Is Mutah Frowned Upon In Your Culture?

[Pearl178]

I have heard that mutah is the worst kind of halal. Like divorce for example, its halal but the worst kind of halal (أبغض الحلال). Can someone please confirm this?  

The reason I ask is because I suggested to one of my cousin who got divorced recently for the third time, to get married mutah since she cannot have kids and is in her 40's. And also her family are really furious with her because of her recent divorce. She however (and i was shocked to hear this) said that mutah is extremely frowned upon and its embarrassing and people normally do it in secret , and according to her if she got married mutah she will not be able to enjoy the relationship because she would never be able to go out in public with her husband. 

I think itx really sad because I think mutah is so ideal for women like her. Why does it have to be 'hush hush' thing if its halal? There are many women like my cousin who want to have a companion but dont want to get into marriage straight away (especially after 3 divorces!). I think its a shame that there are cultures like mine who think mutah is a disgrace and an embarrassing act.

 

Any thoughts? Honestly if it was me in position, I would not care about what soceity thinks, life is too short to care about other peoples opinions. I really feel sorry for my cousin because her family are dead against her marrying again. 

[notme]

Muslims look down on it, but non-Muslims do not.  That's because mutah is basically halal dating - it lacks the stability and family structure of permanent marriage.  

 

It doesn't have to be kept secret though. The details of a couple's marriage are nobody's business but their own.  A temporary husband and wife are still a husband and wife, and there is no reason why they can't go out places and enjoy a joint social life.  They don't have to announce that their marriage is temporary.

[Khalilallah]

It is frowned upon, but it is frowned upon only by the ignorant, people who are learned or reasonable encourage it and congratulate it.

 

For example, I did it, my father supported me, my mother eventually supported me, a few community members; well they objected for some idiotic reasons.

 

So yeah, just ignore what people think, do what you think is right, Mutah is more Halal than water.

[Muhammed Ali]

That's because mutah is basically halal dating

 

What do you think of dating? Is it not mostly harmful? 

[Pearl178]

What do you think of dating? Is it not mostly harmful? 

 

If mutah was harmful, why would it be halal? 

[:Ruffles]

What do you think of dating? Is it not mostly harmful?

There is no rules or contract in dating and usually parents get involved after the fact with dating (like after the couple has dated for awhile and think its "time to meet the parents") whereas with :Mutah, the family tends to be involved in the very beginning especially if the female is a virgin.

Yes, some people do :Mutah in an indecent or completely wrong way, but we do not let the hypocrites or ignorant ones define :Islam.

Edited July 29, 2014 by :Ruffles

[Omer-2708]

When for the first time I heard about mutah and what it is, i found it to be a great thing, since it is a solution for many "problems" and wishes, and its halal. If you know what you are doing and it is halal, one should not care what others thing. But you know, we are not all the same. Since I dont live in a shia city nor community i dont know what to say about public opinion, but my opinion is that one can do what he wants if it is halal. Ignorants are always the most knowledgeable and their opinions are the most worth. (sarcasm).

edit: Not sure if I had to write about sunnis view, since i live among sunnis.

Edited July 29, 2014 by Omer-2708

[King]

Pakistani shias are as anti mutah as can be.

[Follower]

(bismillah)

 

(salam)

 

Not only is it halal, it is mustahab. Of course, the conditions should be understood and followed. A lot of people seem to overlook the conditions and are not aware of the terminology (for example, loss of virginity, which refers to halal loss of virginity rather than loss of virginity through fornication).

 

Wallahu A'lam

[Pearl178]

Pakistani shias are as anti mutah as can be.

 

So are arab shias. And some believe its the worst kind of halal...as in halal but should be avoided just like divorce should be avoided as much as possible. And not everyone marries mutah for sex only, people do it for other reasons. Like my cousin would want to do it to have a companion and someone to share her life with , go to restaurant, travel...etc. But she cant unfortunately because she would be disgraced by society. 

[Pearl178]

(bismillah)

 

(salam)

 

Not only is it halal, it is mustahab. Of course, the conditions should be understood and followed. A lot of people seem to overlook the conditions and are not aware of the terminology (for example, loss of virginity, which refers to halal loss of virginity rather than loss of virginity through fornication).

 

Wallahu A'lam

 

Can you please provide an authentic hadith stating that its mustahab? Because many seem to think that it should not be encouraged. 

