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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Khalilallah

I Don't Understand Why...

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It depends on their environment. For example, in my family only one women has married before the age of 24 and marriage be for that age is shameful in my family. Whereas in my local community many women get married 18-22 yrs of age. So it depends on what the girl was raised with.

However, some girls do use the excuse of being too young to refuse a suitor. So you cant generalize all women.

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They might be more willing if they are assured that they would be helped to finish their studies.

Men and women nowadays are reluctant to mature. Marriage, and especially childbearing, forces maturity upon a woman to a much greater extent than on a man.

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So, you got your answer. Don't worry brother, now you can retaliate... ... ... i'm sorry another poor choice of word... you can respond by showing that you're a gentlemen. Such," i understand, do you mind telling me on what parameter that you'll be ready?" or "is there any way i can help you with that?". Or any respond that suit your culture that will require her feedback, this way you're opening up a chance to communicate.

 

Don't worry brother, If the time come, the time come. If she meant for you, then she meant for you. If she's not meant for you, pray to Allah SWT. the replacement would be better. If the replacement not better then her, then pray to Allah SWT. this is your eeman that you'll accept what Allah SWT. provided to you.

 

Salam Brother, be strong. love someone because you love your God.

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It's early. Am 23 and sometimes I think its way to early to get married. In my head 26 seems to be the right age,but ofcourse if you find the right indivudal then maybe you worint see it as to early..

Well what is the right type of a guy:

 

I offered to:

 

- Help her with her studies

- let her free, I did not ask her to do any task at all

- I said there is absolutely 0% chance of problems

- She said she doesn't want to marry until a few years, I said me too.

 

I am religious and have been praised for my ikhlaq many times, she is religious too.

 

I guess the only thing remains for me to be the "right person" is to have a six pack, and be rich.

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I guess the only thing remains for me to be the "right person" is to have a six pack, and be rich.

That is insulting to the girl. If you really feel that way about her, she's lucky she said no.

Did you pressure her? If you did, don't.

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Seriously notme we are not all like the man you are thinking of.

 

That is not at all how I feel, I just don't seem to get what the "right person" is, I did not even get a chance.

 

I did not pressure her at all, we have seen each other a few times at gatherings but never spoke. I asked my mum to ask her mum, and I asked the brother of the girl to give the girl my email and phone number so that she can ask me any question she might have, which is when she said no through her brother's account. 

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she said no through her brother's account.

Is it possible her brother said no based on his own criteria? Don't take rejection personally, young brother. There are a thousand reasons for a person to say no, and most of them have nothing to do with you.

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the truth is.........

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

she is said yes to me.

 

Btw, what would you do if a girl asked you for marriage and you did not find her attractive or whatever plausible reason you would have created for the rejection?  - Think about this one. weeeaaallll haardd!

Edited by D3v1L

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Well what is the right type of a guy:

 

I offered to:

 

- Help her with her studies

- let her free, I did not ask her to do any task at all

- I said there is absolutely 0% chance of problems

- She said she doesn't want to marry until a few years, I said me too.

 

I am religious and have been praised for my ikhlaq many times, she is religious too.

 

I guess the only thing remains for me to be the "right person" is to have a six pack, and be rich.

What you offered her is great,she will either regret it later or her parents might regret it. You know some families reject the person before they even let girl know.

I dont get it,theirs so many people in the world yet no one can find what they want. Being financelly stable attracts parents,it just means that you will make life easier for their daughter,shes in safe hands..lol..

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I don't understand why shia Muslim women aged 18-20 think it is too early for them to get married?

 

Do they actually believe it is too early or do they use this as an excuse to reject proposals?

 

It's ludicrous to saddle yourself with marriage at such a young age in this time period. But Islame demands your get married, or stay celibate.

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Yeaah it's more of an excuse. If a handsome guy who fears God, came along and was successful, then many would marry him in a heart beat. If you fit that bill then you wouldnt hear "oh i'm busy with school" .Nope. She'd be like what school? most likely if you had these traits, her parents would marry you her while she still enrolled in school, because they'd be too afraid to risk losing you. That's the way it goes.

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I am just gonna wait for someone to come to me for what I am rather than try and become all those other things besides god fearing, if the girl is worth marrying she will see me for what I am and my goodness, otherwise nah.

