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seekingadvice1

Feelings Of Emptiness-Cure Needed

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Salam

I went through a terrible breakup this year in Jan. Many of the shiachat members would have read in another thread.

For those who dont know I sent a proposal for the girl I loved and my proposal was rejected and the girl got engaged to someone else.

While time has helped me heal a bit, I feel this emptiness inside me all the time. I cant feel happy about anything, I feel lonely and not an hour passes by when I dont think about her.

All I pray to God is make me forget her somehow. I still have strong feelings for her and I pray that those feelings go away.

Although I am living my life normally pretending to be normal in front of my parents I still feel grief. I took other hobbies as suggested by shiachat members. I go to the gym regularly, spend time with friends, etc but she is always there in the back of my mind. I dont find peace of mind and heart. People say that 6 months are enough to move on but I dont know how I could heal completely from this, how would this gap in my life be filled. In short my heart does not find peace. I dont feel motivated enough to do anything.

If any of you has went through a similar experience and would like to share how they recovered completely that would be great. If there are any special duas I can read that would help me forget her or help my heart find peace please share. Any other suggestions are also welcome. JazakAllah.

Edited by seekingadvice1

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(wasalam)

Just keep doing what you're doing, keep going to gym, continue your hobbies, keep remembering Allah swt and keep your Imaan strong. People who say six months are enough have probably not been as emotionally invested in a long term relationship. There are stages in healing and although you can't see it because there is still a lot of pain, you are healing slowly. You've admitted that time has helped you heal a little and you now want to forget her which is another step in the healing process- you no longer want to hang on. You were in contact for 7 years, together for 3 years and married for 1 year. Taking this timescale into consideration, its no wonder you still feel like this. It's going to take a bit longer but don't despair.

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Salam

I went through a terrible breakup this year in Jan. Many of the shiachat members would have read in another thread.

For those who dont know I sent a proposal for the girl I loved and my proposal was rejected and the girl got engaged to someone else.

While time has helped me heal a bit, I feel this emptiness inside me all the time. I cant feel happy about anything, I feel lonely and not an hour passes by when I dont think about her.

All I pray to God is make me forget her somehow. I still have strong feelings for her and I pray that those feelings go away.

Although I am living my life normally pretending to be normal in front of my parents I still feel grief. I took other hobbies as suggested by shiachat members. I go to the gym regularly, spend time with friends, etc but she is always there in the back of my mind. I dont find peace of mind and heart. People say that 6 months are enough to move on but I dont know how I could heal completely from this, how would this gap in my life be filled. In short my heart does not find peace. I dont feel motivated enough to do anything.

If any of you has went through a similar experience and would like to share how they recovered completely that would be great. If there are any special duas I can read that would help me forget her or help my heart find peace please share. Any other suggestions are also welcome. JazakAllah.

 

Salam brother. From what you've written that you sent a proposal to someone you "loved" ? Does this mean you already knew the person or did you just see them somewhere? Anyway, we'll take both cases just for the heck of it. I've gone through something similar in my life recently, I knew someone for about 8-9 months and shared many special memories which ofcourse will now just be good memories. I wanted to marry said person and just take on the path of life with her, but soon it ended due to some unforunate reasons. The best thing to do is to seek some closure. Cut off all contact with the person, delete their pictures. Not all of them though, it's impossible for anyone to do that so I won't put that idea fourth. Media can be a source of comfort. Keep yourself busy watching film and shows of your choice, they can be your bestfriend. When someone faces a predicament, they turn to religion as a source of comfort. Keep steadfast in prayer, listen to Nohas and nasheed to keep yourself busy. 

Don't completely give up and fall into habits like smoking, they only provide short term comfort and sometime no comfort at all. And know that no one can be completely over a person, it's impossible. Every person is different though but for the majority of us we cannot forget people who've come into our lives, people we depend on and then they disappear. You'll always be thinking of them or remembering them in some way or another as you go through life. The best thing you can do is learn how to control yourself. If you find yourself being angry about the situation, Be rational and take out this repressed energy through some other outlet. Kickboxing, gym, meditation. So many options, when you feel sad. Just talk about it with people, close ones around you. Don't keep it botteled up inside you or one day, you'll explode and be in a fit of confusion and panic. The important thing is keep pushing on, don't give up. Desire can either make you or break you. So just remain strong and hope for the best. The best way to get over someone momentarily can be to find someone else to take away the pain. (Don't argue haram-halal here. Just some thoughts.) But taking away pain can mean all sorts of things, depends on how you view it. All the best, I am in a similar predicament. I've been angry, depressed, I've stopped eating, I've smoked heavily. Now, I am just keeping it all together. Utilizing my anger in the gym and going on with my faith in Allah(swt). Keep strong, brother.