[Ali Musaaa :)]

“Religion is not based on one’s personal opinion; rather it is to adhere.”  - `Alī b. Abī Tālib  (Dastur Mu`alim al-Hikam, 1.321)

[Ali_Hussain]

Can you please provide an authentic hadith stating that its mustahab? Because many seem to think that it should not be encouraged. 

 

 

(I think that this was a woman only class)

Edited July 29, 2014 by Ali_Hussain

[Hasan0404]

(salam)

 

Basically in Pakistani society sex and things concerning it are a taboo.

 

Kids arent told even about sharii things worth knowing and have to discover on their own with almost zero guidance.

 

They get caught in dilemmas about sex and the changes their bodies undergo. Kids are not born of mothers but

 

angels drop them at the hospital and mothers have just to pick them.

 

A kid asked his parents about what semen is(as he read it in regards to things making fast void) and he got a response

 

as if he has done something heinous.

 

If some one in late teens or even early to mid twenties ask for marriage, he is branded as besharam (shameless).

 

First time I came to know about muta was when i got my hand on a booklet and on the first read I had to appreciate the very

 

concept mutaa holds.

 

I am quite sure mutaa may result in honor killings if parents come to know, you know people have Everest high honour here

 

in Pakistan.

 

Allah help us.

Edited July 29, 2014 by Hasan0404

[Muhammed Ali]

There is no rules or contract in dating and usually parents get involved after the fact with dating (like after the couple has dated for awhile and think its "time to meet the parents") whereas with :Mutah, the family tends to be involved in the very beginning especially if the female is a virgin.

Yes, some people do :Mutah in an indecent or completely wrong way, but we do not let the hypocrites or ignorant ones define :Islam.

 

I meant any long-term temporary relationships. Dating or mutah. Is there not a good chance of harm? Attachment etc?

[notme]

I meant any long-term temporary relationships. Dating or mutah. Is there not a good chance of harm? Attachment etc?

There is always a good chance of harm in any relationship. Does this mean we should all be hermits?

Attachment is not harm. Any human should care about and feel attached to the people who they choose to make part of their lives, whether temporarily or intending permanence.

What do you think of dating? Is it not mostly harmful?

Perhaps in its modern form, but mostly because expectations are not clearly laid out and agreed upon. That is the main thing which distinguishes mutah (or old fashioned dating/courting) from modern dating.

[Pearl178]

There is always a good chance of harm in any relationship. Does this mean we should all be hermits?

Attachment is not harm. Any human should care about and feel attached to the people who they choose to make part of their lives, whether temporarily or intending permanence.

Perhaps in its modern form, but mostly because expectations are not clearly laid out and agreed upon. That is the main thing which distinguishes mutah (or old fashioned dating/courting) from modern dating.

 

Very well said

[Muhammed Ali]

There is always a good chance of harm in any relationship. Does this mean we should all be hermits?

 

 

Isn't harm of this type almost certain? Whereas in permanent long-term relationships there are other controllable factors in making sure it works. Going by the very few (maybe two shia brothers) people that I know of who did mutah, they encountered problems with attachment. They said that it got too messy. 

 

If people have no other choice then so be it. However it's not good to promote it as an alternative to western style dating. I don't think that Islam promotes it in that manner.

Edited July 29, 2014 by Muhammed Ali

[Khalilallah]

Isn't harm of this type almost certain? Whereas in permanent long-term relationships there are other controllable factors in making sure it works. Going by the very few (maybe two shia brothers) people that I know of who did mutah, they encountered problems with attachment. They said that it got too messy. 

 

If people have no other choice then so be it. However it's not good to promote it as an alternative to western style dating. I don't think that Islam promotes it in that manner.

I agree, it was meant for the divorced or widowed women. especially women who for example, their husband is killed in the siffein war or nahrawan etc. it applies to widows however there aren't enough women today who are widowed or divorced and are open to Mutah Marriage, otherwise our youth would have little problem regarding sexuality.

 

Mutah with virgins isn't permissible as a result of the fact that their future could be in danger if they lose their virginity, bodily virginity and mental virginity (in the sense that they have formed an earlier attachment to other men previously and that could result in them not liking their new husband).

 

Which is why a mutah marriage with an Ahl Al Kitab is allowed even if they are virgin because virginity isn't important in their culture.

