Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله

In Love

Rate this topic


Recommended Posts

  • Basic Members

Assalam Alaikum,

 

I am a married man with 3 kids, loves wife and it is loosing after finding a childhood sweetheart with whom i was in love madly without expressing her and that love buried in my heart since then, recently got to meet her got to learn she is married and again im started loving her... i know its haram for me and for her too but what to do :( unable to get to the point what to do... very hard to severe ties with her. we live in different countries now. please guide.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

Just to tell you... Sharee'ah gives permission to marry 4 wives. Just a reminder.

Yes but women can only have one husband. That lady he likes is already married.

Op: you are a grown man, you definetely have the will power to sever ties with a women in a different country than you who is married. Delete her number, email, etc. If you truly love her, let her be happy in her marriage.

Ws

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

Assalam Alaikum,

 

I am a married man with 3 kids, loves wife and it is loosing after finding a childhood sweetheart with whom i was in love madly without expressing her and that love buried in my heart since then, recently got to meet her got to learn she is married and again im started loving her... i know its haram for me and for her too but what to do :( unable to get to the point what to do... very hard to severe ties with her. we live in different countries now. please guide.

 

OP: You said that she is married. What if she doesn't feel the same way as you do? You just risk your marriage on something that isn't there. What about your wife? Your kids? You have whole different life with them. You're gonna risk them for a woman who is already married?! Okay, lets say for the sake of argument, she does feel the same way. Will she leave her husband? Will you leave your family?

 

Honestly, I'm not trying to be mean, but I think you're being selfish. This isn't the movies. People are involved and will get hurt. I think if you really want some guides, here isn't the place. Go to your local sheik. Do Duas, read surahs to help you over come your feelings and problem.

 

I wish you the best,

DC

Edited by DreamCatcher
Link to post
Share on other sites

Assalam Alaikum,

 

I am a married man with 3 kids, loves wife and it is loosing after finding a childhood sweetheart with whom i was in love madly without expressing her and that love buried in my heart since then, recently got to meet her got to learn she is married and again im started loving her... i know its haram for me and for her too but what to do :( unable to get to the point what to do... very hard to severe ties with her. we live in different countries now. please guide.

Don't worry bro, you think its love but its not, I myself have so called 'fallen in love' about 4 times in 4 years. they all disappear eventually.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member

brother,what u r feeling towards the woman is not love,it's those sweet memories of that beautiful feeling u 'had' with her in the beautiful phase of ur life "childhood" which are hard to forget to almost everyone not only u...keep in mind this is not love what u r feeling for her now trust me...

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

If you truly loved your "childhood sweetheart" you would have waited till you grew the courage to express yourself to her. But, instead, you filled that hole in your heart by getting married having children. You are reaping what you have sown, buddy. It's all downhill from now on if you decide to pursue this course of action.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

Salam alaykum

 

Buddy... count your blessings that you are married and have three kids. Why don't you give your current wife a romantic gesture or something. In other words direct that so called "love" to your existing wife who i'm sure loves you very much. Try and fall in love with your wife. Inshallah you will find Allah will help you. This feeling to the other woman is the work of the accursed iblees (la) who would love nothing more than to see a broken up family. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

Wsalam,

You dont really love your wife or you dont love her as much as you think you do.... You can only love one person at a time,you can have more then one crush at a time but never love mulitiple people at onces.

After all these years the feeling kick in,you couldnt do anything about it before, just forget her,like you did before. What will you gain if you told her you have feelings for her? It's too late.. She's married now and you have a family,it's the end of the story.

Cut all commuincation method's with her and everytime she come's to your mind,look at a picture or your actuall family,wife and kid's,and think who's more important to you now...

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member

 You can only love one person at a time,you can have more then one crush at a time but never love mulitiple people at onces.

 

 

Salaam Kim, I think that statement is untrue because do you love both of your parents or one of them? Do you love your grandparents? How about your aunts and uncles? Not to mention, are you implying Muhammad A.S did not love his other wives? I think human nature is evident that you can fall in love with multiple people, whether its relationship love or family love.

 

To the OP:

 

But the point is to be real with yourself, and make a commitment with Allah in mind. Nullify all other unrighteous desires and see the path of purity and piousness. Control your nafs and forbid all that is evil. No one saying this is easy, but that is only possible when you truly want to achieve it. It all starts with you. Ya, you loved her and still might love her. But you MUST sever your ties. Especially, if this is a one sided love. If you both love each other and have a companion at the same time, it is a serious sin close to adultery. How is it hard to severe your ties if you live in different countries? Just move on with your life, love the one whom blessed you with children and the one whom you made a contract under the most Just, Allah. If you cannot see what is right in front of you and what Allah has endowed you with, then my friend, you must recheck your life, and truly think deeply. For the end is near for all of us, it is up to us to join our Prophet's and Imam's or be amongst the damned in hell.

