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melj4375

My Behavior Is Wrong?

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Salams all, I went out with my husband and met our friends (hubby and wife) at the cafe. We were talking as a group and I laughed every now and then (maybe 2 or 3 times in 2 hours) and I don't laugh loud or crazy. Hubby told me I can't laugh and show my teeth as my friends husband is non-mahram. He said I can smile but not laugh. I have a habit when I see a mirror to stop and look at it to fix my hijab or check out my pregnancy bump. He tells me it's wrong I can't look at myself in mirror in public. What do u guys think? If our scholars say it's haram or makrouh I won't do it but I am not aware.

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Your husband is being protective, so you should try to stop out of respect for him, but as far as I remember public laughing or modest mirror checking is not haram or makrooh.

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Hello,

 

"Protective?"  Call it what it is, controlling.  Ask your husband to prove such views with passages from the Qur'an. 

 

And, if he continues such controlling behavior, have your brother or brothers sit him down for a nice chat.  That is what brothers are for. 

 

All the Best,

David

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David, did you become a Muslim? The right and wrong concepts are asked here in Islamic outlook, not with the norms of your secular culture. So, please keep your "advices" out of these threads.

Edited by HamzaTR

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^ Hello,

 

Sorry, you are correct.  It just gets me riled up when I read of women being treated in such a way.

 

Melj, please disregard my comment.  I am not a Muslim and I have little knowledge of Islam.

 

Even so, you will be in my prayers.  I pray your pregnancy goes well and you have a very happy home.

 

All the Best,

David

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I will agree with sis 'notme' and say that he is being protective ,cause you're too beautiful, so he wants you to stay with him only lol.

 

Its okay, my parents are like this and tell me that its bad to laugh in public .. i understand that I am wearing modesty clothes (the crown of sayeda fatima)  and to behave this way is contradictory 

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Salams all, I went out with my husband and met our friends (hubby and wife) at the cafe. We were talking as a group and I laughed every now and then (maybe 2 or 3 times in 2 hours) and I don't laugh loud or crazy. Hubby told me I can't laugh and show my teeth as my friends husband is non-mahram. He said I can smile but not laugh. I have a habit when I see a mirror to stop and look at it to fix my hijab or check out my pregnancy bump. He tells me it's wrong I can't look at myself in mirror in public. What do u guys think? If our scholars say it's haram or makrouh I won't do it but I am not aware.

I wont say what ever you are doing is right or wrong, but yes its kiddish for sure.

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melj4375, you're in the wrong place to ask for advice. At least a plurality, if not an outright majority, of this forum's members are young males going through the trials and tribulations that constitute a search for identity in the post-pubescent years. There's absolutely nothing wrong with looking at yourself in the mirror and/or laughing. It's normal human behaviour and anyone who has a problem with it needs a psychological assessment, including, unfortunately, your husband.

 

A serious problem plaguing our societies, and in particular, Muslim communities is the decontextualisation of the timeless principles of our faith and turning them in to a source of identity. This plagues a lot of young people and those that perceive themselves to have been marginalised into subaltern spaces. Instead of interacting dynamically with the religion, it's being turned into an anchor to which they can moor themselves and avoid the rough seas of searching for their place in the world... Some kids do this by experimenting with drugs and joining gangs, others pour their energy into a particular sport and turn their physical environment into a shrine for a particular team, most of the kids here do it into an uncontentious adherence to religion and treating Islamic scholars like rock stars. In fact, if you problematised the 'fan following' of any typical Ayatollah and compared it with a sample of Beliebers, there wouldn't be much difference.

 

So, in effect, the lines between a faith and a cult are being increasingly blurred. The ethos of a faith are timeless, not restricted to place, and rather easily adapted to the any variety of contexts. The faith priortises humanistic and holistic values, it encourages its adherents to think for themselves and serves as moral and ethical compass in any given set of circumstances. But above all, it encourages inconspicuousness, so that faith and submission to God do not become a source of vanity or conceit. Cults on the other hand do precisely the opposite: they can turn any thoughtful set of ideas or beliefs into an ideology or political association limited by time, space, and geography. Hence, we have the phenomena today of many apparently well-off Westerners joining ISIS, and Shia kids wanting to head to the seminaries of Iran, plastering photos of various ayatollahs as someone would of professional athlete or celebrity, and uncritically following any idea that is dressed in the garb of religion....

 

What could possibly be better evidence of the lack of faith in one's faith? We have people becoming increasingly extreme in the rigidity of their beliefs, by using religious precept as a band-aid for their insecurities and perhaps even lack of fortitude in going through challenges.

 

All this to say, laugh and enjoy the things that God has given you. No one but God has the right to judge you, especially not the emotionally and intellectually stunted kids who hide behind the clock of cultish interpretations of religious precepts.

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Salams all, I went out with my husband and met our friends (hubby and wife) at the cafe. We were talking as a group and I laughed every now and then (maybe 2 or 3 times in 2 hours) and I don't laugh loud or crazy. Hubby told me I can't laugh and show my teeth as my friends husband is non-mahram. He said I can smile but not laugh. I have a habit when I see a mirror to stop and look at it to fix my hijab or check out my pregnancy bump. He tells me it's wrong I can't look at myself in mirror in public. What do u guys think? If our scholars say it's haram or makrouh I won't do it but I am not aware.

Not sure about mirror,but here generally women refrain from laughing in presence of foreign men (even soft laughters). So I don't think that your husband is more jealous  than what's naturally he suppose to be.

 

Well, about mirror…What do you do exactly  :lol: looking to mirror so often is against the prestige.

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Ask your husband to produce evidence for his assertions via a response from a marja'. I am certain he can't.

He should apologize if he fails to produce evidence because to claim things are haraam without evidence is a sin.

