No, I do not have starwars figurines, toys are for boys. I am not virgin because I can’t get rid of it, I am so because I chose to be it until/if I marry and instead of toys I have patience and discipline. One is not a man just because he lost his virginity, that is not necessary manly, but to have conviction and resilience that is for sure manly.

 

And I am not holy, I just decide not to give up on the internal fight I have. We all have a choice and I make the ones that I think is right, not necessary the ones I want to make. I do not wish to walk the easy path and that has a price on its own, but it is still a CHOICE we make.

 

There is a reason to why I am 26 and look like 36 and why I lost my hair before I lost my virginity, because everything has a price. Do you not think I have the same feelings as you? The same desires? Am I not human?

 

And you say true muslimas will not satisfy your needs, that is not a correct thing to say because you never know what is under the hijab. What do you think the young pious hijabi sisters who already have the world against them and read this thinks and feels?

 

You did not think they read your posts because it is in the brother section? Oh but they do, just like they are reading this very line right now.

I know her and I know you, because I know myself and for every difference there is between us, there are 10 similarities. So please do not be so reckless in your speech and take into consideration the consequences it might have on some.

 

Do you not think they also have sexual frustration? Or is that only limited to former soviet village girls?

And if the muslima is not satisfying your needs, then maybe it is because you are doing something wrong and not her? They were raised modest and shy, maybe if you made an effort they would feel more comfortable and self confident so that both of you can be happy.

 

There is always hope and there are always choices to make. And if you there is no hope in this life, then live for the hope of the next.

 

I am not trying to insult you, or try to present myself as a super holy guy because I am not. I have my demons too that I am fighting and I will not give up on fighting them, even if I will have to live alone and die alone, bitter, angry and virgin. This life is a fight, one long fight. 

And while you lift and hug your 4 wives, I lift and hug iron and steel and they do not hug back.

 

I do not like the message that you are sending the young brothers and by extent the young sisters. I do not like it at all.

You are telling them to bend to their desires and adapt to them to please them, I am telling them to take heart and fight your nafs, to be honorable so you can look yourself in the mirror eye to eye without flinching and to value themselves and their partner and not be greedy.

 

I am sorry if you felt insulted, that was not my intent. Just remember that we are what we chose to be and if you decide that you will let your private parts dictate your life then you are per definition a man of his private parts.

 

And I do not wish to think that a man who has lived as long as you would end up a slave of his desires.

Br IbnSina, 

 

I'm not insulted by you at all dear brother, it is a pleasure to read your posts and reply.

I'm sorry to hear about your hair loss, I also have lost all my hair including those on my chest.

I have been told I look younger for my age, my kids always tell me I look more like 58 1/2 and not 59.

it must be the organic natural raw food diet I'm on.

Your reply bought a tear to my eye as it's been a while since I've lifted and hug my wives.

I'm an old man not of big stature, and it is not possible for me to lift my wives anymore, as some of the are 120 kgs and that's not including their wheelchairs.

Though not all are that weight, some are lighter, but I have been commanded to treat all my wives equally so If i was to lift and hug one, I must do this to all.

So that will make a total of lifting over 465 kgs in a single session, and I have been warned by my doctor not to exert so much pressure on my heart.

Then I have the problem of physically putting my arms around them, this is not easy as my reach doesn't allow to cover the surface areas of the parts that I must engage in order to do a complete hug. If I really try and mind you i mean to stretch my arms and perhaps take deep breaths, I can grasp a limb without too much exertion.

I have to be carful of blood clots.

Once  I open the door for one of my wives, and as she passed, I found myself pinned against the doors, and the paramedics had to be called.

But thank you for your kind words.

As for the good respected sisters reading this, I don't think you have to worry, they are good sisters here, they are not like the brothers that go to the sisters sections and make more posts then the sisters, the good sisters here respect the privacy of the brothers topics.

Am I not doing you and our good brothers a service by saying to the bad weak perverted brothers like myself that we should be going to villages of Ukraine to find wives.

Good bothers like you deserve the good sisters, and the good sisters deserve good brothers that can control themselves.

You know you and I are very similar, as we are the 0.01%.

I have never met a 26 yo virgin brother from the west, and how many brothers do you know with 4 wives in the west.

You see the other 99% of the brothers would do what everyone does.

Go to school , get good grades, get a good job and get married and have 1.7 kids.

There problems will never be solved.

But I'm here to tell them there is another way, and it might be unconventional but drastic situations calls for drastic measures. 

I'm also here to give them hope that if an old weak man like me can make it , so can they.

I only have what I have today because of my beloved :Al-Hujjat a.s

He listened to my cry for help and he came to me.

I owe him everything and if I can do it so can all of you.

If the :Imam a.s would come to a man like me, then he would certainly come to good brothers like you.

trust in him and prepare for him. and you can overcome any problems.

 

ws

Edited by :Sami II
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Marriage is a potential solution but not always a solution. I know brothers who have been married either mutah or permanent, and the ones in mutah have wives who do not really want to have any sexual contact - even though it is allowed in their contract, so the brothers go through being aroused but being extremely repressed, which is in my view even worse?

 

Sometimes, i have had confided in me individuals whose spouses are not really physically attracted to them, and so, even after marriage get barely any sexual love or attention - and ofcourse said spouses always bring up excuses.

 

You just need to hold on to your imaan, realize why this is wrong, and get support groups - so this thread is an excellent idea, and may Allah swt bless the brothers who help.

 

A special shout out to Br. Abu Hadi, among others. This is the way to, from the grass-roots to help solve societies social issues. Once the social issues can be solved, a society can advance more rapidly in other areas.

Edited by Tawheed313
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