 

(wasalam)

Edited by PureEthics
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

Salaam Kim, I think that statement is untrue because do you love both of your parents or one of them? Do you love your grandparents? How about your aunts and uncles? Not to mention, are you implying Muhammad A.S did not love his other wives? I think human nature is evident that you can fall in love with multiple people, whether its relationship love or family love.

 

Wsalam pureethics,

Love is a powerful word and it can not be connect to everyone in the same way. The love you have for you family is different to the love you have for your partner,it feels different.. Am not sure if the propht (pbuh), "loved" his wifes equal,he can treat them equally,but the heart will favour one..

I just like my aunities,not love them. I like my dad but I dont love him,etc. The love I was addressing is the love you have between two couples/lovers,not family,lol..

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member

Wsalam pureethics,

Love is a powerful word and it can not be connect to everyone in the same way. The love you have for you family is different to the love you have for your partner,it feels different.. Am not sure if the propht (pbuh), "loved" his wifes equal,he can treat them equally,but the heart will favour one..

I just like my aunities,not love them. I like my dad but I dont love him,etc. The love I was addressing is the love you have between two couples/lovers,not family,lol..

 

There is love and then there is love with sexual desire. I do not know who instilled in your mind that love is only intended with sexual desires. No, and I do not like my parents I love them dearly. They are my heart. I live for them. I would expect to feel the same for my special partner, if Allah wills someday. But the part where you have mistakenly interpreted is that you can love someone without having sexual desires, and that love is unlimited, to more than one, be it human or material. Whether it is that special someone, or special one(s). For if it were not true, Allah would have never allowed polygamy. By the way, like can be interpreted as sexual desire too, so are you going to not use like? Sister, I believe you are misunderstanding some notions. It is not the usage of the word, it is the interpretation behind it.

 

Unless I have misunderstood you. Then my apologizes.

 

(wasalam)

Edited by PureEthics
Link to post
Share on other sites

You blew it. Her husband took the guts to tell her how he felt -  so that's the way the cookie crumbles. Women are simple creatures at heart we just want a man to love us and care about us. You had your chance and for whatever reason you didn't make a move.

 

Be happy for her that she found a man that loves her and wish her well.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

Do the honourable thing here. She's a girl you had a crush on in highschool and you never told her how you felt or feel. So the wise thing to do would be, Buy an airplane ticket for her country. Ditch your wife who has probably been around for years and bore all three kids of yours. Go to the married woman's house and declare your love endlessly for her. Then her husband comes in and puts a bullet in between your eyes, Your crush's recurring insecurity about her age and looks are put to ease at last given your gestures. Your wife is now a widow, not a divorcee. Your kids are orphans. And you die a martyr. End of story.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member

Do the honourable thing here. She's a girl you had a crush on in highschool and you never told her how you felt or feel. So the wise thing to do would be, Buy an airplane ticket for her country. Ditch your wife who has probably been around for years and bore all three kids of yours. Go to the married woman's house and declare your love endlessly for her. Then her husband comes in and puts a bullet in between your eyes, Your crush's recurring insecurity about her age and looks are put to ease at last given your gestures. Your wife is now a widow, not a divorcee. Your kids are orphans. And you die a martyr. End of story.

 

This, I would say, would be the logical conclusion of acting upon his reborn crush. He better stay put and keep dreaming or else...

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

There is love and then there is love with sexual desire. I do not know who instilled in your mind that love is only intended with sexual desires. No, and I do not like my parents I love them dearly. They are my heart. I live for them. I would expect to feel the same for my special partner, if Allah wills someday. But the part where you have mistakenly interpreted is that you can love someone without having sexual desires, and that love is unlimited, to more than one, be it human or material. Whether it is that special someone, or special one(s). For if it were not true, Allah would have never allowed polygamy. By the way, like can be interpreted as sexual desire too, so are you going to not use like? Sister, I believe you are misunderstanding some notions. It is not the usage of the word, it is the interpretation behind it.

 

Unless I have misunderstood you. Then my apologizes.

 

(wasalam)

Lol, I dont know how sexual desires got into the converstation. I wasnt talking about that, I was addressing the feelings. Marrying more then one woman doesnt mean you can love them equally, you can treat them equally but you will always have a soft spot for one of them.. Love is ahsas and actions and words.... Different people express love differenly. Inshallah you find the right person and live happily.

