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-Fatima-

Offering Yourself To Your Husband.

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Salam sisters.

I've always known that it's wajib to attend to your husband's needs, and I've come across many narrations regarding the woman's role of beautifying herself and not having Hayaa around her husband, i.e. "A woman should use the best perfume, wear her prettiest clothes, and groom herself in the best possible form. She should appear in front of her husband every morning and night displaying her beauties."  But a few nights ago I was reading a book that had a narration (according to what I remember narrated by Imam Sadiq) that addresses the issue in a way I haven't read before, and I thought it would be important for other sisters to know, just a heads up ;)  !

It was in Arabic, but here's my translated version:

 

A woman must offer her body to her husband every night, remove her clothes and let her skin touch his skin, if he refuses her then, she has done her part.

 

I will upload the source once I find the book again.

 

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well... these things can not happen under obligation!

very woman knows that she has some duties and her husband has some too!

 

I don't want to look at this matter as a feminist but there is no do and does! and i think this hadith are there to remind women that they have some duties , so has their husbands.

 

So you better to remove MUST and replace it with SHOULD.

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Great Advice, all men should make their wives subscribe to the Sisters Forum.

 

Btw guess what gender the anonymous followers are on Sisters Forum.  :shifty:

 

Also I do not think there is anything wrong if brothers do surf the sisters forums and sisters surf the brothers forum, it allows both genders to see what the life of the opposite gender is like. For example; Reading the posts on the Sisters forums has made me more aware of the natural occurrences women have, makes me much more prepared to deal with a women once living with one. Same for Men.

 

Trying to understand women whilst thinking with a man's mind is like a cow thinking about a chicken's life.

 

Knowledge is helpful as long as Brothers can be mature.

Edited by SF Taha

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Jeebus NO! What a sad and backwards thing is that? Like Tutbir and so many other things in shariah destroying the image of Shias today, it also "has no place in the 21st century". To which I agree and I have to protest I'm afraid.

 

Do you even know the philosophy behind the haq of mehr and why it is wajib? Today, a husband and his family get to pay in kind for a reason. Its the credit crunch! In the old days, a mehr of some dates and cloth sheets would have sufficed. But not today. Right? A wife should at least charge 2% of that haq mehr value each time. Make him understand that you're not a slave. He must learn patience and obedience and he should surrender some of all the money he is hoarding and hiding from us wives each time. You know. All the money he keeps for his own family, friends, his pet dogs and other women. Men are wicked little things thats why. Please don't create fitna for the rest of us sisters, sister, by quoting such outdated hadiths.~

 

Thanks. ^^^

Edited by Darth Vader

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So you better to remove MUST and replace it with SHOULD.

 

The idea isn't terrible, but the translation has to be checked.  Must is a very strong word.  Life doesn't stop when a person gets married  - there is illness, work, chores, children, other family members, travel, and a million other things.  Must is definitely excessive.

 

That having been said, there is much value in physical contact between spouses, and it should be a regular habit for husbands and wives, even if of a non-sexual nature.

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The only thing this hadith is showing is selfishness. Why,because if he refuses you then it's fine however if you refuse him,it's never okay unless you have some good excuse. It is not surprising to see some men not meeting the needs of their wifes,specially if we have hadiths like this that are one sided,and teach woman that if he refuses then you did your part. Am not sure,how accourt this hadith is and what the hadith after is. Maybe you can state the lines after that hadith,even if it's in arabic.

Looking good and smelling nice is somthing your meant to do for yourself and not just for your husband, yes sometimes you want to go out of your way and do something specially,but if the other half is not going to appricate it then it certainlty isint necessary for you to keep doing the same thing.

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Salam all  :)

.

ShiaHashmi, earlier you referred to me saying along the lines of  "An 18/19 year old should no be giving advice about sexual relations between the husband and wife because I don't know sh*t about life"

Sorry brother, but that's absolutely ridiculous. I may be 19, but I am married, so I think I can speak about "adult" topics, if you see me as young. Plus I'm not posting advice, simply a narration.

well... these things can not happen under obligation!

very woman knows that she has some duties and her husband has some too!

