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In the Name of God بسم الله
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sunrise_786

Would You Marry A Divorced Woman?

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Ws,

I personally don't see it ap problem at all. The lady has to be good in her character and takes religion seriously in that she does her wajibaat at the very least. That is all matters. She may be more vulnerable after going through a divorce and the mental scars will probably come along as 'extra baggage' for the initial time period but if both the spouses are at compatible levels of understanding, I don't see her being a divorcee to be a deterrent to a potential marriage

Would anyone treat their wife differently once she is not a virgin?

Exactly, perfect answer. Its faith that counts.

I meant a single woman. People tend to taunt and degrade divorced women due

to their pasts. Thats what many parents and women fear. They end up staying in

their current difficult marriages.

Note to a MOD. Please can you change the word from virgin to single and this paragraph that I just wrote to inquisitor? or atleast let me edit it please? Its causing confusion. :(

Edited by 786repenting

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(salam)

 

I would insist on knowing about the divorce and all...

 

but the advantage in marrying a widow or divorcee is that you are not going to have to put up with a lot of dumb-girl stuff.

 

If they have anything "to them" as a person, they are passed all that.

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(salam)

 

I would insist on knowing about the divorce and all...

 

but the advantage in marrying a widow or divorcee is that you are not going to have to put up with a lot of dumb-girl stuff.

 

If they have anything "to them" as a person, they are passed all that.

 

Absolutely, character related business of finding out whether she learned from the experience is very important.

 

As you suggest, a nice thing about divorced people is that they do tend to be more serious and pragmatic and less fantasy oriented.

The only positive element of this environment where the divorced are kind of social pariahs (and this still doesn't mean I agree with it) is that those who are embarking on their second chance are going to do anything, have the highest reasonable patience to make it work.

 

The flip side of this for a man embarking on his first marriage with a divorced woman is that he has a duty to make doubly sure that she is a match he is happy with. Because maybe he can walk away and find a second wife down the road, but for her it may be her last chance. (Not that anyone goes into marriage planning to divorce, but I'm just saying)

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Wsalam,

It seems like a CV... The ones with more experience in life are more suited for the job role. The ones that dont have much experience,get dismissed without being given a chance,even thou they are more serious/passiant about learning and giving all they have,yes it might not apply to all but most people like to be given a chance to prove themeselfs. I dont think it's fair to say their more suited just because they have experience,it doesnt mean they are a level above the ones that havent married. A non married person can be more serious about marriage then a divorced,because they want to make sure they select the right indivudal that will last with them for a life time.

If everyone started to think," oh his more serious about marriage because his been divorced before", their will be a higher percentage of none married people living alone... As thou it's not bad enough ordered,their are pleanty of men that go back to their motherland to get a woman. The percentage of none married woman in europe willl increase. Dont be surprised if they convert men from different race just to get married. Just like how some of the guys are doing,they convert a girl just to marry because his not surrounded by muslims.

Divorced people should be given a chance,no doudt about that, and time has changed people are becoming more accepting and divorced people have a great chance to get married again. Some woman do face problems and may even be told that their no good because if they were any better they would have not been divorced in the first place. Some of them like to marry secritely,even become second or thrid wifes to men that are married just so that they can surivive. It sad that some parents will push their divorced daughters into marriage,so fast,just so they dont get talked about and look down at. Divorced men can also be reminded of their past if they dont act correctly, " I see your soo lazy,that why she left you. You never keep your promise,maybe that why your ex left", all that jazz. That lowers from their self-estem and can make it harder for them to achive what they wanted to achieve and even make it harder to successed in the second marriage. Side note, their are people that never learn from there mistakes,even when their at a older age, I think it's important to figure out if they have learnt from their mistake,you can test them out,lol.

Sometimes you find yourself out of a abusive relationship and you promise that you worint go into such marriahe again,but all you know your in it again because you attracted the same type or you was attracted to the same type... Looking at patterns of behviour,is the key element,dont jump into marriage just because you need a man or because you want to escape socities negative words,take your time in selecting what is right for you. It usually woman that jump quickely into marriage again,that face what the op stated.

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Once i am divorced i will only want to marry a divorced women, for sight ... Can you imagine the feeling if the new one says "no wonder the other one left you!" 

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I think it is slowly changing but women are still much more likely to marry a divorced man than a man will marry a divorced woman.  A lot of divorced men still want never-married women for their second wife.  I think the hesitation has more to do with the aspect of divorced people potentially coming into the new marriage with a lot of baggage - bitterness, emotional, wrecked connections with the former in laws etc.  Fear of walking into a mess that you have no control over..??  

 

It doesnt help when divorcees say things like they learned how not to be vulnerable and how they will not allow themselves to be "used", "abused" [or whatever descriptor like that] again, etc etc. It is perhaps born out of hurt and disappointment in their past marriage (which can become a living hell I am sure) but is not something a potential husband or wife wants to hear - it is not inviting nor does it feel safe or secure - when they shoot off bitter one liners - it is like smile-and-nod and then run for the hills time. No one wants to suffer for your past wife's or husband's transgressions.

 

But, you could get experience that can be an invaluable asset in a new marriage.  Common first year hurtful stumbling blocks could be anticipated and avoided and an increased and targeted focus on what is most important in a marriage could be more clear. There are a lot of positives in someone with experience. 

 

And I agree with Sis notme that a divorced parent who actively maintains their level of involvement and responsibility with their children, post divorce, is very attractive as they are a proven commodity (cant think of a better word).  When you can see someone's actions, it greatly reduces the guess work as to their character, and that increases the feeling of security in your decision making.