And no one puts anything in my mind,everyone has their own mind and they can make their own decision and say what they want..

Link to post
Share on other sites

You blew it. Her husband took the guts to tell her how he felt -  so that's the way the cookie crumbles. Women are simple creatures at heart we just want a man to love us and care about us. You had your chance and for whatever reason you didn't make a move.

 

Be happy for her that she found a man that loves her and wish her well.

 

Agreed with everything you said but strongly disagree with the bolded part.

Link to post
Share on other sites

What is so complicated about women? I am not saying all women are the same but most fundamentally have basic similarities. Such as kindness and warmth empathy and compassion. Women need a knight in shining armour who will protect them and care for them. Though unfortunately knights are quite thin on the ground.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It is narrated from Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): “Any person that sees a woman and is attracted to her must go to his wife and engage in sexual intercourse with her, because that which the other woman has, the wife also has, and one must not give Satan a way into one’s heart. And if one does not have a wife, he must pray a two Rak°at Ŝalāt, praise Allāh a lot, recite Ŝalawāt on the Prophet and his Ahlul Bayt, and request Allāh to grant him a believing and religious wife and that He makes him needless from the forbidden.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

Assalam Alaikum,

 

I am a married man with 3 kids, loves wife and it is loosing after finding a childhood sweetheart with whom i was in love madly without expressing her and that love buried in my heart since then, recently got to meet her got to learn she is married and again im started loving her... i know its haram for me and for her too but what to do :( unable to get to the point what to do... very hard to severe ties with her. we live in different countries now. please guide.

 

I'll be honest.

 

Don't let your emotions prevail over your intellect. She's a married women for goodness sake. You are married with several children.

 

Its not difficult. You just have to do whats right. Cut ALL contact with her. You shouldn't be speaking to her anyway, akhi. She is a married woman. Think of your wife and how it would make her feel if she discovered these feelings of yours. She'd be hurt. Do your best to suppress them, pray, dua, and trust in Allah and know that this women means nothing to you. You have been blessed with a wife and children and she now lives in another country. I'm assuming you have contact by phone or Skype or social Media (Facebook)? Solution is to remove each and every single thing that reminds you of her and totally sever ties. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member

very hard to severe ties with her. 

 

Nothing is hard.  Take strength, brother. 

 

Loving a married woman is itself a very big sin.

 

Try and think  what  your Imam Mahdi (as) would think of you if he found out.   

 

we live in different countries now. please guide.

 

That should make it easy for you. That is your godsend. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

I am a married man with 3 kids, loves wife and it is loosing after finding a childhood sweetheart with whom i was in love madly 

 

What has happened to you can happen to anyone. There is no need to be ashamed.

 

But you need to look at your problem a little objectively.

 

The first thing you need to understand is that love of a physical nature is a weakness.

 

A strong person will never fall in love.

 

But before I am tempted to give you a lecture on love, let me ask you this.

 

Do you have a daughter?

 

If you do, then please tell me how you would feel when some years from now, she was married and like you, she had three children and then she came running over to you to say that she had fallen in love with a married man?

 

You would be terribly worried. Wouldn't you? And you would surely do your best to help her resolve her dilemma by getting to give up  her wild dreams.

 

Well, that is what you should be doing to yourself right now

 

Take courage.

 

Love is nothing but a mirage.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

ـ المسيحُ (عَلَيهِ الّسَلامُ): لا تَكُونَنَّ حَديدَ النَّظَرِ إلى ما لَيسَ لكَ فإنّهُ لَن يَزنِي فَرجُكَ ما حَفِظتَ عَينَكَ ، فإن قَدَرتَ أن لا تَنظُرَ إلى ثَوبِ المرأةِ التي لا تَحِلُّ لكَ فافعَل.

Prophet Jesus (AS) said, 'Do not look intently at one who does not belong to you, for verily your genitals will not commit fornication as long as you guard your gaze [from fornicating]. So if you are able to keep yourself from looking at the apparel of a woman who is not permitted to you, then do so.’[Tanbih al-Khawatir, p. 62]

ـ الإمامُ عليٌّ (عَلَيهِ الّسَلامُ): ما زَنى غَيُورٌ قَطُّ.

Imam Ali (AS) said, 'A man who is possessive [over his own wife] will never commit adultery.’[Nahj al-Balagha, Saying 305]

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Basic Members

Salamum Alaykum.

You should forget about her. Do not allow this to ruin your life. Or anyone elses! Delete her number, block her social networks off her phone. Try to never think of her. May Allah swt give you ajir and thawab for doing the right thing. You forgot about her once, you can do it again.

Wassalam.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...