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I am just gonna wait for someone to come to me for what I am rather than try and become all those other things besides god fearing, if the girl is worth marrying she will see me for what I am and my goodness, otherwise nah.

Smart plan.

But don't wait so much that you aren't proactive and miss the shy girls who would like you.

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(Salam)

At such a young age, most people don't know what they want in life, what they want to do with their lives. Choosing a spouse is no small feat. Not everyone can make such a big decision so quickly. Imho the right marrying age is when you've reached mental maturity, which varies from person to person.

Also, it may just be an excuse given to reject a person. Maybe a sister isn't interested at all in a brother, but doesn't want to say that directly to his face and make him feel bad.

To anyone reading this: if you've been rejected, it's best to move on tbh. If you've expressed interest in a person who's made it clear they're uninterested, it seems very annoying if you keep pursuing them. It's pressuring to know that someone likes you when you don't see them that way, and if you keep trying to persuade a person who has rejected you to marry you, they'll just get more irritated. Just my two cents.

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Yeaah it's more of an excuse. If a handsome guy who fears God, came along and was successful, then many would marry him in a heart beat. If you fit that bill then you wouldnt hear "oh i'm busy with school" .Nope. She'd be like what school? most likely if you had these traits, her parents would marry you her while she still enrolled in school, because they'd be too afraid to risk losing you. That's the way it goes.

(salam)

That's hardly the way it goes. Timing is important and a lot of young women do want to complete there studies, especially when they have already put time and effort into their education. Whilst the OP seems to be very supportive and InshAllah was sincere in his desires to help her, a lot of the time support from the husband and family is offered but then retracted after marriage when the girl ultimately has to deal with it unless she wants to seperate with her husband. Moreover he promised her 0% problems but realistically noone can do that.

As for the original question about marrying young, we have hadith that recommend it, so once you are ready you shouldnt delay it if you can. But the hadith telling us seeking knowledge is wajib should not be ignored either.

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I don't understand why shia Muslim women aged 18-20 think it is too early for them to get married?

 

Do they actually believe it is too early or do they use this as an excuse to reject proposals?

 

I rejected all proposals till 25. and I think i did right. because my mind was not fixed till that time

I didn't know meaning of happiness and being happy in life, I was not determined about what I exactly I want

 

women get married so early and later on they change so much, so they might find their incompatible with their new personality 

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I rejected all proposals till 25. and I think i did right. because my mind was not fixed till that time

I didn't know meaning of happiness and being happy in life, I was not determined about what I exactly I want

 

women get married so early and later on they change so much, so they might find their incompatible with their new personality 

 

That is why the ability to compromise and be flexible is so important in life, having those qualities can make the difference between happiness and depression (at a situation cause by being to rigid)

 

 

(kind of like this)

 

Edited by Ali_Hussain

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Salam brother, kheir inshaa Allah, sometimes things happen for the best. My husband was rejected before marrying me, the girl he was speaking to with the intention of marriage broke it off because "she wasn't ready" she got married like 2 months after. He was really upset. But a year after, he saw me and tada, we're married ^_^

I know some women that would love to be married 18-20, but no good guys are asking for them.

Don't give up hope and don't stop searching, just make duaa and everything will turn out just fine inshallah.

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Salam,

Although the I agree that sometimes it may be used as an excuse to reject someone I also believe some girls just aren't ready at that age. When I was 18 I don't think I saw myself getting married till after I turned 25. Now I'm 23 and planning my wedding. Things happen the way they are supposed to. Sometimes you just have to stop worrying about when things will go the way you planned or want. A year an a half ago I thought I would marry the father of my baby. But after he rejected me I found friendship in someone else and he took his shahada Alhamdulillah and now we are planning for the future. I guess what I'm trying to say is dont lose hope. Sometimes it really isnt you, it's them. I've heard several stories of sisters who were proposed to several times before meeting their husbands. And what I love about their stories is that it's not even about the looks or money. A close friend rejected a brother who on paper seemed to be the husband anyone would want. Her friends and family woyld push her to accept but she didn't feel like he was the person Allah swt intended for her and rejected him to marry someone who couldnt financially offer her the same things he could. Now they are completely happy and expecting their first baby due in February.

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