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In the Name of God بسم الله

I Need Some Sisterly Advice - How To Approach Her?

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Salaams everyone

 

Ok well I'm a bit stuck as I am not sure what I should be doing in regards to a situation... I do want to approach this female and we're both attending this non-Muslim professional event in a weeks time. My contact with her up until now has been sporadic, I don't know her really well we do have a lot of mutual friends however we've never really spoken a great deal. Over the past few months theres been a few internet back and forths but thats mainly been around me giving some advice on jobs etc. So I don't know what to do, I don't want it to be that after the event I don't really have that opportunity to speak to her, but I feel that if I ask her after the event 'hey you want to grab a coffee etc' its too soon?

 

From a female perspective what you all think? I'd rather be direct and say what I have to say to her and not though some elaborated way of getting others to say it for me (I do understand that some may not agree to that, but hey each to their own). We do seem to have some things in common but I just don't know how to proceed...

 

Thanks!

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Wsalam,

You can tell her after the event if it's not a long event. Or you can just be direct and tell her can we speak faces to faces another day. Being direct is better,so just tell her that you want to get to know each other better and in that way your mind will relax,lol.

If your not going to be direct then hint it,lol,but personally I think the direct approach is better then the round about approach.

Anyways,good luck and take the chances that come in your way.

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Salaams everyone

 

Ok well I'm a bit stuck as I am not sure what I should be doing in regards to a situation... I do want to approach this female and we're both attending this non-Muslim professional event in a weeks time. My contact with her up until now has been sporadic, I don't know her really well we do have a lot of mutual friends however we've never really spoken a great deal. Over the past few months theres been a few internet back and forths but thats mainly been around me giving some advice on jobs etc. So I don't know what to do, I don't want it to be that after the event I don't really have that opportunity to speak to her, but I feel that if I ask her after the event 'hey you want to grab a coffee etc' its too soon?

 

From a female perspective what you all think? I'd rather be direct and say what I have to say to her and not though some elaborated way of getting others to say it for me (I do understand that some may not agree to that, but hey each to their own). We do seem to have some things in common but I just don't know how to proceed...

 

Thanks!

 

 

Salaam alaykum,

 

How about a brother's advice?

 

I am the worst at this but I am sure every person will agree with my advice.  Before I share my tips, I want to highlight that you have put yourself in a situation where you think your back is against the wall.  Whether there are more opportunities or none, if it is meant to be, it will happen.  So relax and think about what I have to say.

 

1.  If you know her through friends, find out if she is seeing someone.  If not, find out if she is interested in, or likes, someone.

 

2.  Find out if she is looking to get settled.

 

Without the two points confirmed, you will get the most idiotic excuse that will piss you off beyond your wits.  If I could tell you the number of brothers - all Muslim, pure and from good families - turned down by sisters who dreamt of guys just like the ones they rejected.  Two things; either they were interested in someone else or they were not ready.

 

Girls do not know what they want.  You have to hold them by the hand (metaphorically) and ask them to walk with you.  But if they are comfortable sitting down, no one gets anywhere, neither you nor her.

 

Insha'Allah, I pray for whatever is in your, and her, best interest :)

Edited by muslim720
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  • 3 weeks later...
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Some sisters don't like to play games. I wouldn't want to "grab a cup of coffee" with any guy because God knows what he actually wants. A lot of women with honour will appreciate you for thinking about marriage. Tell her through a mutual friend that you're interested in getting to know her for the purposes of marriage.

You can say it directly to her but some girls might find that too direct. Remember, you're putting her on the spot and that might make her uncomfortable even if she is interested.

Edited by CityOfKnowledge
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There's not a standard way to ask a Muslima out for a coffee. It depends on the girl. Some girls are very sophisticate and they know that when the poor guy ask you for a coffee that mean he's probably interested in getting to know you. 

 

for me personally, before getting married, I tend to ignore most requests for coffee or going out because "who are you" and "why do you think I'd like to go somewhere with you". I prefer to know someone's background and personality.

 

I think you should try to see if the girl is even slightly interested in you. Because if she's interested then I think it will be easier for you to talk to her/ask her out. Also, if she is interested in you and say "No" to your coffee request then don't give up. 

Edited by Gypsy
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