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Mahdi_theguideforall

Marriage Pre-Destined?

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Salaam alaykum brothers and sisters,

 

I have always wondered whether marriage in the Shia belief is in the pre-destination category or not. Many times you hear people say that if it is written for them to get married, then they will. 

 

So, is marriage something written in the heavens, or is it fully delegated to the individual to decide, or is it in between? 

Edited by Mahdi_theguideforall

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Don't be silly! Perhaps meeting someone is destined in some cases, but a person chooses whether or not he or she will marry any particular person!

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Dear brother, this is a valid question, and the brother is free to ask such questions.

 

 

You are right, my apologies.  

 

I am amazed by the question only because of my own life experiences.  Probably to a person who has lived a different life from mine, the question is not silly at all.

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Don't be silly! Perhaps meeting someone is destined in some cases, but a person chooses whether or not he or she will marry any particular person!

 

You are right, my apologies.  

 

I am amazed by the question only because of my own life experiences.  Probably to a person who has lived a different life from mine, the question is not silly at all.

 

Salaam, lol sis no worries!

 

I havent yet given my view on this matter.. i have just reiterated what the elders in my community say!

 

Many times, when someone rejects a proposal or things don't go right between the spouses leading to the engagement breaking, people say it was not written for them to get married, and other similar statements.

 

Thus, i was wondering whether what they say has any backing in Islam.

 

As we know, in Shia Islam some important matters such as sustenance is decreed to a certain extent by Allah (s.w.t), in that you can work extremely hard but still be poor.

 

Thus, with that in mind, another extremely important aspect in ones life is that of marriage... when you think about it the best example of a marriage is between Imam Ali (a.s) and Bibi Fatema, and i cant help but think that their marriage was a pre-destination. (correct me please if i am wrong)

 

Similarly, we have the 11th Imam who married Lady Nargis, once again a marriage that was pre-destined if i am not mistaken.

Edited by Mahdi_theguideforall

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Predestination means it can't be avoided by individual efforts.

Nullifying free will concept.

People go one step ahead and say accepting or rejecting is predestined. Leaving absolutely no value to prayers which are supposed to change even destiny

Hence my personal opinion is that it is in knowledge of Allah but decision is certainly of individuals hence not predestined. Unless I'm proven wrong in future :)

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Perhaps meeting someone is predestined. Almost certainly living in the same time as them is. Place, I'm undecided my opinion on whether place is fate or choice.

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its an interesting question. 

 

i think mesbah's answer sounds most plausible but doesn't necessarily mean this is the right answer.

 

i think ppl tend to err towards pre-destination when things don't work out (be it in marriage or other major life events) as a form of solace...knowing that whatever u have been deprived of (a partner/wealth/success etc) is part of the bigger plan...that Allah swt either has something better in mind for you or is testing ur resolve and emaan or providing an opportunity for u to wipe some of ur sins can be an immense source of comfort in times of difficulty. 

 

imam ali as: "Oh Allah, when I lose my hopes and plans, help me remember that your love is greater than my disappointments, and your plans for my life are better than my dreams." 

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According to Allama Talib Johri from Pakistan, all relationships in this world are predestined except for marriage. He says the only marriage which was predestined or made in heaven was that of Imam Ali(A.S) and Bibi Fatima Zehra(S.A).

We are free to choose our own partners, God is not limited by time and space so He knows what choices in life we would make and who we would end up with.

I do believe that people like me who fail to get married to people of their choice do find solace in thinking that God has someone better planned for us. This is because when God takes someone away from you and tests you, He is merciful and would reward you for your patience by granting you a better spouse or make better for you whatever choice you make.

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According to Allama Talib Johri from Pakistan, all relationships in this world are predestined except for marriage. He says the only marriage which was predestined or made in heaven was that of Imam Ali(A.S) and Bibi Fatima Zehra(S.A).

We are free to choose our own partners, God is not limited by time and space so He knows what choices in life we would make and who we would end up with.