Edited by El Cid

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I can relate to this.

 

For me, and I was very ill at the time, it took about a year. So your half way there.

 

Just stay away from things that remind you of her. So instead of going to "A", change your habit and go to "B".

 

Stick any pictures away somewhere so you don't see them until years from now.

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Our feelings of love are a part of our normal tendency to objectify the image or possess the mind of another human.  Much of this is directly related to our childhood and our relationships with our family and friends.  We adopt these tendencies and impress them so deeply that our emotions will feel attacked when we are denied the acceptance of a particular woman.  Depression as inspired by our consistent focus is also very normal within any social or environmental setting.  In some ways it is like a sleepless night that you would only desire an ending to for you know the pain in the morning will affect your typical requirements of strength and vital energy.

 

You must remember to become stronger than your emotions and that you do not need to incorporate another person in a physical form to complete you.  A man is in his strength when he is recognized in not only a physical state of self reliance but as well an emotional state of self reliability.  When you realize you are fully capable to offer yourself the reassurance to every insecurity and even capable to develop a delicate detail in your own understandings you will feel inclined to open the doors of your mind and to God to find that you are complete and satisfied on many intellectual levels simply to exist and participate in the world we live in.

 

A time might come years from now that you may be reintroduced to this woman and feel nothing of the desire you once were bound to.  You might be very pleased with the path that has been granted in light of this denial of satisfaction.  In my own experience I have found instant comfort with the knowledge that when the world has taken and thrown me far from the story I had become interested in participating within in what would feel like some pure rejection or disinterest on the part of others as projecting my apparent demise in a situation... I have been able to compromise my redirection and lead my life to greater even bolder surprises with those whom you did not expect to become acquainted.  In retrospect I can honest express a joy knowing that God has allowed me much rejection to the benefit of an extraordinary life.

This pain is not likely to repeat itself at this same intensity and you will become a better person for overcoming this burden.  When the sun rises in your heart you will attract a new interest.

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wasalams,

 

In my experience, we feel emptiness when we think we need something we dont already have. What is it you think you need her (specifically) for? how was your life before you met her? were you feeling like this? if you werent feeling like this before you met her, you have your proof that you dont need her to feel ok. If youre telling yourself stories of 'how it might of been' forget it. Thats fantasy and youre hurting yourself with it. How do you know youre not meant to be with this woman? youre not with her, thats how you know. This means that Allah probably has someone else lined up for you, but you could well miss her if youre stuck on pining for this other woman from your past. You could try thinking of your pining for this woman as betrayal of your future wife :P

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wasalams,

 

In my experience, we feel emptiness when we think we need something we dont already have. What is it you think you need her (specifically) for? how was your life before you met her? were you feeling like this? if you werent feeling like this before you met her, you have your proof that you dont need her to feel ok. If youre telling yourself stories of 'how it might of been' forget it. Thats fantasy and youre hurting yourself with it. How do you know youre not meant to be with this woman? youre not with her, thats how you know. This means that Allah probably has someone else lined up for you, but you could well miss her if youre stuck on pining for this other woman from your past. You could try thinking of your pining for this woman as betrayal of your future wife :P

 

That'll probably lead to distorted thoughts and ocd.

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Salam,

 

Given how emotionally invested you were and how long the relationship lasted, six month to overcome the heartbreak of broken dreams does not seem to me a very long time. As others observed, you have already done quite well to move on thus far and well, just let the days and nights pass and keep yourself busy in doing your life. The condition of your heart will improve.

 

You may not forget her completely but at least you will not remember her to the point that you will want to forget her to ease your pain.

 

Time is a tested ointment for broken hearts. Let it work till you are healed.

 

I wish you best of luck.

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Wsalam,

She will always be at the back of your mind and will have a place in your heart... You need accepte what has happened and it is normal to remmber the person you was with for a long time... You need get over her,you can still remmber her ever now and then but when you remmber her there should be no feelings... Time will help and finding another person can also help..

Dont focus on escaping from her,focuse on removing the feelings you have for her,it's easy to say but harder to practise this.