Edited July 29, 2014 by Sayed Faridoon Taha

[Follower]

(bismillah)

 

(salam)

 

Mutah with virgins isn't permissible as a result of the fact that their future could be in danger if they lose their virginity, bodily virginity and mental virginity (in the sense that they have formed an earlier attachment to other men previously and that could result in them not liking their new husband).

 

Which is why a mutah marriage with an Ahl Al Kitab is allowed even if they are virgin because virginity isn't important in their culture.

 

 

Mut'ah with virgins is permissible. Furthermore, loss of virginity in the context of mut'ah refers to halal loss of virginity (and not through fornication).

 

 

Wallahu A'lam

[Pearl178]

I agree, it was meant for the divorced or widowed women. especially women who for example, their husband is killed in the siffein war or nahrawan etc. it applies to widows however there aren't enough women today who are widowed or divorced and are open to Mutah Marriage, otherwise our youth would have little problem regarding sexuality.

 

Mutah with virgins isn't permissible as a result of the fact that their future could be in danger if they lose their virginity, bodily virginity and mental virginity (in the sense that they have formed an earlier attachment to other men previously and that could result in them not liking their new husband).

 

Which is why a mutah marriage with an Ahl Al Kitab is allowed even if they are virgin because virginity isn't important in their culture.

 

It is permissible if she seeks her fathers permission. 

[notme]

Which is why a mutah marriage with an Ahl Al Kitab is allowed even if they are virgin because virginity isn't important in their culture.

This is false. At the time that Islam was written, a Christian or Jewish woman who is non-virgin and not married might be executed or banished. Unless you are claiming that Islam is only for certain time periods?

Neither mutah nor dating necessarily involve sex. For previously unmarried persons I'd definitely recommend that "no sex" is stipulated in the agreement. It might be a good idea for previously married persons too, but is less socially critical.

Nothing wrong with mutah for the sake of companionship, but Muslim society views it as not much better than fornication, even when there is no sex or even no physical contact. (And none of that is anyone's business but the couple and perhaps the woman's guardian.)

Edited July 29, 2014 by notme

[Qa'im]

It's looked down upon in Middle Eastern culture, because the culture gives a high value to virginity. While one is kept chaste in mut`a, he/she is no longer a "virgin" after a mut`a is consummated.

 

It wasn't always that way - it seems that the Mideast has become more "Victorian" over the last century. Polygamy and concubines were quite normal in Muslim cultures. Mut`a hasn't been the mainstream norm in most Muslim societies, because the Sunnis deemed it haraam, and most people were needless of it. People got married younger, divorce rates were much lower, and there were more sexual outputs available.

 

Now, mut`a is more relevant today because of many factors, including: (1) Delayed marriage age due to education and work opportunities, (2) Sexualization of popular culture, (3) The raised importance of compatibility (personal, cultural, sexual) to those seeking marriage. While the apparent "need" for mut`a as a possible remedy to these factors grows, Muslim cultures unanimously value virginity - even more than it is worth. These cultures tolerate the sins of the eyes and private parts, so long that virginity is maintained.

 

How do Islamic sources treat virginity? Well, chastity is extremely important - which refers to keeping your sexual activities within a legal marriage - but what about virginity? The only hadiths I've seen on virginity are ones that call it "sweet" or "desirable". These hadiths make the general statement that virginity in a woman is more favourable to a man, which is true in all societies; all men prefer women who have had fewer sexual partners. These are more of a statement on the nature of men, rather than the virtue of virginity. In the end, in the eyes of Allah, the virgin is no better than the non-virgin. Whom Allah favours is the chaste, who has expressed her sexuality only within a marriage.

 

With that said, this ^ is the legal Islamic side of the issue. Islam takes culture into account, and it works within a given culture. Some hadiths say: don't perform mut`a if you're needless of it. Others say: don't perform it with a woman if it will bring shame to her family. Others say: don't perform it with women who are famous for zina. These are statements of karahiyya, because all of these scenarios result directly in negative outcomes in this life. Seeking the permission of the father is a legal condition designed to protect the honour of a woman. This way, she does not fall into seduction or bad relationships, and must seek the approval of her father (who knows how men think, and is older, and is an outside opinion that is more mature and not subject to her temptations, and likely has her future in mind).

