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Sajjad_786

My Wife Wants A Divorce For No Valid Reason

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On 9/23/2014 at 2:43 PM, Sajjad_786 said:

slm,

Im now married for 5 months and she wants a divorce. we were in a place and I hold her arms very tidly, I never intended to hurt her. then she started crying I thought she was sad because she had said to me that she wanted to divorce. later that day I went to her again and wanted to hug her. she warned me: If you touch me I will call my brother, but I touched her anyway. Then she called her brother with a loud voice. So I turned my self to the other room, and the brother came rushing. He said to me, what are you doing here? I said Im with my wife. He said u are hurting her, I said she is my wife. then he said, get out of here. so I got out because I didnt want any trouble. Now I dont know what to do, I havent spoken to my wife for 6 weeks now. I cant go back to her because of this incident, but I cant divorce either. dont know what to do, would be good to go back to her? funny thing is that my wife loves me now for 9 years. And oh yeah, Im not gonna divorce her

Salam man,

Sorry to hear about the situation.  It seems very complex and delicate and I'm not sure any advice I offer will be helpful without knowing more.

Have you and your wife entered specific items in your nikkah contract?

When Nikkah contract is drafted, these stipulations and requests need to be put in there and discussed (living location,  money etc.)   It seems to me the negotiating process between you and them has failed.  Regardless of her psychological state, her father/brother or other family members are supposed to represent her interests and ensure these things are in Nikkah contract.

You are in your right to respond and tell them you dont have an obligation to change living locations and on this basis if it is not in contract. 

Considering if you spent 9 years together and if you have not discussed these things, It is alarming. 

The contract is designated as a means of protection to her and you.

In all fairness when a woman, even your wife asks not to be touched, you have no right to touch her.  This is a grave mistake and breach of trust on your part. You must make amends for this.

 

The quran specifically instructs us to seek counsel between the two families before approaching divorce.  I would advise you to try and do this with a mediator who is fair and impartial.

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1 hour ago, wmehar2 said:

Salam man,

Sorry to hear about the situation.  It seems very complex and delicate and I'm not sure any advice I offer will be helpful without knowing more.

Have you and your wife entered specific items in your nikkah contract?

When Nikkah contract is drafted, these stipulations and requests need to be put in there and discussed (living location,  money etc.)   It seems to me the negotiating process between you and them has failed.  Regardless of her psychological state, her father/brother or other family members are supposed to represent her interests and ensure these things are in Nikkah contract.

You are in your right to respond and tell them you dont have an obligation to change living locations and on this basis if it is not in contract. 

Considering if you spent 9 years together and if you have not discussed these things, It is alarming. 

The contract is designated as a means of protection to her and you.

In all fairness when a woman, even your wife asks not to be touched, you have no right to touch her.  This is a grave mistake and breach of trust on your part. You must make amends for this.

 

The quran specifically instructs us to seek counsel between the two families before approaching divorce.  I would advise you to try and do this with a mediator who is fair and impartial.

Sounds a bit sad that there has to be a contract about living quarters etc. I always thought of everything that belongs to us becomes theirs and vice versa and no secrets 

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15 minutes ago, Murtaza1 said:

Sounds a bit sad that there has to be a contract about living quarters etc. I always thought of everything that belongs to us becomes theirs and vice versa and no secrets 

I mean.... it doesnt HAVE to be but if the couple  have materially  significant  concerns/matters ..it should be addressed somehow. 

The contract is just a means of protection, exceptions etc.  Otherwise Quran would not have bid us to draft them.

Technically all money the wife earns sactually stay with the wife per Quran. None of her belongings become shared with the husband. 

To men belong what they earn, and to women what they earn.” (An-Nisa’ 4:32)

there's obligation to provide from the husband of his earnings,  in addition to what Qur'an stipulates.

the election of joint onwership can and should be in the contract along with other exceptional or pending concerns the couple has.   Then it must be honored. 

one day randomly a fight can erupt and perhaps the instability will provoke one spouse to dishonor shared ownership or some other "verbally or cultural " implicit agreement.  It could get ugly :/

Edited by wmehar2

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49 minutes ago, wmehar2 said:

one day randomly a fight can erupt and perhaps the instability will provoke one spouse to dishonor shared ownership or some other "verbally or cultural " implicit agreement.  It could get ugly :/

Especially in this day and age. People might also have a secret scheme to marry someone to obtain their wealth and possessions and then leave them. One lady recently told me a man married her for a passport. That was his secret for many years while they lived together. As soon as he got it he left her without any note. I have seen and heard enough bad luck stories to take any chances on someone. I wouldn't marry unless i am 100% certain that i know them well and they know who they are themselves. 

Edited by Murtaza1

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5 hours ago, Murtaza1 said:

Especially in this day and age. People might also have a secret scheme to marry someone to obtain their wealth and possessions and then leave them. One lady recently told me a man married her for a passport. That was his secret for many years while they lived together. As soon as he got it he left her without any note. I have seen and heard enough bad luck stories to take any chances on someone. I wouldn't marry unless i am 100% certain that i know them well and they know who they are themselves. 

Same here i know someone who had that happen. 

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