Your husband lied against God in order to control you. It is one of the worst sins in Islam.

 

It seems from what you describe that your husband might be a narcissist, and I hope that I am wrong because such types

are the worst spouses on earth. Good luck.

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"reformist", how dare you speak to a sister about her husband like this?! Sometimes I think posts here should be moderated.

 

And no, nothing he did was unislamic. And if you want evidence, jurisprudentially, her husband has the right to not take her outside of the house, i.e. to a cafe. which logically means he has the right to forbid her from being and not just laughing in the presence of strangers.

 

And sister melj, in such cases and everything, your scholar is your husband. And for you, subscribing to, obeying and pleasing him is the way of pleasing God. May Allah bless you both and your kids.

Edited by HamzaTR

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It just gets me riled up when I read of women being treated in such a way.

Treated I'm what way? Let me just make a few important points.

1.) She chose to marry him.

2.) She is a big girl and can discuss the issue with him.

3.) If he is too controlling and she can't stand it, she has the right to divorce him.

4.) Even women make similar demands. My ex told me to delete all females from my Facebook friends list. Is she too controlling and am I being oppressed? No.

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Wsalam,

The marj3a will be on your husbands side. Where not allowed to speak loudly let alone laugh. I dont understand why he would tell you to smile.. That to is not allowed...

Anyways,non islamically speaking, your husband is just being a bit stricket and a bit protective. I myself cant hold my laugh in,so I cant tell you to stop laughing but I would try to minimse the laughing if it really annoys him.

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A woman should not go out of the house if her going out deprives her husband of his conjugal right. Her husband has no right to make fatwas on his wife.

No marja' says a woman can't smile in public nor look in the mirror to adjust her hijab if she is married.

You mr hamzatr are just as unjust as her husband.

 

I challenge you to write to your Imam in Iran and pose the question. Correct my "misguidance" with evidence.

 

If you can't, you should yourself publically apologize for claiming God commands things that He does not command.

 

To claim a halaal is haraam is just as bad as claiming a haraam is halaal.

 

If your marja's response proves that I am wrong on this issue I will publically apologize.

 

A woman is not even required to obey her husband in anything at all except in matters related to his conjugal right.

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David, did you become a Muslim? The right and wrong concepts are asked here in Islamic outlook, not with the norms of your secular culture. So, please keep your "advices" out of these threads.

 

Excuse me? How rude of you to say that? It could be a cultural thing rather than something islamic. David has a right to post here just as anyone else has. 

 

As for yourself sister, there is no such thing forbidden.Being too free with non-mahrams is not encouraged in Islam no doubt which is the part I understand. Teeth/mirrors etc are perhaps taken too far. I would suggest to yourself to ask a scholar and then show it to your husband, if he agrees/understands, great. It not, It may be a little concerning. However,  I'm sorry to say but this should also apply to him if he is saying it to you. It works both ways not just one. "protective" perhaps isn't the correct terminology in this situation. 

 

Wasalam

Edited by 786repenting

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Excuse me? How rude of you to say that? It could be a cultural thing rather than something islamic. David has a right to post here just as anyone else has. 

 

the OP is asking about the Islamic view if it is either mubah or is it makruh or haram, openly asking about the views of maraji, and not the secular atheist views.

 

 

A woman should not go out of the house if her going out deprives her husband of his conjugal right. Her husband has no right to make fatwas on his wife.

No marja' says a woman can't smile in public nor look in the mirror to adjust her hijab if she is married.

You mr hamzatr are just as unjust as her husband.

 

I challenge you to write to your Imam in Iran and pose the question. Correct my "misguidance" with evidence.

 

If you can't, you should yourself publically apologize for claiming God commands things that He does not command.

 

To claim a halaal is haraam is just as bad as claiming a haraam is halaal.

 

If your marja's response proves that I am wrong on this issue I will publically apologize.

 

A woman is not even required to obey her husband in anything at all except in matters related to his conjugal right.

 

Wow, I wonder bro why you did not get on with it already and ask me for mubahala. lol.

 

Please study the rights of the husband here:

 

http://www.islamquest.net/en/component/islamquest/question/fa925

 

ma salam

Edited by HamzaTR

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the OP is asking about the Islamic view if it is either mubah or is it makruh or haram, openly asking about the views of maraji, and not the secular atheist views.

 

 

 

Wow, I wonder bro why you did not get on with it already and ask me for mubahala. lol.

 

Please study the rights of the husband here:

 

http://www.islamquest.net/en/component/islamquest/question/fa925

 

ma salam

 

so? it doesn't mean you come out with such a rude comment. How would like it if someone said to you? hamza did you become an atheist? the thread isn't about your "non secular views" so don't bring your "advices" here. By the way, saying he is an atheist is your assumption. He isn't an atheist.

 

anyway, sister, please do have this clarified to help clear your mind. inshaAllah. May Allah make your pregnancy swift, easy and blessed inshaAllah :)

Edited by 786repenting

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^ Hello,

Sorry, you are correct. It just gets me riled up when I read of women being treated in such a way.

Melj, please disregard my comment. I am not a Muslim and I have little knowledge of Islam.

Even so, you will be in my prayers. I pray your pregnancy goes well and you have a very happy home.

All the Best,

David

No need to be muslim, humanity is enough ;)

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(salam) Melj4375,

 

Your husband is partially correct. Develop the habit of covering your mouth with your hand when laughing, like with coughing. The muslimas around here do.

Laughing is not wrong (unless in the wrong place or too loud).

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(salam) Melj4375,

 

Your husband is partially correct. Develop the habit of covering your mouth with your hand when laughing, like with coughing. The muslimas around here do.

Laughing is not wrong (unless in the wrong place or too loud).

 

 

laughing_cat_t.jpg

 

like this?

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