Good luck and inshallah you find a better person then her,that fills your heart with happeness.

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Brother this is a test, to see if you can withstand not having this one girl, she might've meant the world to you but remember Allah and stay strong, pray for a wife. InshAllah it was for the better and InshAllah you get the best wife you could think off.  ;)

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Find another chick, this one will become a fading memory, rather quickly than otherwise.

 

You have never been in love!

It never really goes away but you learn to live with it.

 

This line should be codified as one of the laws of nature.

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Find another chick, this one will become a fading memory, rather quickly than otherwise.

 

If that's how you feel, fine. But clearly, the OP doesn't think that way. You talking like this will only make him more entrenched in his own perspective.

 

This is one of the most useless pieces of advice ever, and yet it is very commonly passed on.

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If that's how you feel, fine. But clearly, the OP doesn't think that way. You talking like this will only make him more entrenched in his own perspective.

 

This is one of the most useless pieces of advice ever, and yet it is very commonly passed on.

 

I beg to differ... If the OP will keep thinking about his ex then he won't be able to get on with his life and get married. The sooner he finds another girl, the sooner he forgets her. 

 

 

You have never been in love!

 

May Allah forbid that we ever fall in love... My tafseer is as follows: To "fall in love" is one of the most selfish feelings one could have, HOWEVER... "to love" is one of the most "selfless" feelings one could have

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May Allah forbid that we ever fall in love... My tafseer is as follows: To "fall in love" is one of the most selfish feelings one could have, HOWEVER... "to love" is one of the most "selfless" feelings one could have

A man in love is the most repulsive thing ever.

That said, if you cut an apple from the below or from the above, you are still cutting an apple.

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I beg to differ... If the OP will keep thinking about his ex then he won't be able to get on with his life and get married. The sooner he finds another girl, the sooner he forgets her. 

 

That's besides the point.

 

When someone is lost in an infatuation, being told that it's nonsense or meaningless, won't make him realize it to be true. There needs to be some tact involved.

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(wasalam)

Just keep doing what you're doing, keep going to gym, continue your hobbies, keep remembering Allah swt and keep your Imaan strong. People who say six months are enough have probably not been as emotionally invested in a long term relationship. There are stages in healing and although you can't see it because there is still a lot of pain, you are healing slowly. You've admitted that time has helped you heal a little and you now want to forget her which is another step in the healing process- you no longer want to hang on. You were in contact for 7 years, together for 3 years and married for 1 year. Taking this timescale into consideration, its no wonder you still feel like this. It's going to take a bit longer but don't despair.

JazakAllah for your reassurance. Remember me in your prayers.

Salam brother. From what you've written that you sent a proposal to someone you "loved" ? Does this mean you already knew the person or did you just see them somewhere? Anyway, we'll take both cases just for the heck of it. I've gone through something similar in my life recently, I knew someone for about 8-9 months and shared many special memories which ofcourse will now just be good memories. I wanted to marry said person and just take on the path of life with her, but soon it ended due to some unforunate reasons. The best thing to do is to seek some closure. Cut off all contact with the person, delete their pictures. Not all of them though, it's impossible for anyone to do that so I won't put that idea fourth. Media can be a source of comfort. Keep yourself busy watching film and shows of your choice, they can be your bestfriend. When someone faces a predicament, they turn to religion as a source of comfort. Keep steadfast in prayer, listen to Nohas and nasheed to keep yourself busy.

Don't completely give up and fall into habits like smoking, they only provide short term comfort and sometime no comfort at all. And know that no one can be completely over a person, it's impossible. Every person is different though but for the majority of us we cannot forget people who've come into our lives, people we depend on and then they disappear. You'll always be thinking of them or remembering them in some way or another as you go through life. The best thing you can do is learn how to control yourself. If you find yourself being angry about the situation, Be rational and take out this repressed energy through some other outlet. Kickboxing, gym, meditation. So many options, when you feel sad. Just talk about it with people, close ones around you. Don't keep it botteled up inside you or one day, you'll explode and be in a fit of confusion and panic. The important thing is keep pushing on, don't give up. Desire can either make you or break you. So just remain strong and hope for the best. The best way to get over someone momentarily can be to find someone else to take away the pain. (Don't argue haram-halal here. Just some thoughts.) But taking away pain can mean all sorts of things, depends on how you view it. All the best, I am in a similar predicament. I've been angry, depressed, I've stopped eating, I've smoked heavily. Now, I am just keeping it all together. Utilizing my anger in the gym and going on with my faith in Allah(swt). Keep strong, brother.

