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In the Name of God بسم الله

Paki Probs?

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  • Advanced Member

When I went to Pakistan this summer, I had to stay with my mother's side of the family, which included my two mami's and one of their baligh daughters. They are usually hijabi's, but constantly take off their hijabs when I'm at home, so whenever I walk out of my room, they don't have their hijabs on and they run away like I'm at fault. When I go over there next time, there will be four nah-mahrams. I can't just sit in my room all day with the door closed. What should I do?

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  • Advanced Member

Salam,

 

Out of consideration for the girls/women who wear hijab (and even those who don't) I would recommend you to rent a place or stay at a hotel if possible. If that's not an alternative, see if you can stay at the place of other family members where this issue won't arise. 

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What do you do when you go out in the country of your permanent residence where everyone is not only without hijab but wearing flashy clothes, especially in summers?

 

From what I understand, his problem is not with being able to control himself but, rather, his inability to move about because the cousins aren't doing Hijab 24/7 but are also uncomfortable with him seeing them without it.

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In the book Les Misérables, when JVJ takes refuge in a convent, he encounters a former acquaintance, who was the only man inside. In order for the nuns to know that was is approaching, he would wear a bell, so for the most part, they would be able to avoid him.

Edited by Ali_Hussain
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  • Advanced Member

Sorry, I just noticed I posted this in the wrong forum, I'm new here. Khadim uz Zahra gets my point. I'm only 15 I can't rent another hotel but perhaps I can go to other family. The bell idea is cool and all, but I don't want it to sound like a warning bell, it makes me feel depressed. They know I'm a nah-mahram, I don't know why they don't keep hijab or dupatta on the whole day, I can't exactly lecture them since they are older than me. Thanks for the replies

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Question: Why is this thread titled Paki probs?

 

As for your question, I'd make other living arrangements if I were you. The only way your current arrangement works is if both sides of the na mehrams are willingly co-operative. Or if they're cool with not doing hijab in front of you and you're cool with living there with them.

Edited by l'Optimiste
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  • Advanced Member

Yes that does seen logical, maybe there are other houses I can live in that are family and have better hijabis. As for the thread, it sounded catchy, Paki is short for Pakistan, probs are short for problems. They were a problem when I was in Pakistan. Just trying to sound original, that's all.

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  • Advanced Member

Salaam Alaikum

 

Your in one of those difficult situations plus in a different culture environment.

A few changes can be made while your there. Firstly when your around try knocking before you go into other rooms, in Iran men say 'Ya Allah ' a few times while they are moving around where there is a possibility women may be present.

Also when it comes to modesty both genders have a duty... if they observe hijab they should also act responsible too... its not all on your account!

Good luck!

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Part of the problem is probably also that the summers are very hot in Pakistan, and I've heard the electricity goes out frequently.  So even if you have air conditioning or fans, they may stop working, so then people would be sweltering inside the house.

 

In that situation, it must be tough to wear hijab, and maybe that's a key reason they don't wear it in the house.

 

In that case, if it's a choice between one person having to stay in their room all day compared to 4 having even more trouble with the heat, it seems better for the 1 to minimize the time they leave their room (maybe you could get a tv or some books to deal with the boredom).

 

But yeah, as others said, it's probably better to just find somewhere else to stay, since what you described had inconveniences for everyone.

 

I did think Ali_Hussain's suggestion with the bells was clever though :P

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Yes, I have considered that the heat was probably their reason, and so that's why I stay away from the kitchen when they're cooking, because it's hot. But I have visited other houses of my family, and there are nah-mahrams who do their hijab the whole time I am there. They are even younger than my aunts, they have less experience, and less knowledge about Islam. I would expect my aunts to be more patient. I have never heard of Pakistanis saying Ya Allah, and nobody does that in my family. How will they know what I mean. I am only 15, I can't see myself doing that. I will just plan on staying with other family. I like the bells idea as well, but I don't want it to sound like "beware of nah-mahram", because I would get depressed. And I am usually walking around randomly through the house as I do not like sitting still, so it would just be chaotic.

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  • 4 months later...
  • Advanced Member

Okay so this a Late reply but we used to have a joint family system which means everyone lived in the same house and encounters na mahrams on daily basis but hijab was never a problem because whenever one of my uncles were about to enter the room they would always cough really loudly so the ladies know that he was coming you should've tried that

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  • Advanced Member

I don't know if Pakistanis do this, but Iraqis will say 'Ya Allah' to announce themselves if they know there are non-Mahram women around. The women then have a chance to cover themselves. 

 

Reminds me of a joke that happened with a relative..This 'Iran-returned-guy once went to meet our relatives and as accustomed, he said 'Ya Allah' at the door...Now here in Mumbai, it's mostly beggars who call out Allah's name at every doorstep..my cousin thought it must be some beggar and she handed out a one rupee coin to this guy who was shocked that his cousin treated him like a beggar...hahaha!!

 

As for the OP, I think you should just call them out like "Appi or baaji' to just alert them about your arrival..and possibly wait for a couple of mins before stepping out...my younger cousin did the same while i had been to my village recently!

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