I do believe that people like me who fail to get married to people of their choice do find solace in thinking that God has someone better planned for us. This is because when God takes someone away from you and tests you, He is merciful and would reward you for your patience by granting you a better spouse or make better for you whatever choice you make.

Salaam, this seems illogical. If it is predestined who your mother and father will be (since you said all other relationships are predestined) then that means it would have to be predestined that your parents would meet and be together also.

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(salam)

(bismillah)

 

It took me a while to find a Shia scholarly opinion regarding the predestination of marriage, or lack thereof. But this is the best I could find.

 

ماقولكم في معتقدالقسمة والنصيب؟ هل الزواج من الامور التي قدرها الله وليس للانسان ان يغير شيء ؟
ان كان الزوج او الزوجه من الامور التي قدرها الله لنا وليس بيدنا ااختيار فما معنى قول الرسول صلى الله عليه وعلى آله وسلم ( اختاروا لنطفكم فأن العرق دساس) ؟
Question: What do you say regarding belief in destiny and fate? Is marriage from the affairs which is destined by Allah, and the people cannot change anything?
If the husband or wife are from the affairs which is destined by Allah for us, and it is not in our hands to choose, then what is the meaning of the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) statement: 'اختاروا لنطفكم فأن العرق دساس'
 
مراجعة الشيخ أفاد أن الاختيار بيد الإنسان لكنه بمشيئة الله تعالى، ولا يجبر الله تعالى أحداً على أن يتزوج أحداً، كما أنه ليس معنى القضاء والقدر أن الإنسان مجبور على أفعاله كما يتوهمه المخالفون، 
Answer: The Shaykh has reviewed (the question) and has informed that it (i.e. marriage) is a choice in the hands of the people, but by the will of Allah, and there is no Jabr of Allah that he marries anyone, as that is not from the meaning of al-Qada' wa'l Qadr that man is compelled (majboor) to do his actions like what is imagined by the mukhalifeen
 
 
(salam)
Edited by Nader Zaveri

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If these things were predestined, I'd have already been married to her. Since I'm not, it's not predestined.

 

This marriage business is a chance nonsense like all else is in our lives.

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I read this hadith recently.

The Prophet (s.a.w.) said, ‘Even if the angels Israfil, Gabriel, Mika’il, the bearers of the Throne, and I among them were to pray for you, you would not marry other than the woman that was written for you.’

And to whom did he say this to brother? I have heard it also.

Ws

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Again: meeting a person might be predestined; marriage is ALWAYS 100% a choice.

Who to not marry could conceivably be predestined. There could be barriers to prevent marriage that are outside the control of any individual.

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(salam)
(bismillah)

The Prophet (s.a.w.) said, ‘Even if the angels Israfil, Gabriel, Mika’il, the bearers of the Throne, and I among them were to pray for you, you would not marry other than the woman that was written for you.’ 

Brother, this is a Sunni hadith which is not hujjah for Shias. Also, this hadith has been weakened by many Sunni scholars such as al-Albaani. Here's the full Arabic to the hadith.

 

أن رجلاً من الأنصار أتى رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فقال: إني أريد أن أتزوج امرأة فادع الله لي، فأعرض عنه ثلاث مرات، كل ذلك يقول، ثم التفت إليه فقال: لو دعا لك إسرافيل وجبريل وميكائيل وحملة العرش وأنا فيهم ما تزوجت إلا المرأة التي كتبت لك

 

(salam)

Edited by Nader Zaveri

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(salam)

(bismillah)

Brother, this is a Sunni hadith which is not hujjah for Shias. Also, this hadith has been weakened by many Sunni scholars such as al-Albaani. Here's the full Arabic to the hadith.

أن رجلاً من الأنصار أتى رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فقال: إني أريد أن أتزوج امرأة فادع الله لي، فأعرض عنه ثلاث مرات، كل ذلك يقول، ثم التفت إليه فقال: لو دعا لك إسرافيل وجبريل وميكائيل وحملة العرش وأنا فيهم ما تزوجت إلا المرأة التي كتبت لك

(salam)

(Wasalam)

Thank you brother for clarifing it, now I feel better again. :)

JazakAllah khair.

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