I am sorry to hear that you are in a similar position. I know how hard it is and I totally understand what you are going through. I dont have any contact with her since the day her dad said no. She has moved to another country from what I have heard and will be getting married soon.

Its still difficult for me since I have spent 10 years of my adult life with her. I dont remember how my life was before her since I have had her forever. Its worse than someone close to you dying since you have lost the person you love forever and you know she is still out there somewhere. I am trying to be patient because I know Allah will get me out of this situation. However sometimes it is difficult to be patient and accept what happened. I dont think I can share what I am going through with anyone else since people would just say dude move on it has been 6 months. Easier said than done. I feel angry because I see others around me in my family amongst friends who ended up with the people they loved. I lost her, the only person I have ever felt close to. Its just one of those times when you want a sign from God that everything is going to be okay. I will pray for you brother. Remember me in your prayers too.

Our feelings of love are a part of our normal tendency to objectify the image or possess the mind of another human. Much of this is directly related to our childhood and our relationships with our family and friends. We adopt these tendencies and impress them so deeply that our emotions will feel attacked when we are denied the acceptance of a particular woman. Depression as inspired by our consistent focus is also very normal within any social or environmental setting. In some ways it is like a sleepless night that you would only desire an ending to for you know the pain in the morning will affect your typical requirements of strength and vital energy.

You must remember to become stronger than your emotions and that you do not need to incorporate another person in a physical form to complete you. A man is in his strength when he is recognized in not only a physical state of self reliance but as well an emotional state of self reliability. When you realize you are fully capable to offer yourself the reassurance to every insecurity and even capable to develop a delicate detail in your own understandings you will feel inclined to open the doors of your mind and to God to find that you are complete and satisfied on many intellectual levels simply to exist and participate in the world we live in.

A time might come years from now that you may be reintroduced to this woman and feel nothing of the desire you once were bound to. You might be very pleased with the path that has been granted in light of this denial of satisfaction. In my own experience I have found instant comfort with the knowledge that when the world has taken and thrown me far from the story I had become interested in participating within in what would feel like some pure rejection or disinterest on the part of others as projecting my apparent demise in a situation... I have been able to compromise my redirection and lead my life to greater even bolder surprises with those whom you did not expect to become acquainted. In retrospect I can honest express a joy knowing that God has allowed me much rejection to the benefit of an extraordinary life.

This pain is not likely to repeat itself at this same intensity and you will become a better person for overcoming this burden. When the sun rises in your heart you will attract a new interest.

This is reassuring. May God bless you. I guess I need to wait for the time when I would understand y God took her away from me.

Salam,

Given how emotionally invested you were and how long the relationship lasted, six month to overcome the heartbreak of broken dreams does not seem to me a very long time. As others observed, you have already done quite well to move on thus far and well, just let the days and nights pass and keep yourself busy in doing your life. The condition of your heart will improve.

You may not forget her completely but at least you will not remember her to the point that you will want to forget her to ease your pain.

Time is a tested ointment for broken hearts. Let it work till you are healed.

I wish you best of luck.

JazakAllah remember me in your prayers.

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Wsalam,

She will always be at the back of your mind and will have a place in your heart... You need accepte what has happened and it is normal to remmber the person you was with for a long time... You need get over her,you can still remmber her ever now and then but when you remmber her there should be no feelings... Time will help and finding another person can also help..

Dont focus on escaping from her,focuse on removing the feelings you have for her,it's easy to say but harder to practise this.

Good luck and inshallah you find a better person then her,that fills your heart with happeness.

InshaAllah..i have accepted the fact that it is impossible to forget her. But yes I need to somehow stop having feelings for her. I dont know how I can stop having feelings for her so I can only hope that with time the feelings go away. Remember me in your prayers.

Better than to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

I disagree. Any love outside of marriage has negative consequences. And no matter how much you have enjoyed being in love it is not worth the pain you go through once you have lost it. The pain is way more.

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She got married on Wednesday. I saw her wedding picture. I am devastated.

 

*Sigh*

 

It was bound to happen, one day, someday, it had to happen, it was inevitable. I suggest you to see this incident as a necessary milestone from where you know which way to head and at which speed...