 

So all in all, mut`a is good, permissible, and possibly even mustahhab - but don't be stupid. Do it the right way, or don't do it at all.

[baqar]

So all in all, mut`a is good, permissible, and possibly even mustahhab - but don't be stupid. Do it the right way, or don't do it at all.

 

Muta is unknown in the sub-continent.  In the last 200 years, I have heard about only one person in India who has done muta.  Young boys from the sub-continent living overseas may be dong muta now. May be. Because others are also doing it.

 

But back home in India & Pakistan, it is simply UNKNOWN. 

 

Never heard of.

I am absolutely sure about India. And according to the information I have, I think the same applies to Pakistan. 

[PeaceLoving]

Do it the right way, or don't do it at all.

 

Most of the time, though perhaps not always, the latter option is the better one. 

[Reza]

The mass confusion and reactionary nature against the institution of mutah is actually proof of the ever increasing necessity of mutah itself. 

[Maryaam]

 

 

Which is why a mutah marriage with an Ahl Al Kitab is allowed even if they are virgin because virginity isn't important in their culture.

 

Think you are referring to secular Christian culture - which is probably similar to secular Muslim culture - but just not as secretive.

 

Actually, in practising Christians,  virginity is very highly valued - there are strict laws about sex before marriage - fornication is a major sin and they do not consider mutah a marriage. Christians that I knew wore "virginity rings" to signify their commitment to remain a virgin till they are wed in "holy matrimony" which is not just a contract but a specific vow to God that you are married till death "parts you" (mutah would not qualify as marriage - it is not a vow to God and it is not till death). Divorce is not allowed in some churches, but not being a virgin when you stated that you were is still considered reason to void the marriage...don't know if it is due to non virginity or more the dishonesty.  In many orthodox Christian cultures - proof of virginity had to be (and in some areas still is) presented to the village or family very soon after marriage.  So these poor (and usually quite young) girls were probably roughly handled for a quick bloodied sheet for the hoards.  Nice...

 

From the Christian bible:

 

Deuteronomy 22:13 - 21

 

Laws on Morality

13  “^aIf any man takes a wife and goes in to her and then ¹turns against her,

14  and charges her with shameful deeds and ¹publicly defames her, and says, ‘I took this woman, but when I came near her, I did not find her a virgin,’

15  then the girl’s father and her mother shall take and bring out the evidence of the girl’s virginity to the elders of the city at the gate.

16  “The girl’s father shall say to the elders, ‘I gave my daughter to this man for a wife, but he ¹turned against her;

17  and behold, he has charged her with shameful deeds, saying, “I did not find your daughter a virgin.” But ¹this is the evidence of my daughter’s virginity.’ And they shall spread the garment before the elders of the city.

18  “So ^athe elders of that city shall take the man and chastise him,

19  and they shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give it to the girl’s father, because he ¹publicly defamed a virgin of Israel. And she shall remain his wife; he cannot ²divorce her all his days.

20  “But if this ^1acharge is true, that the girl was not found a virgin,

21  then they shall bring out the girl to the doorway of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her ¹to death because she has committed an act of folly in Israel by playing the harlot in her father’s house; thus ^byou shall purge the evil from among you.

 

Also, the penalty for the crime for raping a virgin was to marry her (lucky girl...) as she was no longer marriageable.   I cant find the verse right now as I have to go to work.... but it is there.

Edited July 30, 2014 by Maryaam

[Ali Musaaa :)]

^.. Christians do not live under the Law. 

[Maryaam]

^.. Christians do not live under the Law. 

 

Practising Christians do follow the law of no sex before marriage. It is a huge one for them and they do all they can to follow it.  It must be hard because they have mixed gatherings, mixed prayer meetings and mixed bible study which take place for hours every week.  I know this as I lived with practising Christians during my university days. Even when we went skiing they had long (and I mean long) extended prayer meetings. Most days, they (both genders) also recommitted to maintain virginity till marriage, in these meetings.

 

They don't stone girls to death in the west - but it is possible that they do in some areas of the world.  Stoning was not a creation of Islam, nor is it only practised by Muslims - it has been used as a morals punishment for millennia. 

 

In the West, there seem to be more secular "Christians" than practising ones though. These "Christians" are cultural - not practising all the laws of their bible. Just like secular Muslims are cultural and not fully following the pillars and laws of Islam. 

