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In the Name of God بسم الله

I'm Lost And I've Become Really Lazy

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(bismillah)

Salam.

 

I've been introspecting for a while and I have found some aspects about myself that I really want to change. I feel really lost. I'm in my last year of school and I really regret some of the decisions I've made in the past two years. I study in the British system(O and A levels, basically). The first mistake I think I made is not going with my gut and studying economics. Because everyone in my family has a science based career, they wanted me to follow in their footsteps. I never liked science to be perfectly honest(sorry) but I didn't mind focusing on it during my O levels. Alhamdulillah, I did well and thought that the tough part was behind me. It wasn't.

 

I thought I could finally study economics during A levels, but that didn't happen. I let myself be swayed to study science again...not the best decision I've made in my life. By the end of the second quarter of the school year, I was completely depressed. What was I doing? It was too late to shift courses. I've always been a good student, but knowing that I cant pursue what I really want to made me apathetic. I mean, what was the point? Blindly following family tradition? I didn't want that. I wanted to study economics, reach out to people, affect lives. I'm a social person, I want to have large scale social impact. Maybe, that's why I sorta like biology a little bit..who knows. The point is that this hit me really hard, and I sort of...stopped caring.

 

I stopped attending after school classes(which is a must in Bangladesh, since teachers slack off in class so they can make extra cash outside school. It's illegal but no one does anything about it, and all the students sort of go along with it). My grades started to fall. Meanwhile, i read economics text books, books on political theory, eastern history. I started a few campaigns to try and impose censorship on pornography in Bangladesh. I got some positive results in this department. But my grades were taking a nose dive. And I didn't care. I couldn't motivate myself to sit down and study. Nothing. Even when I sat down and read a text book on physics, I couldn't remember anything the next day. My parents say I'm lazy...maybe they're right. But they could wrong too. i mean, I'm all over the place to be honest. I go to the gym daily, spend time in the library, have loads of other stuff to do that I always get done...

I don't know what to do.

 

Some of my grades are beyond repair. The only thing I was motivated to study for was the SAT, and I did really well there( i scored 2340 :D). Aside from that, nothing. I don't know what to do. My report card has turned into an ugly thing--but my teachers have nothing but good things to say about me. I contacted the best economics school here in Bangladesh, and they were willing to waive the entrance exam for me because of my SAT score. I dont know what to do. Am I being lazy, or is it something more? I don't think i'm lazy..I just kind of think it's..I dont even have words for it. 

 

Some advice would be helpful.

 

Salam.

Shahreem,

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(salam) dear brother Shahreem,

 

My impression is that you have very high expectations about yourself, which is a really good thing actually.

From what you tell, you also have a large range of activities and cultural interests. 

 

I can guess than you are not lost nor lazy.

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Alaykum salaam, brother Shahreem. A levels is only the beginning of bad decision-making. Unfortunately, even those much older, and with experience on their side, are given to regret and confusion from time to time. As life progresses, one simply learns to accept the lack of better judgement in certain decisions, and move forward bearing that in mind.

 

There is as much probability of our being confused after degrees upon degrees in a favourite field of study as there is five years into a career that we did not choose. Education is of utmost importance, but sometimes we let social academic structures dictate a little too much — people change their minds (and their careers) all the time, and throughout their life.

 

Perhaps stepping away from this current state of indecision, and just letting yourself be, may provide some clarity. 'Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.' (13:11)

 

Du'as always, my brother.

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Wasalam

Or is it only that you are studying what you don't like.

(bismillah)

Salam, brother.

I think it's mostly because I don't feel inspired by what I am studying...and I'm trying to make up for that with these other activities.

 

(salam) dear brother Shahreem,

 

My impression is that you have very high expectations about yourself, which is a really good thing actually.

From what you tell, you also have a large range of activities and cultural interests. 

 

I can guess than you are not lost nor lazy.

(salam) my brother.

It helps knowing that I don't appear lazy. I just hope this turbulent phase passes away soon.

 

Alaykum salaam, brother Shahreem. A levels is only the beginning of bad decision-making. Unfortunately, even those much older, and with experience on their side, are given to regret and confusion from time to time. As life progresses, one simply learns to accept the lack of better judgement in certain decisions, and move forward bearing that in mind.

 

There is as much probability of our being confused after degrees upon degrees in a favourite field of study as there is five years into a career that we did not choose. Education is of utmost importance, but sometimes we let social academic structures dictate a little too much — people change their minds (and their careers) all the time, and throughout their life.

 

Perhaps stepping away from this current state of indecision, and just letting yourself be, may provide some clarity. 'Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.' (13:11)

 

Du'as always, my brother.

(salam) Sister.

I understand what you mean, and also that I have to take matters into my own hands and trust in Allah. Alhamdulillah, I've decided to study economics in college and not let anyone sway my mind this time around. Thank you for your advice.

May Allah bless you and  your family.

Salam.

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SubhanAllah, that truly is great news, brother. I beseech Allah to grant you success and bless you with only His most chosen favours, both in this world and the next, inshaAllah. Thank you for the kind du'a. May Allah keep you and your family in His protection always.

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(salam)

 

Economics is known in the US as "the Dismal Science". Maybe the "dismal" is getting you down. The indefiniteness and the "tentative conclusions" of it, maybe, grinds on your personal sense of "conclusiveness".

 

Since you are school aged and have a whole life ahead of you inshallah, take the "Iron Lady"/Margaret Thatcher approach: what will get you a job?

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