 

Just keep doing life.

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"Sometimes your prayers are turned down, and this is also in your interest; because you often, unknowingly, ask for things that are really harmful to you. If your requests are granted they will do you more harm than good and many of your requests may be such that if they are granted they will result in your eternal damnation. Thus the refusal to accede to your solicitations is a blessing in disguise to you. But very often your requests, if they are not really harmful to you in this life or in the Hereafter, may be delayed but they are granted in quantities much more than you had asked for, bringing in more blessings in their wake than you could ever imagine. So you should be very careful in asking Allah for His Favour. Only pray for such things as are really beneficial to you, and are lasting and in the long run do not end in harm. Remember, my dear son, that wealth and power (if you pray for them) are such things that they will not always be with you and may bring harm to you in the life in the Hereafter.

Saying of Imam Ali (as)

Edited by insearchoflight

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You should see a professional.  I used to like this girl as well, she got married off to some guy, the fact that he seemed like a nice person and she seemed happy with him actually made me feel good about the whole thing.  Everyone's circumstances are different so I am probably being irrelevant, but meh.

Edited by King

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It was horrible to see her with another guy happily married after all the time we spent together. We were in mutah marriage for a year. And had known each other for 10 years.

Whenever I close my eyes her picture of being happily married with the other guy comes infront of me. I feel cheated and betrayed. It has been 5 months only since her dad said no to me without even meeting me. Our mutah ended at the end of Feb so only after 3 months of our mutah she got married.

The guy is better looking than me maybe that is the reason she is happier with him. I just dont know my self esteem is going down the hill. I started recovering but now I am back to square 1 after looking at her wedding pic.

I wish I could just forget she existed. But all my memories of my adult life include her. How can I stop having feelings for her? I want to stop I would give anything to forget her nd have no feelings for her.

Please remember me in your prayers in this month of blessings.

JazakAllah

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^ Brother you need to get back up again. It really pains my heart to see that you are going through this. But this is life. We have to deal with it. INSHALLAH you are in my prayers. I pray that you get back to normal. 

 

You have to cut all ties with her. Otherwise everyday would be a nightmare for you. I have been reading your threads and it is really sad to know that you are going through all this pain.

 

Only you can help yourself and it will take up a lot of your courage to do so. But you have to do it. For the sake of the people who love you.

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I've been in a similar situation before and have even tried skydiving for some sort of emotional response as I'd become quite numb for a while. Lol, that definitely and surprisingly did not work. It took quite some time, about a year until I realized my efforts were futile and I had to finally wake up and move on. One thing that helped me, was thinking that perhaps the person I fell for was not in fact the person I had known. As in, I believe that we cannot truly know someone regardless of how long we've been around them. People surprise us with their actions and turn into people we do not know. We characterize people and judge them, however unconsciously, based on our past experiences and our perception of others. For instance, two people may meet a third person at the time. After a short discussion involving all three persons, the first two will most likely walk away with different perceptions of person 3 even though they had all only known each other through their short discussion. These different perceptions may stem from the experiences of each individual, however I'd rather not delve so deep into the psychology of human interactions. What I was trying to get to is that perhaps she who you fell for does not exist in the person you're thinking of? You say you have known each other for 10+ years, but is it possible that you did not truly know each other. Love blinds, hence why we are encouraged to love after and not before marriage. So do you think it would be possible that you were blinded to truths of the girl and made delusional exceptions for her character, for instance. I am in no way saying that she is undeserving of your love, but clearly you are not meant to be so perhaps the person you feel you are in love with now actually resides in the body of your future wife?

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^ Brother you need to get back up again. It really pains my heart to see that you are going through this. But this is life. We have to deal with it. INSHALLAH you are in my prayers. I pray that you get back to normal.

You have to cut all ties with her. Otherwise everyday would be a nightmare for you. I have been reading your threads and it is really sad to know that you are going through all this pain.

Only you can help yourself and it will take up a lot of your courage to do so. But you have to do it. For the sake of the people who love you.

JazakAllah for your kind words. They really help. My parents get worried looking at me like this. I dont want to be a source of their pain. But then who would I look to for support if not my parents. There is no one else left other than them. But I dont want to share my feelings with them either because I dont want to hurt them. I dont know if I should seek a therapist's help or not. I just dont know at the moment what to do how to move forward.

But do pray for me because only Allah can help me out of this. And InshaAllah He will.

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