 

I don't want to look at this matter as a feminist but there is no do and does! and i think this hadith are there to remind women that they have some duties , so has their husbands.

 

So you better to remove MUST and replace it with SHOULD.

Yes true, the obligation is to attend to the needs. I can't remove must unfortunately until I double check the hadeeth. The word used in the hadeeth is "Yajb" meaning she must. But perhaps the Ulama have placed it in a different context in comparison to other narrations. Inshallah I will upload the Arabic version once I get my hands on the book.

 

Jeebus NO! What a sad and backwards thing is that? Like Tutbir and so many other things in shariah destroying the image of Shias today, it also "has no place in the 21st century". To which I agree and I have to protest I'm afraid.

 

Do you even know the philosophy behind the haq of mehr and why it is wajib? Today, a husband and his family get to pay in kind for a reason. Its the credit crunch! In the old days, a mehr of some dates and cloth sheets would have sufficed. But not today. Right? A wife should at least charge 2% of that haq mehr value each time. Make him understand that you're not a slave. He must learn patience and obedience and he should surrender some of all the money he is hoarding and hiding from us wives each time. You know. All the money he keeps for his own family, friends, his pet dogs and other women. Men are wicked little things thats why. Please don't create fitna for the rest of us sisters, sister, by quoting such outdated hadiths.~

 

Thanks. ^^^

Hadeeths have an expiry date? That's the first I've heard! This is nothing like tatbeer, that's a whole subject on it's own. 

My husband paid the mehr of Fatima (A.S.) which is an incredibly small amount compared to other mehrs, probably about $1500. He doesn't treat me like a slave? Perhaps you've have a bad experience, but that's all that it is, bad experience. A woman shouldn't be sold for an expensive price by her parents because she "isn't cheap and isn't a slave" that's ridiculous and insulting.

And if he's hoarding money for his pet dog, having a dog is haram ^_^ 

This isn't fitna, this could just save someone's marriage :)

 

The only thing this hadith is showing is selfishness. Why,because if he refuses you then it's fine however if you refuse him,it's never okay unless you have some good excuse. It is not surprising to see some men not meeting the needs of their wifes,specially if we have hadiths like this that are one sided,and teach woman that if he refuses then you did your part. Am not sure,how accourt this hadith is and what the hadith after is. Maybe you can state the lines after that hadith,even if it's in arabic.

Looking good and smelling nice is somthing your meant to do for yourself and not just for your husband, yes sometimes you want to go out of your way and do something specially,but if the other half is not going to appricate it then it certainlty isint necessary for you to keep doing the same thing.

Imam Sadiq (A.S.) is one of the most influential Imams that we have, not only in the Shia school of thought, in fact other sects of Islam and in the West. An Imam of divine knowledge would never narrate a hadeeth because he wants to have men's backs. You cannot compare men and women on any scale whatsoever. Men have a certain way of thinking and feeling. The truth is simple, if you want your husband to focus on only you, you'd do things like this. We can all agree that it is wajib to attend to a husband's needs, now you husband may not feel up to it, however by removing your clothes and allowing you skin to touch his, it most likely will completely change his approach! By you attending to him without him requesting, you're keeping him satisfied, and scientifically speaking, after his release, a man's mind is clear, positive and healthy. He'll treat you better and won't be so grumpy all the time. Women on the other hand don't feel the same way about sex. To men, it's as important as food, to women it's a bonus (and at times a bother). It's all logical really, I can go on for ages.

As for one sided hadeeths that you refer to, that's not true, I've read heaps of hadeeth supporting the needs of women. For example: 

 

"Imām as-Ŝādiq (as) has also narrated: The wife of °Uthmān bin Ma°dhūn came to the Prophet (S) and said: “Oh messenger of Allāh (SwT), every day °Uthmān fasts and in the evenings engages in Ŝalāt.” The Prophet (S) picked his sandals and angrily went to °Uthmān (such that he did not wait to put his sandals on) and saw him in the state of Ŝalāt. Because °Uthmān saw the Prophet (S) he abandoned his prayer. The Prophet (S) addressed him and said: “Allāh (SwT) has not sent me to be a recluse, I swear by Allāh (SwT) that has instigated me to this pure, orthodox and easy religion, I fast, I pray and I go to my wife, and any one that likes my custom, must be bound by my sunnah and custom, and Nikah is from my sunnah."  Wasāil ash-Shī~a, vol. 20, pg. 106, no. 25157