[Haydar Husayn]

Ok, thread reopened. Please remember to try to stay on the subject of the thread. If you want to discuss the Sunni view of mutah, or various Sunni forms of temporary marriage, then take it to the appropriate forum. Nobody likes their thread hijacked by off-topic posts.

Edited July 30, 2014 by Haydar Husayn

[Follower]

(bismillah)

 

(salam)

 

Muta is unknown in the sub-continent.  In the last 200 years, I have heard about only one person in India who has done muta.  Young boys from the sub-continent living overseas may be dong muta now. May be. Because others are also doing it.

 

But back home in India & Pakistan, it is simply UNKNOWN. 

 

Never heard of.

I am absolutely sure about India. And according to the information I have, I think the same applies to Pakistan. 

 

Mut'ah is actually very common and well known in India. It might not be common among the youth, but it certainly is among middle-aged/elder generations.

[baqar]

Mut'ah is actually very common and well known in India. It might not be common among the youth, but it certainly is among middle-aged/elder generations.

 

Are you from India? What part of India are you from ? It may be common in your part. But in most places I have travelled to and lived in, it certainly is not - regardless of age group.

 

Completely unknown!  

 

Dion't even think of it.

Edited July 30, 2014 by baqar

[Marbles]

Are you from India? What part of India are you from ? It may be common in your part. But in most places I have travelled to and lived in, it certainly is not - regardless of age group.

 

Completely unknown!  

 

Dion't even think of it.

 

Let's put it this way. Many people engage in mutah but they don't make a show of it. Usually people who do mutah came from religious semi-educated families who don't want to sin, and who have not quite adopted our urban life standards and urban ethics that come with it. So it happens.

 

Also, in my experience, in 90% of cases, the man has a higher economical and/or social standing than the partner woman, which is social fact that makes those mutahs possible. Which is to say it's never based on mutuality and equality of purpose. There's money and sustenance involved. I should also stress that many rich men from pre-independence times freely practiced mutah. My great-grandfather travelled regularly to Iran and Iraq. There, in 4/5 major cities, he was known to have mutah wives waiting for him. One of them even visited our city when he died in 1956. Same with rich businessmen and landlords who didn't want to sin, theoretically, did mutah abundantly.

 

As for young educated Shias today, first of all, they don't know what mutah is. If they know, they only have a vague idea of it and some sort of exotic Shia allowance which is far from their reach. This was how things were at least a decade or so ago, before the internet. But now the youth can find out a lot if they look up the internet and get access to relevant material. But, it remains almost impossible for them to contract mutah, with anyone old or young, unmarried or widowed. So the guys if they travel abroad do that with non-Muslims. I have also heard of cases of young people who are engaged to be married secretly recite platonic mutah to be able to talk to each other freely. But heck, reveal it to parents and blood will be spilled!

 

That's how it's in Pakistan. Things might be different in Hindustan. But, mutah does happen, more than we see or know.

[baqar]

That's how it's in Pakistan. Things might be different in Hindustan. But, mutah does happen, more than we see or know.

 

Yes, brother, you are absolutely right.  

 

In Hindustan, as far as my knowledge goes, it is scarcely known. 

 

And I am sorry to say that, what is not unknown is, sex outside marriage.

 

Much less than Western countries, but it is there. 

[reformist]

 

Any thoughts? Honestly if it was me in position, I would not care about what soceity thinks, life is too short to care about other peoples opinions. I really feel sorry for my cousin because her family are dead against her marrying again. 

 

It is the 'Ulama that are responsible to shape the culture of the religious community. The problem is our 'Ulama get paid by the religious community so they avoid bringing up topics that upset their employers and mut'ah is one of these topics.

 

Pakistani 'Ulama are notoriously dependent on people's praise to earn their salaries. That is why most do not say a word in favor of mut'ah publicly but they themselves would not be hesitant to practice it themselves privately. If this is not hypocrisy then what is?

 

We need to pressure our 'Ulama to preach more about the legitimacy and practicality of mut'ah in our times. It is time that this Sunnah of the Ahlul-bayt (as) be publicized and practiced widely in the Shi'ah community.

 

Mut'ah, especially in the West should be done publicly as much as possible. Its formula should be recited in the mosque. Why not? Are we ashamed of it? If so, then we should become Sunni Muslims! Maybe 'Umar was right to ban it!

Edited July 31, 2014 by reformist