Edited by Maryaam

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Salam alaikom,

I have come to this website for two reasons: either to find a wife, or go to Iraq as a volunteer defender of holy sites. I am 43 years old, educated man, but of very modest means. To this day I have yet to find the right woman to marry. Some have been my fault for being overly selective and some due to women that want a lot. Thus, I have never been able to satisfy the material list of potential mates. Now, I have concluded that divorced or separated women are OK with me. Before I insisted on "never married before" category, but I understand it's unwise to do so.

Not just out requirement to marry, but out of loneliness I have vowed that either Allah(swt) find me a wife before end of this summer, or I will end my solitary life by volunteering to fight against the armies of jahilliya, and either life to tell about it or die in the deserts of Najaf and Karbala. I have nothing to loose, just my lonely self.

So, if anyone knows of a marriage-minded single woman who is shi'a muslim, up to 35 years of age, educated or at least literate, and wears hijab, let me know.

In return for her not minding my low income, I will marry her regardless if she is divorced, widowed or legally separated.

My email is:     smh_one1light@hushmail.com.

Shukran,

Hameed

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Once i am divorced i will only want to marry a divorced women, for sight ... Can you imagine the feeling if the new one says "no wonder the other one left you!"

Salams,

Yes that is an issue that many parents of those almost wanting to divorce say. Their fear that oh my people i.e new hub and family will taunt you and mock you. Also its a fear some people have. Personally, if I was divorced and married a single person, Id very much make it crisp clear that you are marrying me knowing my past so I dont want you torturing me with it! I also would get it written in my nikah contract that he should not mention my past lol.

I think it is slowly changing but women are still much more likely to marry a divorced man than a man will marry a divorced woman. A lot of divorced men still want never-married women for their second wife. I think the hesitation has more to do with the aspect of divorced people potentially coming into the new marriage with a lot of baggage - bitterness, emotional, wrecked connections with the former in laws etc. Fear of walking into a mess that you have no control over..??

It doesnt help when divorcees say things like they learned how not to be vulnerable and how they will not allow themselves to be "used", "abused" [or whatever descriptor like that] again, etc etc. It is perhaps born out of hurt and disappointment in their past marriage (which can become a living hell I am sure) but is not something a potential husband or wife wants to hear - it is not inviting nor does it feel safe or secure - when they shoot off bitter one liners - it is like smile-and-nod and then run for the hills time. No one wants to suffer for your past wife's or husband's transgressions.

But, you could get experience that can be an invaluable asset in a new marriage. Common first year hurtful stumbling blocks could be anticipated and avoided and an increased and targeted focus on what is most important in a marriage could be more clear. There are a lot of positives in someone with experience.

And I agree with Sis notme that a divorced parent who actively maintains their level of involvement and responsibility with their children, post divorce, is very attractive as they are a proven commodity (cant think of a better word). When you can see someone's actions, it greatly reduces the guess work as to their character, and that increases the feeling of security in your decision making.

hmm I would have thought it was opposite, Ive noticed more single men marrying divorced women. Men tend not to have an issue with it. In terms of hesitation, i would have thought that the divorced woman may be over quite alot of the trauma through her iddah and some time after.

Of course, it is necessary that divorced women are sensitive and patient to the other persons feelings and lack of experience if applicable. Yes indeed, it may be that they feel perhaps more vulnerable so would try and form a protective shell. Though that definately isnt the right approach! It should be approached in a polite way should the conversation ever arise when one is getting to know another.

You are right, in accordance to a persons past experiences, there is a likelihood that positivity could come from it and they would know more about patience, communication being vital so on and so forth. They would be able to perhaps avoid the first year turbulances.

Salam alaikom,

I have come to this website for two reasons: either to find a wife, or go to Iraq as a volunteer defender of holy sites. I am 43 years old, educated man, but of very modest means. To this day I have yet to find the right woman to marry. Some have been my fault for being overly selective and some due to women that want a lot. Thus, I have never been able to satisfy the material list of potential mates. Now, I have concluded that divorced or separated women are OK with me. Before I insisted on "never married before" category, but I understand it's unwise to do so.

Not just out requirement to marry, but out of loneliness I have vowed that either Allah(swt) find me a wife before end of this summer, or I will end my solitary life by volunteering to fight against the armies of jahilliya, and either life to tell about it or die in the deserts of Najaf and Karbala. I have nothing to loose, just my lonely self.

So, if anyone knows of a marriage-minded single woman who is shi'a muslim, up to 35 years of age, educated or at least literate, and wears hijab, let me know.

In return for her not minding my low income, I will marry her regardless if she is divorced, widowed or legally separated.

My email is:     smh_one1light@hushmail.com.

Shukran,

Hameed

Salam,

I am sorry to hear that. I will pray for you. In the meanwhile, please dont give up! Nothing is impossible for Allah and the power of dua is immaculate. I feel that you may have given yourself a very short space of time. Finding a person isnt easy mind you.

All the best Hameed inshaAllah.

Edited by 786repenting

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Salam 

 

It is good for us that this opportunity has arisen that we can have have a decent exit, but even more lucky if you are on the front lines and don't die for decades unless Imam "a.s" comes .... This is this is the option opened us for us true fools who have had enough of the bull s**t, 

 

Also i don't believe in divorce, well i mean that i don't think i can love any one like i loved her, never can it happen, as your 1st love is your 1st love, any is the same the second time round, First car, first bike. first hajj. first ziarat ect...

 

The second is mutual .... 

 

The 3rd, even if you don't like the processes you can live like accrued taste...

 

the world is a waste, The more you eat the more you produce waste, the problem is even  if you win you are not allowed to go to heaven alone in this race...

 

The separation of a true friend is worse then the fire of hell Imam Ali "a.s"...

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