 

And

 

It is narrated from the Prophet (S): “Do not engage in sexual intercourse with your wife like hens; rather, firstly engage in foreplay with your wife and flirt with her and then make love to her.” °alliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 110

 

The Prophet (S) said, “Three people are cruel: …a person who has sex with his wife before foreplay.” 

Imam ‘Ali (A.S.) says, “When you intend to have sex with your wife, do not rush because the woman (also) has needs (which should be fulfilled).

Wasa’il ul-Shi’a, vol. 14, p. 40

 

I don't know about you, but these look like they support women's needs. Islam has not forgotten about the rights of women, all we need to do is research a little.

 

 

But here's a good read everyone!  

http://www.imamreza.net/eng/imamreza.php?id=6186

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It was in Arabic, but here's my translated version:

 

A woman must offer her body to her husband every night, remove her clothes and let her skin touch his skin, if he refuses her then, she has done her part.

 

I will upload the source once I find the book again.

 

Getting completely naked and your husband rejecting your advance might be traumatic. According to what I have read, the husband and wife should not be completely nude when they approach one another, but the wife can have revealing clothing that she would not wear in front of other people. Revealing clothing would expose some of the wife's beauty and her skin touching his skin might be simply her putting her hand on his cheek or shoulder. 

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Getting completely naked and your husband rejecting your advance might be traumatic. According to what I have read, the husband and wife should not be completely nude when they approach one another, but the wife can have revealing clothing that she would not wear in front of other people. Revealing clothing would expose some of the wife's beauty and her skin touching his skin might be simply her putting her hand on his cheek or shoulder. 

That is true sister, intercourse is makrooh completely nude, I'm pretty sure because it's somewhat animalistic.

However, there is hadeeth that also states that it is permissible to look at your spouse undressed and even pleasurable (for the man).

But it's still possible that removing her clothes may mean just the excess ones.

 

Don't worry sis, I am happy you posted it, do not let any one tell you otherwise.

 

Shia Hashimi also isn't much older than you sister, I don't know why he said that.

As long as a single person benefits from this, I'm happy!

Plus no one knows anyone's identity here so all is good ^_^

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Jeebus NO! What a sad and backwards thing is that? Like Tutbir and so many other things in shariah destroying the image of Shias today, it also "has no place in the 21st century". To which I agree and I have to protest I'm afraid.

 

Do you even know the philosophy behind the haq of mehr and why it is wajib? Today, a husband and his family get to pay in kind for a reason. Its the credit crunch! In the old days, a mehr of some dates and cloth sheets would have sufficed. But not today. Right? A wife should at least charge 2% of that haq mehr value each time. Make him understand that you're not a slave. He must learn patience and obedience and he should surrender some of all the money he is hoarding and hiding from us wives each time. You know. All the money he keeps for his own family, friends, his pet dogs and other women. Men are wicked little things thats why. Please don't create fitna for the rest of us sisters, sister, by quoting such outdated hadiths.~

 

Thanks. ^^^

 

Why are you in the sisters forum?  And you have contributed absolutely nothing to the discussion.

That is true sister, intercourse is makrooh completely nude, I'm pretty sure because it's somewhat animalistic.

However, there is hadeeth that also states that it is permissible to look at your spouse undressed and even pleasurable (for the man).

But it's still possible that removing her clothes may mean just the excess ones.

 

As long as a single person benefits from this, I'm happy!

Plus no one knows anyone's identity here so all is good ^_^

 

What?  Why is it makrooh?

Edited by Fatima Hussain

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What?  Why is it makrooh?

Both people must be under a sheet or a blanket, so both can be nude but under a cover like a sheet, it is better that way and also I posted a thread on this:

 

http://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/235023076-men-not-allowed-to-be-naked-brothers-only-please/

Edited by hameedeh
Spelling change.

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